2000 Darwin Awards -- News of the Weird
For those not familiar with the Darwin Award, it's an annual honor given to the person who provided the universal human
gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
Seventh Runner Up...
(15 July 1999, Alabama)
A 25-year-old man died of injuries sustained from
a 3-story fall, precipitated by his attempt to spit farther than his
buddy. His plan was to hurl himself towards a metal guard-rail while
expectorating, in order to add momentum to his saliva.
In a tragic miscalculation, his momentum carried him right over the
railing, which he caught hold of for a few moments before his grip
slipped, sending him plummeting 24 feet to the cement below.
Sixth Runner Up...
(11 August 1999, Germany)
A 42-year-old man killed himself watching the
eclipse while driving near Kaiserslautern, Germany. A witness driving
behind him stated that the man was weaving back and forth as he
concentrated on the partially occluded sun, when he suddenly accelerated
and hit the bridge pier. He had apparently just donned his solar viewers
(which are dark enough to totally obscure everything except the sun.)
Tie for Fifth Runner up Award goes to...
(25 May 1999, Ukraine)
A fisherman in Kiev electrocuted himself while
fishing in the river Tereblya. The 43-year-old man connected cables to
the
main power supply of his home, and trailed the end into the river. The
electric shock killed the fish, which floated belly-up to the top of the
water. The man waded in to collect his catch, neglecting to remove the
live wire, and tragically suffered the same fate as the fish. In an
ironic twist, the man was fishing for a mourning meal to commemorate the
first anniversary of his mother-in-law's death.
Tie for Fifth Runner up Award goes to...
(16 August 1999, Germany)
A hunter from Bad Urach was shot dead by his
own
dog on Monday. The 51-year-old man was found sprawled next to his car in
the Black Forest. A gun barrel was pointing out the window, and his
bereaved dog was howling inside the car. The animal is presumed to have
pressed the trigger with its paw. Police have ruled out foul play.
Fourth Runner up Award goes to...
(1999, Nicosia, Cyprus)
Under similar Circumstances, an Iranian hunter
was
shot to death near Tehran by a snake that coiled around his shotgun as he
pinned the reptile to the ground. Another hunter reported that the
victim,
named Ali, tried to catch the snake alive by pressing the butt of his
shotgun behind its head. The snake coiled around the butt and pulled the
trigger, shooting Ali in the head.
Third Runner up Award goes to...
(August 1999, Australia)
Drinking oneself to death need not be a long
lingering process. Allan, a 33-year-old computer technician, showed his
competitive spirit by dying of competitive spirits. A Sydney, Australia
hotel bar held a drinking competition, known as Feral Friday, with a
100-minute time limit and a sliding point scale ranging from 1 point for
beer to 8 points for hard liquor. Allan stood and cheered his winning
total of 236 (winners never quit!), which had also netted him the
literally staggering blood alcohol level of 0.353, 7 times greater than
Australia's legal driving limit of 0.05%.
After several trips to the usual temple of overindulgence, the bathroom,
Allan was helped back to his workplace to sleep it off, a condition that
became permanent. A forensic pharmacologist estimated that after downing
34 beers, 4 bourbons, and 17 shots of tequila within 1 hour and 40
minutes, his blood alcohol level would have been 0.41 to 0.43, but Allan
had vomited several times after the drinking stopped. The cost paid by
Allan was much higher than that of the hotel, which was fined the
equivalent of $13,100 U.S. dollars for not intervening.
Second Runner up Award goes to...
(28 January 1999, London)
A flock of sheep charged a well- meaning
British
farmer's wife and pushed her over a cliff to her death. Betty Stobbs, 67,
was charged by dozens of sheep as she brought them a bale of hay on the
back of a power bike. The sheep rushed forward and rammed the vehicle,
knocking Betty and her bike over the edge of a vacant 100' quarry near
Durham, in Northeastern England. "I saw the sheep surround the bike. The
next thing she was tumbling down the incline," neighbor Alan Renfry told
reporters.
First Runner up Award goes to...
(5 September 1999, Jerusalem)
The switch away from daylight savings time
caused consternation among terrorist groups this year. At precisely 0530
Israel time on Sunday, two coordinated car bombs exploded in different
cities, killing three terrorists who were transporting the bombs. It was
initially believed that the devices had been detonated prematurely by
klutzy amateurs.
A closer look revealed the truth behind the untimely explosions. Three
days before, Israel had made a premature switch from Daylight Savings
time
to standard time in order to accommodate a week of Slihot, involving
pre-sunrise prayers. Palestinians refused to "live on Zionist time." Two
weeks of scheduling havoc ensued. The bombs had been prepared in a
Palestine-controlled area, and set on Daylight Savings Time. The Confused
drivers had already switched to standard time. As a result, the cars were
still en-route when the explosives detonated, delivering to the
terrorists
their demise.
And the 2000 Darwin Award winner is.....
(22 March 1999, Phnom Penh)
Decades of armed strife have littered
Cambodia
with unexploded munitions and ordnance. Authorities warn citizens not to
tamper with the devices. Three friends recently spent an evening sharing
drinks and exchanging insults at a local cafe in the southeastern
province
of Svay Rieng.
Their companionable arguing continued for hours, until one man pulled out
a 25-year-old unexploded anti-tank mine found in his backyard. He tossed
it under the table, and the three men began playing Russian roulette,
each
tossing down a drink and then stamping on the mine. The other villagers
fled in terror.
Minutes later, the explosive detonated with a tremendous boom, killing
the
three men in the bar. "There were no remains" Rasmei Kampuchea newspaper
reported.