Title: Illusions Of A Princess Author: mocha_queen Rating: R (but a later chapter will be pushing NC-17) Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. All of it belongs to those whose names appear on screen. Spoilers: Season 2-I Can't Get Started, mostly. Author Note(s): Feedback greatly appreciated. Not demanded (because I don't like that), but greatly appreciated. Helps the ego, helps the muses. This story is written with changing POV. Each chapter is a new POV. Switches between Jess and Rory. Summary: Rory and Jess begin a 'relationship.' Will Jess be able to change Rory's mind or will she stay with her first love? (Literati.) Rory-On My Mind Ever since the kiss at Sookie's wedding I can't get enough of him- feeling his lips on mine, feeling his hands caress my back. I can't forget it. I want him. I need him. I need to feel him. But there's a problem. I have a boyfriend. Good ol' dependable Dean. It would kill him if he found out about the visions of Jess that I've been having. Naked Jess. Kissing Jess. Everything about Jess turns me on. I can't help it. I need Dean, though, in a different way than I need Jess. I need Dean to keep me grounded. He's my rock. He's safe, and innocent, and I don't want to lose it. I like having one stable thing that I can fall back on. He's what keeps me from jumping Jess when I see him. This is so hard. I hate lying to Mom. I hate lying to Lane. I hate lying to Dean. And I hate lying to myself. For months I've created the illusion that I didn't feel anything for Jess. But when he came back from New York, all the feelings came rushing back and I kissed him. Now, I can't stop thinking about it. Its night and I'm lying in bed reading his book- "A Farewell to Arms." He has notes written in the margins. It's the window to his soul. He has this hard exterior, but from the notes in the books, I can tell he loses himself in the story. I'm killing myself reading his words. Somehow, every note I read, I relate to us. Wherever I go, I can't stop thinking about him. I need to get out, out of this house that is now suffocating me. I scribble a note to my Mom and head out. It's colder out than I thought and I regret leaving my jacket on the chair. But I know I won't be cold for long. I know that I'll see him on the bridge, and I know the sight of him will make me feel too hot, even for clothes. I step onto the wooden planks and he looks up as he hears my heels tapping on the hard surface. He nods at me as I sit beside him. We sit in silence. No words ever need to be spoken between us. The silence is comforting. The silence is my barrier because at the sound of his voice I'll melt and he'll be able to mold me. I feel warmer already. Maybe it's his body heat radiating towards me, or maybe it's just me getting turned on by the sight beside me. The thought of us doing things that we shouldn't enters my mind again and I shudder to try and push it to the back of my mind. In my room, alone, these feelings are okay. But here, with him, these feelings are definitely forbidden. He places his hand on mine. An innocent gesture on his part, but the contact sparks my already raging hormones and I have the intense desire to kiss him. But I refrain, knowing that it's wrong. "How's the book?" he asks. His words stop my mind from functioning. "Hmm?" "A Farewell to Arms." "It's good," I reply. I read every note you write and analyze it in every possible way till I figure out what you really meant. I don't tell him this. I never will. I'm scared to admit my feelings for him. I don't want to ruin peoples' illusion that I'm the town's good girl. That's what I've been my whole life. I've always been the princess. I can't screw up. I have to be perfect. Why? Because that's what everyone wants me to be. I think that's half the reason I'm drawn to Jess. He's everything I shouldn't be. Everything I want from him, I shouldn't want. He's forbidden, and that's what makes it fun. He looks me in the eyes and suddenly I'm on fire. His gaze tears into mine, and I see the desire in his eyes. He wants me, but not nearly as much as I want him. His hands cup my face, and I move so my body is facing his. My hand reaches to the back of his head and I start playing with his hair. The contact is burning me. All rational thought is out the door when my lips come crashing down on his. His hands immediately grab me. He doesn't want to let me go again. I don't want to run from him again. I move my hands all over his body as we kiss. The kiss is intense, breath taking, even. It's so different than Dean's kisses. I fall into him, and he pulls me down so he's lying back against the bridge while I lie on him. We can't stop kissing. We can't stop touching. All the pent up sexual tension is released in this very moment. No one is here to judge, to think, to analyze. Right now, it's all about lust. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jess- Analyzed to Death We kiss. It's amazing. It's better, more intense than the first. I pull her down with me. I can't think straight with her on top of me. The only thing going through my head is my craving for her. I don't know how she does it, but with one look, I'm nothing. Nothing matters when it comes to her. When it comes to her, all logic is out the door. This is totally unlike her. But then again, maybe it is just like her. She's trapped. I can see it, but I'm the only one who can. She's trapped in the town's illusion of her being this perfect princess. I know she's trying to escape the illusion. I know I'm the only one who can help her. I pull her harder against me. The contact we have now isn't nearly enough. I want to pull her clothes off and take her right here. I want to be inside her. But I know I can't. I can't wreck her, no matter how much I want to. Not yet, anyway. I pull her off me. One more second and I would have lost control and surrendered my body to hers. But it's not the time for it. Our time will come, I can feel it. She's hurt that I stopped but relieved at the same time. I can tell she's conflicted. I want to make things easy on her, but I'm not sure if I can with out killing myself. She makes up her mind to go- a wise decision. She gives me a pleading look telling me not to breathe a word of this to anyone. I won't, not only because she said so, but because I don't want to say anything about this. I don't want to spoil the princess. Some things are better left in the dark. She turns to leave. She makes it to the end of the bridge before running back and giving me one last mind blowing kiss before running off again. I'm left here, remembering everything about her. The way she felt on top of me, the way her lips felt against mine, the way her hands moved, and the sounds she made when I touched a sensitive spot. I finally get up and go back to Luke's. It's not quite home yet, but it's close. I lie on my bed and read. I lose myself in a book that I know she'll like. I leave notes for her, cryptic ones, because I know she'll try and figure them out to figure me out. My life's story is in these books if you look closely enough. I know she does. Gives new meaning to the phrase 'she can read me like a book'. I think about her. Thoughts I shouldn't have. A cold shower sounds all of a sudden appealing. Instead, I pull my wallet out from my pocket and pull out the condom inside. I set it on the bedside table, hoping I won't have to use it. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't force Rory into sex, and I intend to keep that promise. But thinking about our recent activities, we might go too far and need it. I put the condom back in my wallet. Her mother would not be happy with a pregnant daughter. I had it for Shane. God, Shane. I didn't even think about her. She doesn't matter. She is just a distraction. Thinking about Rory drove me crazy so I got a toy to play with. Me and Shane will never be anything more than casual partners. I make up my mind to break it off with her tomorrow, not like it will matter to her, she'll just move on to the next guy. I remember Rory has a boyfriend. I don't think she broke up with him. I'd bet on the fact that I'm her guy on the side. Sadly, I'm okay with that, for now. I get the perks, but I don't have to deal with all the relationship crap. She's only hurting herself in seeing Dean and making out with me at night. I finally give up on trying to analyze everything about us and I fall asleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rory-Longing For Your Touch I wake up in a sweat. I'm still having those steamy dreams about Jess- the ones that leave me breathless and wanting more. Once I am awake, I remember the events of last night. I can still feel his lips on mine and the way he made me feel. I still have a boyfriend. I haven't broken up with Dean, I never will, I'll string him along till it's too late. Till a time when no matter what I do, everyone will get hurt. I know it's wrong, but so is everything I'm doing now. I'm starting not to care. I know I should, I've been raised to be sweet, but at times like this, I wish I wasn't. I wish I could be with Jess without all these complications. Mom pulls me over to Luke's. I'm reluctant to go. I know he'll be there. I know my mom will notice my face go red when I see him. She'll ask questions and I won't know how to answer them. I should tell her. But my Jess infatuation is better left unsaid. Jess watches me walk into the diner. He serves us coffee with out a word and continues to read. I keep my eyes on him the whole time. I can't stop looking at him. Mom notices that I'm distracted and I say I'm tired. I'm not going to tell her that I'm looking at Jess and thinking about how badly I want him. If I didn't have to be perfect, I'd take him right here. He looks at me between pages, and I quickly turn away. Even though I know he knows I'm staring, I still don't want to be caught. I watch him scribble in the book. I need that book. I want to know what happens next in his life. It's my only way of getting inside of his head. When my Mom leaves, he comes to sit in front of me and