Chill of an Early Fall

                                                                                              By ajm

 

 “It’s been three years, Linda…it’s time.” Kelly Brackett extended the invitation with an open hand. 

 

“Not yet.”  Her pleading brown eyes would not manipulate him this time. 

 

“I’ll be with you….I’ll help you through this.”  Taking a few cautious steps toward her, Kel shed any stoicism. Although he felt naked, before this woman, he didn’t mind.  She’d proven herself worthy of such a sacrifice. .  “ It’s still hurts me too…I could use your help.” 

 

“Not yet.’

 

“Then when?”

 

  The sudden entrance of an innocent bystander who they would spare from the debate rescued Linda.  For the time being the argument was suspended. The question loomed.  When?   Kel thought as the tiny tornado plowed into him almost knocking him over successfully grabbing the man’s right hand and his full attention.   Addressing his little diversion, Kel stooped to peer into two extraordinarily expressive eyes.  “Charlie, you look awful hungry.”

 

The brown-eyed child’s saucers twinkled in glee upon the appreciation of his condition.

 

“But you’ll have to settle for vanilla ice cream.  Remember? We cleaned out the chocolate last night.”

 

 Charlie nodded in agreement and reached for the beautiful man’s neck.  He rewarded Kel’s insight with an enthusiastic kiss to the cheek, a ruffling of his thick brown waves, and a husky word of encouragement cupped into his ear. “That’s why God made chocolate syrple….”   Case closed.

 

“Two scoops of vanilla ice cream loaded with chocolate syrple comin’ right up.”  Two peas in a pod.  They made their way into the kitchen refrigerator, where the youngster was presidentially deposited on the adjoining countertop while his chief of staff rummaged through the freezer compartment for the last of their favorite brand of ice cream….’Daddy’s Brand’.   Kel assessed the amount in the box to be insufficient for two adequate portions, so  he placed the box on a plate and watched while Charlie opened the fridge, stepped up onto its base,( just like his mom had told him not to), reached for the prized brown bottle and handed it to his older partner for application.

 

 The handsome man nodded.  “I think you’re old enough…you do it this time.”

 

The child’s eyes beamed in surprise and delight allowing no time for reconsideration inverted the plastic bottle on his own accord, and squeezed. It’s contents cascaded over the chunks of creamy French vanilla landscape until it was completely coated.  Why not?  The tall pea reached in a drawer and grabbed two spoons.  “Now we’re set.”  Kel skimmed a bit of the sweet syrple onto his utensil not caring if he’d caught any ice cream, inspected it, flipped it and flicked it into his mouth.  The little boy did the same.  (Ice cream connoisseurs know that if you flip the spoon and wipe the ice cream on your tongue, the flavor is enhanced three-fold and the chance of an ice cream headache is greatly reduced. A Brackett hypothesis tested and proven over time.)  “Excuse me Charlie, I’ll be right back…I have to check on something.” 

 

Grimacing in confusion, Kel returned to the empty family room.  A familiar yet foreign scent intensified his bewilderment.  He followed his nose.  Careful not to raise his voice, he scolded the female who had escaped onto the patio. ‘I thought I smelled a cigarette…when did you start smoking?”

 

“When did you quit?”  Always a question with a question. Very typically Linda.

 

That wasn’t the issue.  ‘It’s been about five years now.” He negated the question with a head shake.

  

“Furthermore…why do you care?” Frustrated with her feeble debate, Linda Brackett’s petite fingers trembled as they raised the cigarette to her lips.  Her wedding band still shined on  her left hand. Given her devotion to the one who had placed it there and his love for her, the likelihood of its removal anytime soon, if ever, was very small. 

 

“Come on, Linda.  This isn’t like you. I don’t know what’s gotten into you but…but don’t do that…”   Although Kel was alarmed, he reprimanded her gently, removed the offensive stick from between her pursed lips, and crushed it beneath his heel, all the while scrutinizing her.  Perhaps he could unveil her pathology.

 

Kel Brackett could not mask anything from her.  She was being analyzed; something which wasn’t Linda’s strong suit.  Nothing was anymore. She met  the blue eyes that were examining her.  Likewise, she was one of only a few who could read him like a book.  But she’d dug into a trench of resentment deeper than even she had realized; a hole she’d been determined to stay clear of until it became her only refuge in the blaze of life’s battle. “Is that why you’re here?  To save me?”  

 

 

**

 

   Kel remembered as he kicked at one of the anthills sheltered against the granite of the tombstone.   The summer’s growth of new grass over the plot was still thin, fresh, and ugly in spite of several season’s nurturing. A cigarette would be a welcome distraction right now. Thank God, nobody’s here offering me one.

 

 Why is it so important that Linda come along with me if I’m not even sure why I’m here.  Nothing about these  ‘memorial meadows’ mirrored the lives bulging at the seams with activity and purpose. Even though he helped chose the memorials and their inscriptions, Kel found the words as shallow as the fine etchings.

 

Nothing about this place reminded Kel of anything but a very sad day; a chilly day in spite of the sun.   The knots came back.  The feeling of being the incarnation of one raw nerve returned along with the haunting melody of the song barely given voice over the wind gusts during the ceremony.

 

In the bulb there is a flower, in the seed an apple tree.

In cocoons, a hidden promise butterflies will soon be free.

In the cold and snow of winter there’s a spring that waits to be,

Unrevealed until its season something God alone can see.

 

Staring at the cold stone, Kel read over the etchings.

 

 

         

Mitchell Eric Brackett.

‘Ricky’

 His adventure surely continues.

July21 1964- Aug. 23, 1971.

 

Surely…  Where are you Ricky?  Are you watching all of us?  Do you know how much we miss you?  How much your mom aches to hold you again? Is there someway you could touch her…to fill in some of the emptiness. Are you hearing this God?

Linda was right.  This was punishment.

 

    

 

Neal Mitchell Brackett.

‘Mitch’

Soaring to new pinnacles on wings of  angels.

Feb 19, 1930-   Aug. 21, 1971 .

 

There’s a song in every silence, seeking word and melody…

There’s a dawn in every darkness, bringing hope to you and me.

 

The silence echoed over the rolling hills of Abernathy Memorial Meadows.  He’d been waiting and listening for that ‘song’ over these years, only to find the empty refrain of guilt.   Kel knew he could never completely outrun his remorse for not driving the night of the accident that claimed the lives of his brother and nephew, but prayed somehow that time would soften its footsteps and that he may at least stay ahead of it.  The darkness was real, heavy and ever present; like a veil of lead mesh with no seam.

 

 Linda was right in not coming to terms with her loss. . Why dwell on it?  Why waste another moment on it?  It had made no sense and never would. 

 

Linda.   “Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining…Sir.”   He remembered the woman to which his lucky brother had been engaged…and remembered almost giving up on finding a sequel for himself.  She not only knew which end of a horse was which, she could dress the animal in tack proficiently.   In fact he laughed finding the memory of her perched backwards in the saddle scratching her head, looking around, and saying….  “Now…what did I do with those reins?”

 

Her fire was gone. Had she died too?  Judging from what was left, she may as well be buried with her son and husband. She’d told him just recently. “I know they’re waiting for me….and I …just can’t wait to get there.”

 

  Obviously, she barely existed for younger son, Charlie who would be five in a couple of months.  Formerly a cracker jack surgical technician, who knew the operating room backward and forward and could probably assemble a jeep engine with equal efficiency, Linda now spent much of her day struggling to get and stay out of bed.    A visit from her brother-in-law often found him sorting through piles of laundry…clean mixed with dirty.  Having had to post-pone an outing to take care of neglected housekeeping chores.   Kel had come to assume them as part of the ‘deal’ when visiting.  

