| [ Attack of the Rockoids Message Board ] [ Sample Chapter ] |   |
| Author | Comment |
| J R Caldoon Unregistered User (3/9/00 6:07:12 pm) Reply | This could've been a nice yarn... Thanks to the keen review, I was expecting a few threads of a good yarn when I took a moment to examine the sample chapter of _Attack of the Rockoids_. I must say I'm rather disappointed after having read the chapter for myself. Just a few comments for the Steinbergs: The staccato nature of the sentences and prevalence of one-sentence paragraphs, perhaps intended to lend urgency to the action, instead hinder it by placing a heavier workload on the reader's eyes. Reading text on a screen is difficult enough without adding additional hurdles for one's readers. I see numerous passages that would have been more pleasant to my eye had they written more clearly and concisely... including many of the aforementioned one-short-sentence paragraphs that should have been incorporated into other paragraphs instead of being placed on their own in all that cold whitespace. There are numerous bits in which a key fact (e.g., it stinks, it's dark, etc.) is restated without achieving anything more than slowing the action further. The one that really stands out to me involves Perkins' fall: A one-sentence paragraph informed me no fewer than FOUR times that, yes, the guy is still enjoying his taste of terminal velocity. As I read the excerpt of _Attack of the Rockoids_, I felt much like Perkins in the alien-holding area: I was stumbling around, though it was light and not dark that hindered me. Well, maybe a _little_ dark... namely, those little bits of punctuation ending the too-numerous choppy sentences. While none of the work, so far as I could tell, is groundbreaking, it could've been interesting to read had the style not stepped squarely in my path and halted me with upraised palm. I hope the Steinbergs will take these comments in the constructive vein in which they were intended and apply them to their future works. For my part, I don't plan on purchasing the full novel because I'd surely buy the local store clean of Goody's Headache Powder long before bulling my way through to the end. Respectfully, Jake R. Caldoon |
GeneSteinberg  Administrator (3/9/00 6:15:45 pm) Reply | Re: This could've been a nice yarn... Hi, I would have hoped you would have considered putting your real name on this message; the one posted here is different from the one that was provided in the e-mail you sent us. In any case, we don't expect everyone to like the yarn. Most do, including some professional reviewers (we quote one at our home page). But even Oscar-winning movies don't please everyone, so the best I can say is that I appreciate the fact that you took the time to check out our site, and that you will visit us occasionally. We have more stuff coming up, including another sample chapter. Perhaps if you read a different segment of the book, you'd have a better appreciation for what is going on in the novel. Have a nice day. Peace, Gene gene@rockoids.com www.rockoids.com |
| J R Caldoon Unregistered User (3/9/00 6:36:52 pm) Reply | I'll be sure to take a look. No, this isn't my real name, but -you- have my real name and address, so what relevance is there in my choosing to use my screen name as the chop for this message?  I'll keep tabs and see what else AotR has to offer. Good day, Jake R. Caldoon (otherwise known as Steve Todd) Email: haystack@tds.net |
| GeneSteinberg Administrator (3/11/00 1:47:32 pm) Reply | Re: I'll be sure to take a look. I just wanted to apologize to our regular visitors for the messages from this Jake R. Caldoon/Steve Todd/haystack person. Based on private correspondence I've had with him, he's pretty much confirmed that he posted his comments about our novel strictly to be a troublemaker and nothing more. It all started out with an accusation that we had deliberately removed his original message (although we never saw any original message from him). Anyway, we hope you folks will read the book with an open mind and come to your own conclusions. Peace, Gene Steinberg Co-Author, "Attack of the Rockoids" gene@rockoids.com www.rockoids.com |
| Steven Todd Unregistered User (3/11/00 5:26:00 pm) Reply | Most anyone who reads the book with an open mind.. ...will come to the conclusion that it is worse than pulp. The fact that I don't want to repeat the arguments that have run endlessly on and on in the USENET group rec.arts.sf.composition in PRIVATE conversations with you has no bearing on the validity of my critique of your work. I am sorry you were so offended by my attempt at helping you improve your writing skills that you had to attempt to cast doubts on my integrity not once but twice in this message thread. Why on EARTH would I have any reason to cause you 'trouble' when I'd never even spoken with you before last Thursday, Mr. Steinberg? You want the real story? Fine. You want to make this public? Your decision... not mine. I had nothing further to say to you until you AGAIN disparaged my honor. Someone pointed me to a page summarizing your entry into rec.arts.sf.composition earlier this week... a page that puts you in a very bad light, Mr. Steinberg. I like to have both sides of the story in a situation such as this, and so I came here, read your sample chapter. and POLITELY described what could use some improvement. When I checked the message board for your response the next morning, I found my message GONE. And no, Mr. Steinberg, your web-board software did NOT eat the message by itself. Someone else saw my critique not long after I posted and commented on it to me. It was there, recorded, as of ~2:00 AM Central Time on Thursday, March 8. YOU REMOVED THE MESSAGE later that morning. You YOURSELF said in email that YOU are the ONLY person who has administrative privileges on this webboard. If the message was there for others to see, and if you are the only person who can remove messages, it stands to reason that YOU DELETED IT! I sent you an email expressing my displeasure that you would do such a thing and letting you know in no uncertain terms that you had just verified all the things folks were saying about you on rec.arts.sf.composition. I will admit that the tone of said email was (though NOT abusive or vulgar) less than friendly, but then I don't take well to people who try to censor me. The ONLY reason my critique is here now is that you thought you could disprove my belief that you censor posts on this board in doing so. Not at all. There is no WAY that material of such extreme sadness as _AotR_ would remain undercommented for this long. Oh, and one more thing... I quit talking to you in email because it was rather obvious to me that you are completely out of touch with reality regarding your sad attempt at writing fiction. I have better things to do than argue with someone who's yelling at me with his hands clapped tightly over his ears. Your message here warrants response... this one response... and that's all. Good day. Steve Todd |
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