This page contains more blossoms in addition to the ones I've already planted. These seeds have been influenced by many factors that have occured recently in my life and as the others ones have special meaning to me. These words can have a meaning to you too, if you allow them to speak to your heart. You may have no clue as to what they mean to me, but if you feel even the slightest meaning or have had a similar experience as has been described, then these are your words too. They belong to you as well as me. It's as Whitman wrote in "Song of Myself" "Every atom that belongs to me as good as belongs to you and what I shall assume, so you shall assume" So enjoy . . . and give me your input.
PS: Once I get the music working, I hope you'll enjoy the music in the background; It's from Garth Brook's Sevens. The song is Two Pina Colodas. It's a little perky, and upbeat, but I enjoyed the song and wanted to play it. IT's the sole property of Mr. Brooks and the copyright completely belongs to him. Thanks.
Back To the Vine
Back One Page
Back to Page oneof my poetry.
Note: ** denotes newest additions.
Empty Bottle*****
Drowning***
You***
Mistake of Life***
Realization of Death****
Untitled*** (Note, this is an unfinished peice of work)
Surrendering***
Grey Stone***
The Pain of Life***
The Lost Soul ***
Races Ran***
Empty Shores***
Blindness**
Sweet Naivete**
Judgement Day
Time's Reign
Beauty
Inhibitions
Before Meeting You
Rain
Meeting on Street
Anguish of a Murder
Emptiness
Heart and Mind
Missing You
Darkness
True Love
Before we Met
There you are, acting all holy
Judging me before you get to know me
You say I'm condemned to hell;
I'd like to know how you can tell.
According to your beliefs
Only God can cause that grief.
Because you deem me, see me different;
You think you can call me a misfit.
I may not Share all you declare
To be your creed; I still share
With you a common race-
I'm human, look me in the face;
You claim to live by a long list of rules;
But those you believe you, are only fools.
Every creed you say you take
I've often seen you privately break.
The code by which I live my life
Way shorter than yours, with less hype;
I follow more than you,
To my own rules I am true.
So you assert to be all chaste
Shouldn't make such claims in haste.
Your own God says do not judge
From His standards do not budge,
Every day, while you put on a pious face
Your hidden sins leave a dark dark trace,
While you point the finger at me
You still aren't all you pretend to be.
Put your prejudiced opinions away
Only the Seated One has a say
On Judgment Day.
Back to Top
The rain of Time
Slowly falls-
Dripping, Dripping, Dripping
Down.
Tumbling, plunging down the shiny iron
If a glorious Youthful Dream that is
New, strong excited and pure.
Cruelly time's water strips
The Excitement, the Youth.
Corroding, Corrupting the Purity.
Erasing the durable lustrous silver.
Into a ruddy red Rust
Chipping away at the Hope
Puddling and rusting all chance
For the dream to exist
Thus, ruined is the dream's reality
Under Time's constant rain
Drip, Drip, Drip . .
.
Back to Top
Beauty creates
the Worst Hypocrisy.
A ornate shell is She
Encasing an emptiness
Where only dust
Seems to settle
As the wind blows through.
All rush to choose Her
For her splendor
For her glory,
Yet none cherish Her,
Pride Her through her years
As her decorative shell
Is chipped, broken, and torn.
None choose her to invest
Their precious gems.
The homely one, though,
Humble, quiet, and shy,
Holds bright jewels of her own
Sparkling within, along with
Those valuables of others.
Intellect, kindness, and meekness
Always a helping hand,
she loans out space in her shell
To hide another's secrets freely.
Her qualities, never dirtied,
Never Soiled by Age
Always remain cherished,
Loved until the end of Time.
Back to Top
Each day, as I gaze
Longingly upon your face,
I whisper silently to myself:
"Why, why can't you see
For each other, how
Perfect we'd be?"
As the night dawns
Visions of you and I torment
My mind, all through
The cloak of Darkness.
When again you are near;
I pretend these never occur
That your friendship is all I really desire.
"Can't you see I want, I need,
I long for more, Oh for so much more?
My, oh so dear gentleman,
How I do long for you
With your kind voice
For me to sweetly endear
With your courtly lips,
Mine I long you to caress
"Can't you see that it's you
I desire whole heartedly?
How I do enjoy the pleasure
Of basking in you sweet attention
And when another dares to steal
A small slice of you
A rage of hurt wells up
Inside the walls of my fragile heart.
"Can't you see, that it's really me
who treasures you never endingly?"
Nothing can from me thieve
The hope of having your
Large masculine hands
Mine encase.
