A short while back, the Department of Homeland Security released a website which included instructions to follow in the event of a terrorist attack. While you'll never hear me question the threat involved in a terrorist attack, you've got to admit, some of these illustrations are pretty damn gay.

*Note: I know pretty much every damn comedy site has one of these pages now, but I wrote mine way back around August...but I forgot about it and never put it up once I started designing this page. Just so nobody queefs about plagirism. Not like anybody reads this site that cares anyway.

In the event of a biological attack, take care of Missouri first to make sure Nelly gets out of St. Louis.

If you ever see a can spraying itself, its definitely something to worry about.

In the event of a biological terrorist attack, cover your face like a Muslim. Yea, that's what everyone should do.

If you start to breathe in harmful fumes, choking yourself to death is the only way out.

Yes, you are correct. Fish CAN'T fly higher than birds.

If objects start to fall, crawl under a desk and perform oral sex on yourself.

If the door doesn't want to open, slap it and poke it with arrows.

Don't open the door for fire, even if it politely knocks.

JUST SAY NO TO CATCHING ON FIRE

If all else fails, stop, drop, roll on the ground and cry like a fucking pussy.

If a gigantic man is roaming the streets, head for the nearest red box.

Radiation will make people lose their faces. 

If you are trapped under rocks, make sure you don't point a flashlight at them.....

....or they will fall. Rocks hate flashlights.

If there is a terrorist threat, blow your terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.

If radiation knocks, don't let it in either. If you do, you will only have 5 seconds to live.

If you find radioactive material, put dynamite right next to it.

Radiation will make you grow as big as a three-story building.

If the terrorists drop a bomb, whatever you do, DON'T DRIVE INTO THE EXPLOSION.

If the window starts giving you crap, tell it to talk to the hand.

Radiation will make you turn into a door.

Well, that about does it. In conclusion I would like to say that...Griff is gay, Meho is a blexican, and Dean is a Cuban, Jewish, soccer-playing liberal.