s I sit on once again another Monday the world seems a little different. I ponder what transpired over the last few days and wonder to myself am I happy or sad. I had sat in many seats thru the last few months in the local billiards tavern listening to the squeaky door open and the different faces come and go. Smiles,waves,jokes passed along with out a thought. Do I really know them? Do I care to know them? But every time the door opens I look to see if maybe tonight she will come Always accompanied and greeted with warm smiles. Every head turns male and female. Golden locks prim and proper. As out of place as a sailor in the desert.

As time passes she makes her rounds speaking to all eyes light up as she speaks men await as they get just a moment of time. As she moves closer to my seat of choice for the evening my heart leaps with anticipation. Of my cherished place in time that we may share. What to say? Can I keep her attention for a little longer? We speak we laugh and she sits. Again my heart leaps in my chest. Time passes many looks many passer by's not too obvious be careful … Don't look so hard but alas I cannot stop. She tells of the chill in the room and the only thing I can do is listen. I wish that I could grab her up in my arms and warm her soft body with my own. But I cannot.

Lets take a ride Sweets! The night is beautiful. "Ok" she replies all the while knowing that people will talk heads will turn rumors will start as we exit the bar. Unspoken cries come from us both to talk to be heard to listen.. We go to a near by store and collect a few beers. Then drive aimlessly looking for a place to stop round and round we drive the small town to the limits and return to a parking lot and sit. Outside. The moon jumps off her skin and dances in her hair. Beauty at its best. We look dead into one another's eyes as we speak of our lives and events that bring us together. As she looks into my eyes I could swear I feel her staring at my soul. I look into her eyes as blue as a spring sky. And clear-cut as diamonds. I feel myself tremble just looking at her. We sit for hours talking. It feels only as moments have passed. My time is growing short as I feel the evening growing to a close once again.

As we pull once again to our watering hole I ask please may I drive you home tonight. "Yes sure" she stutters again my heart skips a beat we enter thru the squeaky door and again all eyes turn to see her pass thru the entrance her hair golden locks bouncing from her shoulders playfully. I walk a pace behind. Watching the eyes stare to her. We sit and speak order drinks many drinks. Men come to speak as if I am a ghost I smile knowing that the time we shared can never be replaced. I smile as I listen to every one line in the book spews from the mouths. I smile knowing that tonight I spent time really talking to her really listening to her…….. Real Time

We laugh and have a great time with other patrons of the bar. Time passes and it is time to depart as we exit I Ask I may make a stop ……….. As we enter the room it is apparent that she has had too much to fast and is going to be ill. I think to myself ……… Not tonight. Time to stand and be a man Please lay down and get some rest when you are well I will take you home. She sleeps still on the bed and I sit in an adjacent chair watching. Her sleep waking her every 20 minutes and asking if I may take her home yet. Enraged she taunts me get in bed with me ……… Not like this Sweets Not tonight just sleep time passes and she continues to tell me to retire with her ….. Not tonight sweets rest. She becomes Ill I can remember grabbing a receptacle and sitting next to her holding her golden hair and caressing her back. Lay down sweets …."Get in bed next to me" she replies Not tonight Sweets Not like this.. I sit in the dim lit room watching as she rests like a kitten in a blanket. I gaze upon her. So still, so soft so peaceful. Hours pass and she mumbles …… are you ok sweets do you want to go home? "No get in bed" she replies not like this not tonight sweets. Another hour or so passes and I need to lie down I lie at her feet and try to sleep. Some time passes and she is awake to me she replies please come and keep me warm, I surrender she is almost sober I lay next to her in my arms she draws my body to hers.

We lay like this for a time I cherish this time I can hold her smell her. We lay on our sides my arm draped across her my hand resting on her stomach. My thumb traces lazy circles on her tummy. I feel my heart race and my pulse increase as she begins to touch my hand. I close my eyes and wish for time to stand still as I have found bliss. She draws my hand upward to her clothed breast my heart again races as I begin to tremble. She lifts her arm up and draws my head to the nape of her neck. I gently kiss her neck and she utters a soft sigh. She turns to me slowly and we kiss for the first time.

The time we spend together ……. The next few hours will be with me forever the touches the caresses. We cling to one another lying frozen in time. As we drift in and out of sleep I find myself staring once again as she sleeps this time in my arms her angelic face her silken body pure cream skin from head to toe. The morning grows late and we begin to muster again. "Lets lay here a while more" I ask "But" …. She replies I know the time grows near "Ok" she says and we lay down again for just a moment we lay together entangled in one another warm with body heat as the air conditioner blows bitter cold air to the room.

I wish I could be there now if for just one more moment.

Time to go we set a record for dress time and departure A tension in the air grows thicker with every inch I drive silence as we drive she feels remorse. Sorrow. Uncertainty As I pull down the long drive to her house where we had only started this journey a short time prior I feel a lump in my chest she jumps from the truck and I look in her eyes and can see she does not want me as I want her. It can't be her heart is with another as is mine. I feel as though we filled a void in each other. I can only hope she felt the same but I cherish the moments that we spent holding each other. Her soft hair brushing against my cheek and will hold the thought for as long as I can.

I arrive home exhausted after several hours' sleep I awake and start to wonder what she may be doing tonight. I call and shutter when I hear her voice she is going to see her daughter and will be out of town for the next day or so. Disheartened but understanding we speak for some time as she says," we need to talk" the four worst words known to man. "But we can talk when I get back" Please lets talk now I reply I can not wait till you return it will kill me "……. We discuss her relationship with another this does not make me distraught, as any time we can spend I will hold dear.

I return to my home and sit awhile only to reliezethat I cannot sit I go to the billiards hall and although I know she will not be in my head snaps each time I hear the door open. Now intoxicated at three AM the phone rings I fumble to answer it not realizing I am in the parking lot with another lady whom I am trying to put in a cab. A lost cell connection OH NO a moment and a ring …… brief words and another lost connection my heart races as I look to the caller ID for the number …… A private number no trace I have lost it my friend drives off and I sit alone looking upward at the moon ….. the same moon that only a night before looked down upon me and shined off her hair. A light that I have never seen glow brighter just the night before. Moments pass as my heart falls deep into my chest a lost hope I reflect upon the night prior and smile for the time I spent with an angel. ……… Ring I fumble once again for the phone and hear a sweet "hello" I would have never though that I could find a happy place in a parking lot on a cell phone for an hour and a half we talk and laugh and my heart flutters as I hear a sweet voice in my ear and know whom is on the other end.

A day passes and I get in my vehicle at six thirty eight as I back from the drive I reach for my cell phone and see I have missed a call I quickly dial my voice mail up and listen to the mechanical voice a new call at six thirty seven one minute …….I missed the call by one minute somewhere here is the definition of Irony ….. Again I hear the voice" I am not quite sure what I am doing I may be here for tonight I will give you a call later and let ya know hope your having a good day …..Bye" as I listen I feel goose bumps rise from my skin and a chill run thru me. I later return to the old billiards where once again my head snaps with the hope of ………. None to be seen this night ….. I check my phone often but to no avail. I spend the night awake with the hope she may call. ………….

As I sit here Monday morning business as usual the phone rings non-stop but each and every time I hope maybe ………… So am I a happy man or a sad man I will never forget the weekend of this birthday. For one night the clouds broke and I spent an evening with an Angel As I stare thru my office window I can see the her face looking back at me eyes pure and blue as a spring sky skin as silk and cream an Angel but I long to hold her