 

“How am I gonna wake her up, Mitch? I know she’s still in there…or…did you take that part of her with you?  She’s just an empty shell now.”  He didn’t really believe that.  But the effort to resuscitate that vibrant cowgirl seemed equally monumental to breathing life into his brother’s corpse.

 

From the past will come the future; what it holds …a mystery.

Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see..

 

 Looking around, he ignored the chill of the breeze but brushed his palm against the tears its gusts had produced.  ‘How am I gonna save her?  How am I gonna save Charlie?”   Kel’s promises to his brother weighed heavily on his shoulders forcing him to his knees and finally sat back with his back to the smooth hard granite, grateful he was alone.  “I don’t know what to do.”

 

In our end is our beginning/ in our time, infinity

In our doubt, there is believing; in our life eternity.

In our death a resurrection; at the last a victory…

 

Victory?  Kel scowled.  Where?

 

He’d come again on this the anniversary of their death hoping to feel the sting lessened.    Although Kel had bore witness to the caskets closures and shared the burden of their heavy weights with his own muscles, little about the grave site reminded him of either his older and only brother, Mitch or his nephew, Ricky. 

 

Dixie McCall’s handbag had been a more lethal trigger.   Simply in passing on her way out the doors of Rampart , the smell and squeak of worn leather unbridled memories of adventures on the backs of horses at Uncle Dave’s ranch with his older sibling.  That was a powerful stimulus that could manufacture his brother’s squirrelly laugh.

 Horses were his equalizer when it came to chasing his brother’s capabilities. 

   ‘You may have won this one, but I’ll always be your older brother, Lamebrain.  You’ll never be as old as me.”  He could hear the voice over the whistling gusts, as the animals slowed to a mosey after an all out chase on an open stretch. 

   As years passed the family gatherings became fewer and more precious.    Then again when the family had assembled at the ranch the year Kel entered medical school.  “I’ll be keeping my eye on you…Doc.” 

The floodgates had opened.  “I might be getting married…but I’ll still be checking up on you from time to time…just to prove I can still whip your sorry hide.”

“I used to think sex was the ultimate sensation…”  He cradled Eric in his arms.  “But… it’s just the beginning.”   Mitch was always raising Kel’s eyebrows with something. 

 

Mitchell Brackett’s life was more contributory to life on this earth than just about anybody Kel could think of including his own.  He was a wonderful, loving father and husband.   Metals of valor, pilot in the Air Force.  Not to mention one amazing big brother always providing just enough agitation to be legitimate and just enough support to make him incredible.

 

A couple of times they’d assembled at Mitch and Linda’s to celebrate birthdays.  A smile crossed Kel’s face as he remembered the three enormous pieces of cake ‘Ricky’ put away.   There was no mystery where it went.  Ricky was the tallest and fastest in his class making him a great little athlete, a spirited dancer and an illimitable climber.  He was a natural leader, an adventurous friend and the apple of his mother’s eye.   Be it horses or trees…he was always his dad’s right hand man….Uncle Kel’s too.  The cold stone with a butterfly reflected only the hope of the bereaved not the young life that had been tragically ended.

 

  So why?  Why them?  How was it that Kel and the baby asleep in the back seat of the vehicle were thrown safely from the careening vehicle while Mitch and his eldest son were pinned to their deaths?

 

Linda is right.

 

Wind and salt stung the physician’s cheeks. Maybe it’s time to give up the battle.  Kel swallowed as something inside his craw twisted at that thought. There has to be a way to get the old Linda back…for her sake…for Charlie’s sake.   “Help me save them….please.  Please, God…help me. I’ve gotta do something….anything….”

 

**

 

“Well, well, well.  Look who’s here!”  Dixie McCall RN greeted two baseball players smiling as she looked up from the narcotics ledger at Rampart General’s  completely modernized emergency room base station  “Hey Handsome!”

 

“Hi.’  Charlie rewarded her with a kindergarten picture-day grin beaming beneath the bill of his ball hat. 

 

  He reached up for her, barely giving the nurse a chance to tuck the pen behind the shell of her ear, and jumped into her arms, knocking his hat to the floor. .  Smiling at the boy’s discovery of him, Paramedic Roy DeSoto squatted to pick up the hat and replace it reversed on the young all-star’s head, then resumed his duty against the counter of the coffee corner sneaking a few hot sips while his partner, John Gage, finished washing his face in the treatment room.

 

The youngster’s eyes acknowledged in appreciation the little deed that had been done for him but was a bit too bashful to utter the words “Thank-you.’  Instead he smiled.

 

‘Couldn’t you keep your Uncle out of Rampart for one week?”  Her quizzical expression melted into the widest of welcoming grins.

 

“Huh-uh.’ The child shook his head.  ‘He says he needed to pick up something.  I think he just wanted to see you.”

 

“Oh? Well, just so you know, Charlie, it isn’t my fault you had to come here.  I told your uncle he wasn’t allowed to come anywhere near the place when you traveled all this way to visit your stubborn uncle.    He doesn’t listen very well, does he?”  They exchanged shrugs.

 

‘Nnnnope.  I’m kinda glad he doesn’t ….”  He flirted during his inspection of his favorite….other person, Charlie’s term for honorary family member.  He’d been directed by his grandfather to call Uncle Kel’s friend ‘Miss Dixie’ until…otherwise instructed.. 

 

 ‘Well…in that case…I’m glad you did.  I haven’t seen you in toooo long. ’  Dixie shifted her weight and tugged on his ball hat with her free hand.  “What have you gentlemen been up to ?”

 

‘Oh…lots.”  Kel smiled proudly, exchanging a paternal glance with Roy and winked at his nephew.  Dixie began to giggle as the child shamelessly bombarded her with kisses and puppy licks then turned his eyes to his partner in crime.  “She doesn’t taste like ice cream Uncle Kel …you said she tastes like ice cr—.”

 

‘—Uh…we were wondering if …maybe you’d like to join us for a picnic tomorrow?”  His uncle interrupted rubbing his hands together.

 

‘Wow!  A personal invitation!  How could I refuse…”

 

‘You said she tastes sweet as ice cream, Uncle Kel.” He repeated as Dr. Joe Early joined Roy in the coffee corner.   “Hi Dr. Joe.”

 

‘Hi Charlie. ”  Joe poured.  “What’s this I hear about ice cream?”  Roy was delighted to fill him in…discreetly.

 

 Kel leaned over the counter surface and tossed a nervous scowl to the delighted youngster playing with Dixie’s hair as the paramedic looked on.  Perfect timing on Charlie’s part to recount a long ago evening’s good night kiss shared by both Kel and Dixie, which they thought, had been in private.

 

“Remember, Uncle Kel?  Once when I was here before, you were licking and sucking at her like she was an ice cream cone—and I asked--?”

 

“A picnic…tomorrow!?”  Dixie talked over her half-pint heartthrob.

 

“Really?” Joe pursued with a devilish grin.  He just couldn’t help himself.  “Vanilla or chocolate, Uncle Kel?”

 

“Joe…?”  Dixie cautioned.  Kel glared.  Charlie giggled as he continued.

 

 “Remember…your tongue got stuck in her mouth—.”  He chimed proudly  wondering why the quiet gentleman in the corner suddenly spit out his coffee.

 

 “If  tomorrow suits …then great.”  Kel plodded forward hoping the subject would change before any more audience gathered.  ‘If not I-we’ll understand.”

