Part 5

It wasn’t far from her house. Probably only five minutes or so. The closer they got the better Nicholas felt. As the familiar landscape rolled into view, the boy felt his heart hitch a ride on the escalator back to his chest.

Roxanne watched him carefully. His sunglasses were off and his eyes were bright, as was his expression. She didn’t know where they were going, but she trusted him. Every time he turned quickly and smiled, she trusted him even more. Her hands relaxed their grip on her knees and she let her legs slide to the floor. Her headache was softening, her eyes drying, and her stomach was getting itself back in order. It was impossible to stay unhappy when he smiled.

“I found this place the first day I moved here. I was walking around, and almost stepped right on it.”

He let the ignition die and pulled the key. Unbuckling quickly, he opened his door and was at Roxanne’s before she had even unfastened her strap. She pushed open the passenger side door and was almost dragged outside by one of his long arms.

Once she made it outside, she understood his hurry.

**** “Hey, uh…David, right? Listen, come ‘mere for a sec.”

The boy turned from his tug of war for his bag with his locker and faced the voice. Three very large, very *old* seniors were standing in the corner of the hallway. David recognized them from the track team. They usually had practice the same time as football, and usually stood on the sidelines, yelling insults with coach. They liked to make younger kids cringe, and the older ones get so mad that they made mistakes out in the field. They laughed whenever someone got hurt.

All in all, not people you wanted to be stuck alone in a hallway with.

“Getting’ ready for football?” Another one spoke. The largest of the three.

“Looks like it.” David continued to yank his bag, keeping the focus on his blue locker. They *knew* he had practice. They tormented him every damn day.

“We want to ask you something”

He could hear them coming closer. Their footsteps echoed louder on the concrete with each monster step they took. David tried to ignore the fast pace at which they were moving and gave a final tug at his sports bag. It came loose and jumped at him, causing his weight to be thrown backwards. He would have fallen completely over if something hadn’t saved him. *Someone*, rather. A *big* someone.

“Hey…David, buddy…”

*You just want to talk.* David ground his teeth and slowly turned. *Yeah right*.

Yeah, *right*.

**** It was like Heaven.

The car had been parked behind a couple of trees, on a sort of rocky, dirt path. In back and in front of her, sweet smelling pine boarded the road, hiding them. Around her brush – long grass and bushes – sprang up everywhere. She followed Nicholas further down the path, and in seconds the wooded area opened up to a clearing. In the middle of the clearing a lake quietly lapped at a sandy embankment. The only noise, for miles it seemed, was the occasional chirping of a spring bird. It was so quiet, so wonderfully clam. The sun was bright that day, the first nice afternoon after many dismal ones. Even the breeze was light and smelled of clean grass.

“Great, isn’t it?”

Nicholas gazed out across the water; hands shoved in pockets, his back arching as he stretched out the tension from the day. Taking deep breaths, he inhaled the warm air.

“This place is fantastic. I can’t believe one’s ever found it before.” Roxanne walked closer to the water’s edge. Sitting down on the grass, she kicked off her shoes and socks and let her toes dig into the sun-warmed sand. Small stones pricked her feet gently as she swept the sand around in a circle pattern.

“They have.” Kicking some dead leaves off the ground, Nicholas unearthed a foot wide, rusty sign. “Private Property” was scrawled in faded letters. “It was on the ground when I found this place. I don’t see any houses or anything, though.”

“It looks old.”

“Probably is. Just don’t make a lot of noise, maybe there’s a hermit living out here or something.”

Nicholas sat down next to her and grinned. He saw that she was squinting a little from the reflected sun, and took his sunglasses off his head. Reaching around her, he set them on her nose.

His fingers on the back of her neck and ears were cool. She almost jumped at his quick touch, but thankfully, caught herself. As the glasses slipped off her face, she laughed. Putting them back on securely, she looked up at her friend and made a face.

“Are they me?”

“Hold on, don’t move,” Nicholas licked the back of his two index fingers and pushed some hair into place, pursing his lips and looking into the glasses vainly. “Damn, I look good.”

“Shut up!”

Roxanne leaned against him and laughed. He laughed with her, so glad to see that smile again. Leaning down, he picked up a stone and flicked his wrist, sending it careening off the still water. Six ripples. He turned to Roxanne again and pushed his glasses farther up on her nose, causing the girl to wrinkle her face. They laughed again. Together. Happy. With each other.

**** “So uh, we were talking to someone, and he told us that you’re…uh…being a little nosier then you should.”

David was backed up against the row of lockers, two boys on his sides, and one smack in front. His bag had already been ripped from his grasp and thrown some yards away.

“Who the hell are you talking about?”

The three guys chuckled at his brave outburst. They knew as well as he did that there was no way David Levitt was getting out of this situation without a bruising. He was just trying to prolong it, trying to act like he wasn’t afraid.

“You know, we heard things…and someone asked us to help out…”

The biggest of the boys, McEnzie, they called him, leaned a little closer to David and let his mouth curl into a snarl. The two guys on his sides snickered, eyeing each other, passing secret, knowing messages.

“Get out of my *face*.” David inhaled and looked straight at McEnzie. He didn’t know why this was happening, but at least he could take it like a man.

“What?”

“Get the shit –“

He was cut off by the impact of metal and skin. McEnzie had shoved him incredibly hard into the locker, knocking his head against the blue cubby. The world went black for a second, then came back way too bright, spinning around him like a merry-go-round. His head felt like lead and screamed in pain, throbbing.

That’s why he didn’t see the first punch coming.

It hit just below his chest, low and strong enough to knock the breath from his lungs. Crazy red and white fireworks exploded into his vision as his throat scrambled to find air.

Doubling over, David pulled his breath in as quickly as he could. Raising his eyes to his attacker, the boy held his upper stomach with an arm. He was unable to speak, but still in control enough to keep his pained expression to a minimal.

“Listen, you little shit,” McEnzie grabbed David’s shirt collar and yanked him upwards, again slamming the boy’s body against the lockers. “Keep your mouth shut. When I say something, you *don’t* interrupt.”

“We were told to give you a message.” The kid to David’s right grabbed the captive’s arm and held it. “He wants you to stay out of other people’s business.”

The third senior put his hand on David’s shoulder and leaned in. “And keep quiet about…whatever you think is going on.”

“I don’t…” the sophomore squeeze his words out, “I don’t know who you’re…talking about.”

“Come on, kid, *think*!” McEnzie flung David for a third time, maybe figuring he could shake the memory back.

“…Could you…quit that?” David bit down hard, trying to stop the nauseating feeling that was building up inside his stomach.

“What do you…you think you’re *funny* or something, Fag?”

McEnzie knocked David upside the head as he spoke, hitting him by his ears and face. “Shut up. Shut the hell up!”

The second punch was lower, smack in his gut, harder then the first. The third punch came down on his back, knocking David completely to his knees. Two spiked sneakers kicked him in the thighs, digging like tiny nails. One caught him on the shoulder, dragging across with a horrid tearing sound of cloth and skin. Someone’s shoe found it’s way into his face, and kicked him in the jaw. Another punch clobbered him on top of his head, most assuredly rattling his very brain.

The entire beating took less then fifteen seconds, but seemed as thought time had slowed. The clock had stopped, and David was forced to feel every bruise and every bone being stepped on, or punched, or kicked.

“That’ll teach you to open the door when someone’s having a privet conversation. And maybe how to keep that trap of yours shut.”

Wiping his mouth, McEnzie backed away from the crumpled figure. His two partners moved the same way, kicking David’s sports bag at him, laughing when it banged against his head.

“*Fucker*!”

The words and laughter trailed down the hall as the Devil’s Trio headed towards the lobby. David didn’t open his eyes; he didn’t dare, until the noise faded from his ears. Finally, deciding it was time to survey the damage, he picked his head up.

Bad idea. His entire body refused to cooperate the way he wanted it to. His brain told his arms to move quickly, and they responded by sluggishly sweeping across the floor. He yelled at his legs to lift him up, but they did nothing of the sort. They tried, but his weight proved too much for them, and he watched helplessly as they came crashing down underneath. And his head. Oh God, his *head*. Just blinking caused a sharp, stabbing pain to shoot up his temple and through his forehead. Swallowing needed all his concentration, and hurt as his throat worked. He felt sick to his stomach, but figured he’d be too weak to throw up. So he decided to lie there, at least until his body started to help his brain out.

