Jack was frustrated. It’d been a week since he uncovered the NID operation and Daniel was definitely avoiding him whenever possible. If he couldn’t get Daniel to talk to him alone, he thought he might be able to get him over to his house for a team night. Having made plans with Carter and Teal’c to come over at 1900 hours, he went in search of his fourth teammate. Surprisingly, he was in the first place Jack looked, sitting on a chair in his office, translating some artifacts. He stood in the doorway and rapped his knuckles on the frame, unsure of his welcome.
Daniel looked up from his work and spied Jack. “Hi,” was all he said and then went back to his work.
Jack took that as an invitation to come in and walked over to the table Daniel was working at, picking up an artifact to pass between his hands, hoping Daniel would try to take it from him. “I decided to have a team get together at my place tonight at 1900 hours. Will you be able to make it?”
Not looking up from his work, Daniel answered, “It’s kind of short notice. I have a lot of work that needs to get done.”
“I’m sure you can work on it tomorrow, Daniel,” Jack said, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice. “Sam and Teal’c have already agreed to come and I’ve ordered the pizza.”
Daniel sighed. “Fine. I’ll be there,” he said dismissively.
“Okay then,” Jack replied, not moving. He didn’t want to push Daniel, but he wished he’d at least make eye contact.
Daniel realized Jack wasn’t going anywhere so he got up and left the office leaving Jack alone in the room.
Getting the hint, Jack put down the rock he’d been playing with and went back to finish up some paperwork before he could leave the mountain. About forty minutes later he walked to the locker room to change, hoping Daniel would already be there. Luck wasn’t with him. He went ahead, changed, and drove home hoping Daniel wouldn’t change his mind and refuse to come. Once he got home he cleaned up a little and got the plates and beer out. Remembering Daniel telling him he didn’t particularly care for beer, he found some wine he had hidden in the back of the refrigerator. He wasn’t sure if it was any good or not, but it was worth the effort.
At 1930 hours the phone rang and Jack answered it. He was still on the phone when Daniel pulled into the driveway. “Thanks for letting me know,” Jack said as he hung up and walked to the door. Opening the door, Jack said, “I’m glad you made it, Daniel. The pizza’s already here.”
Daniel stepped into the house remembering the last time he’d come over and left so quickly. He looked around and realized he was the first one there. He’d come late hoping he wouldn’t be. “Where’s Sam and Teal’c?” he asked.
“Um…” Jack rubbed his hand across his neck. “I just got off the phone with Carter. Something came up and Hammond needed her to solve the problem. And since she was bringing Teal’c, neither one is going to make it tonight.”
“I’ll just be going then,” Daniel said as he turned around to open the front door.
Jack leaned his hand against the door so Daniel couldn’t open it. “I wish you’d stay, Daniel. We really need to work this out between us.”
“There’s nothing to work out,” Daniel said evenly. “You had a job to do and you did it. I accept that. If you’ll move your hand I’ll be leaving.”
Jack put his hand on Daniel’s arm and Daniel spun around and pulled away. Jack quickly released his arm remembering the problems Daniel had with being grabbed. “Sorry, Daniel,” he apologized. “I forgot.”
“It’s fine,” Daniel replied, crossing his arms. “It shouldn’t be such a big deal any more.”
“I should’ve remembered.” Jack was very frustrated. Talking had never been a strong point for him, but he learned to do it for Daniel’s sake. “Please stay.”
“There’s nothing to say, Jack. I understand why you did what you did. It was your job, nothing more.” Daniel backed away as he talked.
“If you understand, then why can’t you stand to be in the same room with me?”
“Understanding and living with it are two different things. Give me time. I’ll be fine.”
“I thought you said you were fine now?” Jack decided now was the time to push for a resolution, whatever the resolution would be, he wasn’t sure.
“I am fine. I will be fine. What difference does it make? You accomplished your mission by doing whatever you needed to do.”
“Including telling you there was no foundation to our friendship,” Jack reminded him. Then he watched Daniel retreat even further into himself.
“Yeah,” Daniel said quietly. “I’ll deal with it, Jack. It’s not like I haven’t heard it before.”
‘Damn,’ Jack thought. ‘This is going to take more than an apology.’ “You shouldn’t have had to hear it from me. I never meant it, Daniel. Not one word of it.” Daniel shrugged. Jack realized they were still standing in the front entry. “Daniel, please lets go sit in the living room and talk.”