 

Charlie was still talking and observing.  “--Was that the part I wasn’t supposed to tell to another-living-soul?”  He squeezed her again then inquired.  ‘What’s another-living-soul?”

 

Silence and stares.  Gage was missing this.  Pity.

 

‘Is Miss Dixie another-living-soul?’   The pen tucked behind her ear captivated the youngster, taking it into his fingers; he began toying, oblivious to her blue eyes casting a heavy stare upon his uncle and the other nice guy.  ‘Is Pap another-living-soul?  I didn’t think he was….and  I’m not sure about mom—sooo I figured it was okay to tell ‘em.  They said if you and Miss Dixie keep behaving like that you’re going to wind up with the cart ahead of the horse---I didn’t know you had a horse?!  Can we ride one tomorrow--?”

 

‘The horses are at the ranch, Charlie.  I don’t have any here and neither does Miss Dixie--.”

 

“Well what was Mom talking about?’  Inquired the child still fiddling with the pen.  “Does this have something to do with the birds and the bees?  My mom acts the same way when we talk about bird and bees.”

 

“No.”

 

Joe laughed in encouragement lifting his own mug.  “Bright young man!”

 

“Joe!”

 

Through her teeth Dixie politely forged ahead against the stream.  “How ‘bout I show you Uncle Kel’s office…as I recall tomorrow happens to be my day off….’   Dixie eased the young lad  to the floor.  The three trundled down the hall.  Among those remaining at the base station, none could remember ever seeing Dixie McCall beet red before.

 

 

**

 

The office door closed.

 

Charlie quickly pummeled onto his uncle’s desk chair and began swiveling and rocking.  From there he climbed onto the desk surface, inspected the lamp, and reviewed the Rolodex several times over.  Finding nothing more of interest, he then mounted his uncle’s shoulders.   

 

“A picnic… tomorrow.”  Dixie threw her occupied counterpart a querying glance.  I thought Charlie was going home to morrow.

 

  Kel contributed an answer to her obvious question.  “Looks like Charlie and I get to spend a little more time together than when we first planned.”

 

“Oh?’  Dixie smiled knowing Kel would be only too happy to accommodate his nephew yet concerned about the manifestations of  Linda’s underlying depression.  However, now wasn’t the time to ask.  She and Kel would find time tomorrow to elaborate.  Based on appearance, Charlie was happy for the extended stay. 

 

“How long?” 

 

“Indefinite…”

 

“—Forever!”  Charlie interrupted smushing his cheek against his uncles with a choking enthusiasm.   

 

As if  acknowledging  the Chief of Emergency Service’s presence , the phone rang.  

 

“You’re not gonna answer that are you?” 

 

“Of course I am.  Why wouldn’t I?’

 

“Well…you ‘re on vacation for one thing….”  Dixie rebutted with hands on her hips.

 

“Excuse me Charlie.”  Kel attempted to wiggle free of wrestling arms but the harder he tried, the tighter the youngster clung, rewarding the young cowboy with the best bronco ride he’d had in a while.

 

“Come on , Charlie.  Let’s give Uncle Kel some peace and quiet so he can talk on the phone.”

 

Apparently he hadn’t heard Dixie’s suggestion.

 

‘How ‘bout some ice cream?”  Loud and clear!

 

Reluctantly the child succumbed, sliding down his uncle’s frame like a monkey down a tree, freeing Kel’s jersey from his waistband.  Landing on all fours, he rose and darted to the door.  If Miss Dixie didn’t hurry, she’d lose the race to the water fountain, which was another huge fascination of the little monkey’s.

 

Dixie  followed first with a turn of her head then the rest of her body to give chase and over her shoulder informed the physician on the phone. “If you need us, you know where we’ll be.”

 

“I’ll join you as soon as I’m finished with O’Brien.”  Kel had his hand over the receiver and cautioned. ‘Don’t let him out of your site for one second!”

 

I know!   I know!  You worry too much, Kel!

 

 

 

 **

 

“He…got away?”  Kel grimaced in limited panic.   “But how—?”  Think about it Kel.   The hospital cafeteria was not the place for Rampart’s Chief of Emergency Services to lose his composure.  .

 

“I left our table to help just long enough to grab the elevator button for the man in a wheel chair and by the time the doors had closed he was gone…He must’ve wandered--.”   Dixie struggled to maintain her voice at an even level.

 

“Maybe he tried to follow you.” 

 

“I told you not to let him--.”

 

“I KNOW you told me not to ---!”  A blacker-than-black black look shadowed the nurse’s features. Nobody in the world hated an ‘I-told-you-so’ any more than Dixie McCall.  “Why don’t you do something useful  instead of  barking out  useless ‘I-told-you-so’s !” 

 

Kel inanely stooped to check under the tables.

 

Apology accepted. Dixie scowled then realized her defensiveness wasn’t helping anything either.  “I called hospital security, he couldn’t have gotten far….could he?” 

 

Kel stood and scanned the huge room with Dixie, brushing the dust from his hands.  “Was anybody nearby who might have seen him--?”  Or taken him?  .

 

“No…I didn’t see anybody .”  Dixie would kick herself later, right now they needed to find Charlie--.

 

“Missing something?”  Joe Early strolled around the corner carrying the very subject that had the two otherwise-levelheaded professionals….pre-occupied….okay, panicked.

 

Both Dixie and Kel sighed with relief.  “I’ll notify security.”  Kel suggested.

 

“I’ll  notify security.”  Dixie  turned to follow through when she eyed her chief’s slovenly dress.  “Tuck in your shirt!”

 

** 

 

Back in the emergency room an hour and a half later, his uncle, ready to depart from this little outing turned adventure, safely escorted the little charmer through its corridors.  Somehow, even if circumstances promised to be safely dull, Charlie took it upon himself to create a bit of drama and escapade.  Everything was an adventure for Charlie.   

 

Charlie was getting a bit heavy tugging against  Kel’s determined arm.

 

Dixie reached for him and again, he threw himself into her arms.  “Mmmm.  You smell like coconuts. ”   She leaned the two of them against the counter’s surface.

 

Taking advantage of the nearest piece of paper the child began adding his numbers and shapes to those already penned in the ledger by Dixie McCall RN.  He’d drawn a heart more similar to a misshapen circle.  She’ll be so proud.   ‘I love you Miss Dixie.  Do you love me?”

 

‘You bet. Charlie.” Her eyes shifted from the handsome and slightly haggard physician donned in athletic wear to John Gage whistling cheerfully as he approached. ‘Hey John. You still here?”  Dixie asked.

 

“Huh-uh.  We’re back.”  

 

‘You fellas have had a busy afternoon.”

 

‘We hear you’ve been occupied as well.”  An uneven grin crossed his face.   “By the way, Dix.   I love you too!”  He capitalized on the youngster’s intro.  “ Do you love me?” 

 

A scolding roll of the eyes was the paramedic’s reward.  Johnny mocked.  “Johnny, you haven’t met Charlie yet have you?”

 

“No…not formally but  I’ve heard a lot about him already.”  The paramedic studied the child’s activity then returned a glance to the nurse.  “I see he’s helping you with the narcotics tallying?”

 

‘Huh?”  She turned in alarm.  “Oh…no.  No, Charlie …here let’s find something else to write on?”

 

Charlie looked up with seemingly pensive brown eyes biting on the pen.  ‘Do you love Uncle Kel…?”  Great!  Still intent on his line of interrogation.   A one track mind…at five.

 

She opened a couple of drawers and found a tablet.  “Uh…well…he and I are pretty good friends—so I guess you could say--” 

 

“Who do you love more…me….or Uncle Kel?”

