Brian slid lower between Justin’s legs and kissed his tummy then wiped his sweaty brow on the boy and smiled. Moving over to his side of the bed, he collapsed and ran his hands through his sweat soaked hair and exhaled loudly.
“That was amazing. You’re gonna kill me one of these days,” Justin smiled, leaned close and kissed Brian’s ear, tugged on it and then snuggled closer to his lover.
Still breathing heavily and inching away from Justin from the intense body heat, “You’re still not going,” Brian huffed and rolled over, with his back facing Justin.
Rolling his eyes and sighing, “Oh, yes I am,” Justin spat, as he made a big deal of rolling, bouncing, and flinging his body over so they were now back to back.
“Justin,” Brian admonished.
“Brian,” Justin replied in a smarmy Brian-like voice.
“Why the fuck are you acting like this?” Brian asked, rolling back over on his back, reaching out to yank Justin over to face him.
Dragged to his left and facing his lover, Justin asked incredulously, “Me? Why the hell are you trying to rule me?”
“You love me ruling you. I have the Roman gladiator costume to prove it. However, that’s another point entirely. You’re not going. And, that’s final,” Brian bit the inside of his cheek, shooting an icy glare for extra measure and gave his lover a look then rolled back over.
“We’ll see about that!” Justin yelled and got out of bed, slapping the duvet over Brian’s head. He gathered a gym bag from the closet and began rummaging through the drawers of his dresser, stuffing in whatever was close at hand.
“How could you possibly think that you’re going on vacation without me? You said you wanted to go to Dublin, so we’re going! And we’ll be there for two weeks!” Seeing that he wasn’t making a dent in his attempt to take a hold of this situation, he continued, “It was a surprise for fuck’s sake!” Brian stammered as he watched Justin’s eyes.
“When did you book the trip Brian?” Justin stopped packing for a moment and then decided to play along, knowing what the answer would be.
Not knowing exactly how to answer that, as Brian hadn’t actually booked said trip, “I haven’t yet, I was going to do it tomorrow,” he whispered guiltily.
“You are such an asshole- there is no trip to Dublin! Surprise? Yeah, to you and me, right this second! You just pulled this out of your ass, Brian. Thinking I’ll fall for it and decide not to go!” Justin roared.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Brian threw the covers back, hearing more drawers slamming about. He glanced over at Justin and shook his head. Oh yeah. We’re in love. It’s really great, isn’t it? A relationship is such a wonderful thing. Why did I ever fight it for all those fucking years? ‘Justin is such an angel.’ ‘He’s so sweet.’ ‘ Look at that smile, so innocent.’ ‘Brian, you treat poor little Sunshine right…he deserves it.’ If all our idiot friends could see the demon seed right now, they’d all be on my side. Angel my fucking ass. When he gets like this, it’s only a matter of time before his head starts twisting around and he starts spewing.
“Away from you,” Justin huffed.
Right on time…“Oh really?” Have the heavens opened up and finally taken pity on me? Brian rose and stomped over to Justin, jerking the bag of clothes out of the young man’s grasp.
Retaining his hold on the bag, Justin yanked, thus beginning a tug-of-war. There they stood, two adults, that being debatable, whomever you asked at any given time, fighting at 10: 30 at night. Over…
“You’re not going away for Spring Break Justin! There’s no reason for you and your PIFA friends to hang around some resort, drinking and fucking off. You’re staying here with me!” Brian spat and then ripped the bag out of Justin’s grasp once again. Taking the clothes out calmly and then placing them back into their rightful drawers, Brian then went around and got back into bed.
“The fuck I am! Maybe I need a change! Ever think about that? Maybe I do want to go flit and fuck off with my friends…for once,” Justin barked.
“Watch your language and quit yelling at me. You’re scaring Sally,” Brian admonished and pointed at the dog who watched them with wide eyes. He picked this very moment to be the adult. How condescending. How surprising. Such a neener-neener moment. However, he did note that last remark and it gave him pause.
“FUCK YOU!” Justin screamed and stomped off. Salinger just moaned and turned around from them in her bed at the base of the stairs. She had sat watching them, offering up the mood music for their previous interlude and then she sat staring at them while they raged. She understood the love making or the debauchery, whatever one would call it. However, the fight she didn’t understand, cocking her head and covering her ears.
Brian lay in bed astonished and watched as Justin grabbed his keys and stormed out of the loft. He picked up the phone and dialed Justin’s mobile. Hearing the voicemail pick up, Brian screamed, “Asshole! You have until the count of ten to get back your ungrateful, rude, demonic ass back here!” and then hit end.
Brian then began counting to himself. To ten. Then moved onto Spanish. Then French and German. Holding the line at Japanese, he gave up, tossing the phone aside and went to get the Jim Beam. Change? Since when the fuck does he want change? Most routine little shit I know, outside of Michael. Predictable as shit. Won’t try anything new from the take outs…too much culture shock. I buy him new underwear, he never wears them! Prefers those fucking god awful white monstrosities. If I try to fuck him before he’s finished with his shower routine; moisturize, exfoliate, shampoo then conditioner, he throws a fit! Drives the same way to school every day. If there’s a traffic jam, he waits it out. Won’t go another route no matter how late he’ll be. Comes three times before he can sleep, kisses my ear, rubs it, and then snuggles up. I rely on his predictability…it keeps me going, nothing shocking. I know Justin and he abhors change as much as I do.
Salinger sat up, watching the man and then followed behind him. Lying at his feet, with one of Brian’s toes in her mouth, as was her predictability, while he sat on the couch with drink in hand. She grunted, slobbered, and then tried to get some sleep. Finally.
It all started simply enough. Dinner at Deb’s. Michael told everyone about his new boyfriend Ben and denying Brian’s taunts that he looked anything like Guy Smiley. “ He has lips Brian!”
Emmett and Ted gushed about their vacation to Vermont, as they were a couple now. Brian almost threw up when he heard the news and it continued to unnerve him whenever there was a PDA. He was fine with Justin, somewhat alright with Michael and Ben…he was resigned to the hell of coupledom, but he felt that some things should just never, EVER happen. For the good of mankind, of course.
The girls were talking about redoing Gus’s room and asked Brian if he knew a good subcontractor. He offered to find Leda and then laughed as the girls squirmed in their sits and got ready to leave. “You know…all that extra caulking that’s needed in those oh so hard to reach places,” he cackled.
Debbie yelled at her boyfriend Carl, who was a new Homicide Detective in the Pitts. He was missing dinner and not scoring points- his ‘coming out’ debut with the family, so to speak. With Deb, points were important. She kept tally with everyone. Michael sat happy, not caring for the detective too much. He had caught them in a precarious situation in the detective’s patrol car one evening. Deb shushed him away, telling her son that she was just learning how to turn on and off the siren.
Vic sat back, watched, and vowed to buy a video camera for moments like these and daydreamed about sending the video away to America’s Funniest Home Videos. He’d win or win sympathy either way.
“Oh, we almost forgot. Teddy! Get the gift bag, it’s present time!” Emmett yelled. Brian cringed wondering what they’d all received last minute from an airport gift shop. Knowing instantly how you rated from the thought process of gift giving. Airport gift shopping meant you were of no consequence. But with Emmett, that was just his way. At least he thought of them…right?
After presents, it was more of ‘catch up’ time and Justin casually mentioned that he and some fellow PIFA students were going to Cabo San Lucas during Spring Break. Taking Brian completely by surprise, he fumbled with the disclosure. Justin didn’t ask, didn’t discuss it, no nothing. Just a ‘by the way, yada yada yada’. That, of course, didn’t sit too well with Brian Kinney.
The others responded with a lot of congratulations and well wishes. Some envious admissions while ignoring Brian stewing at the table.
Catching a lull in the excitement,“When were you going to discuss this with me?” Brian asked quietly. Steaming at the audacity of Justin to tell him with the others present. Like he’s going to Cabo San Lucas with a bunch of PIFA queers along with the rest of horny queer America. Right.
