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I spent most of the evening finishing an award graphic for my friend Sam to give away. Not long after I'd sent it off I'd gotten a call from Cary. We used to chat quite often, then we just seemed to loose track of each other. The last few weeks have been really great. We've gotten together for a few hours every night now. I've gotten to where I really look forward to our chats. He's one of the few friends I've made, that I would love to meet in person sometime. I also had a very pleasant chat with Jausten last night on the phone. She'd called to have me perk HER up, but it perked me up too. She was just what I needed last night. It's amazing how just talking to someone special can completely change your mood. It's 3 pm, and I still haven't gotten my shower yet today. I have less than 3 hours to shower, dress, feed the dog, and fish, and make it to Pres' sisters house for pizza. It's terrible to say, but I'd rather just stay home this evening. I'm not feeling too well with my FM today, (must be the cooler weather), and the idea of going to visit someone and be "perky" for a few hours, sounds too much like work to me.   I ended up finishing a book and falling asleep. I awoke at 10 pm and went out to the kitchen to get my last pill for the day. I sat up with Pres for another hour watching some comedians on TV. Since I had to be up and about at 5 am this morning, I went to bed about 11 pm. I laid there for a half hour before I realized how pointless it was. With the pain I was having, there was NO way I was going to get any sleep. I got back up and turned on the PC and played Solitare till 3 am this morning. I am so tired. Two hours of sleep just doesn't cut it. I had to be up at 5am to get my Mom to the airport this morning. She is spending a week with my sister, and a week with my brother, giving me TWO weeks of R & R. The way I've been feeling lately, two weeks in bed will do me good. I must say I've never met SO many rude people in all my life. It seems that people seem to get worse and worse. We'd gotten to the airport and were preparing to go through security when the lady asked me to walk for her. I stared at her and said..."let me get this right. I'm sitting in this wheelchair, and you expect me to WALK for you??" She said, "well, if you're able to, yes." I was pissed. I said, "Lady, if I could walk do you think I'd BE in this chair!?" She finally scaned me with the wand, and let me go on my way. As we made our way to the gate, to wait for the plane, everyone seemed to stare at me. Some of the people had the decency to turn away when I glared at them. But others just kept staring. I've been in the chair for a year now, and still haven't adjusted to the open stares, and the pointed fingers that I usually seem to attract. Perri, one of my husband's girlfriends, once made me a tee shirt to wear on such occasions. (grin) I'd been telling her one night of the way people stare at me, and she made this GREAT tee shirt that said. "What the F*** are YOU looking at?" The more time goes on, the more tempted I am to wear it! : ) After the airport, we decided to grab some breakfast. Since it was after 8 am, I was starved. We stopped at the local IHOP (International House Of Pancakes) to eat. Being a Saturday morning, the place was jammed packed. Since we're smokers (YEAH SMOKERS!) we were able to get right in. The place was freezing cold, due to having the air conditioning STILL on. The cold affects me very badly, and I'm forced to wear a blanket over my legs to keep the pain levels tollerable. Again, more open stares. We had a terrific breakfast and were ready to leave a short while later. Since the place was still crowded, I told Pres I'd wait for him outside while he paid the bill. You'd THINK that one of the 20 or so men that were standing not only IN my way, but by the doors, would offer their help. Yeah right! I can count the times people have opened doors for me on one hand. If you've ever tried to open a door sitting in a wheelchair, you'll know that it's not one of the easier things to do. I was able to get the door started, and was pushing myself through when it swung back and caught me right in the sorest part of my shoulder. Since I was already steamed at this point, the next words out of my mouth were...."G** Dammit". (a "lady" I NEVER claimed to be) :) Then I said in a very loud voice..."Thank you ALL for your help". When Pres came out I told him of my troubles. I asked him what ever happened to the "Southern Gentlemen" I'd always heard of in books. He said he thought most of those people today were "yankees", as the locals call me. (lol) Last month I had decided to attempt to get Social Security Disability. I knew from talking to other FM sufferers, that this would not be an easy battle. They were right. This has been a friggin nightmare for me. I'd been told by the SSA that they needed a copy of my 1986 tax form, to prove that I had in fact paid into the Social Security fund that year. I produced it for them. On Friday, I received a letter from the SSA saying that NOW they want the cancelled checks from 1986, that I made out to the IRS. Even the IRS doesn't require you to keep checks longer than 7 years!! I called the woman at the SSA office and explained that not only did I not have these checks (who would?), but that the bank I had done business with at that time had been bought out, and I had no idea by whom. Now let