[ cheers and applause]
>> Conan: Get the lead out! My first guest is an academy award winning actor and hilarious comedian. Beginning friday you can see him in the animated film "robots." Please welcome Robin Williams!
[ Screams and applause ]
>> Conan: A mime here tonight.
How are ya?
Robin >> Very good great to be here, mr. O'brien.
>> Conan: Thank you.
>> Starts off right away, just to set it up and be right with ya.
>> Conan: Have you noticed that irish people don't really talk that way?
>> No, you do and they go,
"what's wrong with you?"
>> Conan: The e met you can't understand a single word. It's like --
>> both: Argh!
>> We're all pirates, argh!
>> Conan: What are you going to do for st. Patrick's day? Does it mean anything else to you.
>> I'll be with everybody else
claiming they're irish.
I'm a black irishman.
Tell me what i can do
with that now.
Yeah, my name's o'haquan.
You know what I mean.
>> Con new york goes crazy on st. Patrick's day. Mostly i see a lot of italians >> Everybody comes out. For that day you're granted a brief pass. To go out and go --
>> conan: You get to throw up on everybody.
>> Come on down here.
We're driving the snakes out.
We're driving them towards --
heading them towards L.A..
And see what happens.
>> Conan: Excuor a holiday.
>> "What was the holiday?" Eatingof e snakes."
"Wow.
Ours is about leaving egypt.
Hello."
"We don't need to flee.
The irish are fleeing.
What are you taking?"
"We'll take the flat bed.
What are you taking?"
"We'll take all the guinness.
Keep going.
It is irish passover."
>> Conan: We'll have guilater on in the show. We'll find about that later on. I'll get you some.
>> At least this is a happy time.
>> Conan: Thishappy time with this show tonight.
>> Got milk? No.
>> Conan: What was that
all about?
>> I don't know.
>> Conan: I want to grab it now.
>> Don't be afraid. We all have them.
[ Laughter ]
>> conan: Almost all of us.
>> Let it go.
>> Conan: I'll be all right. I want a man booby.
>> Yes.
"Nipples on men -- this week
on Geraldo."
>> Conan: I you about the oscars, because you're first person i think I've talked to who was there.
>> Oh, yes.
>> Conan: And I want to know
what you thought.
They had a lot of changes this
year at the oscars to try
to speed it up.
What did you think?
>> I liked the a deal part." I expected them to do the technical awards. You've come dressed as a cucumber. "You've won!"
>> Conan: Ke a game sh
>> a bit like "american idol"
where they had everybody come up
and go, "i'm sorry, the rest
you, se live."
>> Conan: Did you think that that was awkward, that they'd get people up there? And then they'd say "the oscar goes to --" and the everyone else just has to slowly walk away.
>> "Thanks, I guess I'm nothing."
[ Laughter ]
but the great thing is, you see
them all backstage going, "we'll
get them."
It's a bizarre set-up.
Anenonceinging eve
song ever written.
[ Laughter ]"we have people who could sing. Why did you have to put the parking attendant. All these boys are just like parking lot attendants. Why are they here?"
>> Conan: It's refreshing that
you were there.
That's the feeling that all
of us who were watching it on tv
had, when beyonce sang
her 11th song.
I love beyonce.
But it is nice to know that
that's what people there were
thinking.
>> The spanish p thinking "at least we got away with something. Good thing she didn't sing our song because stuff would have happened."
[ Laughter ] "we had antonio banderas after a shower singing his song."
>> Conan: He ran out on stage.
[ Singing in spanish ]
>> wld y ever think>> can: I'd love to do that some day. Some day i will do it.
>> It's a great gig. It's a lot of fun. There's a lot of love in the room.
>> Conan: I can imagine. A crowd that's ready to laugh.
>> You see nichoon
in the front going "give it
your best shot."
[ Laugh
>> conan: You've done it, right?
>> One year I was one of three hosts. It was alan Alda and jane Fonda, which, there's some funny people.
[ Laughter ]
if you want to riff, those are
the people you'd pick.
You know what I mean?
It's a gig for the moment you're
out there.
You look out and see
gregory peck looking
at you like, "you're not going
to grab yourself, are you?"
[ Laughter ]>> conan: Diyoha a temptation to go --
>> yo, gregory! What about these, baby!
[ Laughter ]
>> conan: You got me looking
there again.
Once again, goes to the man
boobs.
You did a great thing.