The conversation’s lull then went immediately to total silence. Debbie got up to refill drinks and offered her guests popcorn. She could tell something was brewing and wanted snacks for the show.
Glancing at Brian, Justin looked slightly fluxomed and replied, “Discuss what?” My plan to tell him in front of everyone isn’t really working out like it was supposed to.
You’re so fucking dead right now little boy. “Your plans for Spring Break, what else? And your way of just declaring that you’re going, like I have no say-so in the matter,” Brian replied.
“You don’t. And, I’m telling you now. It’s only for 5 days, Brian,” Justin responded matter-of-factly, nonchalantly inching his chair little by little away from Brian’s. Evidently he was gaining bravado as he went along.
Holding Justin’s moving chair still and patting his leg, “Good, then you shouldn’t miss much. You’re not going,” Brian replied matter-of-factly, in his way, which was less than to be desired. Ah, that’s the end of that fucking shit, thank you.
“Like you discussed going to Toronto for that new client you had? Did you discuss that with me?” Justin quizzed. If we’re gonna do this, let’s do this. I’m still not over that one either, by the way.
It could have been a tennis tournament. The gang’s eyes volleyed back and forth with each comment and/or retort. All eyes definitely on the two, watching, waiting, and definitely loving it.
Because you know how much I love to discuss our relationship in front of them, “That was business. Flitting around like some Bel Ami boy with umbrella drinks and grinding it with sand crabs isn’t,” Brian admonished. “Pass the fucking lasagna and mind your own fucking business!” he shouted to the table. Ted meekly passed Brian the tray of lasagna.
“Was it business that suddenly came up when Mom invited us to celebrate my aunt’s birthday last month? I think not! How fucking convenient that that business trip popped up. And, I talked to Cynthia…you volunteered for it, you bastard!” Justin spat and threw his napkin down and pushed himself back from the table.
Brian knew that Toronto was gonna come up again. That one just faded too easily. So now the little fucker was starting to store shit up. Great. It’s gonna be a long summer.
Grabbing the keys to the BMW, he raced out the door and left Brian there at the table. Alone. With the gang amid the laughter of their spat and giggles of ‘trouble in paradise’. Brian just sat there and ignored the stares, trying to retain some semblance of dignity which was nowhere to be found. Getting up to check outside to confirm that Justin had indeed left him there, Brian cursed. Michael offered to give him a ride back to the loft and they gathered their coats.
Walking to Michael’s car, Brian ignored his questions and as he opened the passenger side door, his BMW screeched to a halt, blocking the driveway. Brian slammed the door and walked out to Justin waiting impatiently as he honked the horn.
“You better quit honking that fucking horn right now!” Brian yelled as he opened the passenger side door and screamed inside to Justin. Justin laid on the horn a few more times for extra measure.
Watching the best drama of the year, Michael called out, “So, you’re free for Spring Break? Maybe you can third-wheel it with Ben and I.” I am so over you…I have Ben and he’s just the best boyfriend in the whole world.
Shooting Michael a look, Brian called out, “Asshole. I’ve got all I can handle, alright?” Michael laughed to himself and then paused as he watched them peel away. He went back inside and joined in on the laughter, as the others had heard the screeching tires and pasted themselves to the windows for a front and center view.
Back inside the car, Justin was steaming and silent. Brian looked over at him and chided him, “Don’t ever fucking drive this car like that again Justin! You don’t just take off and leave me there either…you got it?” When Justin ignored him and rolled his eyes, he added, “ Could you be any more of a queen right now? Emmett’s got that covered. All I need is to give them something more to laugh at!”
Rolling his eyes again Justin up shifted and turned the corner, “Just like you to be worried about yourself! You need to be worried about me!”
“Doubtful. What is the problem? You didn’t discuss this with me. It’s not convenient. I made other plans and you’re not going,” Brian said quietly. You wanted this relationship; we’ll you got it. You wanted to do things together? Well, here we go! I’m part of this too and this is my part of our togetherness.
Opening and closing his mouth, Justin decided against any more conversation regarding his trip. “That’s what I thought,” Brian smiled.
Suddenly furious, Justin spat, “Fuck off. I already paid for the trip. I’m going and you can’t stop me.”
“Justin! Stop being a fucking princess. I said I made other plans for us,” Brian yelled and then tried to get a hold of this argument. Futile, he should know by now.
“Oh. Perfect. You get mad at me, for not discussing this with you, but you’ve already made plans for us? For MY Spring Break? When the fuck were you gonna talk to ME about it?” Justin asked as he slammed the car in park in the garage.
Humbled and caught in his own argument, Brian remained silent, suddenly at a loss for words. Reaching over to unbuckle Justin’s seatbelt, Justin slapped his hand away. “I’m capable of doing this Brian! Quit treating me like a fucking child all the goddamn time! Jesus!”
“You know what? Fuck off. Try to do something nice and you’re just ungrateful. When will I learn?” Brian recoiled and got out.
“When you do, let me know. I’d like to quit tutoring retards,” Justin spat and went to the hallway, leading to the stairs up to the loft.
Brian grimaced and talked to himself. Nice Brian. Real nice. No matter how many times he suffered when he made decisions, not consulting Justin, he never learned. Like clockwork he could expect a freeze out in the bedroom, no coffee waiting for him in the morning, no dinner and the dry cleaning left at the cleaners.
Once they got back inside and both got ready for bed, they decided to put aside their differences for the moment. Each thinking that they knew best and were completely validated in their arguments. Brian had been working a lot lately and Justin had been busy with school and new art pieces. They made up across the bed.
***
Brian and Justin didn’t have too many fights, just normal arguments and disagreements really. But when they did, it was quite a row. Usually Justin swept out of the loft, staying at his mother’s for a few days. Brian immersed himself at work or offered to keep Gus, needing the company and unconditional love at the loft during Justin’s absence. Both would be reamed out by Debbie and slapped around mentally and physically by their supposed thoughtful and supporting family. It usually ended when one or both would eat an apology and seduce the other. The really bad rows were always when Brian decided things for both of them, not discussing things with Justin.
Each time, the other conceded their faults. Brian was used to making decisions, doing it daily at the drop of a hat…important decisions. And truth be told, Justin had grown accustomed to Brian making the decisions for them. However, this didn’t filter in during these times and Justin grew spiteful and Brian didn’t consider outside of it. It didn’t help matters that both were Oscar-worthy in their performances and cutthroat in their machinations.
***
The next morning, Brian awoke alone with Salinger barking at him, wanting to be taken for a relief walk. Another less than thrilling reminder of Justin’s absence as Justin was on ‘morning dog duty’. Brian moaned and then got up, throwing some sweats and a jacket on. Leashing her up, they walked down the stairs. Salinger had grown fast and was full of piss and vinegar, these first two months she had experienced an enormous growth spurt and the boys, with the loft, were ill-prepared for its arrival.
She was literally a bull in a china shop. That tail of hers was a lethal weapon, smashing things in her way to the floor one too many times or whipping against your thigh. She had ripped through a few of the sofa’s leather pillows, a few more pairs of Brian’s shoes, always bypassing the less expensive kind and ate them out of house and home in Science Diet. Watching Brian Kinney shuffle up the stairs with 20 pound bags of dog food was a site. The neighborhood kids loved Salinger though. She ran and played in the park with them, never running away when she was unleashed. Her problem was her ‘meet and greet’. She went straight to the crotch and then jumped up, trying to hug, knocking down and hovering over whoever the lucky person was. When one thought about it, her master was Brian Kinney, so her ‘meet and greet’ wasn’t that unnatural.
She did have her moments though. When she was being scolded, she put her paws up to her ears and her face, hiding her eyes, tuning you out. Then, to get back into your good graces, she’d lick you to death and shake her god awful spittle in your face. More than once, Justin and Brian had busted their ass on the hardwoods from that discarded spittle.
