25 Signs That You Are Surfing the 'Net Way Too Much

1. Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.

2. Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.

3. You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.

4. You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.

5. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com.

6. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

7. You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.

8. When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.

9. Your dog has its own home page.

10. You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.

11. You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.

12. You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.

13. You have commandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.

14. Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.

15. Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.

16. You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html

17. You actually just now tried that 123.elm.street address.

18. You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Mommy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.

19. You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 1.1 or higher."

20. You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.

21. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

22. You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack for "surfing the net".

23. You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."

24. Your hubby says communication is important in a marriage...so you buyanother computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.

25. As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.