Retam Sullet - Part Five

Something was bad wrong with a world where the most obvious place a guy's pregnant girlfriend could go was the skatepark. But the bus was in the lot, parallel parked. Mad and on a tear, Thea was still Thea.

"Thank you, Jesus," Langly muttered as Jimmy pulled the Ferrarri next to the battered VW. He was out of the car before Jimmy could kill the engine.

Inside, two pretentiously unkempt teenaged boys slouched against a wall.

"You spy Hush on the half pipe?" One boy said to the other.

"Them was some torrid fuckin' grinders, no?"

"I mean her tits - it's like, ummm, guess who got a visit from the mammary fairy?"

"Shit," Langly muttered and set off for pipe at a run. He suppressed the futile urge to scream her name.

As he drew close, he saw her face, saw her body, recognized the meditative posture as she drew to her full height then crouched improbably low in response to the curved concrete. He watched her rise along with her board in perfect air-borne continuation of the arc of the structure. She pivoted in the air, descending gracefully in the same imaginary bow she had ridden upwards. Only the grating sound of wheel meeting pavement to testified she was no longer floating. If she hadn't been pregnant, it would have taken his breath away.

He reminded himself for the tenth time that night that there were few things dumber than yelling at a deaf person.

All his ambiguous emotions evaporated in the buzz of the yellow lights. There were cigarette butts everywhere. The concrete felt sticky under his shoes. Every thirty seconds the image of Thea falling and bleeding forced itself behind his eyes. He craned his neck until he could see the one person who could help him, a medium set guy his age with a short black ponytail; Beauchamp, the owner.

"Hey, want somethin'?" he asked as Langly ran up with Jimmy close behind.

"You gotta get Thea, um, Hush," Langly pointed. "You gotta get Hush outta there."

"How come?"

"She's pregnant"

"No shit? Man, you know what insurance on the this dump costs me already?" Beauchamp stepped into his plywood office and grabbed a bullhorn. "Everybody outta the pipe," he repeated through the horn four times. The skaters started hopping out one at a time. Eventually, Thea rode alone, too oblivious to realize. Beauchamp frowned picked up a handful of gravel.

"What're you gonna do?"

"Get her attention."

"What if she falls?"

"It never made her fall before." He hit her squarely between the shoulders with a piece of gravel.

She failed to notice. It took three hits to the back before she finally looked up.

DAMN, she signed to herself.

He would not yell. He would not yell. Langly promised himself he would not yell at her. She circled the bottom of the pipe twice before riding up to face him.

I NEEDED TO GO FOR A RIDE, she signed. I TOOK THE VAN. I HOPE NOBODY MINDS.

THEA, Langly signed very deliberately, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

Thea rattled her skateboard then tucked it under her arm. KNITTING, she signed.

YOU COULD GET HURT. AND SO COULD. . .? he signed poorly, gesturing at her belly.

BABIES? she signed. I COULD DRINK DRANO AND SMOKE CRACK AND IT WOULDN'T MATTER TO THEM.

YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT YVES SAID? He didn't know if it was a statement or a question even as he signed it.

IT MAKES SENSE, RINGO. PERFECT FUCKING SENSE, Thea signed flatly.

I WOULDN'T BELIEVE HER IF SHE SAID MY ASS WAS ON FIRE, he signed irritably.

YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO. IF YOUR ASS WAS ON FIRE YOU'D KNOW, she signed.

ARE YOU READY TO COME HOME NOW? WE CAN TALK WHEN WE GET BACK OR WHERE EVER YOU WANT. JUST COME HOME, he signed.

SOMEONE TAILED ME ON THE WAY, JIMMY. She waved at the man standing behind Langly. WOULD YOU MIND IF RINGO AND I TOOK YOUR CAR? YOU COULD DRIVE THE BUS BACK. HUMOR THE POOR STUPID PREGNANT GIRL? She slipped off her matte black helmet. AND PUT THIS ON.

SURE, he signed looking sublimely ridiculous in her helmet. YOU'LL LET LANGLY DRIVE, RIGHT? AND YOU COME STRAIGHT HOME?

I WILL ABSOLUTELY LET LANGLY DRIVE, BUT I THOUGHT MAYBE WE NEEDED TO TALK, FOR A WHILE BEFORE WE WENT HOME, YOU KNOW, ALONE.

WELL, OKAY. JUST BE CAREFUL.

As soon as Jimmy was out of sight, Langly tugged at her sleeve. SOMEBODY REALLY FOLLOW YOU?

Thea scratched behind her ear. I JUST WANTED TO DRIVE THE FERRARI.

