So now here it comes. Trouble begins when comparisons between the ex and you start, Ben thought. "What?"
"Stifle me."
"Oh, I’m stifling you?"
"Yeah."
"What exactly does that mean?"
With a look of ‘duh’, Justin began giving the clinical definition of the word 'stifling'. Holding a hand up in interruption, "No Justin. I know what the fucking word means. I mean, so what does that mean for us?"
Clarity. "Just back off a little, I guess. I’m feeling pressured Ben."
With a shrug of his shoulders, hands out in disbelief, Ben trudged off with Justin calling after him to no avail. "Ben! Wait! You asked and I’m sorry...but at least I was honest. Ben! Ben?"
A little while later, Justin came back to the cabin to find Mark and his friends goofing off. Brian and Michael were nowhere to be found. Great. Slamming the door to alert the boys of his presence, Justin steeled himself, walking in.
"Oh look. It’s the faggot, Taylor."
"Fuck off Mark."
"You’d like that wouldn’t you? Only I’m not a butt fucker like you."
"Sure know a lot about butt fucking if you’re not one."
"You asshole!"
"Again with the comments. ' Asshole', 'cocksucker', 'butt fucker'...tell me Mark. You interested or something?"
Lunging at Justin, Mark’s friends tried to hold him back. Mark got in a punch to Justin’s lip before they held him off. Amidst all this, Brian and Michael walked back in the cabin and before you know it, Mark took a blow to his knee from Brian’s crutch. Falling down in pain, Mark screamed.
Rushing to Justin, Brian took in the blood flowing from his lip. "Goddammit! Mikey, get me a washcloth!"
Pulling his towels from his bunk, Michael hurriedly gave Brian the towel. Pressing the cloth to Justin’s lip, Brian checked the boy’s face. "Did he get you anywhere else?"
Holding Brian’s hand as it held the now crimson cloth, "I’m fine Brian," Justin mumbled as best he could.
"We should go tell someone," Michael whispered.
"No Michael, don’t. Then it’ll be a lot worse. We’re used to it right, Sunshine?"
"Yeah," Justin responded as he spat some of his blood onto Mark, lying on the floor.
Reaching back for his crutch that Michael brought to him, Brian and Justin walked down to the showers to clean him up. Mark’s buddies carried him to the nurse’s office ready with the story of how Mark fell goofing around. Now both star soccer players would be sitting out.
Pushing Justin up against the sink basin, Brian reached over, rinsing out the washcloth. "It’s not too bad."
"Well, tell that to my lip."
Laughing, "You’ll be fine."
"I’m not some whiney faggot."
"No, you’re not. Actually you were pretty brave in there."
"Bad as new, right?"
"Yeah."
Smiling, Justin took the cloth out of Brian’s grasp, turning around to take a look. With their eyes on one another through the mirror’s reflection, "I’m sorry I wasn’t there."
"Brian, you can’t be there all the time. Besides, it wouldn’t seem right now with what’s going on."
"Oh, you mean now that you’re with Ben? Since you’re so fond of throwing that in my face all the time."
Cutting his eyes, Justin huffed, spitting out blood into the sink. From Angel to Lucifer in 10 seconds flat. "Can we please not do this right now? I’m so tired of all of this."
"What?"
"You and Ben fighting."
"He started it!"
"No Brian. You started it."
"How the fuck did I start it? If he would just mind his own fucking business..."
"You started it Brian when you made me his business."
"Wasn’t very hard for you, huh?"
"Wasn’t very hard for you either. Huh?"
"Fuck this!" Brian spat, storming off. "I hope you’re a free bleeder! Knowing you, you probably are."
The cafeteria had been turned into a dance hall by Debbie, Vic and the counselors. Blue, orange, red and green lights flickered under a disco ball. A DJ was currently spinning in a corner of the room, head phones on, rocking out to the latest techno beat. Tables were lined with cookies, punch and cake along with other fare, like crudite and dips. Boys and girls lined the walls like the good little wallflowers that they were. Dresses, slinky outfits, pressed pants, button down shirts were all around, having been hidden away for most of the summer, brought out on the special occasion.
Getting showered, Brian and Justin were on opposite sides of the showers. Flip flops and towels along with toiletries were juggled, navigating the slippery tiles by all the boys. Michael had already wiped out twice so the boys were extra careful even if they laughed at his pain. Now all alone, it was just Brian and Justin. Again. Having ignored each other for the rest of the night and into the next day, they seemed at a detente.
Wrapped in a towel around his waist, Brian brushed his teeth at the sink, watching Justin’s reflection as it pulled back the shower curtain, covering his naked body. Reaching up for his towel, his eyes catching Brian’s, Justin’s hand missed its grab for the dangling terry cloth. The brushing motion of his toothbrush put on pause, Brian watched as Justin’s towel fell from the rack on the wall outside the shower.
Seeing the towel drop, hearing it slop onto the wet tile, Brian stood watching as Justin’s hand grabbed at the air, his eyes still locked with Brian’s. With toothbrush hanging vicariously out of his mouth, paste covering his lips, he carefully walked towards Justin’s stall. Standing face to face, eyes taking in Justin’s lean, clean, naked form, Brian bent down, retrieving the towel. As his downcast head was level with Justin’s crotch, Brian inhaled, licking his lips, releshing the minty freshness. Only inches away from one another, a trickle of water from Brian’s still wet head dropped onto Justin’s emerging rock hard penis. The hand that was before reaching for his wayward towel, until recently gripping onto the pole above was now running its fingers through Brian’s hair. Moving upward, towel firmly grasped, Brian reared up, pushing Justin back into his stall.
Against the wall his body smacked, Justin pulled the towel from around Brian’s hips, his hands clenching the smooth, taut skin, reaching for purpose. Wrenching the toothbrush from his mouth, not caring as it plummeted to the nasty tile below, Brian pushed further into Justin, crushing him with his now towel less body and his Crest flavored mouth.
Reaching behind him to slam the frosted, soap scum obscuring shower curtain closed, Brian’s other hand gripped Justin’s neck. In the confines of the shower was when they both discovered one another. Truly discovered one another. It'd had all come full circle.