Besides, he could really use a rest. Come to think of it, he was really, really tired. Probably a nice nap would clear his muddled head…yeah…

Sleep.

Blessed, clean, pain free –

Sleep.

“You cold?”

Nicholas looked over at Roxanne. She was watching the sun slide lower on the horizon, holding her arms. The sunglasses had been pushed up on her head, no longer needed for watching the water. April weather changed drastically when the daystar left it’s perch, and soft breezes changed to drafty winds in a hurry.

“Well, not…really. I’m just…”

Her words trailed off as Nicholas knowingly put his jacket over her shoulders. He winked at her as she pulled the sleeves over her arms. He knew.

“Nicholas, I need to ask you something.”

She didn’t take her gaze off the water, didn’t look at him. Now that he was quiet, she could tell him what she’d been planning on saying for a while. Since the first time Mr. Williams had chewed him out. Her words were long overdue, and it was time to let him out the cage she had constructed. Roxanne snuck a short look at the boy, but turned before his eyes found hers. She bet she knew what he was thinking. He was probably deciding the best way to brake it to her, the best way to tell her he was tired of sticking to her like glue. And he *had* been, always there for her, spending more time with her then both her parents combined, giving her rides, and sunglasses, and jackets…He was too good to her, way too nice.

Maybe that was why he was so quiet. He was probably looking over the water to avoid her eyes as much as possible. Calling it quits would be hard for a guy like him.

Today had proved how much she relied on him, how much he protected her. Ever since he came back into class after the hallway incident, trying to smile and pretend everything was a-okay. It had wrenched her heart. He did everything in his power to make her smile, make sure she wasn’t upset. And she repaid him by getting into more trouble, and causing the whole cycle to rotate again. He couldn’t tell her to leave him alone, to give him some peace. He wasn’t that kind of person.

Maybe it was time to help him out, for once.

“I need to ask you to…stop putting yourself on the line for me.”

“Huh?”

“Nicholas, you’re too nice for your own good. I know you can’t say it, so I’m going to say it for you. You don’t have to keep saving me; you don’t have to keep taking Mr. Williams shit. Hell…you…don’t even need to drive me home anymore. Today I found out just how much crap I’m putting you through and I don’t want to do it anymore.”

Roxanne took his sunglasses from her head, and closed his hands around them. She ignored his face, she had to, or her eyes would start to leak. If she wanted to stop hauling the guilt on his shoulders, she would have to start with her annoying tears.

Nicholas opened and closed his mouth, searching for the right words. Roxanne had turned from him, examining the dirt and fingering a rock. Her shoulders were slumped, and she seemed so small under his windbreaker. The jacket practically covered her entire body.

Looking down at his closed fist, Nicholas brought his sunglasses up to his face. He watched them for a second, then deposited them into his pocket. He didn’t know what to say. Well, no, he did, he just wasn’t sure if this was the right time. But if he didn’t say something, the poor girl would hurt herself even more. And he didn’t want that. Not at all.

Nicholas had never been one to leap without looking first. He never made promises he couldn’t keep, he never bet on something he had no chance of winning, and he never rushed into things blindfolded. That was why he hadn’t told Roxanne what his heart had known from the first day - he hadn’t wanted to jump to conclusions. He had wanted to make sure the feelings were genuine. He wanted to be positive. And even now, he still didn’t have everything planned, or sorted out. But maybe, just this once, he would let his heart do the work, instead of his head.

Maybe, just this once, he would jump a little earlier then predicted. “Roxanne,” he put his hand out and touched her shoulder, easing her gently around so she faced him again. “You don’t know me like you think you do.”

“Nicholas, that’s the problem! I *don’t* know you, not even your last name, but already I’ve forced you into my life with an iron fist. It’s not fair for me to pretend like we’ve been lifelong friends, so it’s okay that you’re sticking your neck out for me. We’re not, and I have no right –“

“But it feels like it, doesn’t it? If feels like we’ve known each other forever.”