 

Johnny audited the interview while pouring himself a cup of coffee. 

 

“Well…you’re both very special--.”  She returned to the counter and handed the note pad to Charlie proceeding to place him on her stool.

 

“What about me?”  Johnny chimed before taking a sip. 

 

“Drink you’re coffee.” 

 

“Well, John.”  Roy  was only too ready to point out. “Guess that answers that question.”

 

Curiously, the five year old examined and pulled at lock of the woman’s dark blonde hair, then tucked it behind her ear, and began huffing and puffing.  Dixie closed one eye in response to the thunderous raucous in her ear.  “Charlie what are you doing?”

 

‘I’m blowing your ear.”  Obviously.  “I want to see if you melt.”  Huff.  Puff. “When Uncle Kel blew in your ear you said you were melting--.”

 

Dixie slumped in defeat. “Charlie--.’

 

Gage, DeSoto, Early…and now Morton…obviously all had questions.

 

‘Remember?  Right after you made his teeth sweat.  How did you make his teeth sweat?”  He opened his mouth wide. “Are my teeth sweating?” 

 

“Definitely.’  Dixie bluffed eyeing the cherub’s set of baby choppers.  “Charlie is going to be with us a few more weeks.”  She informed eager to change the subject.

 

‘Linda promised him that it’ll only be for a few weeks…”  Kel was skeptical.  “I’m thinking of signing him up for T-Ball league.”

 

“Wow…T-Ball?!”  She smiled picturing the little tyke’s tush tucked in those tight little…baseball tights. “Know what?  My brother used to play ball…. ”

 

Charlie’s attention turned gleefully toward her comment. 

 

“Oh yeah? “  Kel proudly contributed.  “Me too. “

 

A fugue of ‘me too’s’  promised to drowned out Charlie’s earlier questions.

 

“Yeah.  He was the catcher.  Batted clean up. We used to call him ‘Slugger’.

 

‘Pitcher and First Base.”  Kel contributed.  “They …just called me Kel.”

 

“Hey, Uncle Kel?”

”Yeah?”   What next?  The elder ball player slapped his denim clad thigh signaling for them to move on and then, backing into the arms of the fifty pound fidgetter who happily hitched a ride on his uncle’s frame, started to bid everyone ‘farewell’.  “Bye Dix….Guys!”

 

An afterthought prompted Johnny. ‘Hey…why don’t you bring him by the station some day we’d be glad to show him around.”  John suggested.  His approaching partner looked on shaking his head.  What’s he thinking? If he got lost at Rampart….what might happen at a fire station?! 

 

Kel stopped in his tracks.  “Hey, you know…that’s a great idea.  Would you like to see some fire trucks, Charlie?”

 

“Wow!!”

 

“Maybe we’ll do that!   Thanks John!”  He waved, traveling down the corridor.

 

“Don’t mention it!”  John lifted the handy talkie then turned to Roy still looking him with sagely inspection.

 

 Johnny had unknowingly beckoned the spirit of Murphy. What?!.  “What can happen at a fire station?…’ 

 

‘How can you tell if your teeth are sweating?”  Charlie asked.

 

It’s a simple phenomenon among the adult male population in the presence of beautiful females who taste like ice cream ...  Kel shook his head and sighed contemplating the long talks ahead; conversations you should be having with your dad.   Suddenly a coldness overwhelmed him followed by a haunting refrain ‘unrevealed until its season….something God alone can see’.    Clenching his jaw against the chilling sting he looked into his nephew’s smiling brown eyes.  Linda’s eyes…Mitch’s mischievous grin.  ‘God alone can see….’ Looking beyond his resentment and sense of loss, Kel found a smile.  “We’ll talk about that when you’re older, Charlie.  ‘

 

**  

Upon the Chief of Emergency Service’s return to work, scheduling logistics were a surmountable challenge.  Dixie volunteered as the natural chief coordinator. Kel was amazed but not surprised at offers that seemed to come out of the woodwork.    Roy and Joanne entertained both uncle and nephew for a cookout.  The children became fast friends. Joe Early escorted shortstop to ball practice and home by way of Daddy’s Ice Cream Shack.  Pap found his way down to Los Angeles for some long weekend retreats by the poolside.  ‘Keeps me young.”   However,  Charlie’s activity prevented any lounging or slouching.  Not to mention a bit of re-arranging the environment.  For example, beverages had to be placed on the top shelf of the pool fridge.   Not that Charlie preferred soda or beer.  Moreover, he simply enjoyed the snap and spritz as the tab was pulled from a fresh cold can.   Neil had been astounded to find ten open cans of Lowenbrau lined up on the kitchen bar waiting to be pelted to the floor by the bean bag cocked in the youngster’s rifle arm.

 

Other outings were subject to committee (Dix, Dad, Kel) consideration.  For example Chet Kelly and John Gage took the tyke to Disneyland returning with high praises for their newly discovered babe-magnet!    

 

The major reservations Kel harbored involved the effect of this concerted effort on his sister-in-law’s ability to cope with her depression. Was this providing Linda with an opportunity to rebuild or simply escape?  As Kel viewed his sister-in-law’s situation, he counted limited alternatives. Her primary resource had been her parents who lived two hours away.  But, they traveled nine months out of the year. 

 

**

 

“Thanks Dix.  I owe you.”  They’d worked it out with very little trouble.  Every detail from fetching Kel’s father to the concession duty at T-Ball.  It could be done….more importantly, for Charlie’s sake, it had to be done. 

 

‘You don’t owe me a thing….”

 

**

 

Three weeks later…  Linda  still felt that she needed more time.   Back home….where the sting of  life-long separation from her husband didn’t seem to penetrate so sharply.   Free from everyday reminders that the love of her life roamed beyond the physical realm. 

 

Reluctant to judge, Dixie couldn’t imagine the impact of such a heavy loss.  But….how much longer?  How much more time can she sacrifice away from Charlie?   Dixie considered the fun he and Kel were having at the T-Ball game today.   She pushed the door open to allow an X-Ray technician entrance to a treatment room when out of the corner or her eye she noticed Kel, clad once more in a baseball jersey and jeans with the additional cloak of distress. In his arms; Charlie ,holding his head and had apparently been crying judging by the smudged cheeks.

 

‘I need an empty room, Dix!”  Kel petitioned.

 

 “Sure…uh…Five should be clean.”    Opening the door, her nursing assessment and womanly intuition had already engaged as she tried to subdue her alarm. “What happened?”

 

“A couple of older kids were messin’ around ….swingin’ some bats.  Charlie wasn’t watching …chased a ball right nearby.   Took a home run swing behind the ear guard on his helmet…he was out cold for a few minutes…I scooped him up and brought him in.”  Kel followed her into the room and aborted several attempts to place his increasingly combative nephew on the treatment table.  Conceding the battle to win the war, the doctor sat on the procedure table with the patient clutching him tightly.    His tanned hands trembled as they weeded through his nephew’s hair to reveal the swelling and laceration.

 

 Dixie was already at the phone.  ‘Sally, this is Dixie in Room Five …could you please tell X-ray to come over here right away when they’re done in room Two?    We need a full skull series for a pediatric….”  Not just any pediatric…”Thanks.”  I’ll check to see if Joe’s available.  Kel was oblivious to anything but the young child’s condition.

 

‘I’m tired.  I wanna go home.’  Charlie wiggled.

 

“Not for a while, Babe.  Not till we get you checked out.”

 

“Need someone to call Linda?”

 

‘Dad’s probably doin’ that now--.’