Hands reaching, gaining for purpose, they were glued together. Lips twined as were legs, pushing closer into each other. Brian’s knee raising and lowering itself, to touch Justin’s balls and graze his leaking penis. Moans reverberated through the room and Justin reached over, eyes closed, tongue slathered with Brian’s to turn the water back on. Soon the small enclosure filled up with steam and Brian and Justin continued to rub against one another, now wet.
Brian’s head rested in the crook between Justin’s shoulder and neck, his mouth sighing from the contact and pleasure of it all. One hand stroking Justin softly and the other hand kneading and pulling, softly and roughly alternating on his cheeks. Justin’s hands were all over Brian. From his back to his arms, to his face and his fingers in and around Brian’s mouth. In and out his fingers went, probing alongside his tongue as Brian moaned his satisfaction. Need and desire...his hands all around, his dick hard, leaking, rubbing against Justin’s. Rutting now, Brian arched up not unlike a cat, rubbing harder, quicker against Justin’s body as the water cascaded all around them.
Brian slinked his body down, the water pelting him, spreading Justin’s feet shoulder width apart. His tongue licking up and down Justin’s calves, as his hands moved up and down his legs, in synch, lightly touching, sent butterflies tickling in Justin’s stomach. Justin, eyes closed, slicked his hands up and down the tiles to his sides, fingers trying to find something to hold onto while Brian lay in a pool at his feet.
On his knees now, Brian grabbed Justin’s hips, pulling them outward from the wall so he stood at a somewhat unsteady 45 degree angle. One hand reached around, seeking entrance to Justin’s hole, wet with the water and the other moved upward between Justin’s legs, fanning itself out between them to make room for his face while his shoulder shimmied in as well.
When he figured out he had enough room to maneuver somehow, some way, Brian’s head moved up between Justin’s legs knocking them further apart. With his index finger he slowly pushed in to Justin’s hole, rubbing and pushing. Rubbing and pushing, grazing. Cocking his head, pushing his face upward, Brian pressed full on into Justin’s balls, his tongue licking the skin, the water...enhaling Justin's clean scent.
Above him, Justin’s body shook at that first lick, trying to brace himself, his backside naturally searching for something to lean against something for balance and in turn jarring Brian from his perch. Roughly Brian pulled his body back from the wall when he was unable to reach his goal. "Stay," he said, looking up at Justin who peered down at him. Before moving back into place, Brian rubbed his face against Justin’s cock that stood straight out. Soft cheek, soft skin, steam all around, Justin’s eyes were lulled back closed when he felt the lick of Brian’s tongue from tip to base.
A moan stifled, Justin bit his lips instead of calling out, gnawing to quell the shouting. Brian’s face was now back where it was previously, between his legs, licking him. Tasting him. His balls and cock were tortured and soothed as Brian’s tongue and teeth took turns against him. On him, in him. The one finger was now accompanied by another and the pain bucked Justin against Brian’s body, his legs trying to lock together, removing Brian.
Jarred from his previous position again, Brian used his other hand to slowly rub circles against Justin’s stomach. Crawling upward onto his knees, he lay his head against Justin’s belly, kissing him. Murmuring soft words to calm him down while his hands pet him. Downcast blue eyes met upward cast hazel and Justin nodded his head, licked his lips, relenting.
Moving back down, half sitting, half crawling into Justin, Brian pushed back into place, speeding up the pace with his tongue. Soft moans now emanating from his mouth, his cock slapping against his stomach as he thrust his head upward, his tongue shooting out. Justin’s cock bounced up and down against Brian’s wet hair.
Unable to take much more, Justin moaned, "Brian, please." His tongue stilled, Brian moved out from between Justin’s legs, gripped the boy by his hips, turning him around. His hands slapping against the tile, trying to hold on, Justin almost cried out when he felt his cheeks pried apart and Brian’s tongue thrust in. His strangled cries turned into strangled groans as he felt the tingle in his toes. The feeling surged up through his body as his cock now bobbed against the tile wall.
In and out Brian’s tongue pushed. Sucking, biting, salivating inside. Reaching around to grab onto Justin’s penis, Brian quickly jerked him off. In just a few seconds more, Justin came against the tile and into Brian’s hand. When Justin came, so did Brian; his body shook, his head rearing up, his mouth against Justin’s cheeks, drowning out his cries. He gnawed on the soft flesh, marking it more than the hot water already had.
Collapsing against the tile, Justin’s chest heaved as Brian tried to pull himself up. Back to chest, the leaned. Breathing almost stable, Justin tried to turn around. "What about you?"
Smiling against his back, Brian licked between his shoulder blades. "I’m good, thanks," he laughed.
"Oh, did you?"
"I did."
"How? I thought that you needed,"
His hand up, running through Justin’s wet hair, "I got what I needed, sunshine."
As Brian’s body molded itself to Justin’s, their height not so much a matter when Brian bent his legs, Justin remembered. Remembered that he and Brian were mad at each other. But, what had just transpired had canceled out any harsh feelings he'd had. He loved Brian. Loved him with all his preteen, thirteen year old heart could muster...
Meanwhile...Ben wanted to catch Justin before he left to go to the dance. To apologize. But when he went in, he saw only Michael. Asking as to Justin’s whereabouts, he was told that Justin was still in the shower.
"Hey Michael."
"Ben, hey."
"What are you doing?"
"Waiting on Brian."
"Oh. So, where’s Brian?"
"He’s still in the shower too."
"Hmph," Ben replied, storming off. He needed to find Jason. Michael, curious, ran out, tailing him.
Running up the hill, he swooped into their cabin to find Jason getting dressed. "You need to go find your boy."
"My boy?"
"Yeah, your boy. Who's with my boy. In the showers."
"That again? Maybe you should just give up, Ben."
"Oh, so you don't care?"
"They're 13 Ben. Kids. Let them play...no harm done, right? What are you in love or something?"
"Jason, just go."
Laughing, Jason went off to find his lost boy Brian.
"We better go."
"What’s your rush?"
"The dance, Brian."
"Oh. Yeah, that. Can’t we just stay in here forever? We’re gonna be late," Brian smiled, chuffing a laugh.
"Brian, come on, " Justin laughed, turning around. Face to face, he lay his head upon Brian's chest. "We have alot to talk about."