She lifted her gaze at his soft words. His blue eyes tenderly studied her face, and his mouth twitched, sending a ripple of a grin through his lips. One hand traveled up to her face and traced the outline of her features, while the other one rested on her shoulder. She didn’t move, almost couldn’t bare to breath, afraid that maybe she would shatter this moment.

“Admit it, it does.”

“Nicholas –“

“I’m right, aren’t I?”

“Yes, but that’s-“

He put his finger on her lips, causing her to swallow her protests back. He smiled a little wider, watching as her features brightened.

She knew there was no arguing with this one. And so she gave up, relieved to, pressing her mouth hard in an attempt to stop a grin that threatened to break free very soon. It wasn’t time to smile yet. Not just yet…

“I’ll tell you my last name, will you stop hitting yourself over the head?”

“Only if you promise to stop pretending.”

“Pretending what?” Nicholas stood up, still holding Roxanne’s shoulder, prompting her follow him. He took his finger and playfully poked her in the stomach. “I *like* spending time with you. I *like* sitting next to you in class, and I *like* driving you home! Who else would sit through C.D after C.D of Elvis?”

“But Mr. Williams –“

“Is a jerk. He’s an egotistical sleaze who couldn’t teach his way out of paper bag and wears way too much cologne.” He paused, watching Roxanne chuckle a little, then continued, a bit more seriously. “I’m glad I came when I did. It’s not right, what he’s been doing to you…”

His words trailed off as Roxanne bit the inside of her lip, feeling her cheeks grow warmer. She wondered if he had found out *everything*. If he knew that the teacher had been harassing her since day one and that she had just been too afraid to say a word. She questioned if he had noticed that most of the kids in her class either didn’t see the teacher move in on her, or just plain ignored it, brushing it away as a simple mistake of the vision. It embarrassed her to know that maybe Nicholas knew more then he was letting on, that he had found out her weakness, as well as the kids around her. She didn’t want him to think her a coward for saying nothing against her attacker, and she didn’t want him to think the other kids stupid for not seeing anything out of the ordinary. Did he think them all useless children? Worse, did he think *her* a child?

She looked into his eyes and wondered if he believed these things. But instead of a gaze that blamed, she found one that understood.

Perhaps he understood what she was going though. Maybe he knew how frightened she was, and how other people steered clear of the problem because they didn’t know how to handle it. Possibly he knew all this, and was helping her for the simple fact that he a friend. A friend who wasn’t afraid to speak when something was array, who cared not so much for himself, but for others.

A hero.

“I…I like you Roxanne, and I…don’t want to see you hurt anymore.” Roxanne watched his understanding eyes flicker to the ground for a moment. It was only for a moment, but the girl caught it, and recognized it. Could it be that courageous, fearless, heroic and confident Nicholas was…*nervous*? The boy who stood up to a grown man was having trouble looking her in the eye. Strange…

“And all that aside…you’re not putting me through anything I don’t want to be involved in. I’d take on Mr. Williams any day if it made…you happy.”

She took his hands in hers. Held them tight. An almost funny picture it was, two small hands grasping much larger ones, but neither figure noticed. The only thing they were paying attention to was each other, and the warmth that was created from the shared touch.

It tingled. Roxanne had taken his hands almost without knowing it, and caught on to what she had done only when his skin had touched hers. It tingled, her entire body, from her fingers to her head down to her feet. It jump-started her heart like a spark plug, igniting it way into the 70 mile an hour zone. A shiver rushed through her arms and shoulders, causing her to shake slightly.

It was almost as if she had reached out and stroked a flame, but instead of burning her, it had leapt inside her.

Her hands were warm. Her small fingers intertwined with his quickly, almost as if to tell him she understood his thoughts. Well, at least *one* of them understood.

Nicholas stood looking into her brown eyes, trying to figure out what to say. He didn’t know what was going on exactly, didn’t know how to sort though the spider web of emotions inside his head.

He wanted to tell her –

But he couldn’t. Not yet. Even though she had never looked prettier then right now, in this fading light. Even though the want to hold her was stronger then ever, and even though her touch had sent lightning though his body.

If he had been someone different, the boy might have acted on his heart’s desires. But there was something that made acting on one’s impulses hard for Nicholas. Something that was stronger then the sensation inside his chest, something that held his mouth from saying the words he so desperately wanted to. A black shadow on his heart, an eclipse of emotions.