throws the book on the table. I pick it up- "The Fountainhead." I smile briefly and put it in my purse to read later. We sit in silence again, the sexual tension is building. We can both feel it. But we can't do a thing about it. Not here, at least. I finally get up the nerve to look him in the eye. I try to convey how sorry I am for all of this, but I'm not sure my point got across. In order for him to really understand, I'll have to tell him, but I can't. I'm scared of what he'll think. I see Dean across the street heading for Doose's. I give Jess a quick glance before getting up to meet my boyfriend. He catches my arm as I reach the door. I stare at his hand on my wrist, my eyes travel up his well toned body up to his eyes. His head moves closer to mine, maybe he'll kiss me, but I know better. He whispers in my ear. "Calm down, everyone will see right through you. I won't bring this up, but if you ever need to talk, you know were to find me." His lips graze my ear and I start to melt into him. He steadies me, placing his hands on my shoulder. His touch burns, in the best way possible. I feel more alive than ever. "I'll see you later," I whisper back, trying to secretly seduce him. I can see he's fighting for control. We both are, but we can't give into our instincts now. I run out the door to catch up with Dean before I do something I'll regret. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jess- Always Running From Me I watch her run off to her boyfriend. It kills me to see them together. Not only because he gets to touch her, but because he doesn't deserve her. They don't fit, they have nothing in common. But in the eyes of Stars Hollow, he is her perfect match. He's the boy next door- sweet, caring, loving. Ideally, they fit perfectly. But that's not what she needs. She needs someone who can match her word for word and battle with her. She needs some one to ground her, but let her loose and let her feel what it's like to live. She needs someone to show her the world. She needs me. And I need her. I resist her urge to punch something when I see them kiss. Luke notices the frustrated look on my face. He sympathizes, everyone except Lorelai can see Luke's love for her. It's hard to tell who has it better. I get to touch Rory, but I know it can't go anywhere, on the other hand, he doesn't get tempted and seduced only to be let go at a moments notice. I shrug, trying to tell him it means nothing. He doesn't buy it and I go on my break. I go to the bridge. It's my sanctuary from this little town, no one bothers me there. I try to clear my head, get some perspective on the situation I'm in now. But I just end up going crazy. Thinking about her just makes me more confused. I lie back and try to sleep. I didn't get much sleep last night. I was too busy daydreaming about her. I'm half asleep when I hear someone one on the bridge, I try to ignore who ever they are. The footsteps stop beside me, I can hear someone sit down next to me, but I don't feel like opening my eyes because that would ruin the picture of Rory in my mind. The person doesn't go away, and I'm about to open my eyes when I feel her lips on mine. I suspected it was her, no one else would come sit beside me, but I was still surprised. Surprised at her boldness, it was still light out, last I checked, and the residents of Stars Hollow were running around. I give up on rational thought and kiss her back. My hands move to the back of her neck to pull her closer to me. She tries to smile at my move but can't as her lips are enclosed in mine. She pulls away from me and I expect her to get up and run away as usual, but she puts her head on my chest and curls up next to me. She starts talking and I let her, knowing she needs to get things off her chest. "I'm sorry. For everything. For stringing you along. You don't deserve it and I don't know why you put up with it, with me. I just.. I can't help it. You turn me on, Jess," she admits quietly. "God, I hate having to be the princess." I smile at her confession. I know all this. I think about confessing my feelings to her, but I can't. I was never good with this emotional crap. I learned long ago that to avoid being hurt, you have to cut your self off. I've been good at not letting my emotions get to me, that is, until I saw her. "It's okay," I whisper, stroking her hair. "I'm here. If you need me, I'm here." "Thanks, Jess," she says, getting up. I wrap my arms around her to keep her by me. I'm not ready to say goodbye to her yet. Hell, I never want to see her go. Not that her backside isn't good to look at, I'd just rather be looking into her eyes and kissing her. She looks at me, pleading to let her go. She's feeling guilty about being here. Maybe she had made plans with Dean. I sigh and let go of her. I make no move to kiss her goodbye. Kissing her would be the end of my control and I'd never let her leave. She leans back over me and gives me a hard kiss, full of emotion. I'm slow to react. She's continuously taking me by surprise. By the time I get my hands around her, she pulls away. She walks backwards, slowly, her eyes still staring into mine. Once she reaches the soil, she turns and runs away. She's always running away, but I'm always waiting when she wants more. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rory- Giving Into Instinct I should stop running from him. It's like instinct. As the princess, it's my job to run from something bad, and well, Jess is bad. I don't know why I stopped there. I was walking home to change before going out to meet Dean, again. I look at my watch and realize I was supposed to meet him five minutes ago to see a movie. Why did I stop to see Jess? Dean is going to be mad, and he has every right to be. I stopped to kiss Jess. I want to scream. This whole situation is so frustrating. I see Dean waiting in front of the theatre, he looks mad and I cringe. I don't want him to be mad. I try to kiss him but he turns away. "You're late," he simply states. "Where were you? You said you were just going home to change, and I gave you plenty of time. Where were you?" I quickly thought up a plausible lie. "Mom. She needed help with Inn stuff, letters and stuff, stuff that requires more brains than she has." Dean looks satisfied at my answer and gives me a kiss on my cheek. When he kisses me, my thoughts immediately go to Jess. I know it's wrong, but I don't care because all I want to do right now is kiss Jess, but instead I'm kissing Dean and thinking about Jess. I bring my hands to his back and pull his body closer to me. Thinking its Jess, I'm surprised when he quickly pulls back and looks stunned. I realize the mistake I've made. Dean and I had always agreed on taking it slow, and I never forced anything. It was Dean, if anyone, who deepened the kiss. "Okay," he said, surprised at my actions. "You feeling alright?" "Yeah, I'm fine," I lie, swinging my arms back and forth to keep me distracted from the image of Jess in my head. I wish Jess were right here, right now, holding me, kissing me. I imagine his hands running up my body, and his mouth on mine, and his tongue dueling with mine. I try to regain some sort of composure before looking at Dean again. "Movie?" "Well, since we've missed the beginning of 'Swim Fan,' you wanna see something else instead?" "How about 'One Hour Photo?'" I asked. He wanted to see 'Swim Fan,' and I reluctantly agreed. But now I could finally see 'One Hour Photo.' "I don't really want to see that," he said. Oh, and like I wanted to see 'Swim Fan?' Maybe he doesn't know me as well as I thought. "Oh," I reply. I'm stuck. I don't know what to do now. "How about you go see 'One Hour Photo,'" he suggests. "And I go back to work. I'm taking an extended break right now, anyway, and Taylor would love to have me back." I try to look sad for him. "I guess," is my reply. Although, I'm excited that he's not going to be there. This way, I can think about Jess and not have to hide from Dean. "I'll see you later then," he kisses me goodbye. "Yeah," I whisper after he's gone. I go up to the teller and ask for a ticket. "Make that two," a voice says behind me. I smile. It's Jess. He pays, being the sweet gentleman he is. "But you're getting popcorn and drinks," he says. I splurge, getting most every kind of junk food available. "Luke will have a heart attack," he jokes. "I'll eat a vegetable in his memory," I reply, pulling him and the treats to take our seats. We sit in the back row, far away from the only other person who is sitting in the front. The previews start and he's whispering to me, not caring about what movie comes out next summer. Personally, I like the previews, but I'd much rather talk to Jess. "Why isn't Dean here?" he asks. I shrug. He doesn't need to hear about me and Dean. I can see it, it kills him, and I don't want to be responsible for any more pain to him. But one look in his eyes makes me blurt out everything. He comforts me by wrapping an arm over my shoulders. I feel safe in his arms, safer than I've ever felt before. I feel a little guilty over this, but this feeling is too good to care. The movie starts and I pig out on junk food, nestled in the crook of his arm. I try to absorb myself in the movie. It doesn't work. All I can think about is the guy sitting next to me. I want to feel his hands roaming my body. I give up on the idea of actually paying attention to the movie and turn to stare at Jess, who appears to be interested in the movie. As if he felt my gaze on him, he turns to me. I play my game again and look away. I hear him 'giggle' at my childish behaviour. I roll my eyes and smack him lightly on the arm for laughing at me. He softly hits me back, and it turns into an all out war. The man in the front glares at us to be quite. We giggle, and settle down into out seats, breathing heavily from our war. We are wrapped up in our own little world, looking into each other's eyes. His eyes make him a mystery. One look at Jess in the flesh and you see a delinquent, who's calling out for attention. But when I look into his eyes, I see more, I