"I know,"
"Brian?"
Jason.
Like deer in headlights, the boys froze. Jason called out again, "Brian? Oh, are we playing hide and seek again? Come out, Come out, CUM out, wherever you are."
Inside the stall, Brian looked at Justin, Justin looking at him. Brian's face was masked in helplessness. He had no idea why Jason was looking for him.
"Hey, what's the deal? You said to meet you in here...that we'd be alone. Where's my surprise?"
Snatching open the shower curtain, "He's all yours."
"I coulda told you that. I taught him everything he knows."
"Justin wait! Jason, what the fuck are you doing here? I told you it's over!"
"Save it Brian!"
"That's not what you said last night...although your mouth was full at the time."
"Fuck off Brian!"
"Justin, wait! Please!"
Laughing, Jason sauntered over to Brian but not before calling out to Justin, "Hey Blondie, Ben's waiting for you."
Justin left Brian standing alone, the water draining along with their seed, down the drain.
As Justin made his way from the showers back to his cabin to change, he saw Ben sitting on the front steps. "Ben."
Standing up, Ben walked towards him, not looking particularly happy. Seeing Justin there in his towel, flip flops and shower crap Rubbermaid thingamajig, he noticed the boy’s flushed chest. Having sat while all the others, except Michael, walked out into the night, down to the café, he heard the music wafting through the night air.
Justin stopped, motioning him inside instead of standing outside near naked. About this time, Brian came stomping out of the shower house, seeing Ben and Justin standing there.
"Like clockwork."
"What’s that?" Ben asked, stepping towards Brian.
"Ben!" Justin exclaimed, reaching out to stop Ben’s motion towards Brian.
"It’s okay Sunshine. I think I can handle it. You two run along now."
"If you've got something to say Brian...then say it."
"It's all so convenient, isn't it Ben?"
"Brian."
"No, seriously...it’s okay. You made yourself perfectly clear."
"Is he giving you trouble Justin?"
Laughing, holding his stomach, "Oh, I was giving him something alright."
"I thought you said that was over Justin?"
"That's what he told me too, although, the time to make oneself clear would obviously be before you shoot your wad all over my hand, calling my name with my tongue up your ass. But maybe that’s just me. Huh, Sunshine?"
"Fuck you Brian!"
"Make up your mind Sunshine! Really. Ben, you should know, he’s a fickle one."
"Brian, you’re an asshole!"
Michael climbed out of the bushes, "Brian, I gotta talk to you!"
"Leave it Mikey."
"No, it's important!"
"Hey, who's this?" Jason drawled, sidling up alongside Michael.
"I'm Michael. I introduced myself the other night but you musta not heard me."
"Ah. So...Brian, shall we?"
Justin, brimming with anger, "Like clockwork."
Stomping inside, Brian called out, "Michael, be ready in five minutes."
Later, inside the cafeteria, Brian hung out with Jason, refusing to sit by Lindsey, Susan and Justin with Ben and Daphne now joining the gang. Sipping the proferred smuggled Kentucky Deluxe, Brian proceeded to get smacked up, much to Michael’s dismay. Copping a feel in the corner whenever they could, Jason and Brian shared the flask, while Michael looked on disapprovingly. While watching Jason and Brian whisper and laugh, sneaking a drink and copious amounts of feels, Justin drew Ben closer. As Ben sat close, closer, extremely close to Justin, almost joined at the hip, Brian drank to that.
Back in a far corner of the cafeteria, Brian, well on his way to being drunk, was leaning against Jason, who in turn was being held up by the wall. The whiskey had almost drowned out the throbbing of his ankle but did nothing to touch the pain in his gut and heart over the sight before his bleary eyes. Maybe it was his imagination, but to him it seemed that by every passing second, Ben’s hands rounded closer and pulled Justin tighter to him. Now, one hand was rubbing circles on his back while the other was clasped tightly with Justin’s.
The bottle to his lips, Brian barely noticed the once full bottle was now empty. Well, this was no good. Not at all. "Lindsey!"
Hearing Brian’s drunken slurring behind her, Lindsey refused to turn around. Not only had Brian made a fool of her but she was definitely not oblivious to his and Jason’s fumblings behind them.
In the same annoying little voice he'd taken up lately, "Lindsey! Hey, Lindsey...are you deaf?"
"Fuck off Brian!" she yelled. She was pissed at Brian. If he was gay he coulda just told her he was gay. She’d been embarrassed to see Brian and Jason going at it. Her pride had been hurt thinking how foolish she’d been with all her talk about getting Brian. It was no big deal that he was gay...this was the new millennium right? I mean, welcome to the 70s for Christ sakes. He just shoulda told her is all.
Laughing, "Well, that’s two for two tonight. Looks like I’m on a roll." Bracing his arm against the wall to stop the world from spinning, Brian called to Michael who sat nervously with a plate in his lap. Hearing his friend calling Michael flinched, jumping up and spilling his plate of food to the floor.
Tentatively he walked towards the boys and took in again how passively close Jason held him. Once he got closer he could tell how wasted Brian was. Recalling memories of a drunken Brian, Mikey approached carefully.
Reaching out, pawing at Michael, "Mikey. Mikey, come here."
Drawing Michael closer, Brian leaned over to whisper in his friend’s ear. "Mikey, go get a bottle from Vic’s cabin."
Shocked, disgusted and tired of all this, "Brian! No."
Drunken eyelashes fluttered, "Please Mikey?"
Wincing from the tight grip Brian had on the back of his neck and the smell of alcohol, "You’re drunk."
"What was your first clue?"
Jason, thinking he’s funny, "Yeah, he’s such a bright boy. Go on Novotny...be a good little friend and get us a bottle."
"Fuck you."
Hmph. "You wish."
"Boys...come on, play nice now. Mikey, come on. For me?"
"You’re making an ass outta yourself Brian. I know what you’re doing."
"Am I supposed to care or somthing? Fuck that! Now, be the best little friend you claim to be and get me a bottle," Brian spat, shoving his friend. Michael, jostled, fell down from Brian’s harsh shove. Sprawled on the floor, he heard Jason above him laughing and saw the shocked and curious looks the others were giving him.
