presents...

Martouf -
An Intergalactic Asshole

by V.P. Pepsi

Look - lipstick. Really obvious lipstick. Introducing.... Martouf the Drag Queen!

"At last.... they have left. Now I can continue my evil plotting!" (evil laughter)

"No, no... of *course* they wouldn't open the gate when I'm standing in the way-AAAAAARGH....."

Martouf: "And, and.... the Samandjack list
really hate me!"

Sam (thinks): Please tell me the Colonel'll be here soon!

"Not another Top 50 Ways to Kill Martouf list!"

"Ooh! Martouf? Where? I DIBS FIRST SHOT!"

"Okay... maybe setting fire to the computer just because it had a picture of Martouf on it wasn't such a good
idea...."

june 20, 2000