Although scientists are beginning to catalog the physical and genetic processes that determine sexuality, gay people have always known that being gay is not a choice. That does not keep them from having to face the ignorant though sometimes well-meaning straight person who will ask them why or when they "chose" to be gay, as though it were something like a hairstyle that one could change at a whim. The answer I usually give now is "When did you choose to be straight?" That will never convince anyone whose homophobia is integral to their world-view, but it provides a beginning point for the reflection of the truly well-intentioned and open-minded.
I knew quite early on that I was different from those about me-well before I knew what that difference was, what it would mean for me, or how to react to it. And quite early on I learned how to hide it. "Coming Out" is the term used in the gay community for casting off this early training in dishonesty. For me, coming out is not an event; there is not a day before which I was closeted and after which I was out. For me, it is a process which first began in 1982 and will continue until the day I die.
When I was younger, and trying to come to terms with who I was, I found that question about why I "chose" to be gay annoying for other reasons and usually replied rather nastily "Why would anyone with the ability to choose opt for something which, in this country, leads to legal persecution, discrimination, vilefication, and often particularly viscious murder?" Now that I have a few more years (OK, decades) behind me, now that I have met so many wonderful people whose understanding or shared experience has added grace to my life, now that I have learned more about who I am and what that means, I can say that if it WERE a choice I WOULD NOW CHOOSE TO BE GAY! It is an integral part of who I am and it has added immeasurable richness to my life. It has been a gift.
Please use your browser's "BACK" button to leave this cul-de-sac on the information superhighway.