me explain here. I currently live in South Carolina, these checks, IF they exist, are in a Pennsylvania bank somewhere. After explaining this to the lady at the SSA, she said that these canceled checks were required to process my application for disability. She said that I could write to the IRS myself, but that it would take them 3 YEARS for them to respond to me. I said to her.."So I'm basically screwed, is that it?" She said she wouldn't comment on that statement. I asked her, since the SSA IS a government office, why couldn't THEY get the necessary checks from the IRS. She told me that was up to ME to produce documentation of payment. So, I got on the telephone, (I don't even want to think of the money I've racked up in long distance phone calls) and tried to track down SOME record of these checks. I first called my accountant from back then, thinking that he might have a record of the checks. He didn't. From him, I was able to find the name of two banks that might have possibly bought out the bank I'd done business with. I called the one bank and was told it was do-able, but it would take time. I then called my brother, and asked if HE remembered who the bank was I'd done business with. (this is where the short term memory loss due to the FM realy sucks!) He said that yes, he did remember the name, but that bank too had been bought out. I then called THAT bank, and was told without an account number they could not help me. I DON'T HAVE AN ACCOUNT NUMBER FROM 11 @#$%$ YEARS AGO! So, not knowing what to do next, or where to turn next, I called my Mom in Maryland. (what's another long distance call after the many I've already made this morning) She suggested I call my lawyer from Pa. to see if he might have any idea how to get the bank to cooperate with me. I called him, and was told he was busy, and that he would return my call. I'm just hoping this guy remembers me. My Mom claims that this lawyer had a crush on me back then, so that MIGHT work in my favor. (lol) I'm desperate at this point. If I can get these damn checks, I'll sleep with WHOM EVER is necessary! :) So, here I sit, trying to calm down, and keep my hands from shaking long enough to finish this entry. I don't know why the Social Security Administration even ALLOWS you to apply for disability. It's obvious that they have no intentions of EVER giving it to you. You know, the last few weeks have been the worst I've had in a long time. The pain has been so terrible that I've been bed ridden for days. In the last week the total number of hours I've slept, can't go be more than 7-10 total. I have been so depressed that thoughts of suicide have been very much in my head. Just last night I spent an hour on the telephone, openly crying to Jausten. Now, I not only have all of my normal problems to deal with, but the friggin SSA too. If I didn't need this money so badly I'd tell them EXACTLY what they could do with their #$%%$ disability. As my luck seems to run, I'll probably get that opportunity before too long. At this point I'm not only screwed, but I didn't even get a kiss! And I'm still waiting for that phone call from my previous attorney. Now I'm waiting for another phone call. This time from the Chevy dealership where I bought my new car. I needed an oil change, the tires rotated, the moulding around the outside front and rear windows tacked back down, and my left turn signal looked at (it stays stuck in the on possition every now and then), not to mention having the liner in the trunk put back up, (it's fallen down). All this was SUPPOSED to take 3 hours. Well, here it is 5 hours later, and no car! I called an hour ago, and was told the person with my info. was at lunch. Someone would call me "right back". Thank god I haven't been holding my breath on THAT call! Why is it, to get anything done these days, that you have to get into a knock out, drag out fight with people? I am SOo sick of fighting for what should come without a fight. You buy a product, it's defective, they fix it. It shouldn't require several phone calls, hours of waiting, and still no progress. I bought this car at that dealership for two reasons. One, was that it was a good deal. Two, was that they "claimed" they had the best service in town. Horsefeathers! If I remember correctly, (help me if I'm wrong) "good service" means they do what they are supposed to do, in the alloted time, and do it without alot of nastiness on their part, and threats on my part. I HAD planned running a few errands, but as the afternoon drags on, I can see that won't be happening. I'll just be lucky to get my car back, not to mention getting a ride BACK to the dealership, via their shuttle service. Around 3 pm I got the call from the driver. I told him what the directions were, and he said he was on his way. Since it takes me a long time to walk a few feet (my wheelchair was in the trunk of my car) I'd decided to wait out by the street. I waited and waited, and waited some more. I checked my watch and saw that I'd waited 25 minutes. I was thoroughly disgusted at this point and went back into the house. When I came in the house I noticed that I had three messages waiting. As it turned out, they were all from the driver...he was lost. I called the number he had left, and after 20 minutes was able to get him on the phone. He was only 2 miles from my house. I explained to him that he needed to take his first right, his first left, and then the second left after that. How