see his troubled past and his explanation for it all. I make the move and kiss him. He pulls back, telling me we're in a public place. "We're in a dark theatre, with a guy I haven't seen before, no one will know," I bat my eyelashes to seduce him. It works as we fall back into our own little world. His hands run from my head to waist and he plays with the hem of my top. I trust him not to undress me in a public place. He moves his hands underneath my shirt and maps out the skin on my back. I completely give into him, having never been touched like this before. His hands move out from under my shirt and trails downward until he's cupping my ass, then he moved his hands even lower to stroke the back of my thighs. I groan, loving the tingles I get from his touch. I've never been more aroused and I realize that I won't be able to live with out this feeling. I crawl onto his lap, not breaking the kiss. I want to return the favour of arousal. The problem is I don't have any experience in trying to turn a guy on. I give into instinct and let my hands take over. My hands trace over the flat plane of his stomach, making him shiver. I like the response and move my hands up to his chest. I play with his nipples with my fingers and he groans. Pulling my hands out, I move to unbutton his shirt to get better access. I break the kiss so I can see what I'm doing. His eyes stay closed as he moves to my touch. "Rory," he moans as I place kisses all over him. "Rory. Stop," he says. I'm confused, did he not enjoy it? Not being an expert, I have no idea. Heck, I don't know where any of that came from. I'll blame it on pent up sexual tension. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jess- Love Sick Fools I came here to escape her. It didn't go as planned, but it turned out so much better. I don't think she knows how much she turns me on. Just kissing her makes me hard. Hell, sometimes seeing her makes my pants seems smaller. She has no idea what's she's doing to me now, running her hands and lips over my chest. I want to taker her right here, but there are so many reasons why I can't. I tell her to stop. It's my turn to drive her crazy. I grin because she's so cute when she's confused. I pull her back towards me and place kisses along her jaw line. I can tell she's smiling when she turns her head to the side to give me better access. I pull her closer and bring my mouth to the side of her neck. I can feel her pulse on my lips as I moisten her neck. I gently suck on the exposed skin. She pulls away when she realizes what I'm doing. "If you give me a hickey people are going to find out. I can't deal with that yet," she states. I nod and move to place kisses down her shoulder and move to the swell of her breasts. She groans and tries to press up closer against me. I push her back slightly because I need room to work my magic. Raining kisses over her face, my hands move back under her shirt and start to fondle her breasts. She cries out my name. It's amazing how much pleasure I can give her with a few simple touches. In all honesty, she can do the exact same thing to me. I bring her lips back to mine. My tongue dances around her lips, requesting access into her mouth. She opens her mouth, letting me in. Our tongues dance together. I pull her body onto mine as I recline in the chair. I could stay here forever kissing Rory Gilmore. I know I can't, though. We hear some guy saying something and we break apart. It was the man in front telling us the movie was over. I look up at the screen only to see the credits rolling by. Rory's face turns red as she blushes and hides her face on my bare chest. The man shakes his head, trying to understand today's youth. "We should go," I whisper. She gets off of me and I button my shirt back up. She remembers what she did and immediately apologizes. "I don't know what came over me. I've never acted like that before. I didn't know what I was doing. I just gave into instinct. And oh, God. That is so not me," she cries. I pull her into my arms. "It's ok. If it makes you feel any better, your instinct was good." Her head snaps up. I could tell she was worried about her performance. "You liked it?" "I loved it," I say, with out thinking. She smiles. Picking up the leftover candy and straightening herself out, she goes leaving me alone in the theatre. After a quick brush off, I, too, get up and leave. That Rory Gilmore will be the death of me. Whenever I'm around her, I can't think straight. This doesn't happen to me. I'm usually very calm and cool around women. I'm not easily smitten, which is why my feelings for Rory scare me. I've never felt like this about someone before. I never trusted anyone this much before. I take my time getting back to the diner. My shift has already started, but I'm not ready to go back to the real world. I like my Rory world that I've created. I slowly make it back to the diner where I will have to converse in the bare minimum of small talk and serve food and drinks to people I can't stand. But there's the off chance that