BEFORE	AFTER
You take my breath away	I feel like I'm suffocating
Twice a night	Twice a month
She says she loves the way I take control of a situation	She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac
Saturday Night Fever	Monday Night Football
Don't stop	Don't start
Is that all you're having?	Maybe you should have just a salad, honey
It's like I'm living in a dream	It's like he lives in a dorm
$60/doz.	$1.50/stem
Turbo-charged	Jump-start
We agree on everything	Doesn't she have a mind of her own?
Victoria's Secret	Fruit-of-the-Loom
Charming and Noble	Chernobyl
Feathers and handcuffs	Ball and chain
Idol	Idle
I love a woman with curves	I never said you were fat
He's completely lost without me	Why won't he ever ask for directions?
Time stood still	This relationship is going nowhere
Croissant and cappuccino	Bagel and instant
You look so seductive in black	Your clothes are so depressing
Oysters	Fish sticks
I can hardly believe we found each other	I can't believe I ended up with someone like you
Passion	Ration
Once upon a time	The end