Our fingers intertwining
As our hearts interloping.
"Can't you see what a
Great coterie we'd be?"
"Can't you see, my precious Darling,
Can't you see That it's you
I love, I want, I need?
That it's you I yearn
for me to hold?
That it is for your love I
Long to be poured upon my being?
Back to Top
I have often traveled
Along the streets of Paris;
My mind has roamed freely
Through the deep verdant
Thicketed fields of Africa...
But until I met you, I had never
Flown straight toward the sun on the
Wings of a dove.
I often glanced at
The beauty of Nature
Often have I seen the
Majestic mountain tops
Before I met you, though,
I never stop to wonder about the intricate
Structure of a tiny seed
or the rocks silently sitting
On the mountain side.
Many times I have spilt
Words onto a page in various lines
Often trying to burst the bubble
Of Boredom that encased me.
Before I met you, however
I didn't really see
The meaning of the decorated
Pages, nor never did I
Permeate that bubble
I oft have sat alone
Feeling closed in by
The boundaries of my skin;
Locked within the gates
Of my empty mind
Until we met, though
Never could my spirit
Float focused to the
Plateau of Understanding.
My eyes often have fell
Upon the blurry dob Of painted tress
And I have many times
Tread upon Earth's Carpet
But before I met you,
I could never distinguish
The tiny veins
That race a leaf through
Or the tiny abode
of a grey squirrel.
Nor did I stop to see
What a blade of grass
That lay beneath my feet
Was composed of;
Back to Top
I celebrate Rain
Nature's Private Shower
And laugh at those
Who cower
Under their umbrella
While I freely soak
The drops in
Enjoying the feeling
Of them rolling down
My skin
Never do I feel so cleansed
Nor my spirit so pure
And my soul so virgin
When Nature's shower
washes away all my sin;
and I celebrate Rain.
Back to Top
A Mother's Anguish
Hello; I know you-
Do you know me?
I held you once;
Inside of me-
Still I am;
For you're buried
Deep within my heart
Let me hold you
Just once; In my arms.
Shh, don't cry now
Allow me to comfort you
Wipe your tears away;
Soothe your fears.
I want to sing you to sleep;
But just as I reach to touch you
Someone steals you away.
You wails rip my heart, I cry
Realizing you aren't mine;
Realizing Never could I have back
The one I lost so long ago.
Back to Top
We never really met, you and I,-
You never had a chance
Yet each day your memory
Haunts me, Torture's me.
You never got to know me-
You never had a chance
But always am I thinking
and dreaming of you;
Regretting my past,
Regretting loosing you.
I never got to hold you-
I never had the chance
Never sung you a lullaby
You were gone before I could
To soothe your fears;
To ease your pain; protect you;
It was all my duty.
But I never fully did my duty-
Though I had every chance
Betrayed your innocence,
Sacrificed your life.
Now I suffer with guilt; knowing
Never once did you cry-
I never gave you the chance.
Back to Top
Cold metal of knife
slices through my heart
opening up a large gaping hole
No blood comes out,
Nor does any pain enter
Just a large gaping
Empty vacuole Stares back
Tears roll down my cheek
Why?
I don't feel pain.
I'm hurting but it is
Not the pain I should feel.
For so long I've denied myself
The right to feel;
Now there is nothing to
Left for me to loose
Nothing for me to release
Nothing for me to gain.
Back to Top
Tiny rays of Sunlight
push through the
Thick, Early morning Fog
And I think of You.
The Fog has blanketed
the Ground overnight,
But the rays of Sun
Determined, warm,
Fight through the thickness
And I think of You.
The chilly fingers of the Night
Slowly unwind from the air
As the warm hand of Day ushers in
And I think of You
I think of You
And all you've done
To help me find happiness
And how you're my Sun
I think of You
And the love we share
the Language
Between our hearts
So pure, and so clear
I think of You more
As the day grows on
And I can see the life
The green, beautiful life
The Sun causes to be.
Where once dark Death reigned
A new blade of grass grows
A young Rose blooms,
Thanks to the sun
And I think of You.
Life from nowhere,
Life from nothing,
Comes from on a ray of Light
And I think of You.
Streams flow freely,
Dancing in the light,
Birds happy calls fill the air
And I think of You.
I think of all You have given
And to You all I owe
The happiness to me you've shown
And the love you've helped me grow
I think of You all the time
Of how my heart truly
You do own,
And I wonder what it is
That I did to ever
Have deserved You
In my life
I think of You and how true
My love is, how much of it exists
Feelings I never thought possible
Blooming in what I thought to be
A deadened valley.