Daniel didn’t say anything but he did turn around, walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. Then he waited silently.
Jack was grateful Daniel hadn’t walked out, but he wasn’t sure where to go from here. He knew his was the next move though. He sat down in the same chair he’d been sitting in the last time they were both in the house then realized Daniel was in the same spot also. Taking that as a bad omen, he got up again and switched chairs. “I’m sorry,” he said simply. “I didn’t want to take on the mission, but I wasn’t given much of a choice.”
Daniel shrugged without saying anything.
“Daniel,” Jack said in frustration. “I am your friend. That’s never been a question for me. I never thought I’d have a friend like you, but I’m glad I do.”
“A friend like me?” Daniel questioned, staring at Jack for the first time. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? You never thought you’d make friends with a geek or you never thought you’d have a friend who you disciplined.” He dropped his head and stared at his lap. They never talked about the discipline aspect of their friendship outside of the discipline itself.
“I never thought I’d have a friend who could make me wish to quit the Air Force, Daniel. If the stakes hadn’t been so high, I just might have,” Jack had fought the decision to not include his teammates in the operation, but he’d lost.
Daniel didn’t respond. He continued to stare at his hands, picking at his thumb.
“Dammit, Daniel,” Jack exclaimed. “Cut me some slack here. I’m trying to work this out, but I can’t do it if you won’t talk to me.”
“I don’t know what to say, Jack,” Daniel explained. “I do understand about the mission and the secrecy and everything else. But what you said hurt. I need time. That’s all.”
“And what will you do with that time, Daniel?” Jack continued, not giving Daniel a chance to answer. “I’ll tell you what you’ll do. You’ll think about it and think about it and think about it some more, but you won’t work though it unless you tell me I’m a jerk for saying what I said to you.”
“Fine, Jack,” Daniel said quietly. “You were a jerk for what you said to me. May I go now?”
“No,” Jack answered. “We’re not done yet. There’s still pizza to eat and beer to drink. Oh, and since you don’t like beer I found you some wine. I don’t know if it’s any good but we can find out.”
“I’m not very hungry,” Daniel insisted, although he was hungry and he did appreciate Jack finding something other than beer for him.
“Then humor me and keep me company. Please.” Jack hoped food might break some of the tension.
“Fine,” Daniel replied. He stood up and followed Jack into the kitchen. Jack handed him the bottle of wine and a corkscrew to open it. “Not a screw top, Jack?”
“Very funny,” Jack replied, grateful for a little bit of humor from Daniel. “Just open it and tell me if it’s any good still.”
Daniel opened the bottle and took a whiff. Then he poured some in the beer mug Jack handed him and tasted it. “It’s fine, Jack,” he informed him. “I like it.”
“Good,” Jack responded. “Sit down at the table and I’ll bring the pizza.” The pizza had been kept warm in the oven. He grabbed two plates and the food and brought it over to the table, setting the box in the middle.
Daniel noticed Jack had ordered his favorite, but didn’t comment on it. Since he was still here he went ahead and took a slice for himself.
After a few minutes of eating in silence, Jack said, “I know you were in the control room when I went through the gate.”
“So,” Daniel replied.
“I’m glad you weren’t in the gateroom. I’m not sure I could have gone through with it if you had been.” Jack didn’t look at Daniel as he said this. He just continued to eat his pizza.
“You would’ve gone through with it. You’ll do anything to accomplish a mission.”
That comment stung Jack. He knew Daniel was correct. “Maybe,” he said, “but it would’ve made it a lot harder.”
“Doesn’t matter much,” Daniel said quietly. “I’ve watched a lot of people walk out of my life. You get used to it.”
“Bullshit,” Jack said. “You may have watched people walk out of your life, but you never get used to it. That I do know.”
Daniel shrugged yet again.
“Don’t blow it off, Daniel,” Jack ordered. “You are my friend and you do matter to me.”
“A friendship with no foundation. Right, Jack?”
“I’m sorry!” Jack yelled, then watched as Daniel shrank away from him. “I didn’t mean it. If you hadn’t come over I wouldn’t have had to say anything to you.”
“So now it’s my fault,” Daniel yelled back, standing up.
“That’s not what I mean,” Jack tried to explain. “I told you the house was bugged. I needed to get you out before one of us said the wrong thing.”
