Lt. Doxstader's Handy Hints

Need tow for your fire starting kit? 
Save dryer lint!

Need an inexpensive natural oil for your firelock? 
Use canola or olive oil!

You can get by on charm for 15 minutes. 
After that you better have a big weenie or huge boobs.

Want to remove surface rust from your gun barrel? 
Try brick dust and olive oil on a piece of tow!

You can not make someone love you.  
All you can do is stalk them and hope they give in.

Can’t run through the woods fast enough? 
Use your belt to secure haversack and shooting pouch straps!
 
No matter how much you care, some people are just assholes.

Want to stay warm as the temperature drops? 
Wear your hat!

It takes years to build up trust. 
It only takes suspicion, not proof to destroy it.

Is your firelock empty and enemy is still advancing? 
Just level the gun in their direction!

You shouldn’t compare yourself to others. 
They are more screwed up than you think.

Want to remain undetected in the woods? 
Lie flat on your back in the brush!

You can keep puking long after you think you’re finished.

Too cold in your bed roll while in tent? 
Sleep next to the fire!

You shouldn’t ditch bad friends. 
Their dysfunction makes you care more about yourself

Lose too many expensive knives during tacticals? 
Leave them in camp!

Want to avoid tripping while advancing? 
Hold your firelock at eye level!

Need to refresh while on a trek? 
Lie flat on your back to rest!

Find yourself behind enemy lines? 
Simply join their rear rank!

Captured by natives? 
Drop to your knees, bark like a dog, and snap at their feet!

Feel like you just don’t fit in? 
Have another beer!

Want your firelock to be loaded on arrival at next post. 
Don’t stand still to load; load on the move!

Can’t figure out what’s going on? 
Just follow the sargeant!

Can’t afford new gear? 
Look up Ken Soule for a Soule Sale!

Feeling low and need a lift? 
Look up Patrick for a good joke!

Need a new knife? 
Be good to Ted!

Brain need tanning? 
See Pete!

Need a good disguise? 
Put on a chemise and petticoat!

Want to sleep in the Ft Klock wicky-up again? 
Donate canvas!

Want to survive Ft. Niagara? 
Don’t eat at Danny’s!

Want to know what’s for lunch? 
Shit sandwiches and we just ran out of bread!

Firelock not going off (click!)?  
Just level your gun in the enemy’s direction!

Pinned down and unloaded?
Roll on your back and re-load!
 
Everyone must believe. 
And I believe I'll have a drink.