***
Coming back into the loft, Salinger walked around, searching. “He’s not here. Give it up,” Brian called to her. Walking into the kitchen to start the coffee, he noticed her still rooting around, “Whose dog are you? Traitor,” Brian said as he crated her. It was 0530, so instead of going back to sleep for a few hours, Brian decided to get a head start on the day and go in early. Nothing better to do. Or rather, no blonde young man to do. Normally he and Justin would welcome the new day by paying homage to all things carnal. He went to start the shower…alone.
As he stood under the spray thinking over last night’s drama, Brian concluded that he was completely in the right. As always. Insert eye roll, anytime.
Justin had no business flitting off to California on vacation with a bunch of PIFA fags and hags. This trip had side swiped Brian. Just completely out of the clear blue and that baffled him; Justin had been feisty and testy lately and Brian couldn’t figure out why. Normally Justin buttered Brian up thoroughly before he went in for the kill. Well, fuck that! We’re a couple now; we should vacation together. Realizing that he actually had that cognizant thought, Brian shivered and turned the knob to heat up the enclosure. Sure, he had come to terms with being with Justin long ago, what it meant to actually be with Justin. Being in a relationship…with Justin had a lot of highs, but there were some lows. He loved him, cared for him, needed him. They both knew that there truly wasn’t any one else for him besides Justin…but sometimes he wanted to strangle the shit out of him.
They were both were they wanted to be in life and enjoyed it together, he thought. They weren’t like normal people, Brian always reminded him. But, Justin always threw back that they had become as normal as you could get, being with Brian Kinney. “The only thing separating us and the straight people in relationships is that we like dick. Get over it. It’s time,” Justin would always say and Brian would always roll his eyes and found himself at a loss for retort.
Justin was almost finished with PIFA, having his last year and was doing more work on the side for Vance. His work was getting reception outside of the halls of Vanguard; he even had a show scheduled for September, thanks to Julia. Vance’s wife, Julia, had contacts in the local art scene and arranged a gallery owner to spotlight Justin.
Coming back to the real life, from the vacation a year ago, they had moved on together. No doubts, no questions. Decisions had been made to secure them together forever, mentally, and physically. For all intents and purposes, they were more than happy. There were times were Brian buckled under the pressure though, like the ill-fated trip to Toronto. Around that time, they had been too comfortable it seemed. Brian being dragged to family dinners with Justin’s relations, Joanie and Justin had become the best of buddies and it maddened Brian. He needed to escape. Therefore, to his detriment, he worked himself into the account in Toronto and told Justin it was a sudden business trip.
Unbeknownst to him, Cynthia had informed Justin innocently that Brian requested the trip and came home to quite a cold reception. Cynthia had no idea the persuasive and bounty hunter-ish tactics Justin had. His seemingly innocent questions lead her straight to slaughter. His first day back to work after the trip, Brian threatened to fire her if she ever divulged business information to Justin again. Another relationship formed over Brian’s side with Justin. He had no outs, nothing to himself and he was a little resentful of that honestly. Even Michael had been won over by Justin, finally. Not that this was bad, it was time. Still he didn’t appreciate the non-attention he got as a singular entity. He was all for being with Justin and had learned to open up even more over the months, but he still tried to hold something back for himself. Didn’t make him a horrible person, just human.
Coming out of the shower, he saw Sally out of her crate. Thinking she’d flipped the latch again he started to discipline her. Out of the corner of his eye, Brian saw Justin sitting at the counter, drinking coffee, smoking a cigarette and reading the paper.
“Did you take her out?” Justin asked.
“Yes, I already did. No thanks to you. Where were you last night?” Brian replied and then went to pour himself some coffee. He noticed that the pot was empty. Justin had poured himself a cup and then poured the rest out. Huffing, he ignored it and then started another pot. And so it begins…
Getting no answer to his first question, “Why are you smoking?” Brian asked as he came around the counter to stand in front of his lover.
Justin rolled his eyes and then picked the cigarette up, putting it between his lips and turned the page of the paper. As Brian stood in front of him, being ignored, he reached up, took the cigarette from Justin’s lips and stubbed it out.
“I’m talking to you,” Brian continued.
“I thought I heard something,” Justin replied, ignoring the man’s presence.
Insulted and infuriated, Brian then snatched the newspaper and threw it in the garbage. Turning around, he saw Justin getting off the barstool trying to sidestep him. Brian grabbed his wrist and moved him into the kitchen, up against the refrigerator.
Standing there, pinned by Brian, Justin looked anywhere but to his face. Brian tried to nuzzle his neck, going for seduction over words at 0615. “It’s not gonna work Brian,” Justin replied.
“Why, did you break it? Looks fine to me,” Brian smiled as he broke away the Velcro of Justin’s pants and pulled out his cock. “Looks perfect, if you really want to know.”
“You can’t fuck this away Brian. We need to have a serious talk. You can’t keep doing this,” Justin whispered and breathed heavily as his lover caressed his cock and balls.
“Sure I can. We’ll talk, I promise. You know I can keep doing this, can’t I?” Brian smiled and kissed Justin. Making a slow go and show going to his knees, his hands dragging along Justin’s torso, he took Justin in his mouth and began sucking. Trying to be as smooth and loverly as he could, to meld the boy into submission. This folks, is what’s known as the ‘predator’ mode. Beware all who enter. Save yourself.
“This doesn’t change anything. I’m…uh, God. I’m still go-go…going on that trip Brian. Oh God, faster,” Justin rasped and keened.
Looking up to his lover as he stood on his tip toes, Brian reached up, tweaked his left nipple, and then grazed Justin’s cock with his teeth. Eliciting a deep moan, Brian then moved faster, bringing Justin off shortly, shooting into his mouth. While on his knees, as Justin recovered, Brian untied his shoes and pulled his pants down. Climbing up Justin’s body, he removed Justin’s t-shirt and then undid his own towel. Pressing Justin against the refrigerator, against the cold stainless steel, Brian kicked Justin’s legs apart.
“It’s cold,” Justin chattered, as the cool of the steel lay against his back.
“It’ll heat up,” Brian whispered and then began kissing down his neck, across his collarbone. Twirling Justin around, so that he faced the sink, Brian then went to his knees again. Kissing Justin’s left cheek and kneading the right, Brian moved his head closer breathing in his scent. The smell went straight to Brian’s cock and he moaned appreciatively.
“I missed you last night,” Brian whispered and moved his thumb across Justin’s hole, lightly grazing it. Blowing on it, he felt Justin tremble and then spread the cheeks apart. Brian then sucked on his thumb, getting it nice and wet, and pushed inside as far as it would go. Crooking his thumb back against the flesh inside, with his knuckles kneading Justin’s cheek, he reached down and stroked his own cock. He leaned his head against Justin’s back and continued his ministrations to his lover’s hole and then himself. Justin reeled and grunted as his lover was slowly making mush of him and Brian was about to explode.
He stopped stroking himself and reached up to retrieve a tube of lube from the kitchen towel drawer…don’t ask…Brian rasped as he held the lube, “What do you want? You want me to fuck your tight little ass? Did it miss me this morning?” and then removed his thumb, replacing it with two lubed fingers.
Steeling himself against the counter, Justin remained as silent as he could, give or take a few grunts.
“What’s that? I can’t hear you Justin,” Brian teased and pushed his fingers in deeper and scissored Justin.
“To go to California,” Justin stammered. He also received a quick slap to the ass for that response.
“Try again,” Brian replied and pulled his fingers out, slapping Justin on the ass…hard.
“Oh God. Brian!” Justin cried and then rocked against the counter, trying to rub his cock on something.
“Good answer,” Brian smiled and crawled up his lover’s back. Pushing Justin to bend slightly over the sink, Brian bent his knees as he positioned himself and pushed in, with one smooth stroke. He began a back and forth rocking with his feet and hips, gripping Justin’s sides, as he added a twist.
Justin leaned back against Brian on the downturn and then leaned forward as Brian pushed in. Justin tried to hang on, his hands slipping against the granite countertops, knocking over the spoon crock. Wooden, metal, and plastic spoons spilled out on the counter. Brian, laughing, slowed his pace, reached out for a wooden spoon, and waved it front of Justin. Whispering in his ear, “You’ve been a bad boy.” Justin sucked in a breath of air as he heard the guttural laugh in his ear.