I think of You and I know
Beyond anything else
I thank You
And I love You
More than I can show.
I think of You and
I want You to know
It's You and You alone
My heart beats for,
It's You I love,
And You I need.
I think of You
I dream of You
I thank You deeply
But Most importantly
I love You so.
Back to Top
Everywhere I look, There are reminders of you.
Everything I see; Reminds me of another
Part of you I knew
And it hurts to think You aren't here.
Everyday I think Of something
That with you I'd love to share
But I turn around to see
That you can't be here for me.
Though I know it's not your fault
It doesnt' ease the hurt in my heart
For:
You were my friend when I had no other;
You were there for me when no one cared.
You understood what no one else would.
And now you're gone,
I'm lost without you;
Owe so much to you;
Miss you so much;
And I love you still.
Memories of all we shared,
The past secrets and all the joy
All our unique cares.
The dinners the week ends, and all our stories.
Still such a large part of my life.
I think back to all the times I stumbled
And your strong hands lifted me up.
And I fear my hands weren't
Strong enough to hold you;
That somehow I wasn't able to help you through.
And I never remember saying I love you
For the chances I had were so few;
But somehow I know you knew.
You were just a fleeting cloud in my life
But you influenced me so much.
You were only here for a brief brief while;
It breaks my heart how brief it was
But oh how I enjoyed it so.
You were the hope I had
But you're gone for now
My heart still hold you dear
Your memory is so clear
And even though I can't see you
Your prescence still feels near.
Back to Top
Tears form in eyes-
But I don't my want to cry
Just want to die!
What's wrong with me-
What is it you can't see?
Mind is fried;
Eyes have dried
From all the tears I've cried
My heart has died.
Please just close your eyes
Put your empty words away
Watch me slowly fade away.
Back to Top
I love you more
Than I culd ever say
Love you more than ever
Could I show
My words are inadequate,
My actions never are enough
To express what my heart
Speaks every time you're near
But I have no need to say
Anything at all;
For as I try to speak
What my heart is singing
I can feel your heart
Humming the same tune.
And when we're together
And all is silent around us
Listen closely and you'll hear
What my mouth struggles to say
Coming from my heart and your's.
Back to Top
Not long ago
I was drowning
In a sea of woe
You lent me your hand
And your heart
I ended up giving
With what I thought I'd never part
You own my being
I love you so
I keep on thinking
I'll somehow make you go
And leave me alone
Yet you stay with me
Holding my hand
Telling me you'll with me forever be
Trying to make me understand
You've soothed my fears
And you've held me
Wiped away my tears
And though we've not met
I know it's you I will always love
No matter what comes up
I will you forever love.
Back to Top
Blindness is a blessed bliss
A gift that allows true love to
exist
Closing you're eyes to another's sin
Hoping not to hurt again
Denying
yourself the right
To defend against fright
Because you know the pain of
light
The heart breaking never ending agony of sight
So you allow the trespass
go on for one more day
Because you really want him/her to stay
Until you wake
up one day too late
Find yourself standing at that gate
Life or Death only you can
make that choice
says a deep dark, hidden voice
Open your eyes and
live
Find someone deserving of your heart to give
Or in a permanent darkness
stay
And you may only live one more day
But life has so much to offer
You
don't deserve to suffer
To yourself you must be true
Don't let fear of hurt guide
you
You've had enough through your years
No more bruises, tears, or
fears
Open your eyes, enjoy the sunlight
And forever be free from your
fright.
Back to Top
I woke alone
Awakened by the ringing phone
I thought it was a
joke,
Maybe you'd gone out for a smoke
Then I realized you weren't coming
back
And I began to slowly crack
Crying, and sobbing, hoping it wasn't
true
I know you could never be so cruel.
Leaving me stranded
Our love
abandoned.
My soul I gave to you;
My emotions, raw, naked bare
My trust too, even putting away my fears.
I was impressed too by all you gave
You're listening ear, caring hands
That me from depression saved
But it was all
false, all a lie
The love I had falling like the tears I cry
You acted as though you
cared
Even after my inner demons I shared
Pretended you loved me and I
believed
Can't believe I was so naive
I allowed myself for the first time to
feel.
And I can't believe I love you still.
Hoping you remember me and love me
too
Though my friends say you've another lady with you.
But to me, it does not
matter, not even a bit
Because I love you to their pressures I won't submit
But I
don't want you to come back if you want another
All I ask of you is for you to be
happy forever
For your happiness is all I care about
Though you hurt me, without
doubt
You mean more than I can say
So despite yearning for you every day
I free you of responsibility
On my account don't feel guilty
Have fun, live life,
know I'm too messed up to do so.
