Jack was still
angry with Daniel for risking their lives for possible knowledge he could gain
on Ernest’s planet. He had to get it into the young man’s head that he was more
important than what he could learn. However he wasn’t sure what method to use
to achieve his goal, yet. He’d told Daniel to come over to his house after
work.
Daniel knew Jack
was still angry about his wanting to stay on Ernest’s planet. He had risked not
only Jack’s life, but also the rest of the team with his stubborn refusal to
leave. As he drove to Jack’s house, he was not only feeling guilty, but
apprehensive over why Jack wanted him to come over that night. He had found his
own place to live after a few months of staying in Jack’s guestroom and had
hoped to go to his apartment and lose himself in his books. Sometimes he could
forget about his guilty feelings that way, at least for a little while.
Daniel pulled into
Jack’s driveway, walked slowly to the front door and rang the bell.
“Come in, Daniel,”
Jack called from inside the house.
Daniel walked in
and found Jack setting out some Chinese food on the dining room table. “Hi
Jack, I guess we’re having Chinese tonight?”
“Yeah, thought we
could eat first, then talk.” Jack handed him a plate and sat down at the table.
Daniel’s stomach
clenched at the thought of having to talk to Jack about what had happened. He
sat down and put some of the take-out on his plate, knowing he wouldn’t be
eating much tonight.
Jack looked over
at his new friend pushing the food around on his plate, sensing the tension.
“Go on and eat, Daniel.”
“I’m not all that
hungry, Jack,” said Daniel, wishing the night was already over. “Can’t you just
go ahead and lecture me, to get it over with?” He looked up at Jack from
beneath his eyelashes.
“Not going to be
getting a lecture tonight, Daniel.” At that statement Daniel actually lifted
his head and looked directly at Jack. “I’ve already tried the lecture mode with
you before, it doesn’t seem to work. I’ve been trying to think of another way
to get through to you all afternoon.” Jack went back to his dinner.
Daniel wasn’t sure
what to make of Jack’s comment. Jack had already lectured him on many
occasions. Don’t put your weapon on the ground when there are unfriendlies
around, and don’t set off staff weapons in the gate room. Both Sam and he had
gotten in trouble for that one. Apparently Jack seemed to think more than a
lecture was needed for this incident. “What ways have you thought of so far?”
he asked with dread, pushing the food around some more.
“Oh, I thought of
maybe keeping you from going off-world.” Daniel flinched; he had to be able to
keep going through the gate. “I’ve also thought of transferring you to another
team, since you obviously aren’t listening to me.” Daniel shrunk even further
into himself. He didn’t realize Jack was so upset he would want him off the
team for good. “However, I don’t want you off the team and I don’t want to stop
you from going through the gate.” Daniel breathed a sigh of relief. “So I thought
of what my dad might do in this situation.”
Daniel wasn’t so
sure he wanted to know what Jack’s dad would do. When Jack didn’t continue the
conversation, he hesitantly asked, “What would your dad do?”
Jack finished his
mouthful of food. “My dad was a very strict, but very fair man. At the time I
didn’t think much of his punishments, but now I realize what he did to me, kept
me from getting into even more trouble than I might have.”
Daniel began to
get apprehensive again. “What he did to you?”
Jack knew he had
gained Daniel’s full attention. “He was a firm believer in corporal punishment.
My butt felt his belt many a time.”
Staring at his
plate, Daniel thought about what Jack was implying. He’d also been on the
receiving end of a belt before, however it wasn’t just his backside that felt
it. One of his foster fathers had enjoyed beating him for even breathing wrong.
He had no desire to share this part of his past with Jack. Trying to figure out
just how Jack intended to implement this punishment, he asked, “Exactly
how did your father punish you?”
Jack wasn’t sure
he understood the question, but he tried to answer anyway. “He’d make me tell
him what I’d done wrong and then I had to drop my pants, bend over a chair and
he’d let me have it.”
Daniel thought
about this. It seemed a lot more controlled than how he’d been punished. He
didn’t like the idea, but thought he might be able to handle it. “So, this is
how you want to punish me? Just your belt on my backside?”
“Giving you orders
doesn’t seem to work.” Jack could tell Daniel was reluctant to let him do this.
Who wouldn’t be? He’d hated when his dad had used the belt on him, but he’d
thought twice about his actions when he was in a similar situation the next
time. Thinking that perhaps Daniel hadn’t been strapped before, he asked, “Have
you ever been punished this way before?”
“Uhm, not
exactly,” Daniel definitely didn’t want to let Jack know about his past. “I
have been punished physically before though.”
“So you agree to
it?” Jack wouldn’t do it if Daniel didn’t agree. Daniel was a grown man, even
if he looked and acted like a kid sometimes, who had to make his own decisions.
If he forced this on Daniel, there might only be resentment, not a change of
his reckless ways. However, he couldn’t figure out another way for Daniel to
stay on his team otherwise.
“If I do, this
would be the end of it. I wouldn’t be assigned to another team or kept from
going off-world?” As long as he stayed on Jack’s team and kept going on
missions he figured he could get through anything. Maybe it would also relieve
some of the guilt, too.
