......The other day my girlfriend said "Greg, you want a thrill?"
She took me to a bridge at the bottom of a hill.
She tied a cord to my back and I ran out of luck.
'Cause when she pushed me off it, I just yelled out ,"Wow"
The Colin Hoedown
.....I love to sing like Colin, I really really do!
I really really really really really really do!
And when I sing like Colin, it make me have great joy,
because I-Ugh! (does dinosaur impression)
The Cricket Hoedown (in a slow, posh, English accent)
.......I'm a cricket player, I stand upon the pitch,
I wait for the ball to come, and I give it a switch.
When the game is over, I retire for a beer,
And I know what you're thinking, and no, we're not!
The Excessive Drinking Hoedown
........I used to like the booze, I used to like the trickin'
But now I get my kicks going out toad lickin'
I go out to the desert, find myself a frog
and lick it's psychedelic back 'til I'm high as a dog!
.......I'm a little baby, I live inside my mummy,
And in a couple months time, I'll come out of her tummy.
When I'm growing, I'll run around on rugs,
But so she doesn't cry, I hope she takes a lot of drugs!
The Hairdressers Hoedown
.......I hate going for haircuts, it really is a drag,
Cos I think that my barber, is a mighty hag!
Everytime I sit in the chair, I just say "Damn my luck!"
Cos he always cuts my ear, and I yell out "Darn!"
The Halloween Hoedown
....I like trick or treatin', I go from door to door.
I ask for candy, ask for sweets, then I ask for more.
Sometimes the give me, lots of rocks and bugs,
But I do not care, 'cause I trick or treat on drugs.
The Motorways Hoedown
.....When I came to England, I met a man,
He was shining bald, his name was Clive Anderson,
There was some confusion, I said "Where's the freeway?"
He said "No, you silly twat, it's called a motorway!"
The Scuba Diving Hoedown (my fave)
.....I dance underwater, I do a coral jig.
I live there with my friend, a tiny inflatable pig.
Wearing a rubber suit, that is my fervent wish.
I scuba dive all day long, so I can have sex with fish.
The Sex Hoedown
.....Oh, I'm a randy bugger, I like to get around,
I like to have a shag, with everyone in town,
I have lots of fun, i'm as happy as can be,
And that cos my name is, Tony Slattery!
The Tory Politician Hoedown
........Tory politicians, they really are a drag.
Bumming common people, that just ate my bag.
But I am a waffler, and a total prat.
So next election I will vote liberal democrat.
The Weddings Hoedown
...I believe in marriage, I think it is a treat,
And on the day I married, I looked so very neat.
But a couple of years later, i began to cry,
It made me so sick because my name is Lady Di!
The World Leaders Hoedown
......Hi, ich bin ein German, my name is Helmut Kohl
And you know kids, I really really like to rock and roll!
I like to go to America, it's where I get my kicks,
Cos President Clinton knows all the easy chicks!
