How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity at Work
- Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice)
- Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.
- Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
- Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially
effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
- In the memo field of all your paychecks, write 'for sexual favors'.
- Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over
their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
- Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For
example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.'
- While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive.
- Put mosquito netting around your desk.
- Insist that your e-mail address be zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with
that.
- Suggest that the Coke machine be filled with beer.
- Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair
dancing.
- Determine how many cups of coffee are 'too many'.
- Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
- Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the
break room. When people complain that there was nothing there, lean back,
rub your stomach, and say, "You've got to be faster than that."
- When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's windshield
wipers running during all weather conditions to keep 'em tuned up.
- Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
- Practice making fax and modem noises.
- Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to
your boss.
- Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
- Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the
entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
- Dont use any punctuation
- As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Ask people what sex they are.
- While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
- At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing
cars to see if they slow down.
- Send this in an e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to
you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.