difficult does that sound? Apparently it was VERY difficult, because he called another 20 minutes later to say he was lost yet again! So, I gave him the directions for the third time. I again went out to stand in the driveway. As I was coming down the front steps I saw him. He came to the intersection before my house and turned around. I stood there wondering how in hell this guy was smart enough to be considered a driver! (L0L) After 15 minutes I saw him attempt to drive past my house coming from the opposite direction. I was standing in my driveway.....waving my arms....when he goes right on by me. Finally (being the lady I am NOT, lol) I put my fingers in my mouth and whistled. THIS got his attention. He turned the van around and pulled up in front of the driveway. I asked him.."Are you from Bradshaw?" He says, yup. So I got in the van. This I might add was a bit difficult since I can't climb with my FM, but god forbid he attempt to help me. Now you have to figure, at this point I'm ready to beat this guy senseless over the head with my cane. The gentlemanly thing would have been to at least ASK if I needed any help. We finally got to the dealership. At this point it was well after 5 pm. The woman said that she saw that "James" had finally found me. I said yes, he eventually did. She apologized for his getting lost. I said that it wasn't his getting lost that I was upset about. I was upset that it had taken 8 hours to do a simple oil change, rotate my tires, and apply some glue to three objects. She seemd to not even care, and I was so furious I was about ready to have a stroke on the spot. I felt the best thing to do was to just get in my car, and get the hell out of there. I did have the satisfation of pealing a good 3 feet of rubber in front of the place as I left. : ) After 2 Pepsi's and five hours, I was finaly able to relax. I'm just thinking, this is going to be a LONG entry today. (LOL) Since my Mom left for Maryland on Saturday, I seemed to have made myself a new schedule. I've been waking up around 7 am and getting online with one of my best friends, Cary. Talking to him for 3-4 hours, until his family wakes up, and his day begins. Then I answer mail, and do my journal. That is, when I'm not making long distance phone calls, and fighting for my rights. (LOL) The rest of the day is either spent reading, or doing graphics (depending on my pain levels). This morning, I had my daily chat with Cary. I've come to think a great deal of Cary. He is one of the few friends I've made that really act like they are concerned how I feel, how my day is going, etc. He has a certain way about him, he can make me smile no matter how upset I am at the time. After I got offline with Cary, I decided it was time to bite the bullet. I needed to call my Congressman about my Social Security problems. As much as I hate making these types of phone calls, I felt it was one of the few options left to me. I spoke to a woman in his office, and explained to her what my problems were. She said that she would give this information to one of his case workers, and the case worker would call me back. So, here I sit. It seems the last few days, I've done nothing but sit and wait for a phone call from someone reguarding this issue. I haven't even gotten to the point where I've been evaluated yet. That's where I thought I was going to run into trouble! (lol) So be sure to stay tuned for the next episode of....."As Misty's World Turns". (lol) The next "good thing" I got was another phone call. This call was from my sister-in-law in Pa. She and I had been in business together in 1986, and I'd called her a few days earlier to see if she had any records with our old account number on them. She didn't, but thought she might be able to get it for me. Her call yesterday was to inform me that she had been able to get a man at the bank to search for my checks. When I asked her how she managed to do that, she said.."oh I just sucked up to him". (LOL) She said that he would call her at 3:30 pm today, and let her know how he made out with the search. So keep your fingers crossed for me. This morning Pres woke me up around 7 am. Cary and I had made plans to get together this morning to chat. The last few days, we've seemed to get together every morning around 7 am. Although I really should be trying to get more sleep, I'm averaging 2-5 hours a night, it is hard for us to get together any other time. It's not often that I meet someone as nice as Cary, and if that means I have to get up at the crack of dawn to talk to him, then so be it. In my life I have met very few people that I "clicked" with. In most of my past friendships, I've been the giver, and they have been the taker. I'm happy to say that I have four friends I can think of off the top of my head (more I'm sure) that aren't like that. In no apparent order they are: Jausten, Sam, Cary, Dave. They are my support system. I know if I need them, all I have to do is ask. In some cases, I don't even have to ask. What I am referring to is a letter I received from Sam yesterday. She'd read my journal and was ready to go to war for me. She was all prepared to join forces with all of the women she knew online in my behalf. I was truly touched. Dave was also ready to get into a fight for me. Jausten and Cary have been there with moral support. So, between all of my friends, I've been well taken care of this week. I just want to thank y'all for being here for me, and I love