Justin, seeing Brian’s friend on the floor, cut a glare to Brian. "Michael? Are you okay?" Moving over to Michael’s prone, embarrassed body, Justin reached to touch his back.
"Come on," Justin said, pulling Michael up. Ignoring the tears that were falling from Michael’s face, he threw his arm across Michael’s shoulders. "Let’s go get something to drink, okay?"
"Justin?" Ben called out.
Walking away, Justin looked back at Brian...not one but thousands of words passed upon the air between them and they weren't good. "We’ll be back in a minute or so."
Unbelievable but predictable, Brian’s jealousy got the better of him as he watched they boys walk off together. Justin’s arms around Michael with Michael leaning into Justin for support. Not how he’d planned all this, if even. "Save the last dance for me Sunshine?" Waiting for Justin to turn around and acknowledge him...hear him...he wasn't suprised when Justin did not.
Justin heard him alright but was too disgusted with Brian to acknowledge him.
"I thought the last dance was mine Brian. Remember? Well, let me help you." drawled Jason as he moved his hands up and down Brian’s lean, shaking frame.
Brian, watching his best friend being helped away after he threw him callously to the floor while his ex boyfriend stepped up to help Michael, felt his stomach knot up. Is this what love felt like or was it truly the 5th of whiskey? The look Justin gave him, a jumble containing disgust, disapproval and astonishment, was now pounding in his brain while the twisting of his insides caused his mouth to go dry.
Not getting a response, Jason whispered in the boy’s ear seductively. "Brian?" Noticing the boy’s eyes in the opposite direction of him, Jason reached up, grabbing Brian by the chin to face him. "Remember?"
Doubling over, "I’m gonna be sick."
Realizing what Brian said, "Oh for fucks sake!"
Moving quickly out of Jason’s grasp, Brian stumbled around looking for the nearest exit. Hearing Jason call to him as well as the others, he continued on as best he could, not avoiding Debbie’s attention.
Taking in Brian’s drunken form and sweaty face, Debbie whispered to Vic who then moved towards him. "Hey, Brian."
"Vic, not now. I’m gonna be sick!"
Grabbing onto Brian, Vic swiftly walked them both to the kitchen, leaving behind the oblivious teens dancing their hearts away under the strobe lights.
Once in the kitchen, Brian was propped up against a counter while a cool washclothe mopped his sweaty brow and face. Closing his eyes, Brian pretended it was the cool of Justin’s tongue washing over his face and neck.
"Wanna talk about it?"
"No."
"I’d probably understand more than you could imagine kiddo."
"Doubt it."
"You have a crush. With another boy. That little blond kid Justin, right?" Vic laughed at the shocked boy’s catch of breath and white of the hazel eyes.
"See? I understand."
"Well, I sure as fuck don’t. Maybe you could explain it to me."
"Brian, gay boys can do relationships. It’s not the most shocking thing in the world you know."
"It is for me. I never thought I would. Fuck, I don’t ...didn’t want to."
"Why? Why would you deny yourself something like that?"
"You did! I remember you telling me how you were...are. Always on top of your game...not a one-man guy. Strictly one night stands, right? A maximum of pleasure with a minimum of bullshit is what you said Vic!" Vic was regretting regaling Brian and Michael with his tales of NY- never realizing the damage he was doing to someone like Brian. Roberto. God Roberto!...how he loved Roberto. But, Roberto had done a damaging number on Vic and after that...the mantra begain. Vic purposely left the tidbit about Roberto out of his tales to the boys and now realized that he was to blame for the present situation.
"Brian, you're not me."
"I know that. But..."
"Please kiddo, you’re what, 13? I’ve known you practically all your life. You’ve got a lot of years ahead of you to make a declaration like that, not like I haven’t told you this a thousand times Brian."
"Well since you’ve known me practically my *whole* life you’d know that I’m 14. Not 13."
Chuffing a laugh, "Right."
"Today’s my birthday you know."
"Is that why you’re making a spectacle of yourself? You're well on your way to 'Queendom' if that's what you were going for. And, I won’t even ask where the liquour came from."
Miserable and showing every bit of his fourteen years, Brian bleakly and meekly asked, "Before you wish me a happy birthday and lavish me with gifts Uncle Vic, can I have a drink of water?"
"Sure, one second," Vic smiled, moving to the sink. Coming back with the water, "So, what’s going on? I saw what you did to Michael."
"I didn’t mean to hurt him. You know that."
"Well, you should tell him that not me. But, there’s more to this story so go ahead and confide like you always do. I’m here for you Brian."
Facing away from Vic, unable to look anyone in the eye with this incredibly difficult admission, "I love him, okay? I’ve never felt like this with anyone. Not even Michael."
"Okay."
"And before you give some big lecture about it being ‘puppy love’ and I can’t possibly know what love is at this age and how love is for losers and that I’ll experience this *feeling*, whatever it is, a million times before I die...let me tell you that I won’t. Never. This is it. Christ!"
Daring to glance back into Vic’s direction, who was standing close by with his arms crossed listening intently but not saying a word.
"Well? Aren’t you gonna say something?"
"What would you like me to say?"
"Even though I told you not to say it I still expect you to say it Vic! Grown ups have to do whatever we don’t want them to. You have to tell us how ridiculous we are when we try to grow up too fast or make stupid decisions. And, I want you to...I need you to tell me that I’m not feeling what I think I'm feeling. That this is definitely not love."
"I can’t do that Brian."
Doubling over, "God, I’m gonna be sick."
Carrying Brian into the bathroom, he wet a cool cloth while the boy wretched away the pain. "That’s it. Get it all out. You’ll feel better, trust me."
"Vic, it hurts so bad. So bad."
"What is it honey? What hurts? You need some Pepto?"
"He doesn’t love me back."
Back in the cafeteria, Justin and Michael made their way back over to their friends, both immediately noticing the absence of Brian and Jason. "Where’s Brian?"
"Where’s Jason?"
Shrugged shoulders were their only response. Looking to Ben, "Ben?"
"He said he was gonna be sick Justin and ran that way. He’s not mine to watch. Or yours."
"That’s a shitty thing to say! You know he's drunk! What if he has alcohol poisoning or something? People can die from alcohol poisoning Ben! It's a leading death of teenagers and first year college students!"
