Ok, this is gonna take a while to explain everything so be warned this is gonna be a long fucking piece of writing. I’ve decided to stick to the Eagles/Panthers game because I wanna save everything else for the book that I plan on writing someday about all of this. So here this goes… The week leading up to this big game I was quite nervous as usual seeing how much like the Boston Red Sox, the Eagles tend to break their fan’s hearts on a yearly basis by not winning the championship and choking somehow or doing something that just drives me crazy. But like every year, I thought that the Eagles would actually win the Super Bowl, no matter what anyone else said. Then the game starts and this year the Eagles Wide Receivers truly fuck it all up. The panthers get the ball and proceed to bitchslap the Eagles less than stellar run defense and it drove me fucking crazy. Run after run after run and the Eagles couldn’t do jack shit. I mean, they knew it was coming and they’d still give up at least like 4 yards a carry. Speaking of shit, I’ve come to the conclusion that Mark Simoneau isn’t getting it done and needs to be replaced at middle linebacker. Either that or the Eagles better sign some people for the d-line that can actually help stop the run and generate a pass rush. Darwin Walker and Corey Simon are fine, but when they don’t get rest due to the fact that the rest of the line sucks then you start putting pieces of shit like Marco Coleman at DT and have to count on N.D. Kalu, Jerome McDougle and Brandon Whiting to name a few to generate a pass rush/stop the run then you know you’re in trouble. But back to what I was saying, Mark Simoneau sucked this game, much like he did for the 2nd half of the season due to the fact that he is way to small to play mlb, especially with our high quality d-line. Now back to the game, the Eagles somehow managed to stop the panthers on this drive because they actually threw the ball once. I was quite happy. Then the Eagles got the ball.
I’m not gonna go through a drive by drive summary of what pissed me off and whatnot so I’ll just start ranting about how the Eagles Wide Receivers blew the game for us. James Thrash and Todd Pinkston proceeded to blow every drive for the Eagles. The Eagles would have won the game if it wasn’t for that shitty play. The defense actually did a decent job holding the panthers to 14 points but these communists couldn’t catch a fucking ball that hits them right in the numbers. You’d think that with Ricky Manning Jr. coming out and basically ripping the receivers a few days before the game that they’d actually come to play and shut Manning Jr. up. But no, they gotta prove his point and show that they couldn’t even start on a high school football team. I’d be more confident with Rohan Mehra as my #1 wide receiver than James Trash. Rohan would catch the ball when it hits him in the numbers and he has been known to actually put fear into defenses as is evident by his 6 reception 119 yard 1 td performance (I’m pretty sure that’s what he claimed to put up in that game) against Eastridge a few years back. He also plays with heart and seems to care unlike a #80 named James Trash. But since the Eagles probably don’t agree with my assessment, and Rohan won’t be eligible for the draft for another few years they should at least draft a WR such as Michael Clayton out of LSU, Devard Darling, basically any college WR, or actually draft or sign anyone because anyone is an upgrade over Thrash. I’m so fucking pissed off about how much the Wr’s choked that I now actually feel that the Eagles should also try and sign TO (actually I’m not sure about TO after his recent freak outs at the Niners seeing how if he ever did that on the Eagles he’d be gone in about 2.4 seconds), Steve Smith or anyone. Imagine TO/Steve Smith, Freddie (aka Fredex, Hollywood, First Down Freddie, etc) Mitchell, Billy McMullen and Todd “Twista” Pinkston working his way back up the depth charts as a #4 WR. I’d love it. Actually now that I think about it, I don’t know if the Eagles should go after TO. I’m so fucking confused and overcome with all sorts of thoughts on this issue. All I know is that James Trash has to go because he sucks and blew the game for the Eagles.
Back to Mark Simoneau, I’m also disgusted that he couldn’t fucking stop DeShaun Foster on that 1 yard td run. He had like 20 shots to stop him and couldn’t do shit. He played like a little bitch and let up a touchdown.
Also, on the play before the touchdown there was a pass interference call on Lito Sheppard. Now I know that it was pass interference but it was nothing different than what the panthers cornerbacks were doing to the Eagles receivers all day long. So if they let the plays go for when the panthers are all over the Eagles receivers then they should fucking let that play go where Lito was called for pass interference. If they did then at most the Eagles give up a field goal and then Koy Detmer leads them to a comeback victory and the Eagles are in the Super Bowl and I’m not writing this piece of shit. But that’s not what happened so here I am watching college basketball, reading ESPN Insider looking for college football draft information and anything about the Eagles, and starting to prepare for the GLB Draft.
Now lets move on to the main person on the Eagles that I have a problem with. And her name would be Jane Trash (James Thrash). This little bitch has done nothing all season and sucks. Then he comes up with his biggest choking performance of the year in the biggest fucking game of the year. Lets see where to start… 1) He doesn’t get any separation for the cornerback which means that McNabb has nobody to throw the ball to and has to dance around and hope that somebody breaks open or run or take a sack. 2) He is an awful route runner. 3) He absolutely sucks. 4) He hasn’t been clutch since back in 2001 in the 1st game against the g-string divas (Giants) when he caught the game winning touchdown pass. Speaking of that game, it was great, the catch was great by Thrash as he slides and catches it in the corner of the endzone. The Giants tried challenging that he stayed in bounds and lost it and the EAGLES WON!! But I’m not gonna let Thrash get off for his poor play in the 2003 Championship game. 5) He tends to drop just about any catchable ball. 6) He absolutely sucks. 7) He points to up to the sky at God after every play that he gets the ball. Theres no fucking need to do that after like a 1 yard catch or a
-3 yard reverse, its just not needed. 8) His mistakes lead to turnovers such as it was his fault for the 2 int’s when the ball went to him. 9) He doesn’t fight for the ball at all. 10) He gets owned by just about every cornerback….