It was that feeling that made him break from her grasp, sliding his hands gently away from hers.

“Roxy, we’d…better get you home.”

She nodded. But her expression was still hopeful. She bit her lip a little and smiled, following him towards the car, walking next to him, but not venturing another touch.

Nicholas grinned a little and swiped the top of her head, playfully. She looked up at him and matched his happy expression, then lowered her eyes towards the jacket, concentrating on zippering it closed.

It was unbearable to watch that hoping shimmer in her face fade, so he looked away. Squinting into the sun, the boy pressed his lips together and closed his eyes for a minute, sighing. He hoped his false playfulness wasn’t as transparent as it felt. He wanted her to believe that he hadn’t intentionally ruined the moment, even though that was exactly what he had done.

The last taste of sunlight slipped from the sky just as the two reached the car. Ducking into the driver’s seat, Nicholas opened Roxanne’s door from inside. She bent down and plucked a daisy from the ground before sliding into her seat. Slamming her door, she looked over at him and smiled again, a smile that understood. *Sure*, it seemed to say, *maybe next time, right?* Still silent, she tucked the flower behind her ear and settled against the sweet-smelling leather seat.

The expectant gleam was gone, and as Nicholas looked through his rearview to back up, he caught sight of Roxanne as she brought her knees to her chest. She was studying the flower, rolling it between her fingers. *God, what had he done?*

He had brought Roxanne to this place to make her feel better, to help her forget her worries. He had almost acomplished the deed too, but had stopped just shy of making them both happy. Why? Because he was weak in the area of Love. *It* made him weak.

They had been so close to something, but he had pushed it away. *It* had made him. She had reached out, and he had failed her. She had wanted something, but he had failed her.

And the worst part was, he wanted the same thing.

She was lonely again. Very lonely. Only this time, it was worse then anything she had ever felt before.

Like they always say, the higher the climb, the harder the fall.

Roxanne sat looking out her window, still fingering the now-falling-apart daisy. The darkness outside the glass matched her mood, and she banged her head slightly against the wall in frustration and depression. The girl had long outgrown her window seat and her legs were cramping up against her stomach, but she didn’t move. She didn’t have the energy.

Something very strange had happened at the lake. Nicholas’s eyes had closed up. The gaze that never shied away from anything, never kept any secrets, never turned dark, had suddenly done all of that.

At first it had seemed like everything was going like clockwork. He had made her smile, he had told her, from his very own mouth, that he wanted to be with her. And that little quiver in his lips…he had been nervous about telling her how much he cared.

So she had taken his hands, without thinking, because it had felt right. And he hadn’t pulled away quickly, he held on just as tight. He had looked at her with those ocean eyes, and the left side of his perfect mouth had twitched like he wanted to say something…and then –

He let go.

He had dropped her hands and his eyes closed up, for only a matter of seconds, but they had done it none-the-less. Afterwards, he seemed to be back to normal, but had sidestepped around the issue the rest of the night. He had tried to play it down, tried to ignore it. He had walked back to his car, let her in, smiled in his usual way, and drove her home, all without saying much of anything.

It was like he was lying to her, lying about something inside of him.

And that knowledge hurt her.

*Why had he let go? Why had he shut her out, and why had he pretended nothing was out of the ordinary?*

The trees leaned outside the window as a breeze pushed their tops, and Roxanne sighed. She ran her hands through her hair and massaged her throat, trying to ease the tightening that was slowly forming. Her throat always tightened when she felt like crying.

*Nicholas, what happened?*

And the awful part about this whole problem was that Nicholas’s actions made her only care about him more. For some insane reason, she missed him terribly, and her desire to see him was more then typical. It was almost as if the hurt in his eyes had awakened some nurturing instinct inside of her, and all she could think about was wrapping her arms around his tall frame and making his pain go away. All she wanted to do was see him again, see that crooked grin, even if it meant facing something she wasn’t totally prepared for.

If seeing him again would cause her anguish, then so be it. She was ready for the pain…at least…for some of it.

God…sometimes Love *sucked*.

**** Part 6