"Well, Jason followed after so I’m sure he’s okay."
"Justin, I need to tell you something. About Jason and Brian."
"Michael, please- not now."
"No, it’s really important. I tried to tell Brian earlier but he wouldn’t listen to me. Come on," Michael pleaded, dragging Justin away. Walking away, Justin heard Ben calling for him again.
Pushing open the doors leading to the outside, the boys sat on the porch. "Okay, what’s so important Michael?"
"First off, let me tell you that I’m sorry Justin."
"For what?"
"For being rude to you. Not liking you."
"Michael, it’s okay. I know why you did it and I understand. I wouldn’t want to share Brian either."
"It’s more than that you know? I mean, he loves you."
Seeing Justin flinch at his words, Michael grabbed onto his arm, yanking on it for emphasis. "He does! You don’t know Brian."
"Yeah well now I never will. That’s part of the problem."
"Well, he does and when he does...it’s forever. And, I’ll admit that I always thought it would be me who he’d give his love to. He does love me but not the way he loves you. I mean, the love he feels, Brian would rather die than feel it."
"Well, none of this matters anymore Michael. He’s with Jason and I, well I’m...I’ve moved on."
"But that’s what I need to talk to you about."
At Michael’s insistent pleading, Justin turned to face him, waiting. "Ben and Jason, they’re uh...doing,"
Jumping up from his chair in shock at the implications, "What? That’s bullshit! Ben and Jason are not doing anything together!"
Pulling the flouncing Justin back down to his seat, "No, not that. I mean, Ben and Jason are purposely keeping you and Brian apart. I heard them the other night when you guys were in the shower."
"What do you mean you *heard* them?"
"I heard Ben tell Jason to go take care of his *boy*. That’s when Jason came looking for Brian...they didn’t have plans. Brian wasn’t supposed to meet him anywhere. It was all Ben."
"I don’t believe you. You’ll say anything to cover for Brian."
"Justin, come on. Do you think that if I didn’t believe that Brian really loved you that I would be doing all this? Before the other night I would have laughed at all of it but not anymore. I tried to ignore all the mentions of ‘Justin this’ and ‘Justin that’ in the letters he wrote me."
"He told you about me?"
"Well, not exactly. But I knew you were special if he talked about you like he did. And when I got here I knew it. Knew that was that, you know? Brian loves you bigtime."
"It’s too late. Brian made his choice."
"You could give him another chance."
"I already did. Besides, people don't get a neverending supply of second chances."
Michael stayed silent. He could say that he did have a neverending supply of second chances and do overs ready for Brian but the point is mute. It's understood by everyone who knew them. And it would always be so.
"I caught them together after Brian sprained his ankle. He told me that they were over. But he’d been doing it with him the whole time. I was so stupid."
"Brian’s never done it."
"Yeah right."
"Seriously. I would know."
"Never? Then how come he didn’t tell me?"
"Did you ask?"
"No but. I guess I just assumed. He’s so ...he knows how to do all this stuff. And the way he talks. The way he kisses," Justin felt the blush creeping up over him. Clearing his throat, "You know, all the stuff he knows how to do."
Laughing, "Duh but doesn’t mean he’s done it. Brian’s a little bit of a slut, we all know that. But he does want his first time to be special no matter what load of bullshit he tells you or anyone. It’s important to him."
"How do you know?"
"I can see it in his eyes when he talks about what he’s done and with who. I know Brian and he talks all big but I've got a built in 'Brian Bullshit Detector'. When he talked about you, even though I couldn’t see his eyes, I could. You know?"
His hands clasped together, wringing them sweaty, Justin didn’t know what to believe. What to think or feel. What to do. "He made his choice. I thought it was me but it wasn’t."
"No he didn’t-you took the choice away from him."
"I still can’t believe that Ben would do that to me. Besides, Ben told me how you like him, how Brian tried to fuck him last year and all that. Who says this isn’t a way for you to get in with Ben or something. Or for Brian to get Ben too?"
"Believe it Justin. He wants you for himself and he knows Jason likes to fuck around with Brian so it was easy. He doesn’t like Brian because of that bet. It got a little out of hand, I know. Brian never wanted Ben...he thought he was hot but he didn’t *like* him or anything. Anyways, I’m over that and so’s Brian. Evidently, Ben is not."
Silent, Justin thought about it all. It was just all a little too much but he did feel when he was with Brian. And goddammit, he wanted to feel like that always.
"You love him too so I don't see what the problem is. Why it can't be fixed."
About this time, Ben came outside looking for Justin. Like clockwork or stalking...eye of the beholder. Seeing him and Michael on the porch, he approached. "There you are. I was looking for you."
"You found me."
"Michael, I need to speak to Justin."
Michael, looking to Justin, received his nod. Getting up, he whispered, "Just think about it okay? It's not too late Justin. He loves you."
As Michael walked away, Ben asked, "What was that?"
Michael turned, smirking, "None of your business. Guess I’ll go find Brian."
Laughing, "Good luck with that. I saw him a Jason walk out the back door a few minutes ago."
Justin cut his eyes from Ben to glare at Michael, questioning. Michael shook his head negatively in response.
Again, Justin was confused and torn. Ben asked if they could go somewhere and talk, be alone and get this all sorted out. Ben loved him he said, wouldn’t ever hurt him he said. "Trust me," he said. Letting Ben lead him away, he stole glances back to the cafeteria while they walked the path secretly waiting for Brian to come running after him.
After Michael had gone inside, he walked over to the DJ stand to talk to Debbie. Calling over the music, "Ma, where’s Brian?"
"That little shit is in the kitchen with Vic. Tell him his ass is mine for getting wasted- he’s on pots and pans for the next week until camp is over. Christ, he’s only fourteen! Is the kid trying to kill himself?"
"You don’t understand!"
"Understand? Did you understand when he pushed you to the floor?"
"Ma, leave it alone. You know how Brian is."
"Yeah, it’s a good thing I love that little asshole like he was my own. Go get him."
Smiling, Michael leaned up to kiss his mother upon her cheek. Trying but failing to escape her grasp, she laved him with lipstick kisses on his cheek. Rolling his eyes, he deftly tried to rub the stains away. "Thanks Ma."