 

“But I just wanna go home….please?’

 

‘Huh-uh.  We have play a little game first Tiger.  How ‘bout you sit in my lap so Uncle Kel can take a closer look at your shiner?”

 

‘Huh-uh.”

 

Argument was a waste of time and energy.  “I hold him.”  Kel offered.  “You do the exam….’

 

Dixie expediently washed her hands and stood in front of  Charlie while Kel’s arms remained snaked across the youngster’s chest.  Charlie’s  head fell back against his shoulder in search of comfort.  Drying her hands on a tuft of paper towels,  the nurse instructed. ‘Close your eyes and keep ‘em closed ‘till I count to five….can you do that?”

 

The child squinted in obedience.  Good…able to follow commands…

 

“Great!  One …two…three—no peeking—four…five.  Bright light.”

 

Instead of engaging in the play he painfully pushed away…not enough to check papillary reaction but revealing of a significant detail even more telling; photophobia, certainly not a good sign. 

 

‘Let’s try that again, Honey.’  Kel encouraged as he attempted to position Charlie for exam. .

 

“No…I don’t like this game…it hurts….I just want to go home!”

 

Dixie and Kel exchanged looks of concern…. and dread.

 

‘Pleeease…’  He was becoming wild and wide-eyed.  The last thing they wanted to do was aggravate the child’s intracranial pressure.   “Pleease….Uncle Kel.”  

 

Joe Early entered much to the relief of all parties.  “Hi Charlie…”

 

‘Make ‘em take me home, Dr. Joe.  I don’t feel good.”  His cries were becoming high pitched as he sat up, and clung to his uncle’s shirt clutching and twisting chest hairs along with the cotton fabric.  ‘Please take me home!!  I wanna go….go home.’  His breathing became heavy.  “Uncle Kel…I …don’t feel good.”  What little color he had left the physician completely.  Kel was as pale as either Dixie or Joe could remember, while the child proceeded to empty his stomach into the basin that Dixie had kept within reach.

 

“Where’s X-Ray?!”  Kel looked to Dixie as he supported the heaving child. 

 

‘They’ll be here any minute.  Sarah-Ann had to get some more films.  In the mean time…” 

 

**

 

Charlie had weakened and tired enough to permit his uncle’s exit upon Joe’s request. Kel couldn’t remember ever being referred to as ‘non-essential personnel’ before…but he followed Joe’s order willingly and with minimal resistance As he sipped the water passed his dry tongue…his stomach knotted in protest of any contents.   He wet his lips against the water fountain just outside the room then splashed water into his face that might hopefully either revamp him or wake him from this ever unfolding nightmare.   He found his dad in the waiting area with his hands folded on his lap…head down…eyes closed. 

 

Kel slid his weight in the chair beside his dad…finding comfort in his presence and wanting wise words of encouragement.  Instead the elder man brought his fingers to his eyes and pressed against them.  “Karen…at the desk….is still trying to get a hold of Linda.  She not at the Lewis’ and she’s not answering at home.  I don’t know where else she could be…”

 

Kel was frustrated although not altogether surprised. 

 

“What’s the story, Kel?”    His right hand rested on Kel’s left arm.  “Is he gonna need surgery?”

 

‘I’m afraid he is.  Joe’ll be out to talk to us once he’s seen the X-Ray’s.”  He staggered a terrified sigh as his hands entwined in front of his lips and stared at his own office door. 

 

‘How long has it been?”  Neil Brackett asked curiously.

 

“How long has what been?”

 

Neil nodded at his sons dirty, bloody,  folded hands.  “Since you prayed.”

 

“I wasn’t going to pray, Dad…I was just…”

 

“Just gonna what?   Worry?”

 

“Yeah.”  Kel defended.  “You’re not?”

 

“Of course I’m worried…but at least I’m doing something about it.  Worry alone doesn’t do any good… You’ve already got your hands together…since your there…might as well…Charlie can use all the help he can get….Linda too.”

 

“God doesn’t need my help, Dad. ‘

 

Neil snorted.  “God doesn’t want your help son….He wants your attention.  For little Charlie’s sake…maybe you’d better give Him some.”

 

 **

 

Forsaking the office door that so often sealed his fortress of privacy, now shielded only by the presence of his father, Kel lowered his head into his hands and he closed his eyes.  Dear God…please be there…

 

**

 

“We heard.’ 

 

Kel looked up.  It was Johnny Gage.

 

His partner asked softly as he parked himself beside the physician.   “Anything we can do?”

 

Kel shook his head.  ‘Thanks Guys.”

 

The squawk of the handy talkie interrupted.  “Squad Fifty-One,  Possible Heart Attack…Loemeda Ball Park, Cross street  Coleman and Loemeda.  Time out…”

 

“We’ll check in a little later, Doc.”  Roy submitted as he stood. 

 

Grateful, Dr. Kelly Brackett said humbly.  “Thanks.”

 

 Neil Brackett noticed the respect and genuine concern presented by the two men in uniform.  Pretty nice, he smiled proudly at both his son and his two friends. 

 

**

 

 

“Any word from Linda?”  Joe’s voice came from over their shoulders as he approached the two generations of Brackett men. 

 

‘Huh-uh.”  The frustrated men shook their head wearily. 

 

‘We need to evacuate his hematoma.”

 

‘Evacuate…but he’s just a kid…”

 

‘Normally I’d wait and let it re-absorb….kids his age are usually pliable enough to suffer through a couple days worth of headache and then get back to normal.”  He looked at his hands.  “His intracranial pressure is still increasing-- certainly too rapidly to risk anything less aggressive.”

 

 Kel responded.  “Do what you need to do, Joe.  I’ll take full responsibility….”

 

‘Good.”  He stood and with a gesture of his arm invited the Brackett men to do likewise.  “Anesthesia should be here any minute to escort him down--.”

 

‘Anesthesia?  He’s intubated?’

 

‘No…but he had a petite mal seizure…I didn’t want to run the risk of airway compromise in the event of a bigger one en route to the OR.”

 

“Smart move.”  Kel nodded in agreement.

 

“He’s got an IV…we bolused him with Dilantin and Valium….so he’s pretty sleepy but you can be with him until he goes to the OR.”

 

**

 

They entered the treatment room in which Dixie vigilantly stood by the child, monitoring him as he slept.  Her hands wanting to embrace the boy but her nursing instincts reminded her…the less stimulation the better at this point after a seizure.  Too much might trigger another one. 

 

She knew both Kel and Neil were reading her face as much as the child’s overall condition.  Looking up she offered smiling blue eyes wet with comfort, as she watched Kel approach the child’s bedside, with an arm on his father’s shoulder, uncertain who was bracing whom. 

 

No stranger to the elder man who often wore his heart on his sleeve, Dixie looked on as he fumbled in deep pockets for a handkerchief.   The tears he could no longer swallow poured down his cheeks and onto his quivering lip. 

 

‘Come on Dad.’  Kel’s arm went around his father’s shoulder and shored him against his chest.  “He’s in good hands…let’s …let’s go get--.”

 

“I’m sorry. “  He dabbed the white cotton cloth at his eyes.  ‘I’ll be fine…I am fine…”

 

Joe came to his side.  “I’ve gotta go ‘scrub’…let me walk you to Kel’s office—it’s right on the way.  Kel can stay with him until they take him upstairs.”

 

‘Kel the one I’m worried about.”  The elder man forced the joke swallowing again. 

 

“Dixie’s here.”  Joe soothed. 

 

‘Right.  He’s in good hands, then.”  He turned, walked a few steps and stopped.  “Speaking of hands…make sure, he washes his!”