Brian began to bite and kiss Justin’s shoulders, sucking the skin, as he taunted his flanks with the spoon rubbing against him. The pats of the spoon against his flanks and buttocks drove Justin mad as Brian pushed harder and deeper into him. Quickening his pace, as he thrust harder, spanking Justin with the spoon now, Brian ground his face into Justin’s neck and bit him hard.
Justin’s body went limp and Brian had to hold him up, “You like that? Tell me…how much you like it. Ugh…ah. That’s right. Oh, god…you love it. So…good,” Brian pushed out his words with his pushes inside.
“Fuck me Brian. Oh…my…fucking…God!” Justin yelled. Brian threw the spoon into the sink, grabbed Justin’s hips, and began to pound him against the counter. They both grunted as they neared climax and Brian reached down the front of Justin and stroked him in time with his thrusts. With a hard tug, and a last fitful push, they came with Brian flooding into Justin and Justin flooding the sink cabinets. Justin was held tight against the counter and Brian leaned into him, both were breathing heavily, “Yeah…I like it when we fuck and make up,” Brian rasped, kissing Justin’s cheek.
And just like that. An intimate moment ruined so eloquently by Brian.
“We didn’t make up Brian. We fucked, but we didn’t make up,” Justin said catching his breath and
pushing Brian, releasing him. Justin grabbed a towel to catch the leakage.
“What?” Brian asked, incredulously as he watched Justin clean himself up. He’d just come and knowing that Justin had to blot himself, to clean himself out, shot straight to Brian’s cock. Later. Definitely later. Shaking it off, he asked, “What do you call that then?”
“Fucking, Brian. You’re familiar with it. You fucked me so I would forget about going. Didn’t work. I’m still going,” Justin replied.
“The fuck you are!” Brian spat and then tried to trap Justin in his arms. “Come on Justin. Just forget this. I don’t want you going. We’ll go to Dublin or anywhere you want to go. Remember, you said you wanted to go.”
Justin was furious. Leave it to Brian. Grabbing the sink hose, he turned the faucet on and then aimed the hose at Brian and shot. Drenching Brian and as Brian removed his arms, to shield himself, Justin moved quickly to the bathroom and slammed the door.
“You little fuck!” Brian yelled. Brian stood and shook the excess water off him, muttering obscenities. He then reached down for his towel from the floor to wipe the water and other sordid liquid away. Fearing that he might lose control, he stood where he was as he heard the medicine cabinet being slammed and his bathroom door flung open. He moved around the counter to get a better view and saw Justin throwing more clothes into a bag again. A bigger bag.
“Where are you going now?” Brian yelled. As mad as he was he still didn’t want a repeat of Justin whirling around the loft like the devil dervish that he was and then leaving.
“I’m staying with Mom. I can’t look at you right now Brian. I came home to talk, to work this out and all you do is revert back to how you were a year ago! Jealous, silent and unyielding. The more things change…they stay the same. Well, fuck that!” Justin came out of the bedroom, dragging his bag across the floor, and Brian grimaced as it wore marks into the grain. He stood stoic as he watched Justin take Salinger and leash her up.
Just let him have his tantrum…wait it out. He’ll get over it. What the fuck is he doing with Sally? “Wait a minute! You’re not taking my fucking dog with you!” Brian yelled at this point. All is fair. But taking the dog…this was serious.
“Yes, I am. Sally can play can play with Molly and have a backyard to play around in. Not that you care anyways!” Justin spat.
What does a backyard have to do with it? “Not only are you leaving…but you take my fucking dog?” Brian protested and tried to block their way to the loft door. He tried to grab the leash out of Justin’s hand.
“Come here Sally,” Brian soothed as he patted his thigh. Sally bounded over to Brian.
“Sally, come here sweetie,” Justin cooed and watched her come back over to him.
“Goddammit! Salinger, get your ass over here!” Brian raged. Not only was Justin leaving, but he was trying to take his dog. Their dog. His dog. Well that isn’t fucking happening. Salinger tentatively cowed back to her master.
“Oh that’s great Brian, cow her into submission. You fucking asshole!” Justin admonished. “Sally, come here baby…come on.” Sally strode back over to Justin and then he picked up the leash. Brian stood defeated.
“Then get the fuck out, I don’t need you or that traitor!” Brian yelled, pointing at ‘his’ cowering dog and then huffed back to the bedroom. Raging back out, “Be sure you come back to get all your shit. I mean, every little fucking pencil and stupid-ass Big Chief tablet! I want it gone before I get back to from work!” Regret is always a bitch with Brian and even though he knew he was surely going to regret these words, he suddenly became Tourettic.
Justin slinked out of the loft, put his things and Sally in the Rover, and drove off. He was going to his mother’s and then he would be back to pick up his things. Wild ride as it was, Justin wasn’t ready to get off, and he knew that Brian wasn’t either. Still he couldn’t get over the mood swings that Brian had been throwing at him lately nor his that he was throwing back. There was something wrong with the both of them and neither had the courage to speak it.
Coming into Jennifer’s townhouse, she watched over her coffee as her beloved son traipsed through with the behemoth dog and then went upstairs to his room. “Justin? Uh, honey?” Not hearing a response, she gathered her wits and then walked up the stairs. She opened his door and saw him curled on the bed with the dog and silent.
“Didn’t solve the problem?” Jennifer asked as she came and sat down at his desk. She heard Justin come in late last night, slamming doors. When she saw him down the hall, he just said, “Please Mom. I don’t want to talk about it.” She nodded her head and then went back to bed with consequence; she was up most of the night tossing and turning. Jennifer heard Justin leave around 0600 this morning, hoping he was going back to solve whatever problem they seemed to be having. No such luck. “Do you want some breakfast? I could make you something before I go in.”
“Not hungry. Would you take Sally out back though? Please?” Justin asked.
“Sure. Come on Sally,” Jennifer smiled. “Honey, whatever it is, you two will work it out. You always do.”
“Not this time Mom. I’m done. I’m so tired,” Justin whispered and then rolled over.
Jennifer left his room and then took Sally downstairs. She retrieved some dog food from the pantry and placed a bowl and water outside, letting the dog roam free in the confines of the backyard. Pretty much zero lot line room, but it was more than the loft had. Plus, there was grass and a few trees she’d be able to mark, other than the steel beams and corner of the leather couch in the loft.
As she readied herself for work, she called Brian’s mobile. “Can you meet for lunch?”
Wincing as he saw the caller id, “Jennifer, no offense, but this is hardly any of your business,” Brian replied.
“Hardly. It is my business. The minute you and he became partners, it was my business. I don’t play sides. You know I’ve been there for you too Brian. So, cut the shit and meet me at Hagerty’s at noon,” Jennifer replied, in her ‘waspy but don’t fuck with me tone’, Brian had come to know so well. Before giving him a chance to respond, she hung up. Jennifer yelled for Molly and they both left leaving Justin on his own.
Brian rolled his eyes and gathered his briefcase and latte, leaving the Starbucks and walking the avenue to Vanguard. The hits just keep on coming.
At around 1030, Justin rose and checked on the dog, then gathered some bags and trash sacks to retrieve his belongings from the loft. He didn’t know what was gonna happen, but he wasn’t going to appear weak to Brian. He’d let him stew and worry over Justin’s leave of the loft. When Brian came home, he would see how deadly serious his young lover had been. Having learned all of Brian’s moves and bluffs, Justin was intent on calling him on it. He should be able to go away with friends, without protest or respite from Brian.