each and every one of you!! As I was doing some graphics for Cary, my phone rang. Seeing that it was lunch time, when Pres normally calls, I answered the phone in my sexiest voice (G). I was kinda surprised when I realized it wasn't Pres, but my friend Kenny that lives here in town. (I think Kenny was surprised too..lol) He normally calls me every month or so, and occasionally we'll go out to lunch together. He was calling to see how I was doing today, and to update me on recent surgery he'd had. Kenny is an over the road truck driver, and not only does he have some amazing stories, but some rather good jokes too. When he calls, he always gives me the run down on the latest jokes he's heard. Unfortunately, they are nothing I'd repeat in here! (lol) After talking and laughing with him on the phone for over an hour, we decided to make plans to get together next week for lunch. So far, holding my breath, this has been a terrific day. Wouldn't it be nice if this was the start of things to come? I'd found several new songs that I not only liked better than what I was using, but also that were smaller in size. I'd gotten them all uploaded when I realized I'd maxed out my space in Geocities. A small panic took over. How was I going to reduce my website? What was going to have to be deleted? After thinking it over, and bouncing some ideas off of Jausten, I chose to delete my "Family Pics" page. That was one page that had taken up alot of space, and one that probably was only viewed by myself anyways. So, I spent most of the afternoon redoing links on all my pages, as well as updating my music choices. This afternoon around 4 pm I received a call from my sister-in-law informing me of the progress she'd made looking for my canceled checks. She and I had been in business together, and I'd asked her to help me get these checks from the bank. She's been dealing with the bank for me all week. Today she got a call from the bank saying they no longer had ANY record of these checks. Apparently the bank only keeps records for 7 years. Why shouldn't they, afterall, the IRS doesn't require you to save documents longer than that! So now I'm wondering what my next step is going to be. I asked Pres when he came home, and he said that I should wait to hear from my Congressman, and go from there. I'm really glad I got in touch with my Congressman. It looks like my only salvation now. Today has been pretty different. I talked with one of my best friends this morning for a few hours. When we'd finished talking I was a little upset. I called jausten and poured my guts out to her for an hour or so, until Jack reminded me it was dinner time. I'd told him to tell his daddy he was hungry, hoping that Pres would feed him. (Jack is our dog, just so you don't think I refused to feed a child..lol) Once I'd gotten off the phone I could see why Jack was pestering me. Pres had shut the hallway door, and there was no way for Jack to get to his daddy. (lol) As soon as I opened the door I was assaulted by the stereo. I'm sure the neighbors had enjoyed listening to our radio all afternoon. : ) I looked around for Pres and found him outside scraping paint off the windows. He also reminded me it was dinner time. So I threw some hot dogs on the grill and while they were cooking I put together a tossed salad. Now that my men have all been fed, they seem content. Pres is back outside finishing off the last two windows, and Jack is asleep on my feet. I'm STILL pondering my conversation from this morning, and probably will for awhile. I'm one of those people that once someone has gotten to me, it's hard to get it out of my mind. I will sit and stew over the same things for hours, sometimes even days, depending on what was said, and how. Another example of that was call I'd received on FreeTel this afternoon. Since I'd been getting alot of perverted calls, I'd put in my listing =NO Cyber=, hoping to ward off the sickos out there. I had a guy call me and ask what "I had that anyone would want". (I'm listed as Disabled) As he put it. I suppose I'm just touchy, and should have ignored it. But I didn't, and called the guy back and said.."wouldn't you like to know?"...then I hung up. (lol) Always have to have the last word. There are times I wish I was different and had enough memory to lie (when you have memory loss, the truth is ALWAYS best), and I also wish I was the type of person that lied well. If so, when people asked me what I do for a living, instead of saying I'm disabled, I could say that I was a model (if you're gonna lie, why not go ALL the way?..lol) But I'm not that type of person. I've always had a real thing about honesty, from myself, and others. I just get really sick of being treated as if I'm a blithering idiot just because I happen to be disabled. Good lord, is this a journal entry or a novel? From that moment on, my next hour or so was planned for me. I did remember my number so I could log back on. Actually I didn't "remember" it, I had it written down....my paper memory. I just hope we never have a fire, all memories will be gone! (lol) I did have my three best friends e-mail addresses written down, and was able to add them. It's been very interesting though. I just now got a message saying "Hi Gorgeous". I'm sitting here looking for the info on the person sending the message, so I know who I'm responding to. (Not many people call me gorgeous..lol) As it turns out, it's a guy I spoke with the other night on FreeTel, for about 20 minutes. Just why he is calling me gorgeous I have no idea...