You're too young to be denied these rights
though
But though you left I'll always be here for you
Because my love is
true.
Back to Top
Looking out across the empty shore
Wondering what I'm living for
Tired of all the pain
Tears falling down like rain
Wondering, what's to gain
By staying alive, so I wander out into the sea
Relaxing as the depths cover over me
The waves lapping over my crumpled body, my heart so sore
As I lie, peaceful on the ocean floor
Back to Top
You promised you'd always care
Prmised you would always be there
As you ran your fingers through my hair
And I believed every promise you made
The pain I'm left with is the price I paid
A ne'er ending pain that doesn't ever fade
My heart ripped from my chest, lies bleeding in your hands
My soul now void of love,joy, emotion, I've no friends
That I know, because I gave into all your demands
I've lost my ability to be human
Gave it to you, hoping for a wedding band
Gave everything, but I lost even more than I had
False love and crazy ideas
A gold that tarnished
And a large gaping empty soul
That's what I recieved in return
While I gave a flame that eternally burns
But the flames only burn me, I've learned.
Now my body covered with the scars
In my heart fears resides, my face drowned in tears
And I know forever my heart will be marred
Back to Top
I run in a race
Which no one else participates
Just my memories and me
The past only I can see
I run faster and faster
But the memories are the master
Of me and dominate teh trail
I know I will only fail
But still I try
And still I cry
Lost along the way
Noticing darkness always
Triumphs over the day
Back to Top
I can't believe it's true
But the words in the
Cold Grey Stone prove
All my dreams to be fantasy
The deep engravings
Arguing your existence
The dates etched in stone
So I know your gone
As I tell the rock
Things I usually tell you
I begin to cry.
Tears stream down my face
As I wish I could take your place
Deep beneath the ground
Wish I weren't around.
I wish I could you embrace
Or just see your face
One more time
Wished I could have said good bye
I hate that you are gone,
Home is no longer home
I've lost all substance
In life
Reduced to arguing with
This cold grey stone.
Back to Top
The pain of life
Cuts like a knife
Through the fibers of the soul
Leaving a empty gaping hole
Where once rested a heart
That allegedly played a part
In Love
Back to Top
Taste the metallic barrel
Of the cold grey steel
The hollow center leading
To a bullet, pointed and waiting
For my surrender.
Trigger is ready, gun is cocked
All is set, my finger grows heavy.
My mind is tired, my soul is weary
My heart has become dilapidated
All the world is waiting
For my surrender.
The path I've taken has came
To a cold abrupt dead end.
The rocks that interrupted
My life every so often
Finally cruelly stabbed my heart
As I lay waiting
To surrender.
I feel my finger slowly slide
Further and further back
as I begin to say a final prayer
"Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
My body is empty, ready to go under
Unto the pain I gladly surrender
Take my soul
Place it into the deeply dug hole
Do not cry for me
Open your eyes and see.
Death is not some punishment
But an achievement
For the soul so weary,
And eyes so teary
No longer will I for love hunger
For My life I have surrendered"
The blood trickles like a stream
From my wounded body
As I lay, closed eyed and asleep
Relaxed and finally happy
For I have surrendered.
Back to Top
Tonight I'm going to drown all the sorrows
Not think about my pain until tomorrow
All the regret, hurt and the empty lies
All the torture that came with your good bye.
Back to Top
I walk slowly down the never ending aisle
Matching my pace to the somber music all the while
A terror steadily grows within my being
As I march, march, march to the organ's pulse
The long silver eternal bed lies now directly in front of me.
CLose my eyes, I'm terrified of what I'll see
My nose burns from the scent of death
That seems to linger on in this place.
Peering over the side I'm soo terrified
As I realize that I'm staring at my own face
vThat's my hair, brushed back
My eyes wired shut in an eternal sleep
Those are my lips placed in a perpetual smile
At least I'll look happy for a little while
My hands, so cold, so clammy
I gingerly hold one up amazed to see them
Startled by the fading make up surrounding
the Long diagnonal slashes down my wrist
That must be how I died
Must be why so many cried
Can't they see
How happy death has
Allowed me to be.
Don't cry I want to say
GIve them a hug, let them see
That it's me over there, it's me filling the air
I'm finally free, don't cry anymore.
I begin to float away
Vanishing before my eyes
As finally I've realized
Death has taken me.