“So you said the right thing?”
“Yes! No!” Jack stood up also. “I said what I needed to, to get you to leave and convince the NID of my motive for leaving the SGC. I didn’t mean it.”
“You certainly made it convincing, Jack.” Daniel sank back down on the chair, tired of the argument. “You don’t think of what you said without there being some truth in it.”
“The only truth I said was when I told you, you were a bright guy. The rest…” Jack trailed off.
“The rest what Jack?” Daniel pushed. “Not being able to relate to each other is what? A lie or the truth. Because you’re right Jack, we don’t relate to each other. I should’ve realized that a long time ago. We each have far too different views on life.”
“That’s why we make such good friends Daniel. When I’m with people like me, it’s boring. You challenge me and as much as I fight you and complain, I like it.” Jack had a hard time admitting that, even to Daniel.
“You like it so much you keep telling me to ‘shut up’?” Daniel questioned.
“I like it most of the time,” Jack explained. “Sometimes you challenge me when I don’t have time to deal with it. I don’t have much patience then.”
“No kidding,” Daniel replied, but he did see some truth in what Jack was saying. When they were alone Jack normally did listen to what he had to say, even if he didn’t agree.
“Ya think,” Jack quipped, trying to lighten the mood. Then a little more seriously he said, “I never wanted to hurt you.”
“You know that old saying, ‘sticks and stones’?” Daniel asked.
“May breaks my bones, but words can break my spirit?” Jack finished for him, finally sitting down.
Daniel looked over at Jack in surprise. Maybe he did understand, at least a little bit. “Yeah, I always thought the other ending was wrong, too,” he replied.
“Charlie and I came up with the alternate ending when he was being teased one time,” Jack explained. “It seemed more accurate.”
“It is,” Daniel agreed. “Words can hurt a lot. Especially when they come out of the mouth of someone you respect.”
“Are we going to be able to get past this, Daniel?” Jack asked quietly.
Daniel didn’t say anything for a long time and Jack let the silence go on, thinking he’d ruined things completely. Finally Daniel said just as quietly, “I would like to. I don’t like feeling like this.”
“What can I do or say, Daniel? Just tell me and I’ll try to make it happen.”
“Do you think there should be consequences for what you did, Jack?” Daniel asked, not meeting his eyes.
“Consequences?” Jack asked in confusion. Then he thought he understood. “Are you asking me if I’d accept your disciplining me like I do you?” Daniel nodded. This was not what he’d expected Daniel to say. He’d been disciplining Daniel for a while now every time he’d risked his life, but to let Daniel strap him, he wasn’t so sure about being on the receiving end. Then he thought of what his life had been like before he’d become friends with Daniel and couldn’t imagine going back to that. He knew his answer. “If you think I deserve it or it will fix things, yes, I’ll let you strap me.”
“It doesn’t matter much if I think you deserve it. Do you think you deserve it?”
That was a tough question for Jack to answer. He’d had a mission to do. He’d been ordered not to tell his teammates about the mission and he’d needed to convince the NID he had rejected his friends and the SGC. Did he deserve a strapping for doing his job? He thought about what he’d said to his best friend and the look on Daniel’s face when he said it. “Yes, Daniel. For what I said to you and how I said it, I deserve a strapping. I should’ve figured out another way to accomplish the mission.” Jack took a deep breath. He hadn’t been on the receiving end of a strapping since the last time his dad had taken a belt to him. That was many years ago.
“I agree,” Daniel replied, finally looking at Jack. “You should’ve figured out another way.”
Jack nodded. “Should we go into the living room to take care of this.” That’s where he’d always dealt with Daniel.
“No,” Daniel said, leaning back against his chair.
“No?” Jack questioned. “Are you planning to make me wait?”
“No,” Daniel answered. “I’m not planning on doing anything. I just needed to know if you’d accept that you deserved it.”
“But you aren’t going to follow through, even though I’ll let you?” Jack was confused.
“No, I’m not,” Daniel replied, starting to eat the pizza again. “I just needed to know if you really felt like you’d done something wrong.”
“I’d already apologized, Daniel. I’m not sure how this makes a difference.”
“As you’ve already proved, people say a lot of things they don’t mean,” Daniel explained.
Jack went silent. It made sense to him now.
