Siara's Note: I'm doing a perversion of the popular children's fairy tale, "Little Red Riding Hood." There are a lot of missing bits of time, but then again, I was riding a train of inspiration and the train was rushing. I wasn't about to get off [no, no. not the way you're thinking]. *mutters* This may be the raunchiest thing I've ever written... -_-;; I hope ya'll like it! ^_^

Cast:
Gohan-Little Red Riding Hood
Juunanagou-The Wolf
Piccolo-Grandma
Chichi-Little Red Riding Hood's mother
Woodcutter-The Woodcutter

Warnings: SluttyVirgin!Gohan, OOC everyone, especially Piccolo. Strange references to Regency English society (is that right?) AU (duh!) and Yaoi content.

Archive: Not unless you e-mail me and beg, and I agree to let you.

Once upon a time, in a not-so-faraway land, there lived a young Goddess-in-Training. She was brilliant, beautiful, talented in many things, and exceptionally powerful. But then again, most potential Goddesses are. This particular potential Goddess was sitting in the backseat of the car, singing. She sang alot. Her lyrics were of her own creation, as was the music. Her mother and her mother's "boyfriend" in the front seat ignored her. She stopped abruptly, as was her way, and asked a single irrelevant question. She asked alot of irrelevant questions.

"Can a guy wear bright red clothing, and not look gay?" They ignored her, like normal people. She sighed, and figured it out for herself. The question was nearly forgotten after she had asked even more irrelevant questions.

Then the man in the front seat who was not her father asked, "Would you rather be a lying priest or an honest prostitute?"

"Can I be a lying nun?" she replied.

Son Gohan was a happy young man, well adjusted, fairly intelligent, and the demure owner of a PHYNE behind. But let's not go into that yet. I'm sure that you, dear reader, are much more interested in the plot. [^_~]

It was the morning after the Chinese New Year, and Gohan had awakened bright and early, bouncing his tight little buns out of bed and into a thin pair of jeans which clung to his hips, thighs, and most importantly, his butt. He pulled on an admittedly skimpy white tank which hugged his body like a second skin. After all, what with his plans of going to see Mr. Piccolo, Gohan wanted to look his best. He wanted to seem wide-eyed and innocent, yet accidentally-on-purpose seductive. Today was the day he'd declare his true feelings. Today was the day that--if successful, he would give away his innocence.

Goten stood at the top of the stairs, staring. Gohan had walk-pranced down the stairs ahead and Goten had been about to follow down to the kitchen for breakfast, when he actually looked down at his brother and froze.

What a nice ass.

Goten stared some more. He watched his brother's buttocks rubbing/rolicking against the denim fabric stretched across them. He was rather dazed.

"BREAKFAST!" Chichi yelled yet again, snapping her youngest out of his half-lidded trance.

Surprisingly, Gohan finished eating before everyone else (he usually tended to linger dreamily over his food) and cleared his dish.

"Can I go hang out with Mr. Piccolo, Mom?" he asked politely.

Chichi thought about this for a moment, then narrowed her eyes. "You know I don't like Piccolo--" she shook her finger disapprovingly, but then her face softened "--but yes, you may go,"

"Thank you Mom!"

"--And take some cakes and things with you." She began throwing various foods into a basket.

"But Mom, Mr. Piccolo only drinks water!"

"Pish tosh, I won't have him thinking that you only go see him so you can loaf around and freeload."

And that was that. Soon, Gohan had a large picnic basket in one hand and was heading out the door.

"STOP!"

He turned around patiently. "Yes mother?" he asked sweetly.

"I HOPE you don't think you're going to set foot outside wearing only that!" She indicated his clothing. Reaching behind her, she presented him with a red woolen shawl and a matching cap. "These'll keep you from getting yourself chilled to the bone."

"Mom! I can't wear that!"

Chichi narrowed her eyes.

Gohan skipped through the woods wearing a red shawl with a matching cap. He swung his basket merrily beside him and whistled a gay tune. [^_~]

"Hello little human boy," a smooth, silky voice purred.

Gohan, hardly a boy, and certainly not completely human, looked around. He turned his head left and right, causing his pretty black locks to swing lightly through the air. Directly behind him, leaning casually against a tree, was Juunanagou. The blue-eyed cyborg lowered his thick dark lashes in a flirtatious pose, surreptitiously checking out Gohan's merchandise as he did so.

