THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO KILL THE FOWL ONE (aka Diana Fowley)

"....AND All Those Stupid, Sadistic, Mercenary Fox Execs!"

(To the tune of Paul Simon's "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover")

Oh, our dear Mulder, please begin to see the light. Diana Fowley's evil, and you know that we are right. She's a bimbo, and she wears her skirts too tight. There must be 50 ways to kill the Fowl one!

We've watched her trap you, and she'll constantly betray. She infuriates dear Scully, and she'll lead you far astray. But now she's topped herself . . . she's shown bad taste in lingerie! There must be 50 ways to kill the Fowl one. 50 ways to kill the Fowl one!

1. You just blow up her face, Chase.

2. Pull out all her hair, Cher.

3. Tie her to a bomb, Tom.

4. Put her in a cage with a bear, Blair.

5. Give her the evil stare, Mare.

6. Toss her in a ditch, Mitch.

7. Drowned her in cement, Clement.

8. Let her talk to the fish, Trish.

9. Feed her the barrel of a gun, Hon.

10. Tie her to the back of a truck, Buck.

11. Beat her with a bat, Pat.

12. Drop her from a plane, Cain.

13. Drown her in the tub, Bub.

14. Stab her in the back, Jack.

15. Shoot her in the head, Fred.

16. Burn her at the stake, Jake.

17. Toss her in the sea, Lee.

18. Just run her over, Rover.

19. Throw her off a cliff, Tiff.

20. Cut off her legs, Meg.

21. Push her in the pit, Kit.

22. Slash her with an axe, Max.

23. Boil her in black oil, Doyle.

24. Chain her to the wall, Paul.

25. Wrap her up in snakes, Blake.

26. Just leave her to rot, Scott.

27. Run over her with a bike, Mike.

28. Nail her to a cross, Goss.

29. Make her walk the plank, Frank.

30. Give her the chair, Jer.

31. Stab her with an ice pick, Dick.

32. See how far her back can bend, Ben.

33. Snap her at the neck, Beck.

34. Let her walk on coal, Joel.

35. Have her suck on some gas, Cass.

36. Hang her from a tree, Marie.

37. Knock out all her teeth, Keith.

38. Make her use a poisen pen, Lynn.

39. Push her down a flight of stairs, Clare.

40. Shove her off the Eiffel Tower, Bauer.

41. Hit her with a poison dart, Art.

42. See how long she can swim, Jim.

43. See if she's a real truck dodger, Roger.

44. Strap her to railway tracks, Mack.

45. Toss her in a garbage bin, Flyn.

46. Roll her down a hill, Jill.

47. Just let her drown, Brown.

48. Zap her with a cattle prod, Todd.

49. Just shoot her from a cannon, Shannon.

50. Have Mulder & Scully make-out in front of her, Gunther.

And Mulder . . . Get yourself Fowley free !!!!

Another little parody written by the philes on the PA-XF Message Board. Do you note a hint of violence and aggression that is atypical to this Board????

PERHAPS IT IS DUE TO THE FACT THAT WE'RE A BUNCH OF OBSESSED X PHILES WHO HAVE BEEN WAITING 6 LONG, STINKING MONTHS FOR A NEW EPISODE OF OUR FAVORITE TV SHOW!!!!! THIS IS TO YOU, EVIL FOX EXECS (AKA RUPERT'S HENCHMEN).

Many thanks to NefariousOne, Skeptic, Slyfox, Trust-No-1, XPhile4Ever, and Dolphin for their atypical, violent, and aggressive contributions. And a special thanks to Cheradyn (As you so eloquently pointed out . . . Fowley's Bullet Bra was the straw that broke the camel's back!!!).