“It’s getting late, Jack,” Daniel said as he stood up. “I think I’ll be heading home now.”
Jack got up quickly and stepped in front of Daniel. “Your room here is still available. There’s no reason to be driving this late.”
“I don’t know about that,” Daniel said quietly.
“Please,” Jack said. “It’ll give us more time to talk in the morning.”
“You want to keep talking?” Daniel asked incredulously.
Jack rubbed the back of his neck. “Did I really say that?”
“Maybe I misheard you,” Daniel teased. “It has been a long night.”
“Long enough for you to stay here?” Jack questioned.
“Sure,” Daniel replied, giving in. “I am pretty tired.”
“You know where your room is,” Jack responded. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Good night, Jack.”
“Night, Daniel.”
Daniel settled himself under the covers, but he couldn’t sleep, too many thoughts were still running through his mind. After about two hours of tossing and turning he got out of bed, put some sweats on and climbed to the roof platform. He knew how to operate the telescope Jack always had ready and soon found Abydos.
Hearing Daniel climb up the ladder, Jack also got out of bed to check on his friend. He found Daniel staring up at the stars. “Couldn’t sleep?” he asked simply as he settled himself on a chair.
“Not really,” Daniel replied. “Still thinking too much.”
“Care to share?”
Daniel shrugged. Finally he answered, “I’ve been thinking of the people in my life that gave up on me.”
‘Ouch,’ Jack thought. “I’ll never give up on you, Daniel.”
“It still felt like you had,” Daniel replied, leaning back. “At the time I didn’t think you’d ever be coming back. Didn’t think you ever could come back.”
“I won’t do that to you again. At least not willingly,” Jack promised, hoping he could keep that promise.
“You were right about one thing tonight,” Daniel pointed out.
“Oh?” Jack responded.
“I never got used to it,” Daniel said sadly. “It’s just something I learned to deal with. Hurt every time though.”
“You’re a good person and a good friend. I’m sorry you had to go through what you did in your life.”
“You’ve been through some rotten things in your life, too. It’s part of what makes us who we are.” Daniel knew he didn’t hold the title of bad things happening to him.
“And sometimes who I am is a complete jerk,” Jack said honestly. Daniel didn’t deny it, but he did shrug his shoulders. “How come you still trust people, Daniel? With everything that’s happened to you, I would expect you to be the most cynical person around.”
“I did have eight good years, Jack. My parents instilled a lot of good values in me that I wouldn’t let anyone or anything take away. I always wanted them to be proud of me.” Daniel dropped his head and picked at his thumb.
“They would be, Daniel,” Jack said with all confidence. “They’d be as proud of the man you’ve become as I am.”
Daniel blushed. He still had a lot of respect for Jack, even after what had been said. It felt good to hear the praise but it also embarrassed him. “I hope so.”
Jack reached his arm around Daniel’s shoulders and pulled him into a sideways hug. “Trust me,” he assured his friend.
“Thanks,” Daniel replied. Then he got silent again.
“What are you thinking about?” Jack asked, wondering at the silence.
“I was just thinking about our arrangement,” Daniel said quietly. “You know.” He twirled his hand.
“Oh,” Jack replied quietly. “I’ll understand if you want to stop it now.”
“Strangely enough,” Daniel explained, “I don’t want to. It kind of makes me feel secure.”
“You sure about it?”
Daniel nodded. “Unless you don’t want to have that responsibility anymore.”
“Are you kidding?” Jack stated firmly. “You risk your life again and your butt will pay for it.”
Daniel grinned. As painful as it sounded, it also sounded good. He stifled a big yawn.
“Looks like you need to get some sleep, young man,” Jack said in a very fatherly voice.
“You think so, huh?” Daniel replied, enjoying the playful banter.
“I know so. You get yourself down that ladder and get back to bed.” Jack was also enjoying the more relaxed feeling.
“And if I don’t?” Daniel pushed.
“I just might consider not getting enough sleep as a risk to your health which then would be a risk to your life.” Jack was teasing, mostly.
Daniel jumped up. “Yes, Sir,” he said, saluting. “Getting myself back to bed, Sir.”
Jack cuffed the back of his head playfully. “Watch it, young man.”
As he descended the ladder, Daniel said, “Thanks, Jack.”
“For what?” Jack asked.
“For coming back,” Daniel answered, as he disappeared below the roof.