Back to Top
Standing halfway out the door
Not sure what I've been living for
Should I stay or should I go
How the hell am I supposed to know
Take the gun, place it near my head
Wondering what it feels like to be dead
Pulls the trigger, click click, the barell's empty
Another mistake and now I'm reduced to being me.
Back to Top
To you I have gladly given my life
For you I'd take the pain of Juliet's knife
I don't expect the same of you
All I want is for you to be true
Just you're simple honesty
When I ask do you love me
Back to Top
Another empty bottle
Another wasted day
Chose the wrong path to follow
Now with my dreams I must pay
My eyelids are heavy
But not for mere sleep
For once I pay the taxes life levies
Into an eternal rest I'll seep
Start of the fresh new day
With a full bottle and a clean glass
Just the same as I did yesterday
With a little less sass
I'm dying I know
I'm killing myself it's tru
But I know I must go
It's something I must do
TOo tired to argue
Too tired to cry
Just know that I love
If I never get to say good bye
Back One Page
Back to Page oneof my poetry.
Note: ** denotes newest additions.
Drowning***
You***
Mistake of Life***
Realization of Death****
Untitled*** (Note, this is an unfinished peice of work)
Surrendering***
Grey Stone***
The Pain of Life***
The Lost Soul ***
Races Ran***
Empty Shores***
Blindness**
Sweet Naivete**
Judgement Day
Time's Reign
Beauty
Inhibitions
Before Meeting You
Rain
Meeting on Street
Anguish of a Murder
Emptiness
Heart and Mind
Missing You
Darkness
True Love
Before we Met
Judging me before you get to know me
You say I'm condemned to hell;
I'd like to know how you can tell.
According to your beliefs
Only God can cause that grief.
Because you deem me, see me different;
You think you can call me a misfit.
I may not Share all you declare
To be your creed; I still share
With you a common race-
I'm human, look me in the face;
You claim to live by a long list of rules;
But those you believe you, are only fools.
Every creed you say you take
I've often seen you privately break.
The code by which I live my life
Way shorter than yours, with less hype;
I follow more than you,
To my own rules I am true.
So you assert to be all chaste
Shouldn't make such claims in haste.
Your own God says do not judge
From His standards do not budge,
Every day, while you put on a pious face
Your hidden sins leave a dark dark trace,
While you point the finger at me
You still aren't all you pretend to be.
Put your prejudiced opinions away
Only the Seated One has a say
On Judgment Day.
Back to Top
The rain of Time
Slowly falls-
Dripping, Dripping, Dripping
Down.
Tumbling, plunging down the shiny iron
If a glorious Youthful Dream that is
New, strong excited and pure.
Cruelly time's water strips
The Excitement, the Youth.
Corroding, Corrupting the Purity.
Erasing the durable lustrous silver.
Into a ruddy red Rust
Chipping away at the Hope
Puddling and rusting all chance
For the dream to exist
Thus, ruined is the dream's reality
Under Time's constant rain
Drip, Drip, Drip . .
. Back to Top
Beauty creates
the Worst Hypocrisy.
A ornate shell is She
Encasing an emptiness
Where only dust
Seems to settle
As the wind blows through.
All rush to choose Her
For her splendor
For her glory,
Yet none cherish Her,
Pride Her through her years
As her decorative shell
Is chipped, broken, and torn.
None choose her to invest
Their precious gems.
The homely one, though,
Humble, quiet, and shy,
Holds bright jewels of her own
Sparkling within, along with
Those valuables of others.
Intellect, kindness, and meekness
Always a helping hand,
she loans out space in her shell
To hide another's secrets freely.
Her qualities, never dirtied,
Never Soiled by Age
Always remain cherished,
Loved until the end of Time.
Back to Top
Each day, as I gaze
Longingly upon your face,
I whisper silently to myself:
"Why, why can't you see
For each other, how
Perfect we'd be?"
As the night dawns
Visions of you and I torment
My mind, all through
The cloak of Darkness.
When again you are near;
I pretend these never occur
That your friendship is all I really desire.
"Can't you see I want, I need,
I long for more, Oh for so much more?
My, oh so dear gentleman,
How I do long for you
With your kind voice
For me to sweetly endear
With your courtly lips,
Mine I long you to caress
"Can't you see that it's you
I desire whole heartedly?
How I do enjoy the pleasure
Of basking in you sweet attention
And when another dares to steal
A small slice of you
A rage of hurt wells up
Inside the walls of my fragile heart.
"Can't you see, that it's really me
who treasures you never endingly?"