Justin felt he needed a life outside of the gang. All along Brian told him the same, but Justin thought of the gang as his friends. Hell, he was more mature than half of them. But lately, he’d reconsidered this important issue. Making more friends at PIFA, even though in his final year, contacts in the art scene… just people outside of his family, was important to him. In addition, he felt the need to recapture a little of his youth. Not that he regretted one single step or action thus far with Brian, but something was missing. He was in a relationship that he took seriously, but he needed to cut loose sometimes and should be granted that. He never gave Brian a bag about heading out for a night on the town with the boys or whatnot. He trusted Brian implicitly. Brian had not tricked for a long time and Justin knew that he wouldn’t, as did Brian himself. They’d made preparations and decisions, so that aspect of their relationship was covered. It was the day-to-day dormancy that drove him to distraction and up the walls. No one ever said Brian Kinney was easy. Justin Taylor was hardly easy either. Nevertheless, they made a great go of it, handled their problems, and never considered a future without the other. Things had begun to change lately. Could Justin unconsciously be at fault? Was he projecting? It was usually Brian that took on the role of selfish bastard. Unthinking. Infuriating. Hard headed. Now, the tables were turned. He’d become every bit of the Drama Queen, moving on from mere Princess.
Brian and he had had conversations regarding this and Justin always told Brian he was crazy. He’d never regretted being partnered up so young. Brian always wanted Justin to have what he wanted, to do what he wanted and told him so. If there ever came a time that Justin felt stifled, he wanted to know. Maybe things could be done, to salvage or work out what was wrong. They’d promised not to just end it, that wasn’t an option. Deep down, Brian knew it would come out sooner or later and warned him of this.
It was January when Julia first approached Justin about his artwork and subsequent offer of a life in New York and he’d shut the offer down. Two months later, he was beginning to resent that he did it and why he did it. Brian. Of all the reasons, that was the most idiotic and unreasonable. It was also the easiest reason. Brian only wanted the best for him and Justin knew that Brian would walk away or ask Justin to, if it meant Justin could achieve his goals and dreams. Fuck Brian for being like that. Justin would never walk away from him, even if it meant harboring feelings of despite for him.
Having known nothing about the matter, Brian finally caught wind of it when Vance called Brian into his office one afternoon, under the guise of courting a potential client. After the curt conversation on what Brian needed to do, Vance began to question him about Justin’s plans for his future. Brian was instantly on guard and questioned Vance about it. “I’m only asking Brian because Julia thinks that Justin would be a hit in New York.” Brian was taken aback.
Uh huh. “Since when are Justin and I any of yours and Leona’s business?” Brian barked.
“You’re not. But, you know Julia. Please do not refer to my wife as Leona. That’s just…just disgraceful and over the line Brian!” Gardner took a minute to regroup while Brian sat smirking and then continued, “She loves that boy for some reason and it behooves me to bring this up to you, so you’re not caught off guard,” Gardner reasoned. And planning to leave me, your boss, in the lurch more importantly. He knew that he and Brian were most definitely not friends. They did get along, but that was when business was good. It was almost as if they had been forced into this, by their conspiring significant others. Julia and Justin together gave Brian and Gardner pause and headaches constantly.
“Behooves you?” Confirmation, thank you. The bitch runs the show. “ What do you mean? Has she mentioned this to Justin?” Brian relented and asked. Are you worried about me or Justin here?
“Not really. She mentioned it to me, but she will. She has many contacts, like with the show she’s helping him plan. But, there’s really a whole world of opportunities for him…outside of Pittsburgh Brian. Surely, you know that and I’m quite postive you already know some contacts yourself there in New York. Wouldn’t be a problem, I’d not think,” Vance continued guardedly. Kill two birds with one stone.
“I know that. He knows that. And that’s all you need to know,” Brian replied. Their relationship, albeit tumultuous, could at best be labeled as ‘tolerating each other.’ At this moment, the tolerance level was low on both sides. Brian concluded that Gardner wasn’t fishing on Brian’s plans, more with Justin. Julia had pressured Gardner to talk to Brian about Justin’s future. They all worried about Justin and Brian was just an afterthought. I’m the one who works here…if it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t even know the little imp. And Gardner would be hocking shit to keep that bitch in her jewels.
“Well, then what are you going to do?” Gardner dared and asked on.
Brian didn’t answer him. Either finding it none of his business or not feeling up to opening up. Go with it not being Gardner’s business.
“What happens when one of you is holding the other back?” Gardner prodded and then watched Brian turn away. Cut to the quick why don’t you Vance?
Sitting silent for a moment, Brian then replied, “I’ll get you the specs for the McAllister account by Thursday.” He rose and then walked out of the office, leaving the open question unanswered.
“You never told me about Toronto. How did that go?” Gardner asked before Brian left.
“Fine. If it went any way other than fine, you would have heard. Right?” Brian asked and received Gardner’s nod then left.
***
True. Brian did steel away to Toronto. Bucking under familial pressure. He could take a lot, but when Debbie and Jennifer checked up on their boys, they really checked up on their boys and it drove Brian mad. He could do his own grocery shopping thank you very much. And when will people ever learn that just dropping by, doesn’t swing with me?
In a sudden move, Brian rigged it to be sent to Toronto. Worked it so that the client asked specifically for him. The account was signed. Big money. The client was also an acquaintance from Business School. Once before, when Preston (the client) came into town, he looked Brian up. Too late, as Brian was already with Justin and didn’t fuck around, he’d been told and rejected. Preston assumed that he’d get action this go round, since he had to make seem like it was Brian Kinney or nothing. Not so and despite that, it wasn’t a total loss. They laughed and remembered the old times they’d had in and out of bed. Preston’s current lover was a photographer that had worked all over with stars and artists and Brian knew it. While they talked, he asked Preston to talk to his partner about Justin. Maybe give him some ‘ins’ in the business. Spread the word about the young talented boy from Pittsburgh, if he could…Brian brought along some samples to pass on. Preston said he would and they’d keep in touch. Brian could rationalize, in only the way that he could, that he wasn’t a complete asshole. In escaping the in-laws and Justin, he found he couldn’t escape Justin if he tried. He didn’t want to really anyway.
***
That night after work, after the discussion with Gardner, Brian mentioned to Justin that Julia wanted to talk to him. After asking Brian what it was about and receiving a blank look and shrug of the shoulders, Justin was curious and called Julia right away. They talked about the show in Pitts, it was only January, and there was much preparation to be done. She also told him about New York. Brian went to take Sally for a walk, giving him privacy. When he came back, Justin was subdued. Asking if everything went all right, Justin said yes, nothing remarkable to speak of, Brian couldn’t help but wonder why Justin wouldn’t talk about it. If Justin wanted to go to New York, they had a lot to talk about, if he didn’t then there was no use to rehash the discussion. So, when nothing came forth, Brian left it alone. As they made love that night, Justin held on for dear life and then rolled over to his side, foregoing the snuggling. Brian knew and he could feel it… he’d wait for this to rear its ugly head. In time, it would. The next morning, as Brian dressed, he asked Justin what he had planned for the day. “Just hanging out with Julia,” Justin answered and rolled over.
Brian left and Justin immediately got out of bed and called Julia, agreeing to meet for lunch that day.
“What is this about New York? Start over, please,” Justin asked.
“Well darling. Like I told you last night, my friend Roxanne in NY wants you to headline a show there. She saw some of your pieces at our house and went on and on,” Julia smiled.
Julia reminded Justin of Ivana Trump. Ivana Trump of Bumfuck, Idaho, that is. Sure, she was beautiful, she had taste, but she had a haggard look about her under all that make up and surgery she’d had. She also had a propensity to use British slang, when she so obviously was not. Knocked back martinis like they were going out of style, popped pills like they were candy. Swore like a sailor. Dressed impeccably. She was like all his other friends, he rationalized. In addition, most importantly to Justin…she knew art.
Julia snagged Gardner four years ago, right after her third divorce. She met the criteria. Knew all the right people, places to go, things to say. She’d been very kind to Justin, encouraging his art from the get go, once Gardner lined the halls of Vanguard. After meeting him, she vowed to take the angel under her wing, much to Gardner and Brian’s chagrin.
Julia liked Brian and Justin, but she cared more for Justin really. Didn’t they all? She’d heard too many stories about Brian and Gardner had told her all he’d heard. Some good stuff…some bad stuff. She remained polite on the outside, but wanted her poor little wanton artist away from the Big Bad Wolf.