~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~

For Thea, driving was the motorized equivalent of skating - she knew it and understood it in the marrow of her bones and the deep animal recesses of her brain. It would have been an understatement to say she excelled at either. The visceral nature of the act soothed her. If there weren't other things on his mind, Langly would have found it fascinating. But that night, he couldn't take any vicarious pride in her natural ability. As it was, all he felt was grateful that every click of the odometer saw her a little less twitchy. He was so pleased to see the tension drift away from her body that he made no objection as they neared the Capitol.

It wasn't a place he went if he could avoid it, and for a crazy minute, he wondered if some Mulder-Scully homing beacon was pulling her to the reflecting pool. But she went right past it and instead, parked them near to the tidal pool that swirled off the river and into West Potomac Park.

Thea climbed out of the car and began walking. Langly followed, although she hardly acknowledged his presence. She stood and stared at the Japanese cherry trees planted around the pool's rim. She turned and cast her eyes in the direction of the Holocaust Museum. Then she turned back to the trees.

THEY'RE LATE, she signed, waving at the trees. THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE BLOSSOMS THIS LATE IN THE YEAR.

He positioned himself in front of her. IT WAS A LONG WINTER.

She pulled away and began striding ahead of him.

He followed all the way to the Jefferson Memorial, feeling stupid.

I'M SORRY, Thea signed.

YOU OUGHT TO BE. I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE THE FUCK YOU WERE, he signed, leaning against a marble column.

NO, I MEAN ABOUT EVERYTHING. I BET YOU'RE SORRY YOU EVER SAW MY FACE, she signed, staring intensely at him.

Langly recognized a tension in her that reminded him of Mulder when whatever was happening in his head was so big it obscured his vision of the world around him. It was usually a precursor to something really stupid.

Langly folded his arms across his chest and shook his head 'no.'

I'M SORRY ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF US THEN, she signed. I'M SORRY I GOT YOU MIXED UP IN THIS SHIT. SORRY. SORRY. She leaned forward and kissed him softly, more of a brushing of lips and a breathing of each other's breath than a real kiss, and pressed Jimmy's keys into his hand.

He shook his head and dropped the keys. She was already walking away.

He wanted to tell her something, something to make her stop and never try to leave again but he didn't know what it would take. He had no choice but to grab her by the wrist, but he couldn't sign a single word holding onto her arm. Fuck. fuck. fuck.

He dragged her toward base of the Jefferson Statue and pinned her there, his knees on either side of her, so there was still no way she could get away without hurting him and they both knew it.

She was gritting her teeth. L.A.N.G.L.Y. she spelled one-handed.

FORGET ABOUT BABIES AND SUPER SOLDIERS AND EVERY BAD FUCKING THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD BEING YOUR FAULT FOR A SECOND, OKAY? I WANT YOU WITH ME. FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE. THAT'S WHAT I WANT.

She raised her eyebrow. DON'T BE STUPID, LANGLY. YOU'LL FIND SOMEBODY ELSE. SOMEBODY GIRLY AND APPROPRIATE. SOMEBODY NORMAL. SOMEBODY BETTER.

BETTER? He squinted. YOU'RE JOKING, RIGHT?

She shook her head.

It took him a few seconds to decide not to cloud the issue by pointing out that appropriate, normal, girly chicks - or chicks of any kind - had never exactly beaten a path to his door.

Thea was looking intently over his shoulder. WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF EVIDENT? She signed. THEN WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE FEEL COMPELLED TO SAY IT, MUCH LESS CARVE IT IN STONE?

Langly felt a sudden, intense urge to grab the person most important to him in the world and shake vigorously. He wanted to ask - no demand - to know how she could be so...so...

. . .it was pissing him off so much he couldn't even find the word.

She nodded at the wall again, a brief ugly laugh erupting from her mouth. ENDOWED BY THEIR CREATOR - WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP - SPENDER DIDN'T ENDOW ME WITH JACK SHIT. I'M NOTHING BUT A SCIENCE EXPERIMENT. HOW DUMB AM I THAT I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT?

YOU ARE A PERSON, he signed, frustration threatening to overwhelm him.

I'M A THREAT TO THE WORLD, A DANGER, I AM-

His hands shot out in interruption. YOU ARE A PERSON, he repeated.

I WAS DESIGNED WITH THE SOLE PURPOSE OF BREEDING SUPER-SOLDIERS.

SO WHAT? I AM THE FIRST MEMBER OF MY FAMILY IN THE FUCKING HISTORY OF MANKIND NOT TO RAISE COWS. SO WHAT?

SO THIS. She pulled her lower lip to her chin, revealing a row of tiny black letters and numbers tattooed on the shiny epithelial tissue deep inside the fold where lip met mouth. MY DESIGNATION, she signed when she let go.