Now I’ll get to his performance for this game against the Panthers but first off I’d like to quote famous musician and songwriter Kanye West. In the song entitled “Slow Jamz” by Kanye West, Jaime Foxx and Twista West raps/sings “Imma play this Vandross, you gon’ take your pants off”. Now these lyrics might seem insignificant to you, but I’m pretty sure that James Thrash must have heard “Slow Jamz” at some point because I’m pretty sure that Ricky Manning Jr. played the Vandross and Thrash definitely took his pants off and was Ricky Manning’s bitch all day long. Theres no excuse. Thrash didn’t even put up a fight for the ball when it came his way. Then to prove my point that he heard the Vandross and took his pants off for the Panther’s defense you need to remember his 2nd play that caused an interception. The ball hits him in the fucking numbers, he has it then takes a big hit and basically throws the ball up in the air and waves his hands like he just doesn’t care (then he said something about liking fish and grits and all this pimp shit) and Manning Jr. picks the ball off. I know it was a hard hit but Thrash is paid to go over the middle, make tough catches and even catch the ball when it hits him in the fucking numbers. But Thrash can’t do jack shit, he sucks and basically single handedly blew the game. I demand that Thrash gets released or at least demoted back to High School football. No one knows what its like to feel these feelings like we Eagles fans do, and we blame YOU (James Thrash).
Now on to Todd “Twista” Pinkston. He also helped to blow the game. Dropping very catchable balls that hit him in the numbers and would have resulted in 1st downs much like James Thrash, causing interceptions by running his own routes instead of what he is supposed to run, etc. So, yes, he is to blame as well but I’d say that Thrash deserves like 10 times more blame than Pinkston. Pinkston actually has skill and if it wasn’t for some of his plays then the Eagles might not even have gotten to the nfc championship game. His td catches against the packers on MNF and during the playoffs were huge and he actually has some skill. Therefore, I just think Pinkston needs to get demoted and work his was back up the depth charts. That’s all I have to say about that.
I’ve got 1 more stat for all you playerhaters. 85 receptions 1133 yards 3 touchdowns. Whose stats are those? You probably think that this person had an all-pro year. Is it Laverneus Coleslaw? Negatory. Andre Johnson? Guess again. Todd Pinkston and James Thrash’s combined stats? You better fucking believe it. 85-1133-3, that’s fucking sick, and not in a good way. Now you wanna hear something even more disturbing? Well you don’t have a choice seeing how you’re reading this truthitude so here I go. In 2000 Charles Johnson and Torrance Small (the Eagles wide receivers back before the Thrash/Pinkston era) caught a whopping combined 96 receptions for 1211 yards and 10 touchdowns. They frucking sucked yet still outproduced Pinkston and Trash! Its quite pathetic that they couldn’t beat out the tandem of Johnson and Small, and how the fuck did they only catch 3 touchdowns. This is too much… I’ll be right back…I gotta fucking take a walk down the hall and fucking boot out of disgust. Feel free to follow me on this mystic journey because I know you all are disgusted as well. I’ve just got 1 question to ask all of you. Are you cool wit it (the stats)? Would you like a salad and a motherfrucking soup wit it (the stats)? That’s what I thought.
By the way after this loss 4th and 26 takes on a whole new meaning to me. In my opinion it means that you will overcome all odds and win the battle. However, some wide receiver named James Thrash will screw you over in the next game and cause you to lose the war and by war I mean any chance of getting to the Super Bowl. However, I will never forget that glorious game against the Green Bay Packers and the miraculous 4th and 26. What a great play that was. Lets all take a moment to reflect upon how great that game was.
So in conclusion, I am extremely disappointed that the Eagles lost. I blame basically the whole loss on the Eagles wide receivers (with the exception of Freddie Mitchell), a little on the defense and almost all of it on James Thrash. On the subject of stuff my dreams aren’t as empty as my conscience seems to be. I actually had a dream last night that the Eagles won the game and were in the Super Bowl. Then I woke up. However, there is always next year and I will always be an Eagles fan no matter what. All the Eagles gotta do is release James Thrash, sign some good free agents, and have a good draft and they will be golden going into next year and I will be happy. Until then, I look forward to the draft, training camp and more to see how next years team will be. If you’re actually still reading this you deserve a slow clap transition into a standing ovation so kudos to you. That’s all I have to say about the nfc championship game so keep it real till the next article. 1
Oh yeah, around this time next year all of you are gonna be trying to call the cops because you’re gonna be seeing a robbery in progress… The Philadelphia Eagles will be stealing the show…and hopefully getting to the Super Bowl.