"Hi Juunana," Gohan said brightly, apparently unaware of the way Juu-san was licking his lips and eyeing certain body parts. "I haven't seen you in a long time, where've you been?"

"Around," Juunana replied vaguely, still staring disturbingly at the oblivious young man's body, a hungry look in his icy blue eyes. "Where are you going babe?"

Gohan twittered. "I'm going to Piccolo's." He grinned dreamily at Juunana, who had managed to nonchalantly untie his orange bandanna and now held it in his hands.

"Are you?" Juunana murmured, then "accidentally" dropped his bandanna. Gohan obligingly bent over to pick it up for him. Juunana's eyes widened at the sight of perfect rounded flesh straining against skin-tight fabric. His mouth parted involuntarily. Breathing suddenly heavy, pupils dilated with lust, heat pooled in his groin. Juunana swallowed down a hoarse moan and fought to control himself. He failed.

SMACK!

"Ow!" Gohan straightened, holding the bandanna in one hand and stared questioningly at Juunanagou. "Whydja slap my butt?" He eased the cyborg's hands (which were still pressed against his bum) off.

Mouth dry, Juunana could only croak, "You had a bug on it..." [Yeah right]

"Oh," Gohan thought that over. "Well thanks then!"

"Heh heh..." he laughed weakly, "no problem." Juunanagou took the bandanna Gohan offered, and held it casually in front of his crotch. The hunger in his eyes which had previously smoldered, now lept high in the flames of a roaring wildfire. "Hey," the sneaky cyborg said suddenly, "I was talking to Piccolo the other day, and he said that he really liked the smell of flowers. I'll bet if you pick some of those over there, he'll really like it."

"Really?" Gohan asked, looking every bit eager to please.

"Really," Juunana purred, inching away slightly, still holding the bandanna out to conceal the state of his erection.

"Wow, what a good idea Juunana! Thank you!" Gohan headed for the flowers immediately.

"I have to go now, Gohan." The pale-skinned cyborg let his name roll across his tongue like fine wine. "I'll see you 'round some time."

"Okay. Bye!" Gohan said, smiling at the Jinzoningen with absolutely no idea how effective his smile was at jelly-fying Juunana's knees.

With an evil grin, Juunana lept into the air and headed for Piccolo's territory at top speed. Meanwhile, Gohan frolicked in the patch of woodland meadow, picking violets and daisies.

"He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me..."

Little did he know that Juunanagou was fast approaching his green-skinned friend.

Juunanagou knocked politely but firmly on the granite walls of a cave.

"Who is it?" sounded Piccolo's subteranean voice from within.

"Er, it's Gohan, Mr. Piccolo," The cyborg said, imitating Gohan's voice.

"Come in," the gruff voice responded after a pause.

When the hesitant cyborg finally came close enough, he could barely make out the dark shape collapsed on the floor.

"What's the matter, Piccolo?" Juu-san asked, still pretending to be Gohan.

"I'm sick. I uh, I drank some tainted water..." Piccolo admitted in a sheepish voice, "Come closer, will ya? I can hardly see you." The cybernetic teen stayed right where he was.

"I dunno Mr. Piccolo, what if your contagious? Tell ya what, I'll let you rest here while I wash your outer clothes and get you a blanket so you'll get better quicker. Mom always says that the cleaner you are, the quicker you get better."

"Are you sure, Gohan?" Piccolo said dubiously.

"I'm sure. Now take off your cape and hat."

Piccolo submitted to "Gohan"'s will and tossed his cape and hat over to the waiting cyborg. With a sudden burst of speed, Android 17 darted forward and snatched the clothing.

"I'll be back soon Mr. Piccolo!" He shouted as he raced out of the cave, "Don't go anywhere before I get back!"

"Odd," Piccolo muttered to himself in the darkness, "I could have sworn that was Juunanagou." A distant rumbling sounded from outside.

Juunanagou wiped the dust from his hands and surveyed his work. He'd caused several large boulders to fall and block the entrance of the cave. No one would realize that there even was a cave. Smirking, Juunana went off to find the area that Piccolo usually meditated in (where Gohan would be heading), donning the cape and hat as he flew.

Holding a large bouquet in one hand and a basket in the other, Gohan skipped his merry way towards Piccolo's usual hangout, smiling and singing old lovesongs. From a distance away, he spotted the familiar cape and hat. Piccolo had his back to him and was standing with arms crossed, cape blowing dramatically in the wind. Gohan wondered for a moment why he seemed to be wearing jeans instead of the usual purple pants.

When he was close enough, he yelled cheerily, "Hi Mr. Piccolo!"

"Gohan," Piccolo replied in a muffled voice, not turning around.

"What's the matter with your voice, Mr. Piccolo?" the unsuspecting half saiyan asked, "You sound different."

"I've been sick, Gohan, that's all. I'll be back to normal soon."

"I brought you some flowers and food," Gohan said hopefully, trying to be as charming as possible even though Piccolo was still not facing him.

"How nice." Piccolo sounded curt, almost contemptuous. Gohan was hurt, but ignored the imagined hostility. Instead, he decided that if he was ever going to get Piccolo to notice him, he'd have to take drastic steps.

"My, what trendy sneakers you have."

Piccolo snorted. "The better to run with."

Gohan sliently laid his things down and stepped closer. He put his hands on Piccolo's shoulders and began massaging the thick shoulderpads, pretending that they were Piccolo's actual shoulders.

"My, what strong shoulders you have," he murmured. A soft, breathy sound escaped "Piccolo".

"The better for you to lean on," he said/gasped. Gohan braced himself for the final stroke. It was all or nothing now. His right hand reached under the white cape and patted a jean-clad rump.

"My," he said rather hoarsely, "What firm buttocks you have..." Juunanagou groaned and finally turned around, wrapping his arms around Gohan in an iron clutch, as if afraid that the warm biscuit-teen might melt away.

"Ah," the cyborg breathed hotly into Gohan's ear, "But yours are better."

"Juunan--mmph."

Gohan's eyes widened as cool lips brushed his own, then pressed against his mouth so tightly he could hardly breath. Tongue invaded his mouth, tasted him, and devoured. The dark haired teen whimpered. Letting go with one hand, Juunanagou threw off his cape and hat, then pressed his lean frame even closer to Gohan, fitting the other's form as if he had been welded there. A recalcitrant hand wandered inevitably towards one of Gohan's more luscious features, and stayed glued there. Gohan wimpered a bit more, squirming. His movements enflamed the cyborg still more, and Juunana began to use one hand to ease Gohan's right leg up over his hips. Gohan squealed when he felt something twitch violently in the vicinity of Juunanagou's trousers. The squeal turned abruptly into a moan though, when 17's mouth began doing pleasant things to the warm crook of his neck. After all, a hot bod was a hot bod, and although he'd been expecting Piccolo, Juunanagou was certainly no disappointment.

Gohan was tipping backward from the force of 17's ravishing, and before he could stop himself, he was knocked on his shapely rear with a moony-eyed hottie on top of him.

"Ooof!" Gohan grunted. He caught his breath quickly enough despite his circumstances and asked, "What are you doing here, by the way?"

17 looked at him like he was nuts. "Making out with you," he stated obviously, reinforcing his point by kissing Gohan again, sucking on his full, pouty lower lip. Gohan forced himself to pull away, panting.

"But why were you dressed as Piccolo?"

"Stop. Talking." Juunanagou's unruly fingers began smoothly removing the shawl and cap, tugging at the insistently at the shirt. He shifted his hips against Gohan's, making room for the warm bulge which was beginning to strain against Gohan's zipper.

"Unnhhh," Gohan groaned, reaching down in a vain effort to loosen his jeans. Juunanagou took care of it for him.

"Sex. Now." The cyborg panted.

"You can't wait any longer, can you?" Gohan leered.

"No," Juunana admitted, shucking off his jeans and sliding Gohan's off as well, using the opportunity to rub his cheek against warm, silky thighs. Sliding up a bit more, 17 smirked at the arousal he found. Dipping his head slightly, so that a few silky soft strands of hair tickled Gohan's skin, the cyborg took a tentative taste, licking the tip, and then sucking on it like a piece of candy. Gohan moaned and whined for more, raising his hips up off the grass in an attempt to sheath himself further. Instead of indulging him, Juunanagou slid all the way up, covering Gohan's body with his own and cradleing the half saiyan gently, almost tenderly in his arms. He kissed fevered skin reverently, littering Gohan's smooth chest with lover's caresses. He would have continued, except that Gohan's desperate efforts to create some friction brought a well muscled thigh up between Juunanagou's legs, rubbing tormentingly against his crotch.