You entertained --
I re an teive article.
You entertained the troops
in iraq.
Which is a great thing to do.
[ Cheers ] and you say it's a swell thing to do. And you -- seriously, you were one of these guys to laugh so you actually do a lot of --
>> you hope they laugh
because if they don't, you say,
"that's a long way to go."
You go and you kind of look
around and ask them what's been
happening.
The weird thing you land
in iraq, and you see most people
are in the standard desert
camouflage.
Except some are deployed
with woodland green.
It's a little rough
because you're going, ss"pt,
there are not that many trees."
Ufmolage.
>> One guy hiding behind a bush going "be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm wooking for insurgents."
>> Conan: E onlyh in0 miles.
>> There are some countries --
well the air force has
a camouflage that's kind
of bizarre.
They have a kind of blue
with a lighter blue.
The kind of don't ask, don't
tell camo.
The only time you can hide is
you have to be up against
the horizon on a cloudy day.
"I can't see him.
Oh, look, look.
No one can see."
>> Conan: And yoth the troops, too is that right?
>> Occasionally you get to ride in a hummer, which is a car, a great thing.
[ Light laughter ]
u see that sometimes after
that Rumsfeld has spoken.
"You fight with what you get."
Thank you, coach.
And you see some of the road
warrior hummers, you wanted
to strap Rumsfeld on the front
like lord humongous.
Like "I'll bring them now!"
The guys in tennessee --
>> conan: E mamax thing.Re, I'll pimp your truck
for you.
Come on!
Take my explorer.
I can run over things.
It ain't a big deal."
You know, you also see people
driving around on hummers
in the freeways.
You want to say, take the chance
get a bradley, my man.
Get a small tank, you're
on the freeway.
Mom, get in the turret.
We're going to get groceries
run down a vegetable stand!
Tommy, two by two down
the aisles!
Get the meat!
Follow me!
[ Applause ]
>> conan: That's dangerous work. Can you hang on one second? We've got to -- I'll not be afidra. Robin Williams when we come back.
[ Cheers and applause ]
>> Conan: Thanks for coming right back.
>> Here, take this.
>> Conan: I want to ask you about this. I've never done it. But you swam with dolphins recently. That's something that you recommend? That people swim with dolphins?
>> I would recommend it
with certain caveats.
One, swimming with them
in the open water is kind of fun
because they don't have to be
with you.
But if you do it in like
a confined space, it is a bit
like lap dancing.
>> Conan: Right,>> "oh, me swim with you. Me swim with you." And then --
>> conan: They're horny dolphins, yes.
>> Oh, oh, oh!
>> Conan: This nipple keeps coming at me. I don't know what it ...
>> "I'll be over here. Ma really loves pa.
I want tuna.
Tuna is my friend."
But if you at a certain point
in a confined space, they get
a little --
"okay, that's it.
I gotta go.
I got things to do."
>> Conan: They get tired of you.
>> And the one bit me. Hey, hey, hey, i thought you were supposed to be friendly.
>> Conan: Where did it bite you?
>> My hand.
[Laughter]
and the trainer said, "you put
your finger in his blow hole."
And I said, I think not.
"Hi, how are you, nice
to meet you."
Conan >> Who would put the finger in the blow hole? No one would do that.
>> I think no one.
>> Conan: Well, there's a couple of people.
>> "Are you nuts?
I'd do that right off the bat."
Conan >> La bamba over there is like,
"get me some blow holes!"
>> Go to blowhole.Com.
You get the right dolphin,
they're not against it.
You give them a couple
of sardines, they're willing
to go all night in the blow
hole.
And you hear this noise.
[sexy breathing]
>> Conan: All right. That was too much. I'll edit that. I'll see that that's edited out.
>> So when you see them get
curious, that's when it's fun.
In the open water they come
and check you out.
They bring the kids.
But even the smaller dolphins,
like: don't touch them. They will swim by.
>> Conan: A real intelligence
there.
>> And they're doing anthropomorphic studies like, "they can be trained."
[ Laughter ] "watch, I'll jump out of the water and they'll come to the side."
>> Conan: Very fascinating.
I want to speak to
you about this.
You've been on several times
but we never talked about it.
You were a very serious
wrestler when you were a young man.
Robin >> In high school
i wrestled.
When you're a little guy.
And you're a tall man, so don't
be afraid
when i was like in high school,
first of all, when i was
in junior high, I was kind
of fat.
