"Good Ash? Bad Ash? I'm the one with the gun!"
-- Bruce Campbell - Army of Darkness
"The earth is degenerating these days. Bribery and corruption abound.
Children no longer mind parents ...and it is evident that the end of
the world is approaching fast."
-- Assyrian Tablet Engraved in 2800 B.C.
"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."
-- Hunter S. Thompson
You hand me more work - I hand you your liver
At the fountain of knowledge, some drink deeply ...
and others only gargle
When you're having a bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, remember, it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to pull the trigger of a decent sniper rifle.
"I think being defined as mentally ill behind the wheel is a good thing. No messy explaining 'he started it' or 'she flipped me the bird.' Just crank the wheel hard right, ram the sumbitch and seek counceling"
--Sports Car International
Life is hard.... Play short
Arguing with a woman is like trying to teach a horse to
sing, It won't work, and really annoys the horse
The best way to a man's heart is to split his chest
cavity open
--Women's rest room, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
Beauty is only a light switch away.
--Perkins Library. Duke University. Durham, North Carolina.
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life,
then let's all get wasted together and have the time
of our lives.
--Armand's Pizza. Washington, D.C.
Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how
are you?"
--Rest stop off Route 81. West Virginia.
God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
--The Irish Times. Washington, D.C.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
--The Bayou, Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick
and tired of putting up with her shit.
--Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill. Chapel Hill, North Carolina.
Make love, not war. Hell, do both - get married!
--Women's rest room, The Filling Station. Bozeman, Montana.
If voting could really change things, it would be
illegal.
--Revolution Books. New York, New York.
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles,
you're going to have trouble with it.
--Women's rest room, Dick's Last Resort. Dallas, Texas.
Corollary: If it has tires or tits, it's gonna cots you money
"Welcome to western civilization you skinny vegetarian
fucks!"
Constipated people don't give a shit!!
(seen on the back of a biker's vest) If you can read this, my wife fell off...
Hey you! Get out of the gene pool!
Unless you're a hemorrhoid, GET OFF MY ASS!
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
(seen upside down, on a Jeep) If you can read this, please flip me back over...
Please tell your pants it's not polite to point!
If that phone was up your ass, maybe you could drive a little better!
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the ass...
Never raise your hands to your kids...it leaves your groin unprotected.
Remember folks: Stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph.
(Reported to be seen on a restaurant) GUYS No shirt, no service GALS No shirt, no charge
Impotence Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"
Necrophillia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart??
Save the trees ... Wipe your ass with an owl.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
Ax me about Ebonics
Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel
Boldly going nowhere
CAT: The other white meat
CAUTION - Driver legally blonde!
Don't be sexist - broads hate that
Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway
Heart Attacks...God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged
Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window
How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets
If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now
I'm an imbecile and I vote
Money Isn't Everything, But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch
