NOTE: Random insanity follows!

The Jeopardy music plays. Four paleontologists are sitting at the desks. Paul Sereno is mulling intently over a Herrasaurus skull; John Horner is staring blankly ahead; Bob Bakker is staring fixadetly at the lights; Phil Currie is drunk.
Trebeck: Now, now, if we could all return from our daydreams, we'll continue the game. Dr. Bakker, the board is yours.
Bakker: (Looks away from the lights and shakes his head. Calls a time out and rubs his eyes vigerously. Blinks for a few moments) Okay. (Starts to giggle) I'll take the But one! (points to the category called "The 'Buts' of Life") He he, I said butt! (Continues giggling)
Trebeck: (tenatively) Okay now. The clue is, "___-var saved my ash."
Bakker: (almost on the floor laughing) I said butt! And Tribble said ash! It sounds like ass! He he!
Trebeck: (sighs and rolls his eyes) Dr. Bakker, its 'Trebeck.' I am not a fuzzy creature from Star Trek. (Looks at the card and groans) Well, since the full phrase is "Butvar saved my ash,"* I'll give you the point for raving about a but.
Bakker: (Slumps forward and thumps his head on his desk) I need a hit... (ducks behind the desk and takes a hit off the bone bong.** Pot smoke wafts to the ceiling. Bakker begins to rant incoherently)
Horner: (dives at Bakker) Let go of my Maiasaura! (Wrestles a Maiasaura chick from Bakker's beard. Cradles and carresses it lovingly)
Bakker: It wouldn't be lost of it weren't trying to eat my beard!
Horner: Well, it wouldn't be trying to eat your beard if it weren't so shaggy, you bone bong hitting conjecturist! Jeesh, you have more staw men that the Wizard of Oz (TM)!
Bakker: (Looks shocked.) I know I are but what are I?! (Slumps forward against his desk again, mumbling about pumpkins, staw men and flying monkeys.)
(Sereno looks up for a moment from his skull and yells "Joint!" in a high-pitched and comical voice, causing Bakker to go into a fit of giggles, waking the drunken Phil Currie.)
Currie: Eh? Hey, knock it off over there! (mumbles) Stupid hosers! (Falls off his chair, stumbles on the floor for a few moments and pulls himself upright into his chair.) Damn Labotts...Uch, my head hurts!
Bakker: Crazy Canucks!
Trebeck: Dr. Bakker, that hurts! And it's uncalled for! Negative points for youuu! (Relishes in pressing a button, causing Bakker's points to change to -600)
Horner: (Leans over the desk and looks at Bakker's board upside down. He points and laughs) He got 009 dash points! (Pauses and looks thoughtfully at Sereno. Hunts for something in his many vest pockets.) Butvar saved Varrichio's*** ash but it won't save yours! (Hurls a peice of Egg Mountain caliche**** at Sereno while, still, cradling the Maiasaura chick. Stops and re-assures the chick.) It's okay, Mr. P, I won't hurt you. (Resumes maniacal laughing. A good-sized peice of caliche nails Sereno square in the forehead and taken off his chair. He lies unconscious on the floor, twitching. Horner hops down and starts nudging the paleontologist with the toe of his boot.)
Trebeck: (Looks around and sighs.) Well, Dr. Horner, seeing as you're the only one still functional, though seemingly insane, the board is yours.
Horner: (In a phony Sean Connery accent.) I'M THE COCK OF THE WALK!
Trebeck: (Groans and puts his head in his hands.) Who signed these people on! Please, Dr. Horner, no cheap Sean Connery imitations. Just, for the love of Jeebus, pick a category.
Horner: (Beaming proudly.) I'll take "Tools of the Trade" for $1,000, Alex.
Trebeck: The clue is, "A subatomic electron spectrophotometer is use in this field of study to measure samples' age and composition."
Bakker: (From his new position under the desk.) A leather glove!
Trebeck: ... Jeopardy has reached an all time low! Please, no more Sean Connery crap! He's on the next episode. Let's just go to a commercial break...