Nothing can from me thieve
The hope of having your
Large masculine hands
Mine encase.
Our fingers intertwining
As our hearts interloping.
"Can't you see what a
Great coterie we'd be?"
"Can't you see, my precious Darling,
Can't you see That it's you
I love, I want, I need?
That it's you I yearn
for me to hold?
That it is for your love I
Long to be poured upon my being?
Back to Top
I have often traveled
Along the streets of Paris;
My mind has roamed freely
Through the deep verdant
Thicketed fields of Africa...
But until I met you, I had never
Flown straight toward the sun on the
Wings of a dove.
I often glanced at
The beauty of Nature
Often have I seen the
Majestic mountain tops
Before I met you, though,
I never stop to wonder about the intricate
Structure of a tiny seed
or the rocks silently sitting
On the mountain side.
Many times I have spilt
Words onto a page in various lines
Often trying to burst the bubble
Of Boredom that encased me.
Before I met you, however
I didn't really see
The meaning of the decorated
Pages, nor never did I
Permeate that bubble
I oft have sat alone
Feeling closed in by
The boundaries of my skin;
Locked within the gates
Of my empty mind
Until we met, though
Never could my spirit
Float focused to the
Plateau of Understanding.
My eyes often have fell
Upon the blurry dob Of painted tress
And I have many times
Tread upon Earth's Carpet
But before I met you,
I could never distinguish
The tiny veins
That race a leaf through
Or the tiny abode
of a grey squirrel.
Nor did I stop to see
What a blade of grass
That lay beneath my feet
Was composed of;
Back to Top
I celebrate Rain
Nature's Private Shower
And laugh at those
Who cower
Under their umbrella
While I freely soak
The drops in
Enjoying the feeling
Of them rolling down
My skin
Never do I feel so cleansed
Nor my spirit so pure
And my soul so virgin
When Nature's shower
washes away all my sin;
and I celebrate Rain.
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A Mother's Anguish
Hello; I know you-
Do you know me?
I held you once;
Inside of me-
Still I am;
For you're buried
Deep within my heart
Let me hold you
Just once; In my arms.
Shh, don't cry now
Allow me to comfort you
Wipe your tears away;
Soothe your fears.
I want to sing you to sleep;
But just as I reach to touch you
Someone steals you away.
You wails rip my heart, I cry
Realizing you aren't mine;
Realizing Never could I have back
The one I lost so long ago.
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We never really met, you and I,-
You never had a chance
Yet each day your memory
Haunts me, Torture's me.
You never got to know me-
You never had a chance
But always am I thinking
and dreaming of you;
Regretting my past,
Regretting loosing you.
I never got to hold you-
I never had the chance
Never sung you a lullaby
You were gone before I could
To soothe your fears;
To ease your pain; protect you;
It was all my duty.
But I never fully did my duty-
Though I had every chance
Betrayed your innocence,
Sacrificed your life.
Now I suffer with guilt; knowing
Never once did you cry-
I never gave you the chance.
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Cold metal of knife
slices through my heart
opening up a large gaping hole
No blood comes out,
Nor does any pain enter
Just a large gaping
Empty vacuole Stares back
Tears roll down my cheek
Why?
I don't feel pain.
I'm hurting but it is
Not the pain I should feel.
For so long I've denied myself
The right to feel;
Now there is nothing to
Left for me to loose
Nothing for me to release
Nothing for me to gain.
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Tiny rays of Sunlight
push through the
Thick, Early morning Fog
And I think of You.
The Fog has blanketed
the Ground overnight,
But the rays of Sun
Determined, warm,
Fight through the thickness
And I think of You.
The chilly fingers of the Night
Slowly unwind from the air
As the warm hand of Day ushers in
And I think of You
I think of You
And all you've done
To help me find happiness
And how you're my Sun
I think of You
And the love we share
the Language
Between our hearts
So pure, and so clear
I think of You more
As the day grows on
And I can see the life
The green, beautiful life
The Sun causes to be.
Where once dark Death reigned
A new blade of grass grows
A young Rose blooms,
Thanks to the sun
And I think of You.
Life from nowhere,
Life from nothing,
Comes from on a ray of Light
And I think of You.
Streams flow freely,
Dancing in the light,
Birds happy calls fill the air
And I think of You.
I think of all You have given
And to You all I owe
The happiness to me you've shown
And the love you've helped me grow
I think of You all the time
Of how my heart truly
You do own,
And I wonder what it is
That I did to ever
Have deserved You
In my life
I think of You and how true
My love is, how much of it exists
Feelings I never thought possible
Blooming in what I thought to be
A deadened valley.
