SMOTHERED BROTHERS 10/01 1. How did two gurus come about plopping out such nastiness? Tell me the story of your MCD cover, how did you end up in this scenarion? I'm sure it wasn't just taken from a porn sight, right? Felchor: We were getting sick of all the boring American death metal bullshit and decided to make our own sterno huffing sessions more productive by making pornogrind. The MCD cover was made by Lord Fistor who photoshopped some panties on the penis ashtrays on the cover. We had to cover their stinky stars to avoid getting banned in Eastern European countries. (Aren't the censorship laws ridiculous? -Lee) If you know about what happened to UTOPIE and IHR, (I sure do, I was bitching about the hypocricies the other day to my brother! -Lee) than I'm sure you'll understand. As for the origin of the pictures, I'll never tell, I promised not to. 2. What kind of perverted influence did you have to raise you into what SMOTHERED BROTHERS is now? Bands? What about life in general? Why didn't you just make grind about flowers and trees? Does this kind of grind really get the ladies? Felshor: Influences: Sterno, NO2, Belgian beer, bongs, Bon Religion, chicken wings, anal sex, snuff films, Stu Grimson, Swank magazine, Russian porn, Hermann Nitsch, Ezra Pound, Homi Bhabha, Roland Barthes, the smell of my wife's panties, Kurasowa, Jan Svankmejer. Band influences: GUT, CBT, CSSO, UTOPIE, SQUASH BOWELS, DEAD YOUTH, old BATHORY, PSYCHICK TV, THROBBING GRISTLE, SCRAPING FOETUS OFF THE WHEEL, BEACH BOYS, STOCKHAUSEN, SCHOENBERG. The best music makes a bridge between mental and physical action. For example when SCHOENBERG's music was first heard about 100 years ago people got out of their opera booths and started fist fights because they were so shocked. When SLAYER opened for WASP in Chicago people threw anything that wasn't bolted down at WASP for playing such gay shit after the mighty SLAYER. We wanted to capure the moment where thinking about fucking becomes fucking. "Does this kind of grind get the ladies?" Being married to a hot polish woman often results in me beating the shit out of people for hitting on her. So yes I guess it does. 3. Merchandise! I know all the kids want S.B. hats and T shirts! But what's this I hear about scratch 'n' sniff stickers and condoms? How should they be used? Is there a special sort of female for when one is to break out the S.B. condom? What other vile skeems do the two of you have brewing up? Felshor: We are in the process of making scratch and sniff stickers so our fat, socially retarded fans can know what a girl's special area smells like besides their mother's. Condoms are also cumming soon, hopefully ones with big barbs that will make your slutty girlfriend whimper with pleasure while relaxing her anus long enough to accept your manhood. Regarding condoms, I prefer to go Apache style but there is much to be said for member modification. I wish I had a dick like a cat with all the barbs, that would rock. 4. So do you live in the dungeion/laboratory of some obscured and deserted castle? Did you ever play with those Mad Scientist toys when you were a kid? If S.B. were to sell the rights to a toy line, what kind of items would be on the racks at Toys 'R' Us? Felchor: We live near the Brookfield Zoo in Chicago, which has had a profound effect on us. (See, the zoo rocks for grinders! -Lee) There is this cool thing there called Baboon Island where you can watch them beat off, fight, and eat human food that retards throw at them. One of my favorite things to do is listen to the parents explain what the monkeys are doing. Typical conversation: Child-"Why can't that one monkey jump over that other monkey, he keeps trying but can't seem to make it?" Retarded Christian mother-"Those monkeys are just real good friends and they are showing each other just how much they like each other like mommy and daddy used to do before daddy started dating the mailman." Child-"Are those monkeys playing the magic wand game that I learned from Father Murphey?" RCM-"What game is that?" Child-"You know, the one where the one where you polish the wand until the magic comes out" RCP-"It isn't good to make up stories like that, God will be mad at you." I once saw a gorilla lick his finger, stick it in his butt, lick his finger again and then reinsert. It is strange how simmilar they are to us. (I heard humans are only like 6 chromosomes away from... Um something like that, I'm stupit! -Lee) Childhood toys: my mom's "Facial Massager" Lincoln Logs, I fucking loved Lincoln Logs, and, my penis. I also once played with Rosary Beads and got one stuck in my nasal cavity and had to go to the hospital to have it removed. As far as toys rights: I would like to make a Caligula Jr. playset that would include a toga, Centurian's helmet, fist shaped dildo, 1 year's supply of Ergot and maybe just a box cutter to keep the price down. Other toys: A Plaskool Jr. head restraint, Mentor's Halloween costumes so kids could dress up as Sicky Wifebeater or El Duce, and maybe a "Little Albert" spiked Albert. 