She’d even tried to set Justin up a few times, with boys more in line with him, in her anything-but- humble opinion. Artists, collegiate…beautiful boys. After Brian found out, he told her in no uncertain terms that he appreciated the offer for Justin, but he wouldn’t be needing any outside influences. In other words, Brian told her to mind her own fucking business. They somewhat made up over drinks and gossip about Gardner. But Julia was stealth in her plan to whisk the young boy away from Pittsburgh to his true calling and rightful appreciation.
“New York? My own show? I think you might have misunderstood her Julia. Or she swills the martinis like you do,” Justin laughed and ripped a piece of bread from his baguette.
“Justin, she’s bloody serious! And so am I! How many times have I told you that you’re ready? Now, Roxanne even says so. And Roxanne knows. She’s got great contacts there, luv. She even called you the next bloody Basquiat,” Julia replied.
“Basquiat? Yeah,” Justin laughed and rolled his eyes. When he saw that Julia was serious, he swallowed and stammered, ” Anyways, I can’t go to New York. I live here, remember? Maybe we could have more shows here? In Pittsburgh,” Justin smiled hopefully.
“Darling, Pittsburgh is just that. Pitiful. Why stay here when you have great opportunities in New York? I cannot believe you can just pass this up!” Julia inquired and ordered another martini, snapping her fingers.
Justin smiled and lost himself in thought for a minute before replying, “Look Julia. I’m so very grateful to you and Gardner. Without you guys and Brian, of course, my work wouldn’t have even received notice. It would still be in the loft’s storage room. But, I’m not going to New York.”
“Is this about Brian Justin? There’s a million Brian’s in New York luv. Half of them not so gruff. And…whatever. Anywhoo, maybe not as beautiful as Brian, but they exist nonetheless,” Julia asked and lit up her fourth cigarette in thirty minutes.
“Not just Brian. But, yes, he does have a say in this Julia,” Justin replied, not looking directly into the glare the woman was beaming towards him.
“Think of all the money you could be making! And, it will be your money. Honey, you need to learn that nothing is as important as having your own money,” Julia replied.
“The money isn’t important Julia,” Justin spat.
“Remember that when you don’t have any darling. I know the life you lead. The life you’ve become accustomed to. What Brian does for you. Don’t you ever feel indebted?” Julia inquired and knew she’d hit a nerve.
Great Julia…could you prey on any more of my insecurities?
“No. I don’t. Money doesn’t mean shit. I don’t have to have the things I have, to be with Brian. It could all go away tomorrow, and I’d still be happy. Still be in love,” Justin beamed. If you want to be my hag, you need to learn a few things first…luv.
“Trust me Justin. I’ve been married 4 times. Gardner, being my fourth. Rat hole…do whatever you can. You don’t want to be penniless when he trades you in,” Julia replied lackadaisically.
“Trades me in?” Justin questioned. What the fuck does she think I am? Twinkie of the month?
“Honey, I was married at 20. I’m forty-…forty. I’ve been married four times, I know what I’m talking about!” she laughed.
Laughing, Justin explained, “Exactly. I don’t plan on being in four relationships. This one is for keeps.” Whether Brian likes it or not. I’ll be rolling his ass around in his wheelchair after his tenth plastic surgery.
Shaking her head at his blaring naiveté, “You’re too young gorgeous! Far too young to be tied down and kept. You need to spread your wings. Surely, Brian couldn’t deny you of that. He knows the score, he’s been around long enough to know how these things go.”
Listening to Julia, astonished, Justin could only ask,” What things?” Oh God…I’m gonna be sick.
“What kind of an arrangement do you have? Gardy never really explained it to me,” Julia leaned across the table to whisper.
“Arrangement? Brian and I are in a relationship. We’re practically married. No arrangement. We’re together because we love each other,” Justin huffed.
“Well then, if you’re practically married, I hope you got that money bag into a pre-nup,” Julia replied.
Justin sat stone face at her and felt a stress headache coming on. Who is this woman? Why is she my friend again? Oh, right…art.
Taking that as a no, “Right. Ride it out honey, all I can tell you. Enjoy it. Okay, well, at least think about the move. New York. Bright lights. Your name…headlining a gallery. It could be your dream come true!” Julia nodded and then knew she’d said too much, possibly hurt Justin’s feelings. She knew how much he adored Brian and how happy he was with him. They did make a beautiful couple she thought. What a waste that Brian Kinney was gay. Her first husband was exactly like him. Maybe that’s why she didn’t care too much for him.
Knowing that she was just looking out for him, in her own Hollywood Wives kind of way, “Julia, my dream is for shit if Brian isn’t there enjoying it with me. So, if ten years from now, I’m painting goddamn houses or my 2,333 “Still Life With Fruit”, if Brian is there, I’m happy.”
“Still Life with Fruit”? Is that an analogy of you and Brian? Because, if you stay with him darling, that’s exactly what you’ll be. A stand still. Besides, Brian can find someone else, like that.” Julia said and snapped her fingers. “I’ve seen the boys around the agency, clamoring to be near him. You’d have nothing to worry about,” she so gallantly added and pursed her lips, reapplying what had to be her fifth coat of lipstick that was just as garish the first coat.
Right. And thank you Julia, for rounding out my insecurities. Thanks for that lovely image of clamoring boys near Brian.
Retrieving her mobile from her bag, Julia stood up, stubbed out her cigarette and bid adieu. “Think about it Justin. Long and hard. Think of what you’re passing up. You’ll regret it. I promise you.” Motioning the universal ‘call me’ sign with her long finger nailed hands she flew out of the restaurant.
Justin sat at the table and wrenched his napkin in his hand. Thinking about what Julia said. His dream. His name in lights. New York.
***
After that conversation, little by little, Justin immersed himself in his work and Brian felt him slip away. Spending more and more time with Julia and her gallery friends and less time being his usual sunshine self. Brian indulged Justin when he could, going to openings and subsequent soirées with him. It wasn’t all a bust as Brian met a few potential clients in the meantime, hob-knobbing. But Julia used this time to bend Justin’s ears when she could.
So, by the time March rolled around, the trip to Cabo was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Justin had grown a little resentful that he felt he was ready to move on to bigger things and others thought so too, evidently. But Brian wasn’t ready yet. He worked his ass off trying to put away enough, make better contacts so that when he could realize his dream of opening an agency, everything would be in order. They had discussed their dreams and goals while on vacation- what they had wanted for the future. Nevertheless, as with the work horses and perfectionists that Justin and Brian both were, they steeled themselves to move their goals along faster, not considering the cost to their relationship. Even though they were working for the both of them, the means that they took propelled them farther apart. Even with all the best intentions, it doesn’t always make things right.
***
As ordered, Brian walked into Hagerty’s at noon and searched for Jennifer. He saw her in a booth by the window. “Is this the smoking section?” Brian asked as he pulled out his cigarettes and Colibre.
“No. I don’t smoke,” Jennifer smiled.
Brian rolled his eyes and put his cigarettes back in his jacket pocket. “So, Mommy Dearest, am I grounded?” He liked Jennifer. He really did. Nevertheless, he was too old for this shit and her shit. She could pull it on Justin, but not Brian Kinney.
“What’s going on this time? Justin came back this morning and won’t talk to me,” Jennifer asked, sipping her iced tea. Oh, she’s pulling it…believe it.
This time? It’s not like this is a regular occurrence. This one is big and special, in a not so good way. “Like I told you this morning, none of your business. Look, I’m not in the Chatty Cathy mood today Jennifer. Alright? Nor am I ever,” Brian replied and signaled for the waiter. “Tea. Long Island. Heavy and ‘long’,” he dismissed.
Jennifer watched Brian and noticed how he seemed nervous, “Should you be drinking so early in the day?”
“Should you be nosing in where it doesn’t belong?” Brian asked defensively. Shrugging his shoulders after he caught the glare from Jennifer, “It’s cocktail hour…somewhere.”
