Reflections to my Dad on this saddest of all days in our Keith family...
Hey Dad…
I was thinkin'…
"Where do we go from here?"
You've lost your "High school Sweet heart".
You've lost your "Girlfriend".
You've lost your… Partner, and Companion (did you know that "pan" means "bread"? In other words, literally: the ONE whom you share your bread with"),
…Your "Best bud"
…The "Love of your life"
... your wife "Mrs. K"
… Arlie Joy… and what JOY she brought to you…and to all of us… and so many others… all these 72+ years!!
And we've lost… Mom. But it is ours to claim: Our loss, truly is Heaven's gain. And we are thankful.
So we know our loss. But what do we still have? I gotta tell you, Dad. For starters… we have the confidence that Mom is set free of pain and is safely home. And we have a million memories of Mom, besides. And certainly… every memory that will come to mind… is, in and of itself… a reason to give THANKS… to our God.
But let me tell you once again. As
yesterday, I called a friend and frankly remarked…
"Well…, I'm glad I will never have to go
through that again." Dad, as Randy pointed out...
the reality is… thankfully, we only have one Mom.
We've only known one Mom.
I don't think I'd make it through that sort of fierce
emotional trial… if I had to visit such an event --
a second time.
But here's something I will always thank GOD for. That HE… permitted me to come all the way to Texas and to the Hospital early Monday morning - November 19th. Assessing the situation of the moment, and the tragic condition that had overtaken Mom. Seeing the busy-ness of the Hospital staff assisting you… and carefully attending to Her comfort. Knowing so many friends and family… were concerned.
Wanting to know more… to listen… to observe…
And yet I felt strangely calm… as I wrestled in my inner being knowing that Mom wasn't on any life support: "Do I go into Room 143?" "Do I see Mom?" "Is She even alert?" "How do I want to remember Her?" Francis commented: "Reggie, you should go in. But is this hard for you?" I smiled, incredibly choked in my emotion (an all too common state of late).
Easily, I could answer the second part… thinking of course, it's hard. Hardest damn thing imaginable. Hardest moment I think I'll ever have to confront. Tremendously hard on the heart felt emotions spinning almost out of control. But then: I'm a Keith… and we were pre-wired to wear our emotions stemming from our powerful musical creativity -- way, way too close to the surface of life's challenges. We're "Keith"… and most definitely we Keiths, too, are not immune from the all too commonly shared trials and tragedies of life's troubles down here.
Hey, I've come to realize… coming out of the gate we were each given a gift. I admit I have a hard time… with emotionless, unimpassioned people who apparently have a limited experience meter that doesn't reach very high - certainly not to the familiar heights of elation and joy… or to depths of despair, disappointment, or great grief. "Reggie, you should go in. But is this hard for you?"
I thought: Yes!? No?! Not yet…
But… do we Keith's shy away from the difficult? NO. We're also Starr's, too. And Mom, the ultimate in contained composure in time of crisis… taught us well.
Last week when I talked with Mom, I mentioned I'd be "coming for Thanksgiving." You could almost hear in Her typical Starr-Sackl voice: "Oh, reeally!" Intoning in Mom's usual assessment fashion and suggesting by Her limited response… "What else don't I know?" "What else hasn't Arlie been told?" (smile)
Yesterday… at the Hospital, I wanted to know more. As if knowing "more" would somehow prolong the situation at hand. You know, just a little more time… just a few more questions answered and things would be all right.
Taking you away from Mom for an unknown period, there was the Hospice care worker and you and Rick and Karen and Francis and myself at the cafeteria: asking a thousand more questions and hoping for a thousand more clarifications. There were the four Pastors from First Methodist - Houston who showed up -- kind, caring, patiently waiting. And of course, our dear friend Roger. The Bartel's will always be a vision of strength and encouragement. When you see Roger you can't help but think of Carol - and vice versa. It just happily works that way, doesn't it? The "two shall become one".
Well…once again you slipped out of the crowd and quietly visited Mom. Moments passed. Then, several minutes. We waited outside talking small talk with the men. Finally when I opened the door. I must apologize… as you turned and I saw in your eyes… someone trying to figure out what else you could do to make the situation right. Was it the fold or tuck in the blanket? Was it the pillow? What had you over-looked? What? As you looked around simply resolving to lean forward and kiss Mom to make sure She was comfortable. I'm certain you kissed Mom 10,000 times while She was there.
Dad, if most men… did half what you did… if most men treated their wives even half the way you love Mom… our world would be wonderfully changed for the better. Without a moment's hesitation it can be said: You loved Mom… for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health….You are a rare man - who, without fanfare, struggles to keep his word! Another reason we have to give THANKS, today.
When you turned to walk out… having waited, having learned to choose the time to rush in where Angels fear to tread, then I instantly knew, it was my turn to talk with Mom. I doubt I'll be able to remember all that transpired.
For
some reason, Jesus said… "When you enter a
place say [don't merely think about
it]... say: The Peace of the LORD…
be in this place"… and so, in faith I did.