she might show up. That's enough motivation for me to go back to the diner. She's my motivation for everything. I crammed for finals to pass so that next year I can impress her with how well I do. It's always for her. It's why I came back to this small town. Luke grumbles at me when he sees me walk in. I pay no attention to him and pick up the coffee pot and start to refill the empty cups. The coffee reminds me of Rory and how much I miss her already. But how could coffee not remind me of Rory? She drinks like five cups a day, and even that may be an understatement. I'm busy reading when she walks into the diner with her mom. Our eyes meet and she blushes, remembering our earlier encounters. I can hear the distance voice of Lorelai asking for coffee, but I pay not attention. "Jess, can I talk to you," she asks, quietly, pointing upstairs. I nod and follow her up. I want to take her hand to help her up the stairs, but I know everyone will notice. "You look nice," I say. She's in a navy dress that makes her look unbelievably sexy. "Thanks," she replies. "I'm going out to my grandparent's tonight. If you want to stop by later and hang out." I nod. I know what she means. After a dinner with her grandparents, she'll need me to help her forget about it. "Come by my window at midnight," she says. I nod, as she heads for the door. I stop her and push her up against it, pressing my lips to hers. My tongue slides into her mouth and she moans, pulling me closer to her. She breaks away and runs out the door, short of breath. I watch her run away. Tonight. In Rory's room. Alone. This could be a problem. If ever I needed to keep my self control, tonight would be the night. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rory- Hiding From Those You Love I run down the stairs, breathing hard. Kissing Jess always leaves me like that. Mom stares at me, wondering what I was doing. "Running up and down stairs is very tiring," I answer, walking out to the car. I want to tell Mom everything, mostly about Jess. I want to share it with her. I share everything with her. But no matter how much I want to talk to her about my current situation, I can't. She won't understand. She tries to be the 'cool mom,' but she won't be cool about this. Jess is everything she doesn't want for me, and in order for me to be able to see Jess, I can't tell Mom. The car is quiet on the way over. Our usual banter is gone, there isn't even a fuss over ringing the doorbell. Mom just rings it. She can tell something is wrong. I can tell she's hurt that I won't share it with her. But knowing will hurt her more. I plaster a smile on my face when Grandma answers the door. I don't want to be here. I'd rather be with Jess, but I can't skip Friday night dinner with out getting the third degree. I greet Grandpa and we dive into a discussion about Hemingway before dinner. Mom's surprised because she remembers my dislike for the author. I've been reading him lately, for Jess. I think Mom's figured that out, after all, no one else would be able to influence my literary choice. Dinner is ready and I can't wait to stuff my mouth and get out. This night can't be over soon enough. Mom, Grandma, and Grandpa, get into a debate about the running of the Inn. My mind wanders to the dark haired boy waiting for me back in Stars Hollow. I can't wait to touch him. I begin to daydream about heated make out sessions between us. I can practically feel his hands running up my legs. I can feel his breath on my face as he whispers to me. I smile and lose myself in the feeling. "RORY!" Mom shouts. She finally has my attention. My head snaps up to see what she wants. "What wrong, hun? You seem distracted." I try to stop my face from turning red. I can't believe I was just thinking about that, sitting here with my grandparents at dinner. "Just thinking about school stuff." Mom nods, not buying it, and goes back to discussing current events with her parents. I try to pay attention, but I can't keep my mind focused. My thoughts still drift to Jess. I imagine running my hands along his chest and up his arms. I want to feel his mouth on mine. I lick my lips, trying to recreate the sensation of his tongue in my mouth. I close my eyes, trying to remember every detail about him, my body relaxes and I slouch down into my chair. "RORY!" Grandma snaps at me. "Yes?" I ask, smiling weakly. "Are you sure you're okay?" she asks, concerned. I don't want to worry her. But I don't think I can stay here another second without going crazy and moaning in my daydreams. "Actually, I'm feeling a little sick," I lie. I hate lying. "Lorelai, take her home, put her to bed. I don't want her to get sick and have to miss school," Grandma orders. Mom nods, getting up. She knew something was wrong. She knew we better leave before I did something stupid. The daydreams are getting worse. Whenever I'm not around him, I'm thinking about him. Not in the sweet way, but in the 'I wanna get my hands on him' way. I really want to tell Mom. I even come close to blurting it out. But