Disclaimer: I have run out of witty little sayings to use in place of a disclaimer. They're not mine.
Feedback: Is mother's milk.
Summary: Donna takes a trip home to commune with her kin, and Josh gets cranky.
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9:00 PM
The West Wing
“This is ridiculous!”
“I understood you the first time you said that, Joshua.” He’s completely oblivious.
“This is absurd!”
“Tell me how you really feel,” I deadpan.
“Absolutely ridiculous!” Ladies and Gentlemen, the ranting talents of Mr. Joshua Lyman.
“I get the point.”
“I can’t believe this.”
“Get over it,” I snap, hoping to end this conversation as soon as possible.
“Can he do this? I didn’t think he could do this.”
“Leo can do whatever he wants. He’s our boss.”
“I know, I know, but this?”
“You need time off, Josh.”
“No, I don’t!” Yeah, right.
“Fine, then. *I* need time off. I need a vacation.”
“You had a day off just last week.”
I shoot him my most condescending glare. “My family thinks I’m dead. I need to go home for a few days.”
“No, absolutely not. You’re not leaving D.C.” He slams his fist down on his desk. Like that’s supposed to scare me or something.
“Leo is giving us a week’s vacation time, Josh. I am going to Wisconsin and there is nothing you can do about it.”
“What if I need you?”
“You won’t be working either. Leo’s giving the Secret Service instructions to physically remove you from the premises if you try to come into the office.”
“That ridiculous!”
“It’s a only week, Josh! The country will not fall to pieces if you take a week off.”
“You don’t know that,” he mumbles sulkily. He looks up at me. “And what exactly am I supposed to do while I’m not working?”
I laugh and sit in the chair in front of his desk. “Let me explain it to you slowly. Sometimes, when normal people have free time, they do things *other*
than work. Things like going to see a movie, reading a book, going to dinner with friends-”
“All my friends will be working, and you’ll be vacationing in The Dairy State.”
“If you’d ever met any of my family you wouldn’t call it ‘vacationing’.”
“Then why do you want to go?” A valid question, even if he does sound a bit desperate.
“I haven’t been home since I joined the campaign. If I want to be included in the will I have to pay homage at the alter of the Family Moss.” I shift in my chair
nervously. This isn’t a topic I want to discuss with him.
He looks at me quizzically, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. “Your family isn’t part of the mob, is it?”
“You’ve seen The Godfather too many times.”
“You didn’t answer my question, Donna,” he chides, his tone playful.
“Yes, Josh, my family is part of the infamous Wisconsin mob circuit. How ever did you guess?” I ask, my voice dripping with irony.
“My psychiatrist thinks you use sarcasm as a defense mechanism.”
“Are you sure he was talking about me?”
He gives me what could only be described as a rakish grin. “Well, you did learn from the best.”
“I won’t even justify that with an answer.”
“That’ll teach me.”
“Shut up or I call my Uncle Vito right now.”
“I always knew you were Italian, but CJ didn’t believe me.”
“You know what’s ridiculous, Josh?”
“What?”
“This conversation. I’m going to go home and make my plane reservations. See you in a week.” I stand and walk out the door, when his voice calls me back.
“Donna, wait!” Is it just my imagination, or is he being a bit clingy?
“Yes, master?”
“I like the sound of that.” Do I even need to tell you that he’s smirking?
“Two words. Uncle. Vito.”
“What if I need to get in touch with you while you’re away?”
“See that big box-like thing on your desk?”
“My laptop?” He seems confused. I wonder if he really can make it through a week without me.
“Yes. Ask Sam to show you how to work the e-mail.”
“Donna-” I’m getting sick of hearing him whine. I’m not looking forward to spending a week with my family, much less a week without Josh.
Where did that thought come from?
“If there’s an emergency you can e-mail me.”
“Can you at least give me a phone number?”
“I can’t spend all week talking to you long-distance. My family hates you enough as it is.” Oops. Hadn’t meant to say that.
“Your family hates me?” He seems shocked at the very idea.
When in doubt, change the subject. “I’ve rescheduled all your important appointments, but you should still check in with Sam before you leave tonight. Brief him on Tuesday’s budget meeting-”
“Why would your family hate me?”
“Would you like that list in chronological or alphabetical order?”
“You don’t have it on index cards? You’re falling down on the job here, Donna.”
“Good bye, Joshua.”
“What if there’s a war or something?”
“E-mail me.” With that I make my exit to his continued protests. I pop my head in CJ’s office before I leave.
“How much of that did you hear?” I ask apologetically.
She looks up and laughs at my expression. “I caught the majority of it. He seems more upset about you leaving town than about his forced hiatus.”
“He’s just worried that he won’t have anyone to yell at for a week.”
CJ looks thoughtful. “When was the last time you spent more than a few days away from him?”
That surprises me. I think for a few moments. “I fuzzily recall a week off last winter.”
“Before the shooting.” She gives me a significant look I don’t completely understand.
“Yeah. Why?”
“Nothing.”
“Okay. I’ll see you when I get back.”
“Have a good time.” I turn to leave. “Oh, and Donna?”
“Yup?”
“Don’t let Josh ruin this for you. It’ll be good for you to get away from him for a while.” I look at her curiously and nod. What on earth did she mean by that?
Why would I need to get away from Josh?
Come to think of it, the question should be why *wouldn’t* I need to get away from Josh. He’s demanding, rude, and incredibly annoying, not to mention arrogant and stubborn. He expects me to work outrageous hours, and then pays me a pittance. And have I ever heard so much as a ‘thank you’? No, because that would be too much to ask from that superior, self-involved little bastard. That
obnoxious, odious snob.
I'm really going to miss him.
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