So as not to disturb Mom, I whispered: "The Peace of the LORD be in this room."
Knowing Mom was frail… not knowing if She was overly sedated or alert… I took Her hand and said… "Momma, this is Reggie." "Momma… Momma? This is Reggie" as I watched Her eyes, Her forehead, Her checks, Her eyebrows… any feature to respond.
Momma, I said… I would come for Thanksgiving. Momma, You know we love You…. [She smiled as She kept breathing calmly.]
Momma, we'll take care of Daddy. Don't You worry. You know we love You. We'll take care of Daddy.
Momma, this is Reggie. Hey Momma, You know… you taught us how to sing [as I ever-so lightly tapped rhythmically on Her shoulder]:
[And I could see full in Momma's face… as She sang along.]
"If it were not so… I would have told you. I go prepare a place… that where I am… there you may be also. If it were not so… I would have told you…."
Momma, You know… we love You. You know we'll take care of Daddy.
(Oh Momma!! I can't believe it. I forgot the words… but You know the words!!)
"Precious… [inestimably valuable and way beyond our feeble comprehension…] Precious in the sight of God, is… His godly ones."
[And
Dad… Momma was beautiful… as in Her features
and furrowed lines, I could see Her face animated
throughout each of the songs. But being a musician, I
always hate coming to the last verse… because the
song is too soon over.
And now it had been several minutes... nearly 15. Was it too long? or probably too short? All I could see was Momma at peace. Quiet and calm. I, too… didn't want anybody to come in the room to disturb Her. And Dad… I stood there… trying to think what else to do? What else to say? Another song to sing? Another verse? What next?
Giving up several times, I started toward the door. What else? I didn't know. Each time halting in my steps... only to walk back around the bed and take Mom's hand, to kiss Her forehead -- just one more time - just another moment with Mom… as I looked to see that Her blankets covered Her arms. That She was safe and wouldn't catch a chill.]
"Momma, this is Reggie. You know I love you. You know WE love You. WE will take care of Daddy."
[And recalling what Dr. Scott had taught me, for a moment I was able to quietly remember that when God first created ALL things, He breathed into Adam and man became a living soul. And now, the Promise we were holding is to those He calls back to Himself He simply, takes their breath away - and not so much "away" but back to Himself.]
And amid the welling up emotions, I stood back and was able to remind myself: "GOD does ALL things well.... If it we're not so, HE would have told us."
"Momma, WE love You. You can be at peace now and enter your reward. Momma -- Rest in Jesus. We love You."
And Dad... as you knew, when I walked out of the room... I wasn't even aware what all had happened. Only when you had looked at me, then beyond to Mom... did we begin to know it was all over.
Certainly I can NOW understand why the early church spoke thusly: "We shall not all sleep... but we shall all be changed... in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye... at the last trumpet". Most assuredly, the promises of the Living God wrapped in Biblical beauty once again... WON... over the too often violent and revulsive depictions found in hopeless dramas made in Hollywood.
"So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: Death... is swallowed up in victory. Oh death, where is thy sting? Oh grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." - 1 Corinthians, chapter 15, verses 54-57
So
Dad… when we see you… we will always remember Mom! When we see you, Dad… we will
always know why you saw in Mom the
"Love and Joy of your life".
Dad, where do we go from
here? I know, your heart was broken. But our God has
promised… "HE came to bind up the broken
hearted… to set at liberty the captive." I
guess our lesson for these days was -- to discover the
meaning of a broken heart… in order
that He… and HE Alone… would come to our rescue
and mend it. That HE Alone would rescue us - to lift up
those of us who had fallen. And to set at liberty those
of us who are captive.
Where do we go from here? To our next lessons - always going and growing... as both the Psalmist and the Apostle say: "from Strength to Strength" … "from Faith to more Faith."
Dad… We love you. And with joy and gladness in our responsibility and delight in our hearts… Randy, Rick, Karen, Karla, all the Kinfolk and Grand-Keith Kids as well as myself... we'll all be watching for you as you watched for Mom. We will take care of You as you took care of our Mom. Thanks for being our example. Thanks for being our Dad!
At this time of year we have new reason to be thankful. Thanks be to Our GOD… Who doeth All things well. Thank You for giving us -- Mom.
REGGIE
November 20, 2001
One of my earliest memories as a 3 year old is to remember seeing Mom singing in the Northfield, Minnesota Church Choir. By her example, Mom set the tone for our Family life to be filled to the fullest with music. Because of Mom, the musical creativity of Her Family resonates throughout our nation and around the world. Thanks Mom. You sang for us in our infancy as we breathed our first breath. I will always thank Our GOD that I could sing for You in Your last day, and hour, and moment.
Dad & Mom spent
almost 53 years journeying from Southern Minnesota to
Sunny Southern California and on to South-eastern Texas.
Dad grew up on the Keith Farm near Amboy.
Mom lived in Winnebago where the Starr family had their home.
Dad and Mom met and began their journey together at the Winnebago High School.
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