I don't. I can't. It's only ten. Mom makes me go to bed. I either tell her what's up, or go to bed and be sick, as I told Grandma. I choose to be sick, because telling her would make her sick. I unlock the window and pace around the room. 10:05, one hour and 55 minutes left. I grab a book and sit down to read. Its "The Fountainhead," the copy that Jess wrote in. I can't concentrate on the book or his notes. I imagine his strong hands writing the notes, which leads to his hands on me. Frustrated, I fall onto my bed and try to sleep till he comes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ NC-17 Chapter!! Jess- Here’s To The Night Its midnight. I was going crazy sitting around the diner without her. I grab a coat and run out the door and straight over to her house to her window. I look through the clear glass at her sleeping form and smile. Rough night, I guess. I notice the window is half open and slip inside. She doesn’t stir. She’s cute when she’s asleep. Hell, she’s cute no matter what she does. She so innocent when she’s resting, and she looks so relaxed. I don’t want to wake her. I don’t want to disturb the peaceful state she’s in. I know the me-Dean-her thing is confusing. Going against waking her up, I curl up beside her in bed. She moves. I hope I didn’t wake her. But she seems asleep as she presses her back up against me. My arms fall over her body to secure her against me. This is how things should be, minus the sneaking around. It feels so right, her sleeping in my arms. I wish things were like this. I want to kiss her in public. I want to hold her hand. I want to be able to make her blush when I catch her thinking about me. I want to be with her without hiding. I begin to drift off to sleep when I feel her hand grab mine. I open my eyes to see her staring up at me. I smile. An honest smile, none of that cocky shit I pull on other people. I lean down to kiss her. Her hand moves to the back of my neck and starts to play with my hair. I wrap my arms around her and pull her on top of me. She groans. She wants more. She pushes her lips harder against mine and shifts so her pelvis is resting on mine. The added body heat does a good job of shattering most of the control I have. I’m afraid of what might happen if I lose all control. I only hope that she has enough to stop me if I go too far. My lips move to her neck, sucking gently, though, not hard enough to make a mark. Her hands travel down to the hem of my shirt. She traces my abs before pulling off the material. She slides her hands down to my pants. She’s nervous. I can tell. She’s obviously never been in this situation before. I stop kissing her. I look in her eyes and silently ask her permission to undress her. She nods. My fingers move to the back of her dress to find the zipper. I slowly pull it down. She wants this, but she’s still scared. I think she’s scared of what I’ll find. I know she’s not as experienced as I am. She knows I’ve been with other girls. But none were like her. With her, things are different. I move to push the straps of her dress off her shoulder. I kiss the skin where my fingers were dragging the thin strap. The dress easily slides off her body and she kicks it to the floor, leaving her wearing only a bra and panties. She’s looking everywhere but at me. I shake my head, wondering what she’s so worried about. She’s gorgeous. She knows she’s pretty. But I have to show her anyway. I kiss her all over. I try not to leave any inch untouched because I want to make her feel special. I want to show her how much she means to me. I don’t think she’ll ever understand how much I love her, but I have to try to show her. I want to unhook her bra and pull off her undergarments, but I can’t. I shouldn’t. I stop touching her and sit up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. She crawls over to me and drapes her arms across my chest, her breasts press into my back. “What’s wrong?” she asks. I shake my head. “Nothing.” She waits for me to explain. “I don’t want to do something that you’re not ready for.” “I’m ready,” she replies, her voice barely a whisper. “I don’t want to make love to you unless we’re in a relationship that means something,” I try again. Maybe she’ll understand this time. My reasons aren’t only for her, which makes me feel a little selfish. I don’t want to because if I go through with it, I’ll never be able to get over her if she chooses Dean over me. She nods, sadly, trying to understand. But her face doesn’t hide her emotions, she feels hurt, she feels like I don’t want her. But I do. I want her more than anything I’ve ever wanted. I give in. I can’t take the sad look in her eyes. I roll her over and put my hands behind her back to unclasp her bra before pulling it off. I take a nipple in between my thumb and finger and start to massage it. My mouth moves to the other one, and I begin sucking on it. I’m giving her pleasure she’s never felt before. She arches her back, wanting more. I want to give her more, but I shouldn’t. The pleading look on her