 

 

 

**

 

Eternal moments passed, then necessary forms filled out en rush, reports were passed along and last minute questions answered.  There was little doubt the child would survive the surgery but….the aftermath. Was abandonment and suffering the destiny for this child?  So much potential in that little package… Charlie’s brown eyes were quieted and glazed, half closed  in stupor, without a glimmer of recognition as he was lifted onto the transport gurney.  His mothers eyes….his father’s grin.  Where were they?  Where was Charlie?  Wherever the child was ….whatever state he was in….he was there, alone.  He had to go through this ordeal alone.    Kel followed the entourage to the elevators… The heavy double door closed behind him.  So small….so alone.

 

Dixie and Kel would follow in the next elevator.  She pushed the button.  ‘Joe’ll be there with him…”  Having read his thoughts yet again, Dixie comforted him from behind as they entered the elevator.  Their working relationship and non-working relationship had long ago melded their thoughts, not always in agreement, but always mindful and discerning of each other.  He gazed at her….reaching  an arm around her shoulder.  Leaning into his embrace, she comforted him. 

 

“I know things seem pretty dark right now….but….”  Dixie bit her lip.  “Hang in there….they say it’s always darkest just before dawn.” 

 

There’s a dawn in every darkness….

 

**

“I’m scared.”  Kel watched through the small pane of glass as the team took him down the sterile corridor to the operating room.  “I don’t think I’ve ever been this scared.”

 

‘I know.”  .

 

‘He didn’t want me to bring him to the hospital… said his mommy told him … his daddy and brother were taken to the hospital when they were hurt…. ”

 

 ‘I see.  Have we heard anything from Linda yet?”

 

‘I don’t know if Dad’s had any success or not.”

 

‘She’s in for a brutal surprise.”

 

“Yeah.” Kel stared beyond the window.  His heart and mind beyond the barrier that held him back physically from the restricted area.  “He didn’t even open his eyes….”

 

‘He’s worn out from the seizure…plus he’s been sedated…”  Dixie watched with him through the window of the adjacent double door…then turned her eyes to Kel and donned a mask of encouragement. 

 

“I suppose that’s better than having him wake up and not knowing where he is…and scared to death.”   

 

 ‘If it’s any comfort….it’s unlikely that he’ll remember much of anything after the bat hit him.  The important thing is….Joe’s gonna go in there, do what needs to be done and get out…. Charlie’s gonna be okay.”

 

I hope so. But with the admission came a tide of overwhelming reminders that this child had not received the best of fortune when encountering life’s disasters.  

  Doubt had sunk its talons deeply into the man’s spirit.

 

 Dixie added a reminder “He’s not alone, Kel.”  Her hand gently touched his cheek. “Neither are you.”

 

She was right.  He felt the beginnings of a smile somewhere deep within him, barely enough to form one across his lips.  “It doesn’t take away all the uncertainty…’. 

 

She turned his face directly toward hers. ‘…nor the guilt.”

 

Guilt?  Was he strong enough to deal with this issue?  Was he strong enough to look into her eyes?  The power she had to see through to his very core and expose it for scrutiny.  Yes, guilt.

 

 You know how well I know you, Kel.  “You did everything possible, Kel.  You can’t blame yourself for turning your head at the wrong time. ..Tell me one thing you’d have done differently.  Start the day over…name one thing you’d have changed or altered….”

 

He remained silent.   Deeply silent.  After a few moments of dry sorrow he spoke something he’d never wanted revealed.   “I would’ve driven.”

 

Driven…?    She turned back the pages…reviewed the chapters of Kel’s life….of course Mitch, his brother,  had been behind the wheel the night of the car accident…had Kel been there instead….Oh…Dear God.   Dixie had called forth a deeper demon than guilt for Charlie’s present condition.

 

 “Charlie’d still have an father, a brother…and a mother…this might never have happened.”  He conjectured somberly.     “Instead…”

 

Dixie shuddered and collected herself.  ‘I’m not going to let you get away with that. ’  Her voice was moist with sympathy but stern.  “Does it matter that some people are grateful that you are very much alive? …that quite a few people are alive and contributing to society today….because your life was spared?!”

 

Again silence.  .

 

Although tempted, this was no time to disclose her own growing emotional dependence on him.    “I can’t begin to tell you why things turned out the way they did…but like it or not there is a little boy in there who desperately needs you and needs you to deal with this...this self-blame that you’re manufacturing. “

 

He looked at her ashamed.  He’d made all this about himself…when it should’ve been about Charlie.  Kel took a deep breath.  Like it or not God had chosen him to live and move on.   You’ll always, be my little brother, Lamebrain!  You can never be as old as me.  A couple of months ago Kel turned 42.   The time had come for Kelly Brackett to realize that no matter how much he hammered at  the past  …he couldn’t alter reality….or make it fit into his idea of ‘fair.’    Who said life is fair? He could even hear himself saying it. Then out of nowhere a phrase followed naturally.  Something God alone can see.

 

From our past will come the future, what it holds …a mystery.

Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see..

 

“I’m…I’m sorry, Dix.  Forgive me.”

 

“No problem.”  Dixie took his arm and with a nod, silently persuaded him away from the door and into the waiting room.  Telling him how much his life meant to her would serve only to confuse him.  Instead she leaned her cheek tenderly against his shoulder.

 

Dixie’s tender touch always rendered just what he needed.  Telling her how much it meant to him at this point seemed trite and confusing.  His hand closed over hers.

 

**

 

 “Any word?”  Neil paused at the doorway. 

 

Kel looked needlessly at his watch: 12:30am.   “We should be hearing something soon….”

 

The elder Brackett man entered the room quietly, his attention directed at the nurse folded into an armchair with her head propped against its back  as she slept.  He smirked at her tenacity throwing a glance to his son.  “I thought you told her to go home.”

 

“She listens about as well as you do.”  He rubbed his chin unconcerned that he needed a shave. 

 

**

 

Maybe this had been a nightmare. The crimp in Dixie’s neck and the sound of quiet voices caused her to stir and reminded her differently.  She sensed a hand gently, firmly squeezing her arm.  “Dix?”

 

The softness if Kel’s gruff voice held a warmth that reminded her of hearth-stones holding and giving off a fire’s heat. Comforting. Warming.  He spoke in tones that brought back quiet conversations they had shared long ago with the lights out.  Quiet. Peaceful.  Warming.   Maybe this had been a dream of some sort.   Her eyes fluttered open to Kel’s face silhouetted by the dimmed table lamps.  “Dix.” 

 

She focused on a familiar smile surrounded by dark stubble shadowing his chin, his dark wavy hair still a bit misshapen from his hat.  Hat….jersey…Charlie.

 

Kel squirmed his hips onto the edge of the chair with her, draping an arm around her frame.  ‘Just talked with Joe…he says everything went well.”

 

“Did he say how--.”

 

He shook his head and placed his cheek against her soft hair.  ‘We’ll just have to wait till he wakes up to determine if there’s been any residual damage.”

 

“Well…at least he’s over the first hurdle.”

 

“And runnin’ strong.  Joe’s optimistic.”

 

“That’s wonderful, Kel.  Thank God.”  Her sleep-heavy head rested against his shoulder.  

 

‘Yes.  Thank God.”  He squeezed her closer..  “You know…Joe Early said the same thing?”

 

“And all the time we thought it was mere talent.”

 

They chuckled in their embrace.  A wide sleepy grin formed over  features whose complexion held the grid of the corduroy fabric which she had pressed against, her blue eyes once again gleaming .  Kel brought his hand to her cheek and rubbed against its comforting softness.  “You know….you wouldn’t have to be here.  But…I’m certainly glad you are, Dix.”