Jennifer just shook her head, “I know that you don’t appreciate me ‘nosing in’ Brian, I just... I worry about you two. Justin and you. Separately and together. That’s all.”
Brian nodded and tried to relax. He knew Jennifer was right. She and he had become cordial; almost friends and he appreciated that. Joanie was never even cordial, nor pretended to be. Deb was the other side of the spectrum…nothing was sacred and you would not have a minute’s peace in the Novotny house. But, he spent so much time there anyways…liking the fact that at least she gave a shit. But Jennifer…she was different. They’d been through numerous wars over Justin and yet here they were. He he appreciated her for the kind of mother she was. She loved her son and she’d learned not to make it so hard on everyone else who loved him as well.
“I know. So, how’s the real estate business? Met any swinging dicks lately?” Brian asked, perusing the menu.
“Huh. Diversion. Justin told me how tactical you were. Let’s cut the shit, shall we?” Jennifer replied.
Alrighty…shit is being cut…“He wants to go to New York. Did he tell you that?” Brian asked, slapping down his menu.
“New York? For what? I thought you said California,” Jennifer asked, flabbergasted. First, I lose him to the world…then Brian and now we both lose him to New York?
“To live. He’s been offered a showcase there. Gardner’s wife just worked it up for him. Isn’t she wonderful? Well, he thinks I don’t know, the little idiot that he is. He didn’t tell me. So, he told her no and he’s taking it out on me,” Brian replied as eloquently as he could.
“Are you sure Brian? Why would he take it out on you, if he told them no?” Jennifer asked and grew silent as the waiter approached to take their order. Who the hell is this woman? She just comes waltzing in and bends his ear trying to take him away?
The waiter then appeared at the table, cruising Brian, much to Jennifer’s disapproval and wide-eyed shock. Brian was completely oblivious to it.
“Caesar salad. Is the dressing real Caesar, with egg? If it’s not, forget it,” Brian asked and received a nod. “A cup of lentil soup. Unleaded tea with my lunch.”
“I’ll have the same please,” Jennifer smiled and handed the waiter both menus.
“Because we talked about it and he knows I’m not ready to open my own agency yet. So, he’s playing the martyr and lashing out at me however he can,” Brian asked. “Fuck it, I’m smoking,” he stammered as he pulled his cigarettes and lighter out again and lit one up before she could utter her disapproval.
“So, you’re just gonna call it quits now? He’s too young, you have to talk to him Brian,” Jennifer hastily replied.
Inhaling and then blowing smoke rings, Brian thought about it. No, he’s not going anywhere. Not if I have anything to say about it. He belongs with me. Little fucker that he is, he’s my little fucker.
“He’s a man Jennifer. What can I do? I’m not going to hold him back. If he wants to go to New York and work, then he should be allowed to go. I can’t control his life, our life together or not, no matter how much I want to. I know that now,” Brian replied. As usual. Cowardice wins out. Is it truly cowardice or rational thought? Who was he to say what Justin did? His fucking lover. Partner. Everything. Who deserves everything and anything he wants…I work so fucking hard to give him what he wants…what he needs. If he wants this…what can I do?
“Brian. You’re not holding him back. If he turned NY down, there’s a reason. He loves you. You know that,” Jennifer smiled. I should know. Nothing stood in his way…no matter what, he fought for you…fought to keep you. He can’t be giving this up.
“I know he does. I…look Jennifer, sometimes love isn’t enough. I know I’m the last person on earth, that has the right to say that…but you understand what I’m saying, right?” Brian responded and got up from the table. “Sorry, I have to go,” he added and threw a fifty on the table.
Jennifer watched him leave and then signaled the waiter, asking him to cancel her companion’s meal.
Brian decided to go home and try to intercept Justin at the loft, knowing he’d be there. He’d tell him he knew about New York and give his blessing. No hard feelings. No regrets and no looking back.
***
Coming inside he saw Justin sitting on the bed, with a pile of clothes and a bag. He placed his briefcase down on the counter and shucked his suit jacket off. Justin saw him and sat up straight, wiping his tears. He began furiously throwing clothes into the bags.
Walking up the steps, Brian steadied himself. “I know about New York. It’s a great opportunity. Congratulations. When do you leave?”
Justin looked at Brian and watched his lover tentatively walking around the bedroom. His eyes downcast, not being able to look Justin in the eye, as he let him go.
“Who said I’m going to New York?” Justin asked. Is nothing sacred? Who the fuck told? I’m going to kill Julia.
“You’re going,” Brian replied.
“Brian! First, you forbid me to go to Cabo, which we’re so not done talking about, and now you’re telling me I have to go to New York? What is this?” Justin cried.
“Why would you pass up such a great opportunity? For what? So, you can stay here with me and rot? Fuck that. I’m not going to let you use me as an excuse!” Brian yelled and slammed the bathroom door.
Justin got up and knocked on the door, “Brian? Open the door. Can we talk about this please?”
“We’re done talking Justin. I’m not going to be your albatross. Ever!” Brian yelled as he threw open the door.
“Brian. Brian wait!” Justin chased after him and grabbed his wrist. “Come back. Come on,” he smiled and coaxed Brian to the couch. After they sat down, Justin got up and fixed Brian a drink. Bringing it back to the table, “So, lunching with the ladies today?” he smiled as he pulled a diversionary tactic of his own. Jennifer called Justin once Brian left and checked on him. She informed him of her lunch.
Voice breaking, “Let’s get this over with, shall we? I know you want to go Justin. You shouldn’t have hidden it from me. But, it’s fine really. We both knew this would happen sooner or later.” He then downed his drink and swirled the empty glass, the ice cubes clinking.
“No Brian. I didn’t know this would happen sooner or later. I’m not leaving. No matter how much I may entertain life in New York…that’s what it is. Life in New York. Not my life. My life is with you,” He quietly responded. “Look at me, Brian. Look at me,” Justin forced Brian’s head towards him and leaned forward.
“No, you can’t do this. I won’t let you,” Brian whispered as he rolled his head against Justin’s and closed his eyes.
“You cannot control me Brian…as much as you’d like to and as much as you think that you do…you can’t. I’m staying here. With you. It’s meaningless if you’re not there with me. You know that,” Justin whispered and then lightly laid his lips against Brian’s.
“You turned it down and now you hate me for it. I get it. Therefore, you think you need to go off on some vacation to prove that you can do anything you want. If not New York, off to Cabo. Then where? You’re entitled, you’ve earned it. Why not? Right?” Brian replied, sitting down. Before Justin had a chance for rebuttal, Brian silenced him with his hand, continuing, “I’m very aware of this Justin, trust me. I had a chance to go to New York too, remember? Even though I said I was going, who knew if I could have actually walked out the door. Could have walked away from you. And, I hated you for that,” Brian stood and admitted the similarities.
“I don’t hate you Brian. Never have. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I acted like that and made you feel like this,” Justin replied and sat down on the coffee table across from Brian. “I guess, it’s just that, the opportunity came up and yeah, I was pissed. So, I thought that I could go and have fun and be with friends…maybe to escape this burden I thought I had. But, it doesn’t mean I hate you or that I don’t love you.”
“Call Julia. Tell her you changed your mind. Maybe you and she can go into the city next week. Check it out. See what’s out there,” Brian said and pinched the bridge of his nose. As he watched Justin stare at him, Brian huffed and got up, walking over to the phone. Picking it up, he walked back over and handed it to Justin, “Call her or I will.”
“No. I don’t want New York. I don’t even want Cabo fucking San whateverthefuck! Okay? So, let’s just forget this ever happened!” Justin stood up and then walked towards the bedroom.
Following, Brian called out, “You can’t pass this up Justin. It’s too important.”
“I said no Brian. It’s over. Now, come shower with me,” Justin tried to smile and sidled up to his lover.
Pushing him away, “Justin, listen to me. If you don’t do this, if you let me be the reason you don’t go…you’ll hate me for it later. Maybe not next year. Maybe not two years from now, but you will. I can’t handle that.”