He didn't know what to say. She let him see her cunt before she let him see her lab number. What did it mean? It meant something, right? He couldn't tell.

He leaned closer, smelling the garlic and ginger on her breath. He pressed two fingers to open her lip, drew even closer, scrutinizing the string of characters. He wasn't sure why but he tried to commit them to memory.

PC524P113T62989-8-40

WHAT DO THEY SIGNIFY? He didn't move his legs but leaned away just enough to allow her room to sign.

MY X CHROMOSOME IS FROM PURITY CONTROL SUBJECT 524, FROHIKE'S 'DELECTABLE AGENT SCULLY'. THE SECOND X IS FROM FOX MULDER, PRAETORIAN 113. THEN THE REST IS ME - T FOR 'PROJECT THERMOMETER,' EXPERIMENTAL LOT 62989 FOR MY START DATE JUNE 29 1989 - SUBJECT 8 OUT OF 40 UNITS.

His breath was quickening and his head was swimming. He lifted his chin defiantly. I DON'T CARE.

BUT YOU ASKED ANYWAY, she signed small.

He felt her little belly pressing against him and looked Down. Her eyes followed.

If Richard Langly had been born with the gift of physical eloquence he would have dropped to his knees and kissed her abdomen, wrapped his arms around his unborn children, but he had not so he did not. He was awkward. It was also arguable that except for insults and technical language he was not verbally nimble either. He certainly wasn't Fox Mulder.

THEY AREN'T AN EXPERIMENT, he signed, his eyes on the Bulge at her waist. SOME ASSHOLE IN A LAB DIDN'T DO THAT. WE DID. YOU AND ME. IN MY BED. REMEMBER?

I REMEMBER YOU WISHING YOU USED A CONDOM, she signed without meeting his eyes.

I DIDN'T PLAN ON KIDS. SO WHAT? I DIDN'T PLAN ON FALLING IN LOVE, EITHER.

AND THAT'S REALLY WORKED OUT FOR YOU, HASN'T IT? she signed sarcastically.

I ASKED YOU TO MARRY ME BECAUSE I WANT TO BE WITH YOU, he signed, realizing it wasn't a lie, not really. WHATEVER HAPPENS, WE'LL DEAL, OKAY? TOGETHER. BECAUSE IT'S WHAT WE WANT AND SCREW EVERYTHING ELSE. IT'S ONLY SOME STUPID TRAGIC THING IF WE LET IT BE.

When he stopped signing, he rested his hands on her rib cage.

She didn't agree or nod or sign OKAY. Instead, she offered assent by bending her neck enough to lay her forehead on his shoulder. She licked her lips, drawing a strand of his long blond hair into her mouth.

He reached his arms around her. "It's okay, Baby, it's gonna be okay," he whispered, wishing she could hear him.

She lifted her head to look him in the eye, forehead to forehead. He couldn't help but smile when she smiled. They rubbed noses for a second, sharp and beaklike to broad and rounded, smearing his glasses in the process.

H.O.M.E. He spelled into her hand.

She nodded just enough for him to feel. She leaned back stretching against the foot of Jefferson, took off Langly's glasses and began wiping them on the bottom of her t-shirt.

Intent as she was at cleaning the lenses, she inadvertently flashed her tits at a group of camera-carrying tourists on the steps of the Monument.

~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~

Jimmy Bond had a marked tendency to fixate. He was so focused on the idea of a wedding between two people he was very fond of that, in the end, Langly and Thea decided it was easier, with in reason, to just let him have his way. No need to waste all that natural enthusiasm.

Everyone but Langly agreed that his designated 'funeral suit' simply would not do. So Jimmy took him shopping. It was something very much like Hell.

Jimmy knew entirely too much about material and drape and cut for Langly's liking. Langly would have been hard pressed to choose between a suit fitting and a full-body cavity search. At least the cops wore gloves.

In the end, though, he had a suit. A suit that he never would have been able to afford and certainly one he never would have chosen. Oh Lord, he thought during fitting number three, he was letting Jimmy Bond pick out his clothes. This whole wedding thing was really getting out of control.

Another bad sign was that Byers gave it his approval. "Japanese design, double breasted, good fit." He qualified his endorsement when he saw Langly's dismay at his initial assessment "Slightly, um, loud, though. The lapels are wide," he added generously.

Yves called it aubergine.

Jimmy called it purple.

Frohike called it Robitussin and accused them of shopping Cab Calloway's estate sale.

Thea didn't notice. She had removed the casing on Byers's monitor and was trying to fix it without getting fried.