 

‘Me too.”  Another priority surfaced to which Dixie gave voice.  “Has anyone heard from Linda, yet?” 

 

“We’re still waiting.  Dad left a message on her answering machine and left word with her parents.  That’s about all anyone can do.” 

 

Dixie nodded in agreement allowing that concern to remain secondary for a while longer.  There was no need to prolong the embrace but both were reluctant about exiting the sweet circle that they’d formed around one another. 

 

‘Thanks for setting me straight, Dix.  I was pretty wrapped up in my own world thinking of how I was being affected--”  Gotta get to Charlie.

 

“Sh…sh.’  She placed her hand over his lips trying not to enjoy the contact too much.  “Anytime.  I might need you to do the same for me sometime…’

 

‘You mean you actually make mistakes?”  He spoke against her retreating fingers not wanting her to remove them. 

 

 She grinned coyly.  “Never said that.” 

 

He bit his lip.  Time to go, Kel. Charlie’s in recovery…get there.    He stood, his navy crumpled navy ball hat falling from his pocket. 

 

‘Care to join me at a little boy’s bedside?” 

 

“Try keeping me away.”  She stretched.

 

Her attention turned toward Kel’s father.  He appeared weary and in need of some rest.  Certainly in no condition to drive.  She watched Kel’s smile dropped in concern.

 

 Dad can’t stay here tonight.  Kel would do anything for his father but admittedly didn’t feel up to the task of driving him home then driving right  back…but if that’s what needed to be done…  He stood.

 

Dixie wasted no time.  She jumped from her chair and cheerily walked over to Neil, her ponytail an absolute mess from her nap.  ‘Hey Stranger…heard the good news, huh?  How ‘bout you and I celebrate with a cup of coffee for the road and I take you to a real nice little bed and breakfast---maybe you’ve heard of it— The Chateau Brackett?”

 

You’re incredible, Dix. 

 

“The service probably leaves a little bit to be desired but the accommodations are fantastic.”

 

Neil was grateful for the suggestion but resisted.  “I was gonna stick around at least until Charlie wakes up.” 

 

Kel was already shaking his head in disagreement, his arms folded across his chest.  A lecture was coming. “Joe told us that Charlie probably won’t be awake for quite a while.  You go on home and get a good night’s rest.”  He encouraged shifting his expression.  “Better hurry…the offer might not last.”

 

Neil released a playful grin of consideration as Dixie pursed her lips and blushed gracefully.

 

“Dad…if you don’t accept the lady’s proposal….I just might.”   The lady’s  proposal and unspoken sacrifice affected him beyond his comfort.  

 

“Brackett Château, huh?  Well…’  Neil offered her his arm.  “Is there a pool?”

 

‘Of course….”   Dixie winked as she wound her arm around his. 

 

“My coat’s in Kel’s office.  Give me a few minutes.”

 

“I’ll go get my car.  Pinto station wagon.  Not exactly luxury.”  She shrugged.

 

“Take your time, and be careful.”

 

**

 

The armchair beside Charlie’s intensive care bed was less than comfortable but Kel was more than exhausted and managed to nod off into a light doze.   The noise of a chart falling to the floor then the swishing of papers as it was collected, just outside the dark cubicle caused him to stir.  Rubbing his eyes, he squinted at the blurred form standing next to the bed.  He sat forward focusing on the recognizable features illuminated by the dim fluorescent tube above the bed.

 

‘Sorry.  I was trying not to disturb you.”  Perturbed by the activity in the hallway undermining her stealth, she scowled.  Her husky voice directed the question toward the movement.  “Has he stirred at all?” 

 

Kel rose and joined Dixie, noticing her hand holding the sleeping child’s.  “Believe it or not….he woke up like a bear about a half an hour ago….moving’ everything…even asked for some ice cream!”  Kel happily reported.  Dixie’s look of surprise and disbelief were reward enough, but magnifying the affection in her blue eyes were the welling of tears.  

 

She wiped at them as they spilled.  “You’re kidding.”  Of course he wasn’t kidding….

 

“Gave him some Codeine for his headache …..”   A nod to the quiet bed gave testimony to the result.

 

“ That’s wonderful!”  Dixie smiled radiantly.    ‘Thank God.”

 

“Yeah…been doin’ that.”  He’d fallen asleep doing just that.  “Hey, what are you doing back here?  I thought you were going home after you dropped off Dad.”

 

“I tucked him in…then…headed to my place but….”  Dixie shook her head.  “I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep.”

 

‘Really?  You were doing pretty well in the chair, earlier.”  Kel’s arm wrapped around her lower back.

 

‘I suppose that little nap was just enough to give me my second wind…’  Dixie shrugged. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep, because I wasn’t where I belonged….I needed to be here, with you and Charlie.   “Any word from Linda?”

 

“Not yet.”   Kel shook his head and directed her away from the bedside to the room’s window that framed a waning night sky soon to erupt with daylight. 

 

“See?”  Dixie prompted.  ‘The sun’s comin’ up after all.”

 

“Uh-huh…”

 

“It was an awfully long night though, huh?”

 

“Yeah.”   And like the promising sky….there were still some shadows to burn away.   Kel took Dixie’s hand and squeezed it.   “Thanks for going with him, Dix.  And for being with us… for sticking with me.” 

 

“Hey…”  Somewhere along the line….’sticking’ with you wasn’t a choice.  It was simply something I had to do…what I wanted to do.  Where I belonged. Her eyes met his. “What are friends for?”

 

“You’ve gone beyond what any friend would do.”  His eyes held hers as he leaned toward her and placed the tenderest kiss on her lips.  I needed that.

 

“If that was my payment,” Dixie said softly.  “I owe you some change.”  She placed a quick peck against his lips in return.  “If Charlie wakes up, tell him I said ‘hi’. I’m gonna go catch up with your dad and exit out the ER doors.”

 

Even when weary, he was devastatingly handsome.  He simply smiled.

 

“You okay?”  She ascertained.

 

“I’m okay.”   He reassured.  “You?”

 

“I’m okay.” 

 

A dawn in every darkness….?  Maybe.   Kel sat alone in the peninsula of chairs.  Perfect.  He had some thanks to return.

 

**

 

“Dr. Brackett?”  Squawked the dear voice of Edna the Family Support Volunteer manning the phone in the Intensive Care Waiting Room.

 

“Yes?’   He tore his attention from Dixie now asleep--and drooling--on the armchair. 

 

“There’s a woman on an outside line says she desperately needs to speak with you.” Smiling, she released her arthritic grasp of the receiver. 

 

“Thank-you.”  He returned grin surrounded by a heavy five-o’clock( rather 6:45 ) shadow.  “Hello…this is Dr. Brackett.”

 

“Kel?”

 

“Linda…?” To Kel’s surprise, a shot of adrenaline coursed through him.

 

‘How’s Charlie?”   She’d been crying.

 

“Charlie’s okay…Joe removed a hematoma from the right side of his head —“

 

“Oh God. You mean he’s in surgery!?”

 

“Well  no… he’s had surgery.  But he’s gonna be fine….he’s gonna be just fine.”

 

Years of sorrow poured from her over the next few silent seconds.  “ But…he’s just….a baby…he’s only five…he can’t have surgery —who gave permission?”

 

“I did.”

 

Linda didn’t care that she wasn’t making sense.   She knew one thing….that her son was a long way  away  and needing her.  “But--how could you--?”