“Brian, I want to be an artist. I want to paint, sketch, draw…whatever. And have people see my work. But, those are the dreams that I share with you. But, you’re not ready right now. When you are, we can go. Both of us…can go. If you’re never ready, then I’m never ready. Okay?” Justin reasoned and reached up to touch Brian’s cheek as he leaned into the touch.
“I can’t ever talk about this again Justin. Okay? You have to understand…I can’t hear it mentioned, hear it whispered, or even talk to you about it. Once this is closed, it has to be closed. If you say that you won’t regret it, I believe you. If this ever changes, I’m asking you to never let me know that you do, all right? You have to know I would have supported you, whatever decision that you made. I love you that much to do that,” Brian whispered.
Brian truly could not have this conversation come up again. The guilt he was going to carry with him now, over his partner’s decision was enough. He would do what he could to make it up to him. See if he could still have shows here in Pittsburgh, until Brian was ready. Brian would do whatever it took…to be ready as soon as he could. Better than realizing his own dream, he would break himself trying to help his lover fulfill his own.
Justin answered Brian by taking his hand and leading him to the bedroom. Standing next to the bed, they began to shuck their clothes. Reaching over to turn on the blue lights, Brian watched his lover as the room took on the familiar ethereal glow. Naked now, Brian reached out and helped Justin out of his t-shirt and pants. Pulling Justin flush against his chest, gripping tightly, Brian breathed in the scent of his lover and kissed him gently.
“How could I ever regret this?” Justin whispered as he broke the kiss. Clinging tightly to each other. They moved to lie down.
With Justin under him, Brian hovered above and looked into his eyes. “I would have let you go…if it’s what you wanted.”
Justin reached up and pulled Brian prone on top of him. He gripped Brian to him in a tight hug and listened to his lover whisper in his ear. You deserve it. I know you want it and we’ll get you there. I promise to give you that. Just don’t forget I love you…we’ll do it together.
“Me too. Always,” Justin replied and then pulled Brian’s lips to his. They kissed urgently and their hands began to roam over each other’s bodies. Pulling up, Brian sat back on his haunches, admiring the boy. Grabbing his hand and bringing it to his lips, he kissed the tips of Justin’s fingers and then slowly sucked each one. His other hand reached down, caressed Justin’s thigh, and laughed at the goose bumps that popped up all over Justin’s body.
Brian then moved to the head of the bed and spread his legs, propping his back against the pillows. Silently begging Justin to come to him, his mouth grew slack and he drank in Justin’s form. Smiling, Justin moved to straddle Brian and then fiercely reached out and brought Brian’s head to his, biting his lips before soothing them with his tongue. Laying back on Brian’s legs, so that they were crotch to crotch, they continued to touch each other anywhere and everywhere. Moving along the heat, they began to stroke each other. Justin licked his palm and gripped Brian’s cock and started to stroke him faster. Brian did the same and as they both worked each other, their eyes never broke contact. Due to emotions fluttering around them, it didn’t take long for each to orgasm.
As Justin’s cock erupted, Brian gathered as much come as he could on his fingers and palm of his hand and then spread Justin’s legs wide. He reached down and then found Justin’s hole, pushing his fingers in slowly, then with his other hand, kneaded the flesh of Justin’s cheeks…spreading his come around. Brian moved slightly back, then wiped his own come onto his hand, and then repeated the motion, lubing Justin up thoroughly.
As Justin lay back on the bed atop Brian’s legs, his hands gripped at the duvet while Brian stretched him out and talked to him. Being urged on, with moans of approval, Brian grew hard again. Feeling that Justin was thoroughly lubed and ready, Brian maneuvered Justin off him and then quickly got in position. Drawing Justin’s legs over his shoulders, Brian leaned down and they shared a deep, tantalizing kiss as he pushed in. Deep, hot and moist…they both moaned at the pressure and tightness. As Brian began to rock back and forth, pushing Justin into the position of contortionist, he enjoyed every bit of it. They both had come so quickly before in their dual jerk and now both knew they would not be long once again.
Faster…slower. Twisting…rocking. Pushing…pulling. The pressure and feeling was intense and it drove them on. Becoming sweaty, Brian wiped his brow against Justin’s shin as it bounced on his shoulder. Justin had one hand on Brian’s chest, digging his fingers in, the other hand solidly gripping Brian’s skinny hip, as he was pushed and pummeled. Holding onto Justin’s right calf, Brian pressed his torso down hard between Justin’s legs, spreading his legs wider, deepening the thrusts. This steady pace was unrelenting and completely intoxicating.
In an instant, they both came and then collapsed against each other. Brian fell upon Justin, as he was smashed into the mattress and they gasped for air to return to their lungs. Not wanting to part, they lay there, waiting for their breathing to come back to normal. Sticky, sweaty…out of breath. Together. Perfect.
***
Cabo was canceled and Dublin was never booked. Instead, Brian and Justin decided to stay in Pittsburgh and vacation. There wasn’t enough time to go to Maryland even though they told their extended family that they did indeed go away.
They lounged around the house and watched movies, and did normal things. Justin had finally gotten Brian to take Salinger to Obedience Training so they worked on her as well. She seemed to be happy with the way things were going…back to normal. While Justin was at his mother’s she took out her grievance on Justin’s Cross Trainers…finally. Brian was so pleased with her; he bought her a new squeeze toy.
If you’d of asked Brian two years ago, he’d tell you that they had become his worst waking nightmare. Fighting it just hadn’t done anything for him; in fact, it had made Brian miserable. He didn’t want to fit in any kind of mold…just wanted to be with Justin. They’d make it up as they went along and it seemed to work for them. He was actually happy, had been for a long while, and intended to be for as long as he was allowed.
***
As usual on Monday night, the boys settled into their routine. Justin came out of the shower in some Calvin’s that were a size too small. With Brian doing the shopping that is what you deal with, you know. No matter how many times he swore those underwear fit Justin perfectly, Justin winced as he walked to the couch. He was also wearing his new t-shirt that Emmett and Ted had gotten him in Vermont. It read, “I’m with Stupid,” with an arrow pointing to his right.
“Come on Brian! Fear Factor is starting. They’re supposed to eat horse’s ass on this one!” Justin giggled as he slapped the couch cushions to his right.
“Ted Schmidt is finally getting some action?” Brian drawled as he pulled a carton of mint-chocolate chip out of the freezer and one big spoon.
“Gross,” Justin shivered. “Can you bring some napkins, this time? I don’t want to be all sticky.”
“That is gross,” Brian smiled.
“Emmett doesn’t seem to think so. You think they do it? Who do you think slips who, the big greaser?”
Brian shuttered and then threatened to throw the ice cream away. He relented when Justin begged and promised a very rigorous work out to work off the incoming calories.
“Hey, you forgot the napkins,” Justin smiled and rose to retrieve them.
“Sit. I’ll clean you off dirty boy,” Brian smiled as leaned into kiss Justin. Patting his lap, Justin lay his head down and they started watching their favorite new show.
As the show started Justin suddenly remembered that Joe Millionaire was on as well. “Oh, quick, hand me the remote!”
Rolling his eyes and relinquishing his last vestige of something totally his own, Brian groaned and handed over the remote. Quickly changing the channel, Justin commented, “Look, there he is.”
“He’s hot,” Brian sat up and took notice.
“Yeah, but he’s dumb as a sack of hammers,” Justin replied.
“And? He’s hot,” Brian replied.
“Brian! He’s a total idiot,” Justin said and rolled over to look upwards at his lover.
“I don’t care if he’s like fucking Rain Man, he’s hot Justin and I bet he’s a total bottom,” Brian smiled, not taking his eyes off the TV.
You wish. “He may be hot…but I think he’s even dumber than Michael. How bad is that?” Justin laughed.
“Leave Mikey out of it,” Brian replied although laughing in agreement.
“Yeah? Or what? What are you gonna do?” Justin laughed and taunted.
Looking at the spoon he held in his hand, Brian replied, “Oh, I can think of something.”