Coming inside the kitchen, he saw Vic and Brian sitting on the counter eating sandwiches. It was quiet and Brian was eating but not talking. His downcast eyes said everything. To his credit, Vic didn’t say a word but provided security and understanding to the boy with his presence.
The sound the swinging doors alerted them to his presence so Michael moved closer until he stood next to his friend, gripping his shoulder.
"Mikey," Brian smiled weakly, holding his arms out to embrace his friend. As Michael came to him, Brian hugged his arms tight around his friend, whispering in his ear, "I’m sorry Mikey. I didn’t mean it."
Nodding into Brian’s shoulder, Michael replied. A few seconds more they held the embrace. Vic called out, "Wanna sandwich Mikey?"
Knowing that Ben had once again lied to Justin, Michael only hoped that Justin would make the right decision. Sure, it tore at his heart to know that Brian loved another but the fact was, Michael would always have Brian’s love, Brian’s attention but Brian deserved this. And he could share.
Barely above a whisper, "Where’s Justin?"
"He’s with Ben."
Jaw squared, Brian continued looking downward to the floor. Taking his leave, Vic replied, "I’ll leave you boys alone. Don’t wreck the kitchen, okay?"
Reaching out, Brian pulled Vic into a hug. "Thank you Uncle Vic. For always."
Winking, "That’s what I’m here for. You boys come on out in a few okay? It’s almost last dance."
Alone now, breaking the silence,"I talked to Justin."
Eyes shooting upwards, "What did you say to him Mikey?"
"I told him what I tried to tell you the other day, asshole, but you wouldn’t listen."
Waiting to be told, Brian gestured Michael on with his hands and eyes, sitting back while Michael recounted the story and then his conversation with Justin.
Fortified with the knowledge, Brian jumped off the counter. "Come on Mikey!"
"Where are we going?"
"You’ll see."
As they pushed through the doors leading back into the main part of the cafeteria, Brian came face to face with Jason. "Where the fuck have you been?" he shouted.
"Fuck off Jason!"
Grabbing onto him, "Oh no you don’t. We need to have a talk Brian." Seeing Michael standing next to Brian, "Why don’t you scamper off now Mikey?" Jason said, pushing his pointer finger into Michael’s chest.
Knocking Jason’s hand away, "Don’t ever touch him again. And, we don’t need to do anything. I know all about it Jason."
"About what?" he spat.
"The little game you and Ben are playing. Well, it’s over now. I win."
Laughing, "I knew I never shoulda fucked with you. What a fucking child you are. Always teasing and promising. Besides, this little game to which you’re referring was all Ben’s idea. I just wanted to get laid. And if I remember correctly, so did you Brian."
"Well, that’s all over now."
"Yeah, that little kid has your dick in a vise. Too bad Ben is probably sucking his right now though, huh?"
"What? You're lying."
"Whatever gets you there, baby. I saw them going up to the boathouse. You better hurry though. Oh, that’s right. You sprained your ankle so it’ll take you a while. It’ll all be over by then anyways."
"God, you’re such a prick!" Michael lashed out, pushing Jason backwards. Still a little drunk, Jason wobbled but recovered quickly. Bellying up to Michael, "Just because your freaky ass mom and uncle own this place, don’t be mistaken that I won’t kick your fat little ass all over this camp!"
Daphne, Melanie, Lindsey and Susan came running up right about this time. Having seen Jason go stomping in the direction that Brian and Vic had previously, with Michael soon following. Curiousity having got the better of them since the music sucked and they weren't high, the girls decided to see what was what.
As Jason seemed ready to punch Michael, he heard Daphne call his name. Looking back, he saw the four girls standing there. Relenting, Jason pulled his fist back. Smirking, he turned and walked away.
Seeing Lindsey and remembering what a shit he was to her, "Lindsey, I’m sorry."
Rolling her eyes, "Whatever Brian. So, you’re a fag right?"
Smiling, "Yep."
"Alright. Now that’s established. Shall we ditch this suckass dance and get high in the boathouse?"
Brian, of course, had an ulterior motive in getting to the boathouse. He hoped against hope that whatever Michael told Justin, he believed. Maybe Justin wouldn’t be with Ben...maybe he'd give him another chance. It wasn’t that Brian wanted to be the one...well, he did but it was more than that. He wanted them to be together whether they did it or not. It wasn’t about coming or sucking or kissing and although he loved all of that, it was about Justin and the way he made Brian feel with just a look or smile. A touch to his face.
Keeping up as best he could, Brian knew he would pay dearly tomorrow. But, fuck all that. That was tomorrow. Rounding the path, they all noticed the light coming from inside and even though they all suspected, no one said a word out of respect for Brian. Stopping, they stood around silent, wondering what to do...where to go? Now seemed like a really good time to get high to everyone involved.
Suddenly, the door flew open and they saw someone running out down the dock. The moonlight reflecting off the golden hair and the quiet air filled with a wheezing sound let them know it was Justin. He was hyperventilating and/or having an asthma attack. Brian opted for the latter since the twat never remembered to carry his goddamn inhaler with him. They’d done this once before with Brian having to calm him down- rubbing circles on his back, soothing him with his voice. Knowing that Justin needed him, Brian moved quickly, calling out. Hearing his name, recognizing the voice, Justin turned, stopped and stood there. Reaching over to lean against a dock pole before he collapsed he struggled to breathe. Brian would have to come to him. Still struggling himself, Michael ran up to help his friend. Pushing him away gently, "Thanks for your help Michael, but I got it from here."
Limping closer, Brian said quietly, "It’s okay. I’m here."
Looking back at the boathouse, the girls and Michael saw Ben standing in the doorway. He’d not moved, not gone after Justin knowing he was upset and having an attack. Seeing the audience he moved to button up his shirt and took leave quickly.
Sitting down now, waiting for Brian, Justin continued wheezing. Weakly, breathy, "Brian," Justin called out, trying to reach him with his outstretched hand. Feeling the firm hand grasp his, Justin closed his eyes, almost falling over. Next thing he knew, he was lying down, being cradled by Brian with soft words and warm, strong hands skimming over his stomach. "Breathe, Justin. Easy, you remember how. Easy."