So i thought, "i'll go
for sports."
When you finally get down
and you realize that you're 98
pounds and i wrestled 103,
in wrestling it's the only
time you can go against
another 103-pound person.
>> Conan: They match you that way.
>> It is not you against the big
fat kid.
You're up against another kid
that hasn't eaten who is going,
"let's get it over with."
It was always weird because I'd
have a match and my mother
finally came to one
of the matches.
My coach is on the side going,
"crotch ride!
Crotch ride!"
Thanks, that's my mom.
Conan >> What are you saying?
>> Crotch ride. They don't actually grab them like that. Well, that was the first greek wrestling. That's how they shake hands. Epidermis?
[ Laughter ]
but it's a weird sport when
you finish and you're both
standing and the second pair
you come over and the referee
goes, "top or bottom?"
I was going, "isn't that really
a lifetime choice?"
And you are dressed in kind
of a thong, this little tang top
thing and you're wrestling.
It's a manly sport, really.
You see the people watching, yes
it's fabulous.
>> Conan: It would be good if you have a lower center of gravity, that's a good sport. My center gravity is somewhere up here i would tip over instantly.
Robin >> hey would go right for your legs. Oop, bam, next thing you're going get to the side of the mat.
Get to the side of the mat.
Touch me."
>> Conan: Get me over there.
Avoid the crotch ride at all
times.
>> Not like professional wrestling, it is brutal. My arms would go, I would finish a match and go, thanks, "that was a lot of fun. Bye-bye."
>> Conan: Would you do it
anymore just for fun?
>> No, Once in awhile with the wife. But that's different
[ cheers and applause ]
>> conan: Yeah, yeah.
>> You know the ride i like.
>> Conan: There's no better time
to move on.
Now to "Robots", A family friendly cartoon, we'll go from crotch in to robots!
Robin >> Hey kids, enjoy the cartoon.
Oh, well, enjoy this cartoon
which has no genitalia.
Conan >> You must have a life-long fan.
>> I loved cartoons growing up. Always, especially the
Warner Brothers.
You realize that, we watched cartoons for a while, now we can't have character
that has that speech impedment.
Why not?
Or like this. Or like this? Your character talks like this.
Or you got a stuttering pig.
I'm sorry, that'll offend
people.
But B-b-b ...
>> Conan: A lot of us, i know my comedy was greatly influenced by watching warner brothers cartoons as a kid. That's where i learned a lot about what being funny is all about.
>> Oh, big time.
And you also had a cross-dressing rabbit that
kissed Elmer Fudd and Elmer'd be
like, "ooh!"
I'm sure there are some kids
on broadway right now going, "i remember."
[Cheers]
>> Conan: An important time in my life, yeah.
>> I want to thank bugs. And my significant other.
>> Conan: We have a clip here from "robots." Anything we need to know here?
>> Just that it's anatimation.
[ Luglahter ]
>> Conan: Let's take a look.
>> Gee, pull yourself together. All you need is an upgrade.
>> All i need is one stinking neck joint. Oh boy, why does this happen to me?
>> Sorry, pal, either upgrade or the chop shop for you.
>> Look, no hands.
>> Hey, up, up, up, ho,
anh-tah-dah, i'm back.
Miss me?
[ Cheers and applause ]
>> Conan: The stuff looks so good. Chilling what they can do now.
>> It's frightening.
The animation is so beautiful. The 3d world that they make, is
so gorgeous.
It's like Busby Berkel meets Fritz Lang.
Every frame is so beautiful.
Kids are like -- kids are great, because
if they don't like something
they'll go, "that's really
reminiscent of something i don't
want to see again."
[ Laughter ]
>> Conan: That's a smart kid.
Robin >> Very much. It's like early technicolor, but it some ways, much more stimulating." How old are you? "13. And i'm never going to neverland."
>> Conan: Oh, lord.
>> I know.
>> Conan: It's fun there. I have been.
>> It's fun. Stay out of the kiddy pool! You've been there?
>> Conan: As a child. "Robots" opens --
[ cheers and applause ]
>> You might be this high to ride Michael.
[ Audience ohs ]
>> Conan: What better time to once again plug "Robots," a great movie for kids and people who love kids.
>> And people who love kids! Or people in witness protection. I don't want you to come see it whatever happens, michael.
>> Conan: Always a treat.
Robin Williams.
Thank you so much.
[ Cheers we'll take a break. We'll be right back.