(lol) The rest of the afternoon should prove to be interesting, as my friends start to trickle into my ICQ. I do need to get off this computer at some point and get a shower though. We're leaving tomorrow for a mini vacation till Friday, and we are OUT of cigarettes!! (OH NOOooo) Time for me to get to the store I'd say. So, until Friday, I wish you all a happy, healthy week. Overall the vacation was ok. I spent most of the time away bored, or day dreaming. Yesterday though, we did have a nice day. We spent about 5 hours in a craft festival. The quality of the things on exhibit were amazing. The woodwork alone was enough to drool over. I did pick up two pair of ear rings also. Most of the time though, it was COLD and cloudy, with not much to do. I'd taken a new book with me, and ended up finishing the sucker the first night. Pres had collapsed around 11 pm I think. Since we had no heat in the room, I was bundled up with the blankets and bed spreads from BOTH double beds on me. I was bored, but not wanting to wake him I left the TV off. I rumaged around and found my book and began reading. When I was finally tired enough to go to sleep, it was 5 am. I was woken by three loud BANGS. As it turned out it was the garbage men emptying the garbage at the hotel, the time was 6:30 am. So much for THAT night of sleep. The next night we STILL didn't have heat!! We'd gotten back to the room around 5 pm I guess. I suppose I should mention here that thanks to my IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), I spent most of my time deperatly searching for bathrooms where ever we went. That kinda takes the fun out of museums and such. Pres promptly fell asleep around 9 pm that night. I sat and played solitare, (thank god I remembered cards!) for HOURS. I finally couldn't stand it any longer and broke into the mini bar...the snickers bar kept saying.."eat me...EAT ME!" So I did. :) Of course then I had to deal with the nasty looks from Preston as I ate the candy. He's so hung up on me losing weight. By Thursday night we FINALLY had heat. (and they call this a high class place to stay??) So, all in all I wouldn't classify this as one of my better vacations, but strangly enough, I have had worse. (LOL) It's just REALLY good to be home. Now if we could just get the damn heat to work in the HOUSE I'll be happy. Yes, believe it or not we came home to a COLD house. Gotta love Trane heating systems. Their ad on TV says..."nothing can stop a Trane"....except cold weather. (lol) Pres is out of town, with my car I might add, showing his family Michelin's test track open house. I was supposed to go with them, (drive actually), but I've gotten so little sleep this week, that we both thought it would be best if I stayed home. I did get a solid 6 hours of sleep, although I could probably use a whole lot more. I searched through all my haunts here this morning, looking for someone to chat with. Naturally, when I want to chat, there is no one to be found. So, I've spent the majority of the afternoon in Paint Shop Pro...where else would you find me? I've redone my banner probably 100 times in the last year. Today must be number 101...for it's an all new look. We'll see how long THAT lasts! I think Pres knows how anxious I am about my Mom coming home today. It's pretty obvious actually, I'm already tensing up, and I still have 3 hours left. He woke me up around 7 am (an ungodly hour when you get to bed at 4 am) but I surely didn't complain. (big grin) He definitley made it worth my while to "wake up"...(lol) I guess around 9 am I got my coffee, and got online to get my "Cary Fix" as I call it. (G) In fact we're still messaging each other in ICQ. I'm one of those people that has to be doing more than one thing at a time, otherwise I get bored and restless. And Cary is usually online working, so it works out well. In the last few days I've received some "fan" mail about my journals. It's nice to know that there are some truly twisted people out there. (lol) You have to be to enjoy reading MY journals. :) It is nice to know that Jausten, Cary, Sam, and Dave aren't the only people that read these entries. I finally got my friends to read these entries by my shear stubbornness I think. When they call and ask how I am doing today, I will respond with..."hmmm someone hasn't read my JOURNAL!" :) Speaking of stubbornness, I was told by Dave last night that although he thought I was lovable...(yeah right Dave)...he did think I could be a stubborn b**ch at times. The man knows me WELL! (lol) I asked Cary for his opinion this morning and he said he definitely agreed on the stubborn part too. :) What can I say? I'm easy, just not cheap. :) By the way....I have now started the "Cary Countdown" as I call it. There are 6 days until his birthday, Sat. Oct. 25th. So, let's surprise him with gifts. (lol) (psst- his favorite color is blue) The first stop was the mall to get her nails done. While she was doing that, I drove over to the beauty supply shop and picked up some hair color. After the usual hassle about buying professional products, (not really looking like a hair dresser in a wheelchair) I produced my license. From there I went to the Burlington Coat Factory to get myself a new black leather coat. I have a real thing about coats. For most women it's either shoes or handbags, for me it's coats. This time I DID need a new winter coat. I've lost so much weight since last year that I literally swim in the one I had last year. It was quite a thrill for me to go from a size "1x" to a size "small". After I bought my new coat, I went back to the mall to pick up my Mom. We then did the usual....went out to lunch, went to the grocery store, then to the grocery warehouse as well. By the time we pulled into her driveway, it was 4 pm, and I'd put well over a 100 miles on the car. I still had a 20 mile drive home yet. Once I got home and unloaded the trunk (which took me a half hour) I got Jack taken care of and got online. I'd received a note from Cary calling me a "poop". (lol) He's already receiving birthday greetings from the "Ladies Of The Heart". I went into the LOTH message board last night and posted a note saying to help me to send him birthday greetings. :) This should prove to be not only interesting, but alot of fun too! I want to thank everyone for helping me in making his birthday (Oct. 25th) extra special. He deserves it, he's an extra special guy! :) I also spent quite awhile on the phone with the US Post Office. Jausten had sent me a present for my birthday, and I've yet to receive it. She did some checking in Canada, and was told I'd gotten it, but I haven't. So, I got on the phone to the post office to see what they knew about it. After being passed along a line of different people, I was told they would check and call me back. I doubt I'll hear much more on that today as it's now 5 pm. Later this afternoon I called and ordered Cary's birthday present. I just hope he likes it, I'm not very good with coming up with presents for people. Because he is so special to me, I'd like to make this a good birthday for him. He's one of the few people that I've met online, or in real life, that has such a positive effect on me. Even when we are messaging each other, and we are both doing work online as well, it's just nice to know he's out there. I spent an hour or so on the phone last night talking to my oldest brother Mark, in Florida. He's trying to con me into coming down there for Christmas this year. (lol) Normally all of my siblings, or at least my brothers, come home for Christmas. This year, it looks like only Mark and his family can come. Personally I don't care where we have Chrsitmas, as long as I don't have to drive to Florida. 12 hours is too far for me to go anymore. I'll have to see if Pres can get the time off, and see if we can afford to fly down there. We spent most of the morning painting a nativity set my Mom had bought. The painting was done mostly by Mom, as my hands were killing me, and I was unable to find a comfortable sitting position. I spent most of the day on her couch, as we watched video tapes. At 4 pm she helped me out to my car and I drove home. I'd gotten to a red light, where the two lanes merge together a few feet away. Normally I try to get in the lane with the least amount of cars and hope to be the first one away from the light. This way I don't have to follow someone going all of 35 mph. Tonight I had a pick-up truck to my left, I was in the lane that runs out. When the light changed I floored it, so did he. We were neck and neck, fast approaching the end of my lane. I knew if I looked over and made eye contact he'd never let me in. I was in one of those moods where I really didn't care what happened to me, so I just ignored him as my lane began to quickly run out. Just as I had thought, he chickened out first, and I got ahead of him. :) Unfortunately I'd only gotten a few miles down the road when I got behind an old woman going 30 mph in a 55 speed zone. After following her for 15 miles she turned off. As you can imagine (especially if you REALLY know me) I was quite frustrated by the time I got home. I fed Jack and the fish and attempted to get online. Every few minutes I'd loose my IP connection. Just as I'd gotten hooked up, Pres came home. I decided I needed to eat more than I needed to talk. Yup, you guessed it, I skipped lunch today too. Not to mention the pain of sitting at the computer was incredible. I'd hoped by now (8 pm), I would feel a little better, but not so. If anything I feel worse. Everything is screaming out in pain. My hands, elbos, neck, shoulders, chest, knees, back, butt, and feet. (Doesn't leave much else does it?) On top of all that, my skin hurts so much, that it feels like I have a giant brush burn all over my body. Thankfully tomorrow is my day to stay home. I hope to get some much needed sleep, but I'm not holding my breath. If I remember correctly (and I have NO memory to speak of), the last time I got more than 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep was 2 years ago? It's a never ending cycle. When you can't get the deep sleep you need, your muscles never get the opportunity to fully relax, resulting in more pain. More pain pretty much kills the chance to have uninterrupted sleep, which in turn causes more pain. See what I mean? It's no wonder that one of the last people that Dr. Jack Kavorkian helped, was a FM sufferer. Over the last few days I've been seriously considering a change. Mainly in my memberships. At this point I belong to an online women's group. This group really serves no purpose. Sure they have "Causes", but all they do is list them on a message board. Nothing seems to be DONE about these causes (except fighting and more whining). It's mainly a gathering place to give out awards, ask for prayers, and whine. There