9. It gives rednecks an excuse to wear their mom's cocktail dresses.
8. You get to see lions urinate on fire hydrants.
7. The witches actually fit in for a day.
6. Becuase sugar highs are cheaper and just as effective as real drugs.
5. Punks can get their candy free instead of stealing it from CVS.
4. Pete doesn't have to get dressed up, he can just keep his head exposed and go as a pumpkin.
3. When else can you stomp on a flaming bag of crap?
2. Because candy corn only comes around once a year.
1. Because I get gang beaten and mugged by big ghetto kids, who take my candy.