They were both flushed and breathing heavily by the time blue-eyed android eased Gohan's legs apart. Gohan sucked readily on the fingers Juunanagou placed in his mouth, coating the digits with a convienient form of lubrication. 17 added his own contribution, then slipped his nimble fngers into Gohan's entrance.

"Ohhh, oh, ohh!" Gohan moaned and screamed, clawing wildly at Juunanagou's naked back as he was pounded by the lust-driven cyborg. Due to his previous shenanigans, 17 climaxed far too quickly, leaving Gohan . . . hanging, so to speak. [*evil grin*] With a growl, Gohan flipped the slender android over, straddling his hips. Juunanagou groaned weakly, trying unsuccessfully to squirm away. [He hadn't recovered yet, after all]

"Kami, Gohan . . . I think you've sprained something."

Gohan made no reply except to lean down and lick Juu's sternum, meandering to the left to suck on a nipple.

"Aaahhh" the Jinzoningen cried out, responding involuntarily to Gohan's frantic, ravenous, ministrations. Finally, he managed to push the protesting halfsaiyan away. "Gohan," he panted, chest heaving as he tried to get some air into his lungs. "We need to stop." Gohan showed no sign of hearing him, and instead was watching Juunana's chest with an animalistic fascination. "Let's move it to a more private spot," 17 suggested hopefully.

"Like where?" Gohan asked, roughly, eyeing Juunanagou and licking his lips as if the cyborg were something tasty.

"I have a cabin in the woods . . ."

Gohan yelped, jerking his body against his bonds quite fetchingly. He had good reason to yelp. Who wouldn't?

SMACK!

Juunanagou smacked Gohan's wiggling butt again with a riding crop. It was snazzy red leather, and was rather close to the color that Gohan's cute little behind was turning.

"Oh please don't hurt me anymore, you naughty man!" Gohan pleaded/purred.

SMACK! Despite himself, Gohan began to raise his butt closer to the threat, aroused as hell by the kink he never knew he had.

"All I've heard lately is what you don't want me to do, slave." Juunana sneered, practically salivating with anticipation. He reached out and ran his cool fingers almost soothingly over the pink flesh. Gohan moaned as the sting brought him painful pleasure. He'd always had a penchant for sadomasochism.

SMACK!

"What do you want me to do?"

"Oooohh"

SMACK!

"Speak up, slave!"

"Please, I want you . . . inside me," Gohan whimpered, "If I have to wait any longer . . . I think I'll lose my mind."

Juunanagou chuckled. "I rather think you've already lost it."

And then it was over. Before it was over, Juunanagou gently untied Gohan's bonds, causing the weary halfsaiyan to drop onto the soft mattress. The raven-haired cyborg smeared lubricant on himself, and entered Gohan, eliciting a sharp cry. The air was filled with grunts (Juunanagou) and groans (Gohan). Finally, Gohan came, crying out as Juu nibbled an earlobe and wrapped a hand around his balls. Juunanagou came soon after, hard. They found themselves unable (or unwilling) to move. So they dozed off in each others arms, reluctant to disentangle their limbs and move apart.

They did not awaken when a very dusty Piccolo entered the cabin, accompanied by a helpful woodcutter. Piccolo and the woodcutter tiptoed over to the bed, appropriately shocked looks on their faces. The Namek shook Juunanagou awake.

"You have ruined my sweet little Gohan," Piccolo accused, "Now he will never be accepted by the ton! He will never marry into a respectable family! You bastard, you better marry him before he is disgraced!"

Juunanagou stared. The woodcutter held an axe up casually. Piccolo glared at him. He looked at Gohan, who had awakened and whose eyes were threatening to go teary like wet forget-me-nots.

"You will marry me, won't you?" Gohan asked, climbing into Juunana's lap like a needy child. That damnably tempting lower lip was trembling. He felt something stir strongly in his groin yet again. Juunanagou ran a hand through his silky black hair and blinked his large blue cat eyes once, twice.

"Yeah, sure kid. Whatever you say."

And they lived happily ever after. So there!

THIS is what happens when I decide to do a fic all the way through, instead of doing it in installments. Improvement or Deterioration? You be the judge.