 

“We had no time to waste…the circumstances were dire.  Charlie required immediate intervention.  We didn’t have time to fool around.”

 

“Dire? ”

 

“Yes.” Kel realized he’d been mincing words but not knowing what sort of support she had on the other end of the phone, he’d tried to reinforce the important issue. ‘Yes.  But he’s doing fine--.”

 

“ Neil said he’d been hit on the head with a base ball—I didn’t know he was dying!”  Sobs blurred her words.

 

“Well…it was actually a ball bat….and he’s not dying—“

 

“How could you let something like this happen again?”

 

Again?  Those were words he hand never heard from her before.  Had she been harboring those sentiments all this time?

 

How could she have been so venomous?  “It’s happening again, isn’t it.   Charlie’s gonna die and there’s nothing I can do about it--!”

 

 ‘No, Linda.  He’s not dying but…he might have if Joe hadn’t moved fast.”

 

‘I’m sorry.  Tell me, Kel…am I gonna have a son  …or a vegetable when I get to the hospital?”

 

“Yes you’re gonna have a very healthy wonderful son who’ll probably be up and whining in a couple of days….I think the more important question is…does he have a mother?’

 

‘Kel be serious.”

 

‘I’ve never been more serious, Linda.  He needs you.  He needs Linda Brackett…Not Linda Lewis.   …’

 

“Kel.”

 

“Hear me out.  Dad and I will always be here for you two—Dix too.  But you have to pull yourself together because Charlie can’t make it alone.  And I’m no substitute for you.”  He supposed he’d said enough over the phone.  She’d already had more news than she should have to handle for a while.  “Where are you?  You need a ride?”

 

“I’m in Richmond--.”

 

‘Richmond Virgin—you don’t know anybody in Richmond Virginia?!”

 

‘I know.’

 

“What are you doing in Richmond ?!”

 

‘I was thinking…of  starting over.”

 

Starting over?  ‘But you’d have no support system…what would you do with Charlie if…”

 

Dead ugly silence hung within the wires for about ten seconds.  “Charlie…”  She couldn’t finish, unable to admit to her husband’s little brother that Charlie wasn’t in the picture. 

 

“I see.” Don’t say anymore, Linda.  We’ll work it out.  Kel sighed.  “Look.  We can talk more when you get here—you are coming aren’t you?”

 

“As soon as I can.”  She sounded reassured that Kel wouldn’t hold this over her head.

 

“Call me when you get in to LA…please?” 

 

‘Sure.”  She stammered and hesitated.  “And Kel?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“You’re right.  I know he needs me…  And…I need him!”

 

**

 

In a few long days, the turbine would be removed and the dressings undone.  Until then ice cream would placate his condition.  Charlie shoveled a muddy blob of chocolate into his mouth as his uncle patiently watched.   C’mon.  She should be here by now.  The door opened , pushed by the arms of  Nurse Dixie McCall in uniform.  The woman behind her was almost a stranger.   The confident, self reliant woman he knew so well had no façade of bravery…only one of desperation as she stepped toward her son’s smiling eyes and chocolate coated face.  “Oh God, Charlie…”   What have I done to you--?  ‘I’m so sorry.”

 

“Mommeeeee!!”   The child raised his creamy spoon in victory.  “Yeeeessss!!”

 

“I missed you so much…”  

 

He smeared a sticky kiss to her cheek upon her embrace.  “Mom- Me.! Mom. Me!   Mom!  Me!”  Victoriously , he barked  his warrior-like chant. 

 

“I love you so much!”

 

“Mom Me!  Mom Me! Mom Me!!”   He bounced and squeezed.  “I!  Love!  You!  Too!  Mom Me!  Mom Me! Mom Me!  He hugged her neck and smashed her face against his continuing the throaty calls.  

 

Tight within her son’s embrace, Linda turned her attention to the man who’d cared for him these passed couple of months.  “Hi, Kel.”

 

“Hi. Linda.”  With his eyes, Kel smiled in relief.   Linda’s honest emotion led him to believe that although she had been changed by the death of her husband and son,  she could be trusted and perhaps time would favor the world with  a rebirth of the original.    He threw a glance to Dixie whose thoughts paralleled he own.  The nurse radiated a smile in return and excused herself.

 

The door closed quietly.  Linda calmed herself to make sure Kel knew exactly where she was coming from.  She sighed and spoke bravely.  ‘I’m sorry for the horrible things I said to you on the phone…I…just pictured him all alone…”

 

‘He wasn’t alone Linda.  Neither are you.”

 

‘I know…I realize that now….and…’m so sorry….I…certainly haven’t been myself.”

 

“You might not have been yourself…but …those things were certainly vintage Linda.  Truth straight off the tongue!  I’ve often wondered how you could’ve forgiven me so easily….all this time …”

 

“Kel…I--.”

 

“ You didn’t want to hurt me anymore than …what I was hurting myself….”  Kel finished humbled at the woman’s charge..

 

‘You were doing a good job at punishing yourself, Kel.”  She agreed tearfully.  

 

‘You were just looking out for me.  And all this time I thought it was the other way around.  I promised Mitch I’d take care of you…I helped you make me into a crutch.”

 

“You were just looking out for me.”

 

He walked over to her and took her hand.   “Tell you what…how ‘bout we both---all of us—take a little better care of ourselves….” 

 

“That way    maybe we can take better care of each other…”  She completed his thought and sealed it with a tearful kiss.  ‘I love you, Kel.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

 Visiting Abernathy Meadows would not be as painful as the ground they’d just traversed. The earth that buried the caskets of Mitchell and Eric Brackett was not nearly as thick as the layers of guilt and resentment that had veiled their survivors.   “I think….Mitch would be proud …of both of us.”  Linda knew it.

 

“Of all of us.”   Kel knew it too. 

 

A huge sigh left her as she speculated.  ‘You think….they watch over us, Kel?’

 

He smiled and shrugged.  “I’m counting on it.  In fact, I’m relying on it pretty heavily.”

 

‘ I know they do!”  Charlie blurted proudly.  “They’re with God, right?  He can see everything….”

 

“Good enough for me…”   Kel exited to allow a more private reunion.  

 

As the door closed behind him,  he choked something back.  A warmth welled within him.  Even…a peace.  Charlie would be okay…he wasn’t alone anymore and …he knew it.  Linda?  She was showing signs of turning the corner too.  Something…Someone had  convinced him that beneath her layers of cynicism, resentment, and self-doubt , the determined , fiery woman still existed.  Kel had intended to find it and fish her back out of her murky depths of despair. But, that wasn’t what she needed.   That much she would have to do on her own.  But, she wasn’t alone.  She’d just needed to learn that.

 

The refrain of this peace began to soften the once deafening footsteps of a monstrous guilt that had threatened to trample Kelly Brackett; something he had to out-distance on his own. This chill of an early fall had hit hard…its killing frost eradicated the more delicate flowers of summer ….but in its ebb,  the brilliant colors of more hardy life forms were making their presence known, and with them, the promise of a spectacular Indian Summer.  He wasn’t alone.  He’d just needed to learn that.

 

There’s a song in every silence, seeking word and melody…

There’s a dawn in every darkness, bringing hope to you and me.

From our past will come the future, what it holds …a mystery.

Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see..

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                    The End?

 

                                    

This story is dedicated to my brave cousin Linda, who clings to the promise that her nine-year-old son, Paul is waiting for her across the river in the protective, loving arms of his Creator.    Thank-you to Natalie Sleeth for her words of inspiration in her song The Hymn of Promise. 

LOBBY•ADMISSIONS•CHALLENGES