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Soccer
What is the big deal about soccer? What makes soccer the most popular sport in the world? And why do some uppity dipshits in the US act like soccer is the only sport worth watching? Allow me to dissect...
Soccer is the most boring game to ever plague mankind. What is the point in watching a bunch of foreigners kick a ball around for 90 minutes and possibly not even score ONCE during the entire game combined? The same argument could be used for hockey but at least in hockey pain is dealt on a consistant basis, making it mucho bettero, as some of the eyerackeees and other foreigners would say.
Soccer is even worse when sitting at home and watching. It makes my eyes bleed more than the time I actually watched Jack Frost 2: Attack of the Killer Mutant Snowman. After watching that movie I wanted to swallow razor blades to punish myself for putting my eyes through that one. After watching soccer, I wanted to dig my eyes out with a spoon to put them out of their misery.
Every soccer fan orgasms when they hear the name Freddy Adu. So, he's 14 year old kid that can kick a ball, so he gets a $1 million contract from Nike. In the NBA, younger people are given a shot to play on a regular basis, not just when some so-called phenom comes along like Adu. The rookies in the NBA all bring excitement and energy to the table. Except for DeSagana Diop.
My theory is people watch soccer because their gay lovers watch soccer trying to impress some other homosexual. Or maybe not. In any case, I'll take steroid driven middle linebackers laying a hit on Vick any day over a bunch of foreigners kicking a ball. In fact, after watching a bunch of foreigners kick a ball, I want my balls kicked to remind myself not to submit to Telemundo ever again. BA-DUM-CH!
-Charlie in the Trees
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