Wedding (Much drunken laughter and background chatter throughout entire sketch.) Vim: Rubbing on the knob, hour after hour. Running, running through the night, jab, jab, jab. Soggy, soggy, soggy, gash, gash, bruise, hurt, maim, kill, hurt, sperm, spunk. Running through the streets, your penis dribbling spunk. Saying, I've got to find another girl, I've got to find another one. ALL THESE FUCKERS ARE ALIVE! Shit, blood and... shit pouring off the end of your knob. Shit and blood and spunk and sweat. (Laughter.) Vim: Now, my duties as Best Man include other things than reciting my favourite poetry. Colin: No, no, don't all go! No, the party's not over! Why are you crying? Vim: We've got another bottle of cider! (More laugher.) Vim: It's been an absolutely fucking wonderful party! Buffet, so called! A sausage on a stick more like! Fucking mingy cunts! All your fucking relatives, I fucking hate you all! The fucking groom, he's a cunt! Spider: Get this! Have a look at this one! Vim: Having a wank in front of you all! I don't care, I'm pissed! I'VE TAKEN DRUGS! Colin: No, I thought it was a tremendous speech, really. I know some of the old fuddy-duddies... Spider: Well, thank you! We're very happy to meet Jim's family, and it was a wonderful, very interesting speech... Vim: I'd like to thank the... Colin: Unusual. Spider: ...and I know my daughter's married into the most wonderful family... (Further laughter and garbled, drunken speech. Spider makes shooting noise.) Vim: No, what happens is, after... Spider: And the bridegroom! (Shooting noise) And his fucking mother! (Shooting noise again) And finally... (Noise again) Vim: Then the groom's father stands up and says... Well, thank you for that very funny speech. We all enjoyed it thoroughly. Colin: I think it's time to call the wedding off, and to call the police. Get your coats and leave quietly... Spider: And at the hotel... It's not all your fault, Helen, honestly! It's our new life together. It happened between your family and mine, let's just forget it. Why do you have to bring this up every time, the massacre? It was our wedding and they've ruined it for us, let's forget it. Colin: It was your best man that killed my parents. Vim: Oh, petty, petty, petty! Colin: Well, it bloody well was! (More laughter and garbled speech.) Spider: Don't change the subject! Ever since the massacre, you never take me out anymore! Vim: You don't desire me... Colin: I haven't been able to have a proper orgasm since the massacre.