Jack thought about
Daniel’s question. The part of his father’s punishment he did appreciate was
once it was over; it wasn’t brought up again. “Yes, once we’re done there won’t
be any other punishment. Hopefully you’ll also think more carefully next time.”
“I don’t plan on
there being a next time, Jack. Okay, I agree. Are we going to take care of it
right now?” Daniel knew the longer he waited, the more anxious he would get.
Jack got up from
the table and began to roll up his sleeves. “No time like the present. Let’s go
into the living room.” Jack walked through the door expecting to be followed.
Daniel did follow
Jack into the room and watched as Jack turned the leather chair around. He just
stood there, staring at the chair, waiting for what would happen next. Hoping
it wouldn’t turn into what his foster father had done to him.
Jack turned and
faced Daniel. He started with the same question his father had always put to
him. “What are you being punished for, Daniel?”
Daniel was so deep
into to his own thoughts he was somewhat startled by the question. “Oh, uhm,
for risking your life on Ernest’s planet.”
“What else?”
“For risking the
team.”
“What else?”
Daniel was trying
hard to think of what Jack wanted to hear. “Not following orders?”
Jack wondered if
Daniel really didn’t get what he wanted him to say. “Anything else?” he
questioned, hoping the answer he wanted would come out on its own.
Daniel still
wasn’t sure what Jack wanted to hear. “I-I can’t think of anything else,” he
said quietly.
Jack sighed.
Daniel figured he was going to be in even more trouble. “You really don’t get
what I’m so angry about, do you?” Daniel shrugged. “You risked your own life too,
Daniel!” he stated forcefully. “Your life is more important than what you could
have learned there. We need you, not the secrets of the universe. You
are important to me and the team. You need to stop taking unnecessary chances
with your own life.”
Daniel was trying
very hard to stop the tears wanting to fall. He hadn’t even thought about what
his death might have meant to Jack.
“I’m sorry. I’m not used to anybody worrying about what happens to me.
That’s something I have to get used to.”
“You’d better get
used to it, Daniel. You do have people who care about you now.” Jack turned
aside and removed his belt from his pants. “Okay, let’s get on with it. Drop
your pants and bend over the chair.”
Daniel stepped up
to the chair and dropped his pants. He lay over the chair and grabbed hold of
the armrests and waited. His whole body tensed.
Jack placed one
hand on Daniel’s back and pulled down his boxers with the other. “I’m not going
to make this easy, Daniel. You have to stop taking chances with your life. We
need you here with us.” With that last statement he laid the first stroke on
Daniel’s backside.
Surprised at how
much it hurt, Daniel gave a small yelp. He had been hoping to get through the
strapping without breaking down. After the first stroke, he was already
beginning to doubt he could do it.
Jack continued to
bring the belt down on Daniel’s unprotected backside. He was concentrating on
the fact he’d almost lost his friend due to his stubbornness and refusal to
think more of himself than what he could learn. He brought another stroke down
across the sit spot. Daniel was beginning to squirm.
As Jack continued,
Daniel thought not just of how much it hurt, but also of why Jack was doing
this. Jack cared. Jack had been afraid of losing him. The last time he could
remember anyone caring that much about him, was before his parents had died.
With that thought, the tears flowed freely.
Jack could tell
Daniel had finally begun to cry. However he was wondering why Daniel had yet to
say anything, or ask him to stop. He could remember begging his father to stop.
He continued the strapping, making sure Daniel would remember this for a long
while.
Finally, Daniel
was just lying over the back of the chair sobbing. He wasn’t squirming anymore,
nor was he making any protest. He was just accepting.
Jack stopped. He
rubbed Daniel’s back trying to calm the young man.
After Daniel’s
sobs had quieted, he stood up and adjusted his clothes. “Uhm, I guess I’ll head
back to my apartment now.” He said, as he gingerly walked over to grab his
coat.
“Oh no you don’t,”
Jack said as he pulled him into a hug. Daniel resisted the touch at first, and
then gave into it, laying his head on Jack’s shoulder. “You’ll be spending the
night in your room here. Go get ready for bed and I’ll come to say good night
in a little while.”
Enjoying hearing
Jack call the guestroom ‘his room’, Daniel didn’t argue. He released himself
from the hug and went to the bathroom to get ready for bed.
Once he was ready
he went into the bedroom, stripped down to his boxers and lay down carefully on
his stomach. He had almost fallen asleep when Jack came into the room.
“You doing okay,
Daniel?”
“I’m fine, Jack.”
“We’re okay about
this?”
“We’re okay with
this. I’ll see you in the morning.” Daniel was more than okay with it. He was
actually feeling pretty good about everything, in spite of his burning
backside. He finally believed somebody else cared about him, at least for a
while. He hadn’t had that feeling in a very long time.
“See you in the
morning, Daniel.” Jack smiled as he closed the door on the way out. He really
hoped he’d gotten through to his young friend. He didn’t like the idea of
losing someone else he cared about. Tired both physically and emotionally, he
decided to turn in early also.