Once Ben left, the others went into the boathouse to give the boys some privacy. Michael was on his way to getting high, shotgunning with Susan. She seemed pretty okay for a girl and all. He would have preferred to shotgun with Brian like old times but old times were now being slightly modified to include room for new times. And new people, like Justin.
Back on the dock, Justin’s breathing was slowly returning to normal and as Brian wiped away the sweat from his brown, "I knew you would come. Be here for me like you told me you would."
"I always come when I say I will, Sunshine. This time isn’t any different."
"It’s not different? Brian, everything’s different now."
Fear. Dry mouth. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, I shoulda trusted you. You tried to tell me the other night but I wouldn’t listen."
"Let’s not play the ‘coulda-shoulda-woulda’ game, okay? We both made mistakes. But that’s necessary or some shit, I guess."
Trying not to laugh but unable to suppress it, Justin started coughing.
"You need to be in a bubble."
"Then you couldn’t reach me."
"I have you on a pedestal so high that I can barely reach you now."
Turning his body, leaning over onto Brian’s thigh, trying to see Brian’s eyes right side up, "You shouldn’t."
"Only the best for me."
"Can we start over?"
"Absolutely."
"Yeah?"
His arms engulfing Justin, pressing him tighter to his body, "Yeah, you already had the asthma attack. But, where’s my twenty dollars?"
Smiling, Justin sat up higher against Brian, moving his hand around Brian’s neck, pulling him close for a kiss.
As the boys reacquainted themselves with one another, they heard their friends whooping and hollering. Not able to suppress their laughter, they broke apart and looked at their friends hanging out the window. Soft sounds from a radio filled the night with the lapping water and calling birds.
"Linds?"
"Yeah, Brian?"
"Can I borrow your radio?"
"Anything else?"
"That’ll do it."
"Radio? What do we need a radio for? Please tell me that you're not gonna sing again. You're not very good."
Laughing, "We missed the last dance, Sunshine."
Remembering, "Happy Birthday Brian."
Christmas Break:
"Justin, honey...come on! The car’s here. We’re gonna be late if you don’t hurry up."
"Mom, calm down. I’m coming alright? Mary, can you bring down my other suitcase please? I left it outside my door."
"How many suitcases are you taking sweetie? It’s only a week Justin...how many ski suits do you need?"
"Mother, it’s a week in Vermont snowboarding. In winter. Snow. Ice. Frostbite. Please, I need all this stuff. Besides, you’re taking as many bags as I am!"
After coming back from camp, his parents divorce hadn’t gone as badly as he had expected. It was quite amicable really. His mother got the house in Pittsburgh, the house in Hawaii and the house in Vermont. As well as a huge allowance. Jennifer's family was well off anyways. He saw his father once a month for a whole weekend but also had dinner every other Wednesday night. It was good.
Mary was still there helping Justin and now, Amelia had been hired on to assist with Molly. Things were going well at home too.
As they drove away to an awaiting private plane ready to whisk them away on a fun filled, much needed winter vacation, they made a pitstop.
The SUV idling, Justin jumped out, running up the sidewalk, up the porch, to the door. Ringing the door bell and knocking, he anxiously waited. When the door opened he couldn't say he wasn’t disappointed when a woman, instead of Brian appeared. The woman never failed to intimidate him, no matter how many times he came over or she dropped Brian off. She gave him the willies. Biting his lip, "Hello Mrs. Kinney."
Glass of bourbon slopping as she opened the storm door, "Hello Justin." Smiling tersely, she called out, "Brian! Justin’s here."
And all was right with the world when Brian, his boyfriend, came rumbling down the stairs with Michael following closely behind. Jacket in tow, he grabbed his bags he'd placed there earlier. Glowing, "Hey!"
"Ready to go?"
"Fuck yes!"
Sign of the cross. Huffing, Mrs. Kinney called out to her son, "Brian! Don’t say such foul words."
"Yes, mother."
"Hi Michael!"
Still svelte, "Hey Justin. My mom told me to tell you hello."
"Tell her hello for me and Merry Christmas too. Remember, New Year's Eve...my house. Okay?"
Smiling excitedly, "I remember. I can’t wait. You guys have a good time."
"Thanks!"
Clearing her throat, Mrs. Kinney called out, "You boys have a good time. Brian, remember Mass on Sunday. Don’t forget to praise the baby Jesus while you’re off snowboarding. I’m sure there are churches there in Maine."
"Vermont, mother."
"Yes, well. Don’t forget. I put your rosary in your bag."
Rolling his eyes, Brian continued out the door, joining Justin and his family in the car.
After an intense day of snowboarding, the boys lounged around Justin’s room, napping and eating. Brian now completely healed from his sprained ankle annihilated Justin on the slopes. Justin’s mother and Molly had their own wings of the house so they could do as they pleased.
They caught up with each other on what had been going on at school and their families since they last saw each other. Justin still marveled at how quickly his life had changed. In less than a year, he’d gone from being friendless and grieving over his dead friend to having an active social life at school, joining some clubs as well as entering some Art Fairs around the county. Then there was Brian.
They saw each other all the time, talked nonstop on the phone as well. On the weekends when Justin stayed with his father, he finagled a way for Brian to come over. Sometimes even Michael joined them.
Jennifer had gotten to know Debbie and was now a proud member of PFLAG as well. It was Debbie that consoled Jennifer after she found the boys in flagrant delicto in the swimming pool. Jennifer always knew her son was different. From the ways he carried himself, intelligence, and inquisitiveness to the way he broke down, literally shut down after Matthew’s death. A niggling feeling in the back of her mind was put away when the boy was gone though or so she thought...until she met Brian. She was trying to be a better mother to her children and that meant understanding them as well as being *there* for them. So, family vacations and dinners had been instituted and Justin was more than happy. Even at her early age, Molly realizing the change, prospered.
After dinner, the boys returned to the room and lit the fireplace. Lying together on Justin’s bed, they kissed and fondled. Brian had never been happier in his life. He’d thought previously that once the he got hooked on the love drug that he’d become some gutless fag. But, nothing really changed except that he was happy. Really happy all the time. Oh, they had their rows over things only fourteen year olds row about. Jealousy and life in general with the tormented teen angst about how the world was against them when they were grounded. That kind of stuff.