Langly didn't think twice about her doing stuff like that normally but, shit, pregnant? He nudged Frohike. Frohike nudged Byers.

Langly was about go read her 'the safety boy riot act' as Thea now called it, when Yves tapped her gently with a pencil.

YOUR TURN, DEAR, she wrote on the table with her finger.

Thea looked up and addressed the men in the room, signing WE, WHO ARE ABOUT DIE, SALUTE YOU!

Frohike looked from Langly to Thea and back again. "You two would bitch if you were hung with a new rope."

"We aren't shoppers, okay? Is that crime? Or does everyone have to be a good little consumer around here all of a sudden? "

"You could show a little gratitude, asshole."

Langly just scowled. Jimmy threw his arm around him. "Langly knows I know he appreciates. . ." he trailed off, a confused look on his face. "Well, I know Langly knows..." he was hoisted by his own mental petard again. "Um, me and my little buddy are cool, right?"

Langly winced.

"Gilligan, kiss Mary Ann goodbye. We do have work to do." Frohike groused.

WHAT DID HE SAY? Thea signed.

YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO KNOW, Langly signed back, and pecked her cheek.

***

Thea's forced march in search of a wedding dress went much differently.

Yves was no Jimmy Bond. After the twelfth dress was deemed utterly unacceptable by both women, they sensibly went out for burgers, then they had their legs waxed.

Rather than return empty-handed, Thea finally selected a pair of black leather pants slung low enough to completely bypass her expanding belly. While not traditional, Yves couldn't argue that they were unflattering, nor could she deny their classic appeal. In the end, she simply shrugged and paid the clerk.

None of Thea's housemates asked to see the dress. They trusted Yves.

:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~

The next afternoon, they were married.

Thea spent the morning, after much cajoling, with Yves at the Georgetown Aveda salon. Langly spent a lot of quality time with his inhaler.

For the record, he loved the leather pants. He had no idea she could look like that. It was one thing to marry the girl you loved, but it was something else to realize at the altar she had the best pair of blowjob lips you'd ever seen in your life. Painted red. A sliver of Thea's belly was visible below the hem of her white cotton t-shirt. He never knew pregnant could be so sexy. She didn't look like T; she looked like a chick. A really hot chick. He was profoundly grateful his pants were loose.

This marriage thing, he reflected, was definitely a stroke of genius.

When Frohike saw her, he leaned in and whispered, "Nothing's says 'I do' like a pregnant broad in leather," which made Langly wish he had asked Byers to be his best man.

"Shut up," he hissed.

"I hear black leather is the new white taffeta," Frohike whispered back.

"Shut up," Langly repeated.

Thea strode up to him, smiling, and kissed his hand.

LANGLY, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, she signed, oblivious to the Justice of the Peace. DO I LOOK OKAY? I CAN GO WASH THIS SHIT OFF IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT.

NO, he signed back, small. IT LOOKS GOOD. YOU LOOK GOOD.

ARE YOU READY? The Justice of the Peace, whom they'd had to go all the way to Baltimore to find, signed.

They took the standard vows - love, honor, cherish, sickness, health, richer, poorer, forsaking all others, 'til death do us part. As two people who spent their time devoted to ideals largely considered passé, they scrutinized the words more carefully than most, but gave the standard replies.

I DO. I DO.

Langly placed the plain white gold ring with a single clear diamond on her finger. Two months pay my ass, Thea thought. That thing had taken all his savings and she knew it. How many times had Ringo lectured her about the economics of the jewel trade? The artificial inflation of market value through P.R.? Tying diamond jewelry to notions of fidelity and love? War after war financed by tiny paper packets of the gem? And now he had the nerve to put one on her finger?

But he was smiling. So she guessed it was okay.

Thea timed the whole event at twelve minutes. It seemed to her like an awful lot of time, money, and energy had gone into that twelve minutes. Though, honestly, if the ceremony had gone on much longer, she would have fallen asleep and Langly probably would have had some kind of twitchy fit.

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU HUSBAND AND WIFE. YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE, the JP signed.

Langly hesitated. Everyone was watching. There were exactly 12 guests, if you counted Kimmy, who invited himself. Even that was too much of an audience for Langly. Thea barely noticed. She leaned in, placed two fingers delicately behind either of his ears pulling him forward, and proceeded to suck face. It was the best part, as far as she was concerned.

Jimmy cried. If Byers and Frohike teared up slightly, they both sniffed it back before too many people noticed.

Yves, who had been elected matron-of-honor by default, thought for a disturbing moment she recognized exactly what Thea saw in Langly. Shuddering, she forced herself to think of Jimmy stepping out of the shower with only a towel around his waist.

That felt much better.

~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~

End 05