* * * * * *
Jack woke up early
the next morning as usual. He still wasn’t sure he’d made the right decision
last night. He had to keep Daniel safe. He hadn’t been able to come up with any
better method. Daniel seemed to accept the punishment, almost too well. He
could never remember being that quiet when his father punished him. He took a
shower and started making something for breakfast, hoping Daniel would wake up
soon.
Daniel woke up
startled. He’d not been having a good dream. His foster father had been beating
him again. Rolling onto his back, he gasped. Last night’s experience came back
full force. Maybe that had brought the nightmare back. Getting up carefully, he
walked into the bathroom and took care of business. He looked at himself in the
mirror thinking, ‘I feel like I should be upset or angry about what happened
last night, but I don’t. I allowed Jack to take his belt to me. I’m thirty-two
years old; I’m not a kid. I feel good though. I mean my backside’s throbbing,
but my heart feels better. I don’t feel so guilty anymore. This isn’t the way I
felt as a kid.’ Daniel decided to stop thinking so much and went into the
kitchen.
“Hey, Daniel,”
Jack called out. “Breakfast’s ready.”
“Thanks, Jack.”
Daniel took the breakfast plate from Jack and sat down carefully at the table.
Jack came in with
his plate and sat down too.
They didn’t talk
much during the meal, but Daniel noticed Jack looking at him quite a bit. It
began to bother him. Looking directly at Jack, he asked, “What’s up?”
Jack looked back
at his plate. “Nothing.”
The next time
Daniel caught Jack looking at him, he said, “Come on Jack, something’s wrong.
Spill.”
Jack knew what was
wrong, but wasn’t sure how to broach the topic. “I was just thinking about last
night.”
Daniel cringed. “I
thought once it was over, it was over?”
Jack reassured
Daniel, “It is, it is. It’s not what you did to earn the punishment, it was
your behavior during.” He knew he hadn’t put it the right way.
Daniel was worried
about what he’d done wrong. “What about my behavior?”
“You were so
quiet,” answered Jack.
“Quiet, I was
quiet? I was bawling like a baby.” Daniel was embarrassed about the tears he
had shed. He thought he should have been stronger.
Jack tried to make
things clearer. “Daniel, everyone cries during a strapping. I used to yell and
carry on so much louder than you did. That’s what I’m trying to figure out. I
used to beg my dad to stop. I’d yell I was sorry and I’d had enough. I’d
promise anything to get him to stop.”
Daniel began to
understand what Jack was getting at. “So, all this begging and pleading you
did,” Daniel said thoughtfully, looking straight at Jack, “did it ever make
your dad stop?”
Jack thought for a
moment. “No, he never stopped until he was ready to stop.”
“So, why keep
begging?” Daniel questioned.
“I’m not sure. I
guess, I thought it might make him stop.” Jack realized he had never really
thought it through as a teenager.
Daniel went back
to his breakfast. “I learned a long time ago, you can’t stop the punisher.”
“What?!” Jack
asked in alarm.
“Nothing,” he
mumbled. Daniel wished he could take back his words. He really didn’t want to
get into his past with Jack.
Jack lifted
Daniel’s chin with his fingers trying to get him to look at him again. “Oh no,
Daniel. You don’t make a statement like that and then say ‘nothing’. Tell me
what you meant by ‘you can’t stop the punisher’.”
“I meant what I
said, Jack. Nothing I ever did, or said, stopped the punishment. It only made
it worse.” Daniel got up to put his dish in the sink. “Just drop it. I should
never have brought it up.”
Following Daniel
into the kitchen, Jack said, “You said you hadn’t been strapped before.”
“No,” he replied
carefully, “I said not exactly.” Daniel rinsed off his plate and placed it in
the dishwasher. Deciding Jack wouldn’t back off he continued on, “I’ve been
beaten before, okay. When I’d ask him to stop, I’d get backhanded. I learned
quickly not to say anything.”
“Why didn’t you
say anything, Daniel?” Jack was worried he’d screwed up badly.
“It didn’t matter.
It was my past. What happened last night wasn’t the same. You weren’t beating
me. I could feel the difference.” Daniel truly understood the difference now.
Jack didn’t.
“Still, I wish I hadn’t hit you now.”
“Jack, you didn’t
hit me.” Daniel thought for a moment. “Well, you did ‘hit’ me, but you were
disciplining me, not beating me. After every beating I got, I hated the man who
did it to me, and I hated myself.”
“Daniel…”
“Let me finish,
Jack. I hated myself because I couldn’t think of a way to stop it. It didn’t
matter what I did, I couldn’t stop it from happening, again and again. It
wasn’t that way this time. I don’t hate you, Jack. I feel good. My backside
doesn’t feel good, but I do. You ‘hit’ me to show me you care. The others
‘beat’ me to show they had the power, they were in control, and I was nothing.
There’s a big difference.” Daniel couldn’t believe he’d told Jack as much as he
had.
Jack was
overwhelmed. “I think I understand. I still wish you had said something earlier
though. And I do care. You made me want to live again, and you need to stick
around.”
“I know, Jack. I
plan to stick around, and you need to make sure I do. Whatever it takes.”
Daniel looked straight at Jack as he said this.
Jack understood
what Daniel was implying.