Mom, Me, and Dad

*** The following is very personal and you may wish to just hit back in your browser and not read any further. ***

I am 29 years old and live in New Jersey (no, I am not from NJ, LOL). I was in a verbally/emotionally abusive relationship for 11 years. I have no background of abuse in my family and still do not understand how I got myself into such a mess. I started dating him my senior year of high school. He was shy and was very sweet to me in the beginning. I was overweight and worried that nobody would ever like me and was thrilled to finally have a boyfriend. I don't believe the abusive behavior started until I was in college. I brushed it off thinking I could handle it and believed I was in love. I also had a low self-esteem and thought I was not worthy of anyone else's love. I was proud that I was able to do things for him and please him. Years went by and our relationship got worse and then I got married to him. I was naïve and thought everything would change once we got married....I was WRONG!

These are some of the abusive things that were done or said to me on a regular basis while I was with him:

I could go on and on. He tried everything he could to take away my dignity and self-worth. My feelings were never validated and he was always right. Everything I said or did had the potential of setting him off into a rage. I began to shut down emotionally and physically which only made my life with him worse.

I cannot explain what finally made me snap and decide to leave him. I thank God everyday for protecting me and getting me out of there. It was not until I left and got a clear head that I was able to recognize how horrible my life was with him. I am slowly learning to trust again and beginning to gain back my self-esteem. I don't think I will ever completely get over my past, but I am working hard to move forward.

If you are in an abusive relationship, please seek help. You will need support of family and friends to get yourself out. I cannot stress the importance of friends at such a critical time in your life. I would not be where I am today without those who sat and talked for hours with me telling me that I deserved much more for my life. (Thank you, you know who you are.) It is hard to leave, but I promise you will not regret it and you will become stronger each day that you are free from your abuser.

Verbal Abuse http://www.verbalabuse.com/

Dr Irene’s Verbal Abuse Site http://www.drirene.com/

The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond By Patricia Evans

Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse by Gregory L. Jantz

What is True Love? http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Plains/8218/love.html

How to Survive the Loss of a Love http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/sur/srtoc.htm

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