is nothing wrong with awards and prayers, it's just not my thing. At least not the way it's done there. I find it hard to pray for someone to find their glasses. (lol) What Jausten and I have decided to do is form an online group that offers support, information, and ACTION for the Chronically Ill, or friends and relatives of Chronically Ill. Illnesses such as FMS, CFS, Arthritis, etc. You know, those illnesses that for the most part go untouched. We would like each member take an active roll in contacting their elected officals, demanding either more funding for research, or monitary or emotional support for the sufferers and their families. If you are interested, or have any opinions on this issue, please e-mail either Jausten, or myself. Well tomorrow is it... Cary's birthday. Please be sure to send him a nice birthday wish. :) (Oh No..the big 3 9 !) Today has been quite a busy day. Last night Jausten and I finalized our plans for a NEW kind of "online group". This group is for people with Chronic Pain and Illness, and for those who have a desire to make a difference in our world. Those are the only qualifications. As members, you will help to give your fellow members emotional support (not to be confused with whining), and you will be asked to take an active part in educating people in general, and your elected officials in particular, to these illnesses: FMS, CFS, and Arthritis. Ok you're probably asking how we plan to do that. I'll be happy to tell you. First and foremost it is important that people understand these various conditions. Education is a powerful tool, and we hope to educate as many people as necessary. Secondly, we also plan to write to our elected officals, educating them as well. When writing to these officials we will make our desire for more research funding known. A cure for these conditions will only come about with adequate funding for research. As of this entry, we now have the site up and running. In fact, that's about ALL I've done today. Thank god I have a very understanding spouse. (LOL) He's been married to me long enough to know that when I have made a decision to do something, nothing will stop me. In the next few days we hope to have our site completed. Right now we are in the process of doing up some basic information for FMS, CFS & Arthritis. Once that is done, we plan to have E-Mail addresses, and "snail mail" addresses for elected officials in the U.S. and Canada, with more countries to be added soon. The basic pages, graphics, and message board (for emotional support messages) is already in place. We've even received a few membership applications so far. We hope to make "People With Substance" a different kind of online group. If you are interested in the progress of this group, or have a question or comment, the e-mail address is pws97@hotmail.com. I'm not sure what good we will accomplish, but if just one person is educated as to what it's like for people with Chronic Illnesses, then something positive has happened. Personally, I don't want it to stop there. I'd like to make a real difference, and know that I was of some help to others. I'm hoping that the people who sign up for membership have this same vision. This will definitely take a team effort. I called my sister-in-law (Kitty) in Florida last night to let she and my brother know that my Mom, Pres and I are coming to Fl for Christmas, and to give her the flight information. Pres and I haven't been to Fl in 4-6 years. Personally, Fl doesn't do much for me. But, since no other family members are coming this year for Christmas, it's easier to fly to Fl and have our meager celebration there. Kitty was elated, and as much as I fear flying, her excitement was contagious. It will be a relief not to have to decorate the house this year, or put up Christmas lights outside. Decorating has always been my job, especially the outside decorating. Our neighbors are NOT friendly, and only one will wave when they see us. Pres's feelings have always been.."why decorate outside for people we not only don't know, but don't like?" I suppose he's right. It's just that my father always made a big deal out of Christmas. We would all go outside (wading through 10 foot snow drifts) and decorate anything that didn't move. (lol) Once we flipped on the electricity, the whole place was lit up. I'm the same way. Pres says my "decorating" borders on the vulgar side...I just can't help it. To me, it's just not Christmas unless everything is lit up. The last few years, as my FM has gotten worse, I've had to cut back on what I've decorated. Last year I was in such bad shape that I was going to forego decorating, and putting up a tree all together. It was only after constant pushing and prodding by my friends and family members that I went through with the decorating process. So, the invitation to Florida looks very good to me this year. I won't have to decorate OR fight with anyone about it. But to think of Cindy also brings back alot of bad memories too. Cindy was a year older than me, and one of five children. Her folks were divorced, and the kids all lived with their mother. When her mother died, Cindy and her siblings moved in with their father, across the street from me. Her dad was an alcoholic, and a child abuser. All of the kids were beaten on a regular basis. Usually with no reason at all. When Cindy was 16 she got pregnant. Although she claimed it was a mistake, we both knew better. She thought this was