face breaks down my resolve, I can’t resist her charm. Giving in again, my hand moves down to her waist and plays with the elastic band on her panties before pulling them off. She lays naked before me. The most beautiful person I have ever seen, and at this moment, she’s all mine. Seeing her like this, so vulnerable, I’ve never wanted her more. I want to be inside her. But that won’t happen. I won’t let it. “Jess, I want you,” she cries. Her words shock me, she’s being so bold, and I try to regain some sort of composure. Seeing the desperation in her eyes, my hands move to the heat between her legs and I slowly slide a finger inside her. She’s so wet, and my finger slides right in. I watch her face, waiting to see an implication of displeasure, but there is none. I slowly slide another digit in. Her hips move so my fingers are deeper inside her. I begin to delicately pump up against her. She is soon on the edge. I smile, I like the effect I have on her. I kiss her once more before brining her to her climax. Once she relaxes, I slip my fingers out of her. I can tell she wants to return the favour, but I know she won’t. I pull my shirt back on. I lean over her and kiss her one last time. I put everything into the kiss, and I hope she feels everything I feel for her. I pull away and run out the window. It’s my turn to run, and it’s her turn to watch and wish for me to come back. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rory- Happily Ever After It has been two weeks since the night he was in my room. Two weeks since he brought me more pleasure than I have ever felt. Every time I see him, I want to pull him into the nearest bed. But I can't. I'm still with Dean and no one knows about Jess. He's like a drug, and now that I've had a taste, I'm addicted. We still meet up every chance we get to make out, but we haven't gone as far as we did that night. Lately, he's been the one to run away from me. I hate it. But I deserve it. He wants to be more than my little toy, and he wants to be with me in public. It's killing him, and he's doing his best not to take it out on me. I go to the diner to meet Mom for lunch. I walk in and steal a glance at Jess. A tingle goes down my spine, thinking about all the things he could do to me. The daydreams are more hot and steamy than ever before. Its getting harder and harder to control them. As I said, Jess is my drug. He places some coffee in front of me when he sits across from me at the table. We see my mom across the street and he makes it quick. "Come see me after lunch," he whispers. He gets up to leave, giving my arm a light squeeze as he passes me. I want to touch him back but people are here, and more importantly, Mom is here. The sexual tension between us is at an all time high. Lunch with Mom goes by fast. I'm still distancing myself from her. I don't want to but I have to in order to save her from the truth. She doesn't like that I'm hiding stuff from her, but she's coming to the realization that I'm not her little girl anymore. I'm grown up and I'm old enough to make my own decisions, no matter how stupid they are. Once Mom leaves I run up the stairs to meet Jess who took his break a few minutes before. I open the door to the apartment and head to his room, where I find him reading on his bed. I run over to the bed and pull him into a kiss. He doesn't respond. I try again, but still, I get nothing from him. "I can't do this anymore, Rory," he says, closing his book and sitting up to look me in the eye. This is hurting him, he doesn't want to do this, but he has to, and I don't blame him. "I'm not going to play second string to Dean. I hate to be selfish, Rory, but I just can't do this anymore." He leans over and gives me one last amazing kiss before getting up and heading back to work. I saw it coming. But now that he actually broke it off, I don't believe it. I was stupid to think that, Jess, of all people, would stick around through the hell I put him through. I'm such an idiot. I want Jess, I need Jess. But because of some silly town expectations I have to be with Dean and not the guy who haunts me. Trying to figure it out, I leave the apartment and head to the bridge to be alone. I make up my mind by the time I get there. I'm the town princess. The town has shaped me, they have expectations of me. I can't upset them. Dean is what makes them happy, Dean is my prince, and in their eyes, he is the one I need to be with. I'm going to stay with Dean to make this stupid town feel good. Only now do I realize how much I give up to make sure other people are happy. Only now do I realize just how much of a puppet I am in the play of Stars Hollow. I hate this image I have to live up to. I hate the town's expectations. I hate everything about the situation. I hate being the princess. Just once, I want to be able to live my own life, make my own decisions. But I'm the town princess. Perfect Princess Rory with her perfect Prince Dean, who will live happily ever after. ~end~
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