But, it was going good and they had every intention of maintaining their current projectory.
Shirts now off, sweats and long johns now well on their way as well, the light from the fireplace illuminated the room. Justin lay on his back, with Brian looming over him, kissing his neck, then his shoulder, his eyes, nose, lips. Again his lips. His tongue. Again and again.
Justin’s hands gripped Brian’s strong back, feeling his each and every notch along his spine as the boy arched from the touch. Underneath him, Justin emitted low moans of appreciation intermingled with declarations of love and admiration. Things progressing at a slow pace, Brian moved down Justin’s body, his tongue licking trails over his stomach, inhaling his smell and fondling his growing penis. Taking it into his mouth, Brian reached up quickly to still Justin’s upward moving body with a hand to his hip. Relaxing, Justin fell back down on the bed and let Brian take him away.
Licking the tip, Brian swiped away the bubbling precum and ran circles with his tongue. He knew this drove the boy crazy so was not surprised when his hair was yanked when Justin ran his fingers through it, tugging.
Letting Justin slip from his lips, Brian grabbed hold of Justin’s legs, bending his knees, while Brian scooted down the bed to lay between his legs. Pushing Justin’s legs up, Brian was able to get at what he wanted. Not having gone all the way yet, the was the most pleasurable of all sexual activities with Justin. He loved to eat him. Taste him, smell him...suck him. He loved the feel of his tongue inside him, pushing inward while Justin writhed and screamed, moaning of how good it felt and other unintelligible things.
Brian would jerk him off with one hand while plundering his hole with his tongue. Getting Justin to the breaking point, Brian replaced his tongue with a finger and dug in, tapping his prostate. Gently pushing down, tremors shook Justin's body, his hand hand jerking his cock while Brian urged him on with his own declarations which sometime bordered on indecency. As always. Brian loved to shock Justin with this and while Justin always blushed and balked, it turned him on and he knew that Brian knew it turned him on.
"Come on. Yeah...so good. You look so fucking hot Justin..nasty boy likes my fingers in his ass, don't you? You feel that?"
Justin was writhing, reaching blindly out, almost screaming in ecstasy. "God...please. Brian, you make me...God you make me!"
"Yeah, you’re so tight. That tight hole...smells so good. Mm, tastes so good. But I want more now. Give it to me. Come on, shoot it at me." Pulling tighter, faster, his one hand was slicked by Justin’s come and the other hand which now had two fingers inside Justin was probing deeper. "Look at you...that cock is so big. So red...give me some. Yeah, that’s it. More," Brian huskily murmured inbetween the generous licks to Justin’s balls. Raising his head, he took Justin back inside his mouth, opening his throat wide. Deep. Swallowing around his boyfriend’s leaking and swelled dick in his mouth, Brian moaned at the first splash. His head bobbing, sucking, taking it all in, he writhed around himself, moving his own hard and leaking cock against the silk bed covers. Justin was shouting now, hands grasped tightly in Brian’s hair.
When none was left, Brian moved his body upward on his knees, holding Justin's legs spread wide. Telling him to leave his legs open and up, aiming his cock over Justin’s red, splotchy chest, Brian brought himself off. Justin watched through woozy slit lids while Brian towered over him. Head titled back, biting his lips, he was the epitome of a beautiful sexual creature. Urged on by Justin, he furiously stroked, groaning as his own cock spurt out onto Justin. The hot splashes rejuveninated Justin and he sat up, pulling Brian to him by grabbing onto his taut ass cheeks. Taking the still spurting cock into his mouth, Justin sucked. Brian’s body jerked wildly, feeling Justin’s lips on him, his juice being swallowed away.
Barely able to stay upright, Brian moved them back downward. Across from each other on the bed, they touched with their legs, their red, flaccid cocks, and clasped hands.
"I love you."
"I know."
"That’s all I get?"
"Brian, you never say it."
"But I feel it."
"I know you do. Mm, that was so awesome."
"Amazing."
Quiet came over the room and Brian, sated, was almost asleep. Feeling Justin’s touch to his hip, his eyes flickered open.
Blinking back from sleep, Brian saw Justin’s face, lit up from the fireplace, his hair golden and reflecting the light, "What? God, you’re not hungry again are you?"
"No."
"Then what?"
"I’m ready."
"Ready? For wha- Oh. Seriously?"
"Yeah."
"Why now?"
"’Cause I love you."
"I can wait. I told you that Justin."
"I know but I don’t wanna wait anymore. I wanna feel you inside me. Don’t you want that?"
"You know I do Justin. I want to be inside you so bad but don’t do it for me."
"It’s for me and for you. I’m ready and I know you're ready."
"You’re sure?"
"Yeah. I’ll be right back."
Justin got up from the bed, put on his robe and strolled out into the hallway. While he was gone, Brian moved to pull back the covers of the bed. He’d dreamed about this night. Woke up hard as wood from it. Wanted it so bad. Longed for it. Justin made him so hot...so horny...he’d jerked off thinking about all their times together as well.
Thinking back, Brian regretted his wild ways before Justin. Not that he didn’t enjoy them, he did but as much as he enjoyed it, it just didn’t seem like it was worth it all now if it wasn't Justin. Nothing and no one compared to how hot Justin made him feel. How good to have those hands on him, whether brushing away an errant cowlick or holding his face before laving kisses upon it. He felt beautiful really. He wanted to be good for Justin, wanted him to feel good when they were together and he did trust it. He trusted them and what they had.
Justin told him that night on the dock that Ben had tried but Justin couldn’t do it. He kept hearing Michael’s voice and seeing Brian’s face and no matter what Ben tried to tell him, it wouldn’t work. When things got a little hairy, Justin had to knee Ben to get him off of him, hence the asthma attack. And then Brian showed up, saving him.
As Justin came back into the room foil packages and a bottle of something in hand, he quietly shut the door. Turning around to see Brian in bed his breath caught at the sight in front of him. Covers pushed down with the sheet seductively spread over Brian’s abdomen. His long legs were uncovered, his hands behind his head, propped up on the many fluffy silk pillows.
"God, you look so beautiful."
Smiling, Brian pulled his hands out from behind his head, throwing the sheet back, revealing his hard cock against his belly.
"Come over here."
The End.