going to be her ticket away from her father. Although it was, she only lived 2 more years. While coming home from the grocery store one day, her car was hit head on by a truck driver. She was killed immediately. Geez, now I realize why I rarely listen to the Carpenters. Ok, now that I'm sufficiently depressed (and you are too...lol) let's have some happy thoughts! Like I said before, that song did give me reason to contemplate. As I was doing so, I realized how in the last several months I feel like my life is "On Top Of The World". In large part, this is due to my friends. I've met some incredible people on the net. Ones that are true friends, not just people I talk to online. My goal is to meet each of them in person some day. Hopefully this next spring I can meet Jausten and Sam....since they are relatively close in proximity to each other. Then the next person will have to be Cary and his wife, as I've already met Dave and his wife this summer. :) Another reason for feeling so good mentally is the new group Jausten and I have formed. I have really good feelings about it. Already the membership has increased, but more importantly, we've begun getting ideas and suggestions from some of the group members. It seems as though they share the same foresight as Jausten and I, and I couldn't be happier at this point. I think this is something that could accomplish alot, or at least, that is my hope. You don't have to suffer from any of the medical conditions we're working on, in fact two of our members are "healthy". Our only qualification is the desire to help others, that's all. I invite you to look us over, and see if People With Substance is for you. Last night, after finishing what I could on the PWS site, I was sitting here wishing I had someone to talk to. At that exact moment my old friend Dave M. called me in FreeTel. It had been months and months since we'd talked and it seemed so good to have him back. We typed for quite awhile when he surprised me and began using the mic. (He always did have a sexy voice..lol) Before I knew it, the time had gotten away from me. It was after 2 am when we hung up. The only thing nicer than making new friends, is having the old ones pop into your life. Although I haven't accomplished a whole lot online today, I have gotten a few minor things done on the homefront. Namely, at 3 pm, my dinner is all set to go. I've also been able to straighten up the house a bit, and make a few phone calls. One call not being too pleasant. I was looking for some quotes on replacement parts for our refridgerator. I'm beginning to wonder if it wouldn't be cheaper to buy a new one. Just for the stupid seal around the door, we're talkin WELL over $100.00. I'll have to wait till the boss get's home (he likes to THINK he is at least *wink*) and see what he says. Most of my day was spent on the road today. My Mom and I had decided to take a leisurely drive to a small town about an hour south of us called Abbeville. It's a quaint little town with a large town square, surrounded by a brick paved street. For those of you out there that are Julia Robert's fans (like me), Abbeville was the town she moves to in the movie entitled "Sleeping With The Enemy". Normally I am excellent when it comes to directions, in fact my Dad used to joke that I had a compass built in my butt. (so THAT'S why it's so big! lol) I've noticed that not only has the short term memory problems effected my ability to remember people's names, inanimate objects, parts of sentences, but also directions. We started out on the right road, however we ended up in Anderson instead of Abbeville. (at least it DID start with an A) Our only problem was that by getting lost and taking the LONG way around, what should have taken 20 minutes to get to Anderson took an hour. We still wanted to go to Abbeville. I pulled over (after the cop passed me)...ok, so I was speeding. Anyways, back to the story at hand. (LOL) I found a rather badly written map in the car, and found the route we needed to get to Abbeville. After ANOTHER hour of driving we found Abbeville at long last. The reason we were going there was to visit a gallery where my mother had seen a Civil War picture for sale. My brother Jim is smashed about anything to do with the Civil War (or as the locals call it.."the war or northern aggression"..lol) We found the gallery only to see they were closed....naturally! So, I ended up circling around the town square 5 times, while I waited for my Mom to decide what she wanted to do next. She suggested we go to Greenwood and have lunch. Greenwood was another 30-40 miles farther south. We rolled into Greenwood around 1 pm, ate lunch and started the hour and a half trip back home. On the way back home we stopped at a concrete yard. We both love to paint objects, and lately we've been painting concrete figurines. My Mom made a comment that I thought was rather funny, about how it was hard to distinguish the cemeteries here from the concrete yards. She's right too. Back home (god how the southerners hate it when you make comparisons...lol), but, back up north, the cemeteries are so green and pretty. Here, they are just a bunch of headstones. Anyways, after wandering through the concrete yard we were back on the road again. All in all I'd say it was a pretty good day....even if we did start out by getting lost. :) | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
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