PA XF Chapter

(Triton suggests printing out the Program and posting it over your "throne.")

The Creed: "Hi, my name is (your name). I'm an X-Phile and proud of it! It has been at least 4 months since I last viewed a new XF episode (even longer outside of U.S.)!!!! *sob, sob, sob*, and I am taking every day as it comes. I draw my strength from knowing I am not the only one suffering in this way". (hehehehehe)

Step 1. Admit you suffer. The virus appears to attack during television haitus & rumors of a final XF ep. Affects of this retrovirus are wide-ranging, but generally include withdrawal-like symptoms due to obsession with, or addiction to, The X-Files TV series (and XF Movie) and its creator, characters, relationship(s), stars, families of stars, friends of stars, stalkers of stars, reruns, websites, merchandise, gossip, spoilers, Fanfic, music, artwork, you get the idea.

Step 2. On a daily basis, recite The X-Phile Retrovirus Creed.

Step 3. On a daily basis, check in with the XF PA message board to touch base with Phellow Philes who suffer from the same symptoms.

Step 4. E-mail FOX and shamelessly beg for a S8 with both S AND M!!!!

Step 5. As a reminder that DD and GA do have a lives outside of TXF (and, Hoooooo Boy, just to give us a thrill ), gaze (often) at DD Triathalon photos at http://chateauke.simplenet.com/chimerical/triathlon/triathlon.htm and GA photos (and subscribe to newsletter) at http://gaws.ao.net/main.html

Step 6. Demand FOX televise an annual telethon to raise funds for XF Retrovirus research and, ultimately, a cure. GA, DD, CC and other cast members to star in the broadcast and invite us all to the cast party!

Step 7. It has been strongly suggested, if you haven't already done so, 'Start taping FX reruns for repeated viewing (provided you get the channel; stupid lousy dorm cable) *and* keep all those videos you keep in a box/under your bed/in plain view (you brave souls!). Goal is to have . . . a video collection bigger than Mulder's!'

Step 8. Start planning your XF Premier Party NOW! Unless Step 4 is successful, this may be your last XF Premier Party. Make it a good one!

Step 9. Vow to watch *every* movie the lead stars ever made (C'mon, GA only made 5--no biggie!), even stupid lousy worthless ones like "The Turning" and "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead" and "Hellcab" and "Venice/Venice." RSD is optional--not recommended for underage sufferers (or lovers of coherent plots.)"

Step 10. Vow tolerance towards those who don't like *either* character/actor; do not understand the seriousness of your affliction (no, Plams are *not* an acceptable manner to convince parents of your desperate need to own the Wave 7 & 8 boxed sets); God CC because we're sure he's really *wanted* M&S to get in the sack for years, but--uh--he has a controlling microchip in his neck. Vow absolutely NO tolerance towards those evil FOX execs who think it makes good marketing sense to deprive loyal fans of their show for SIX MONTHS (or a year & six months outside of US!!!) or towards anyone with anything good to say about Diana Fowley and her lingerie choices.

Step 11. Read XF Fanfic (often). Discuss Fanfic. Even better, write Fanfic!

Step 12. SPOILERS! SPOILERS ARE OUR FRIENDS! YES, THEY ARE CANDY FOR THE WEAK-WILLED, AND WE ARE ALL WEAK WHEN IT COMES TO TXF! SO READ! (just don't despoil the virgins.)

Acknowlegements: For the development of this desperately needed, 12 Step program, many thanks to the infected (in order of appearance): Slyfox, Dolphin, Triton, Skeptic (who may be one of the most infected Philes of us all) and to all the long-suffering Philes on the PA FX Message Board.