I think of You and I know
Beyond anything else
I thank You
And I love You
More than I can show.
I think of You and
I want You to know
It's You and You alone
My heart beats for,
It's You I love,
And You I need.
I think of You
I dream of You
I thank You deeply
But Most importantly
I love You so.
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Everywhere I look, There are reminders of you.
Everything I see; Reminds me of another
Part of you I knew
And it hurts to think You aren't here.
Everyday I think Of something
That with you I'd love to share
But I turn around to see
That you can't be here for me.
Though I know it's not your fault
It doesnt' ease the hurt in my heart
For:
You were my friend when I had no other;
You were there for me when no one cared.
You understood what no one else would.
And now you're gone,
I'm lost without you;
Owe so much to you;
Miss you so much;
And I love you still.
Memories of all we shared,
The past secrets and all the joy
All our unique cares.
The dinners the week ends, and all our stories.
Still such a large part of my life.
I think back to all the times I stumbled
And your strong hands lifted me up.
And I fear my hands weren't
Strong enough to hold you;
That somehow I wasn't able to help you through.
And I never remember saying I love you
For the chances I had were so few;
But somehow I know you knew.
You were just a fleeting cloud in my life
But you influenced me so much.
You were only here for a brief brief while;
It breaks my heart how brief it was
But oh how I enjoyed it so.
You were the hope I had
But you're gone for now
My heart still hold you dear
Your memory is so clear
And even though I can't see you
Your prescence still feels near.
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Tears form in eyes-
But I don't my want to cry
Just want to die!
What's wrong with me-
What is it you can't see?
Mind is fried;
Eyes have dried
From all the tears I've cried
My heart has died.
Please just close your eyes
Put your empty words away
Watch me slowly fade away.
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I love you more
Than I culd ever say
Love you more than ever
Could I show
My words are inadequate,
My actions never are enough
To express what my heart
Speaks every time you're near
But I have no need to say
Anything at all;
For as I try to speak
What my heart is singing
I can feel your heart
Humming the same tune.
And when we're together
And all is silent around us
Listen closely and you'll hear
What my mouth struggles to say
Coming from my heart and your's.
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Not long ago
I was drowning
In a sea of woe
You lent me your hand
And your heart
I ended up giving
With what I thought I'd never part
You own my being
I love you so
I keep on thinking
I'll somehow make you go
And leave me alone
Yet you stay with me
Holding my hand
Telling me you'll with me forever be
Trying to make me understand
You've soothed my fears
And you've held me
Wiped away my tears
And though we've not met
I know it's you I will always love
No matter what comes up
I will you forever love.
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Blindness is a blessed bliss
A gift that allows true love to exist
Closing you're eyes to another's sin
Hoping not to hurt again
Denying yourself the right
To defend against fright
Because you know the pain of light
The heart breaking never ending agony of sight
So you allow the trespass go on for one more day
Because you really want him/her to stay
Until you wake up one day too late
Find yourself standing at that gate
Life or Death only you can make that choice
says a deep dark, hidden voice
Open your eyes and live
Find someone deserving of your heart to give
Or in a permanent darkness stay
And you may only live one more day
But life has so much to offer
You don't deserve to suffer
To yourself you must be true
Don't let fear of hurt guide you
You've had enough through your years
No more bruises, tears, or fears
Open your eyes, enjoy the sunlight
And forever be free from your fright.
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I woke alone
Awakened by the ringing phone
I thought it was a joke,
Maybe you'd gone out for a smoke
Then I realized you weren't coming back
And I began to slowly crack
Crying, and sobbing, hoping it wasn't true
I know you could never be so cruel.
Leaving me stranded
Our love abandoned.
My soul I gave to you;
My emotions, raw, naked bare
My trust too, even putting away my fears.
I was impressed too by all you gave
You're listening ear, caring hands
That me from depression saved
But it was all false, all a lie
The love I had falling like the tears I cry
You acted as though you cared
Even after my inner demons I shared
Pretended you loved me and I believed
Can't believe I was so naive
I allowed myself for the first time to feel.
And I can't believe I love you still.
Hoping you remember me and love me too
Though my friends say you've another lady with you.
But to me, it does not matter, not even a bit
Because I love you to their pressures I won't submit
But I don't want you to come back if you want another
All I ask of you is for you to be happy forever
For your happiness is all I care about
Though you hurt me, without doubt
You mean more than I can say
So despite yearning for you every day
I free you of responsibility
On my account don't feel guilty
Have fun, live life, know I'm too messed up to do so.
