HONESTY
THE Cornerstone of life!

First and foremost, let me say that honesty is important in any kind of relationship, whether it's BDSM, vanilla, or just between friends, if a relationship is based on untruths, then it is destined to fail!

One of the things that attracted me to this lifestyle is the honesty. I had been lied to so many times in past relationships (Mistress is my fourth wife), I honestly did not believe I could ever trust anyone again, then I found D/s, then I found Mistress. From day one, everything I read, and heard from others in the lifestyle, stressed honesty.

The more I researched, both from reading what I could find and talking to those in the lifestyle, that one thing was continuously on my mind. The honesty required by O/our "kink", between a Dom/me and sub, well, I thought it was the greatest thing since ice cream. The sad fact is, that even in D/s relationships, there is still so much dishonesty present.

I have heard so many brother and sister subs tell me that they wished "Master would", or Mistress wouldn't" (or vice-versa), that at times I wonder what has happened to one of the basics of the lifestyle? If Mistress pinches too hard, or Master spanks too often, and the sub never says anything, is this not "lying" to the Dom/me? True, it is a primary responsibility of the Dom/me to push limits, but when something is tried that is unacceptable (for whatever reasons), the submissive has every right, even an obligation, to express their concerns. In my mind, if they do not, then it is being dishonest and it is just one more step toward the end of the relationship.

A Dom/me has the final say in any discussion, that is a key to makeing the lifestyle work, but it is also a responsibility of the Dom/me to listen to thier sub's fears, reasonings, requests, discuss them, and then to make an "educated" decision. If a Dom/me refuses to even consider a sub's hesitancy about something, then they are not a true Dom/me, they are being dishonest. Just another step toward the end of a relationship that was doomed from the start.

I stated earlier that honesty was "one" of the things that attracted me to the lifestyle. The second was RESPECT! These may seem like two seperate items, but just stop and think about it. How can O/one lie to someone they respect? Or respect someone that lies to them?

Maybe "lie" is too harsh a word here, but isn't omitting a fact or feeling the same thing as a lie? Isn't holding feelings back the same thing as saying "it's ok, I like it"?

The hardest part of being honest, is that, first and foremost, O/one has to be honest with T/themselves. Once that bridge has been crossed, being honest with O/others comes a whole lot easier.

My personal journey into this life of submission was a long and tedious one, but when I was first introduced to the lifestyle back in 1998, I was given some of the best advice I've ever heard. Not only did T/they give me the address to castle realm, along with a few others, but T/they told me this,,,

"You are going to read a lot of rules and regulations, just keep in mind that what works for O/one will not work for O/others. You have to decide what is right for you.",,,

Now I have one question, how are Y/you going to decide what is right for Y/you, unless Y/you are honest with Y/yourself about Y/your wants and needs? If Y/you are not honest with Y/yourself, and just accept someone elses "rules" without question or at least some serious inner searching, are Y/you not lying to, not only Y/yourself, but to the O/one that Y/you are "talking" to?

I could go on and on here, but what it all boils down to is this, honesty is the cornerstone, not only of this lifestyle, but of life in general, and honesty HAS to start with being honest with O/one's self!

There are many forks in the road of life, and once the fork of "untruth" has been taken, it's an uphill battle all the way, so choose Y/your path carefully.