By RPonda
After SG1 finally
finished debriefing the mission on the gamekeeper’s planet, Hammond gave the
whole team a couple days’ downtime before they had to return. Sam went to her
lab to check on an experiment she was in the middle of, Teal’c went to
kel-no-reem, and Jack and Daniel had gone to the locker room to change.
Jack looked over
at Daniel who seemed to be taking his time. “So Daniel, you have any plans for
your time off?” he inquired.
Daniel looked up
wearily after pulling on his shirt. “Just planning on getting some sleep and
spending some time alone.”
“That’s my plan,
too,” said Jack, “however, what do you say about heading over to my place for
some dinner first? You must be hungry.” Jack didn’t like the thought of Daniel
going home alone to play the events of the last mission over and over in his
head.
“Really Jack, I’m
just tired. I don’t need any company. I’ll be fine on my own.” He bent down and
finished tying his shoes.
Jack wasn’t going
to let him off that easily. “Come on Daniel, maybe I’m the one that could use
the company tonight.” Jack turned around and grabbed his own jacket.
Even though Daniel
would have preferred to go home alone, he also felt a little guilty for not
thinking of what Jack was going through too. “Sure, I just need to grab some
things from my office and then I’ll meet you at your place.” He looked up at
Jack with a grin, “Are you sure you have food in your house that’s edible, or
should we just order pizza?”
“Hey,” said Jack a
little indignantly, although he had a smile on his face, “I’ll have you know I
do have some food in the house. Besides, a little home cooking will hit the
spot.” He figured he might be able to get Daniel talking while he was busy
cooking.
“See you in a
little while then, Jack,” Daniel called back as he headed to his office.
Daniel arrived at
Jack’s house a few minutes after Jack. He opened the front door slowly and
called out, “Hey Jack, where are you?”
“In the kitchen,”
he called back, “where else?”
Jack watched as
Daniel entered the kitchen without making eye contact. “So, what do you want
for dinner?” he asked.
“Let’s have
spaghetti,” replied Daniel as he bent over to look in the refrigerator for
supplies.
Jack thought this
was as good a time as any to try to get Daniel talking. “I think there are some
things for making sauce on the second shelf to the right.” He reached into the
pantry to pull out the spaghetti. “So, other than being tired, how are you
feeling about our little forced trip down memory lane?”
Daniel pulled his
head out of the fridge quickly and avoided looking at Jack, “Fine, just fine.
Do you have any salad? You know, I think I need to go to the store to get
salad. I’ll be right back.” He turned around and began to head for the front
door.
“Daniel, I have
salad,” Jack gave up on trying to talk while cooking. He pulled Daniel out of
the kitchen and into the family room. “Come on. We need to talk about this.” He
kept hold of Daniel’s forearm and led him to the couch. “Here, have a seat,”
Jack sat down on the coffee table in front of him.
“I don’t need to
talk about it, Jack. What happened, happened, there’s nothing else to say. You
knew my parents died when I was a kid.” Daniel sat and picked at his thumb.
Jack noticed
Daniel shift his gaze to the floor and wrap his arms around himself in a
self-hug. “Yeah, I knew your parents died,” he stated quietly while trying to
get Daniel to look at him, “but I didn’t know you’d watched them die.”
Daniel continued
to avoid any eye contact. “Well, now you know. Let’s make dinner,” he replied.
He pushed off the couch so he could head back into the kitchen.
Jack held him by
the shoulders and ordered, “Daniel, sit back down and talk to me.”
Daniel reluctantly
sat down again and finally looked Jack in the eye. His eyes were angry, but
sad. “Fine. You really want to know, I’ll tell you. I was working on some
schoolwork my mom had told me to do. She said they were going to be busy for
awhile and I was to stay out of the way. I was fascinated by the structure they
were putting together. I got up and went over to where she was working to ask
her a question. I distracted her and my dad yelled at me to not bother them and
then the coverstone fell. And then they died. And it was my fault,” Daniel
answered quickly, all in one breath looking back down at the floor.
“What do you mean
it was your fault? You were a kid who watched a horrible accident. It wasn’t
your fault.” Jack couldn’t believe how much guilt Daniel had carried around all
these years.
Daniel stood up
and started pacing. “You’re wrong, it was my fault. If I hadn’t distracted them
they might have been able to react better. They might have saved themselves.”
He stopped and took a deep breath. “I might not have been left alone.” He stood
in front of the window and stared out into the night.
Jack walked over
to him and turned him around. “Daniel, it was an accident. Your parents didn’t
want to leave you alone.”
“Then why weren’t
they more careful!” yelled Daniel. “Why did they have to stand under that damn
coverstone. They should have taken care of themselves so they could have taken
care of me. They never even arranged for anyone to take care of me if they
died. Nick didn’t want me, so I got thrown into the foster care system.” He
tried to shrug away from Jack, knowing Jack wouldn’t let him go, needing that
assurance.
Jack knew Daniel
was hurting deeply. “You’re right. They should have taken care of things, but
they didn’t.” He pulled Daniel into a bear hug.
Daniel cried into
Jack’s shoulder, “No, they didn’t, they left me and I ended up alone, without
anyone ever caring about me.”
“You have people
who care about you now, Daniel,” said Jack, referring to himself and the rest
of SG1, “and we’re not going to leave you.”
Daniel pulled away
from Jack and looked up at him with tears in his eyes. “I know. But nothing
against you, Jack, I would rather have had my parents.”
Jack looked back
at him with a sad look in his own eyes, “Yeah, and I would rather have my
family. However, sometimes parents screw up. Loved ones are left behind.”
Daniel thought
about Jack’s son’s death as well as his own parents’. “And those of us left
behind keep trying to make the ones we lost proud, don’t we?” he responded
lifting his gaze.
“Yeah we do,” Jack took a deep breath.
“You’ve made your parents proud, Daniel. You have to know that.”
“If you say so,
Jack,” Daniel said as he pulled away from him, quickly wiping his eyes on his
sleeve. “Look, I really am hungry, let’s go make dinner.”
“Sure, spaghetti sounds great. I know I’ve got some salad somewhere in the fridge.” Jack walked with Daniel into the kitchen to get dinner started. He’d keep on trying to convince Daniel of his own worth, but for now, they both needed a break.