You're too young to be denied these rights though
But though you left I'll always be here for you
Because my love is true.
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Looking out across the empty shore
Wondering what I'm living for
Tired of all the pain
Tears falling down like rain
Wondering, what's to gain
By staying alive, so I wander out into the sea
Relaxing as the depths cover over me
The waves lapping over my crumpled body, my heart so sore
As I lie, peaceful on the ocean floor
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You promised you'd always care
Prmised you would always be there
As you ran your fingers through my hair
And I believed every promise you made
The pain I'm left with is the price I paid
A ne'er ending pain that doesn't ever fade
My heart ripped from my chest, lies bleeding in your hands
My soul now void of love,joy, emotion, I've no friends
That I know, because I gave into all your demands
I've lost my ability to be human
Gave it to you, hoping for a wedding band
Gave everything, but I lost even more than I had
False love and crazy ideas
A gold that tarnished
And a large gaping empty soul
That's what I recieved in return
While I gave a flame that eternally burns
But the flames only burn me, I've learned.
Now my body covered with the scars
In my heart fears resides, my face drowned in tears
And I know forever my heart will be marred
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I run in a race
Which no one else participates
Just my memories and me
The past only I can see
I run faster and faster
But the memories are the master
Of me and dominate teh trail
I know I will only fail
But still I try
And still I cry
Lost along the way
Noticing darkness always
Triumphs over the day
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I can't believe it's true
But the words in the
Cold Grey Stone prove
All my dreams to be fantasy
The deep engravings
Arguing your existence
The dates etched in stone
So I know your gone
As I tell the rock
Things I usually tell you
I begin to cry.
Tears stream down my face
As I wish I could take your place
Deep beneath the ground
Wish I weren't around.
I wish I could you embrace
Or just see your face
One more time
Wished I could have said good bye
I hate that you are gone,
Home is no longer home
I've lost all substance
In life
Reduced to arguing with
This cold grey stone.
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The pain of life
Cuts like a knife
Through the fibers of the soul
Leaving a empty gaping hole
Where once rested a heart
That allegedly played a part
In Love
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Taste the metallic barrel
Of the cold grey steel
The hollow center leading
To a bullet, pointed and waiting
For my surrender.
Trigger is ready, gun is cocked
All is set, my finger grows heavy.
My mind is tired, my soul is weary
My heart has become dilapidated
All the world is waiting
For my surrender.
The path I've taken has came
To a cold abrupt dead end.
The rocks that interrupted
My life every so often
Finally cruelly stabbed my heart
As I lay waiting
To surrender.
I feel my finger slowly slide
Further and further back
as I begin to say a final prayer
"Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
My body is empty, ready to go under
Unto the pain I gladly surrender
Take my soul
Place it into the deeply dug hole
Do not cry for me
Open your eyes and see.
Death is not some punishment
But an achievement
For the soul so weary,
And eyes so teary
No longer will I for love hunger
For My life I have surrendered"
The blood trickles like a stream
From my wounded body
As I lay, closed eyed and asleep
Relaxed and finally happy
For I have surrendered.
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Tonight I'm going to drown all the sorrows
Not think about my pain until tomorrow
All the regret, hurt and the empty lies
All the torture that came with your good bye.
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I walk slowly down the never ending aisle
Matching my pace to the somber music all the while
A terror steadily grows within my being
As I march, march, march to the organ's pulse
The long silver eternal bed lies now directly in front of me.
CLose my eyes, I'm terrified of what I'll see
My nose burns from the scent of death
That seems to linger on in this place.
Peering over the side I'm soo terrified
As I realize that I'm staring at my own face
vThat's my hair, brushed back
My eyes wired shut in an eternal sleep
Those are my lips placed in a perpetual smile
At least I'll look happy for a little while
My hands, so cold, so clammy
I gingerly hold one up amazed to see them
Startled by the fading make up surrounding
the Long diagnonal slashes down my wrist
That must be how I died
Must be why so many cried
Can't they see
How happy death has
Allowed me to be.
Don't cry I want to say
GIve them a hug, let them see
That it's me over there, it's me filling the air
I'm finally free, don't cry anymore.
I begin to float away
Vanishing before my eyes
As finally I've realized
Death has taken me.
Standing halfway out the door
Not sure what I've been living for
Should I stay or should I go
How the hell am I supposed to know
Take the gun, place it near my head
Wondering what it feels like to be dead
Pulls the trigger, click click, the barell's empty
Another mistake and now I'm reduced to being me.