5. Ok, what kind of bizarre experiences, both sexual and in normal circumstances could you tell us about? Do you appear normal to the untrained eye or are you both covered in slime and cloaked with piss-soaked garments to hide your yellow eyes and fangs? Felchor: I lost my virginity in 8th grade to a girl who's mom worked in "the industry" so there were mirrors over the bed, dildos, that stuff that gets warm when you blow on it, and all the porn movies you could watch. So doin' anal in 8th grade has inspired a life-long love of perversity. After that, I went to a Catholic high school and we all know what repression does for a girl's libido. You will never know what I look like unless I play live and than I will be wearing a diaper and leather hood but I will tell you that I am much bigger than the average man and occasionally work as a stage bouncer, that's all you need to know. 6. So S.B. is to release a video? Why don't you describe what to expect? What would a S.B. music video or movie have in it? Felchor: Yes, the SB's are working on videos that will be featured on our upcoming full length CD. The vids are made by Lord Fistor as he is quite skilled in the video arts. The videos will be done predominantly in stop animation forms ala Brothers Quay, Svankmejer and Starevich. They will feature harsh visual justaposition of normalcy and perversity, effectively destroying the bifurcation of viseo-moral othering based on the occularcentric causality of the human brain. (Sounds neat! -Lee) If you are prone to seisures you mat want to strap on your drool cup before you watch 7. Recommend some bands for those not cool enough to represent the sick! Felchor: Metal/Grind: LYMPHATIC PHLEGM, MEXIGORGE, INFECTED PUSSY, SQUASH BOWELS, CBT, LIBIDO AIRBAG, ASSCAVERN, NOISM, CSSO, MACABRE, SUBLIME CADAVERIC DECOMPOSITION Non-metal: PSYCHICK TV, SCRAPING FOETUS, BIG BLACK, FLAMING LIPS, DJANGO REINHARDT, Korean Sinawe music. 8. Describe the perfect woman! Felchor: 3', flat head, no teeth, able to repress gag-reflex, tight turd-cutter, no fucking smelly, hairy latinas. Blonds or red-heads only unless they are Asian. And foreign chicks are prefered, I'm sick of vain, American, TV addicted bimbos. (Fuckin' A tell me about it! All these women, and not one doesn't listen to MTV crap and watch Springer all day, fuck my luck move me to Europe or some shit. -Lee) I also can't stand chicks that want to kiss them before you fuck them, it is so "high-school". 9. I noticed that the insert for "AssphyXiated" had a hand-made collage of porn! Is this a special service? Do you make individual collages for every single item sent out? Felchor: Yep, every CD of "AssphyXiated" features a hand made collage. This will be limited to the first 200 only so if you are lucky enough to be in this elite group, enjoy. In a scene where so many bands rip people off by re-releasing songs, recording filler tracks, making 30 min "full lengths", having 1 min samples for "intros", etc, etc. we wanted to give our fans their money's ($5) worth by giving them a little more bang(ing) for their buck. 10. What's in the future for S.B.? A full lenght CD? Any labels in mind? Felchor: In the future we will continue fucking you in the ears with visceral pornogrind. We are recording the full length now. Things are a little faster in parts with a thicker sound cause all the ladies tells us, it is the width of the band that counts. We are working on a live show that will feature live smothering, self-produced videos and in general cum-bucket loads of fun for anyone involved. We are talking to labels now so I can't divulge any info yet other than to tell you that we will be on a split tape that is being produced in Slovakia with the BULLDOZER BONDAGE BOYS-CBT. (!!!-Lee) New songs will include: "kicking your ass in front of your slutty girlfriend" "fisting your dickhole" "nitrous wad bomb" and "habanero enema" 11. Ok that's all for this time, please give us your final tid bits of knowledge! Felchor: Put a dildo in your girlfriend's rusty sherrif badge while you fuck her vertical smile and the vibrations will reduce you both into slobbering retards. Putting some coke on your dick is also fun. Support the DIY scene. Death to corporate mall metal! (Here here! -Lee) If I ever see you at a show wearing a backward upside-down visor I will feed you your severed cock. (Holy crap, for proof that great minds think alike, check the new "Peely's First Date" comic as I finished it last night and got this interview today! Rock on! -Lee) Leave no goat unkissed. Later, clarts. p.s. many special spanks to Pusvomit and the sickness contained within. ALWAYS KEEP IT SICK SICK SICK. (Definitely! -Lee) INTERVIEWS HOME