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Well, here you have a little outrageous
transcription. This time from Madonna's "Sex"
book released back in 1992. It was very surprising to find a Cyndi
Lauper mention there because of all that everlasting Lauper-Madonna comparison
thing. Of course this is not a "nice" mention at all because we're
talking about Madonna ("Dita") in that 'sex
period' of her career. She uses a bad language so if you think you can
be offended for that, please do not read the following and direct to
another section, other way...
have fun! Anyway, Madonna says at the beginning of the book that
these are just fantasies...
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Doctor:
Tell me about your dreams.
Dita: I never know when I'm going to have a
sex dream. They just come out of the blue. I
usually have lesbian sex dreams with people I
know. Once in a while a stranger steps in, but
generally it's people I know and generally it's
with people I would be just horrified to have
sex with. Like my maid.
Doctor: You had a sex dream about your
maid? Is she cute?
Dita: She's not cute. In fact I just fired her.
Doctor: Did you fire her because of the
dream?
Dita: No, I fired her because she can't clean.
Maybe that's why I had a sex dream about
her. Because I tend to get involved with lazy,
irresponsible people and maybe that was a
gross exaggeration of it. Me having sex with
my maid who can't clean.
Doctor: I am the doctor here. Tell me, how did
this dream begin?
Dita: It started off with me being arrested in
Paris. What's wrong? Why do you have a
dirty look on your face? Should I go on?
Doctor: Yes, go ahead please.
Dita: I can't talk when you have that look on
your face.
Doctor: It will be gone in a few moments.
DIta: Okay, I was in Paris and I was getting
ready to get on a plane. I'm standing on a
street and all of a sudden I'm surrounded by
french police and they are saying, "We are
sorry madame, but we are going to have to
arrest you." I said to my manager, "They've
got to be kidding. I didn't do anything. What are they going to arrest
me for?. It must be a
joke." He said, "Well, you have to go, but
don't worry, we'll get you out. It's a mix-up."
So they took me in to the police station, they strip searched me and took me into the
showers and scrubbed me. I'm totally freaking out.
I'm screaming, "I haven't done anything! This
is a really mean joke!"
Then they throw me in a cell and slam the
door. I'm sitting there really upset trying to
figure out ways to escape and they come in
and say, "We're going to let you hang out with
some of the other prisoners now." So they
take me into this room, a big huge room with
row after row of beds like in an orphanage
and I walk down the rows and each bed has
the last name of the person who occupies
it on the end. I get to this bed that has my
boyfriend's name on it. And I see that he's
fucking somebody and I'm horrified. It's this
little blonde chick. So I pull him off of her and
I notice that it's Cyndi Lauper.
Doctor: Very interesting.
Dita: So I pull him off and I said, "You disgust-
ing pig! How could you fuck somebody? And
most of all, how could you fuck Cyndi
Lauper?" All of a sudden we were in another
room and I was beating up on him, saying,
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"How could you do that to me? How could you
do that to me?" He says, "Oh man! She's not
the only person I fucked. I fucked your maid."
I said, "You fucked my maid? You disgusting
pig! How could you fuck my maid?
He said, "Not only that but I fucked Stephanie
Seymour."
So I started beating up on him and then he
started doing all these weird gymnastic rou-
tines...this doesn't sound like a sex dream, I
know...
Doctor: Please go on.
Dita: So he's doing handstands and one
handed handstands and then he lowered him-
self to the floor and started humping the floor.
I said, "What are you doing?" He said, "I'm
free-jacking, man. I'm free-jacking." I said,
"What's free-jacking." He said, "Yeah, you
don't know me. I was free-jacking before you
met me and I'm doing it now." And he just
humped the floor.
I got really, really upset and I ran into this
other room and I saw a pay phone and I
called up my manager and I said, "You've got
to get me out of here! Don't you realize this is
a publicity stunt? It's only so the French can
have something to write about in the newspa-
pers for the next couple of months. I haven't
done anything. Get me out of here!"
He said, "We'll be there. We'll do what we
can. There's a lot of bureaucracy..."
So I got really mad and I hung up the phone
and I sat down in this chair and I started cry-
ing. Pretty soon somebody was rubbing me
on the back and patting me and massaging
the back of my neck and saying, "It's going to
be alright. It's going to be alright." It was kind
of sexual and I was kind of responding to it
and I looked up and it was my maid. She was
doing this to me. And then I woke up. But I
was attracted to my maid. And that's the last
sex dream I remember.
Doctor: How long was this before you fired
her?
Dita: Actually, I think I fired her that day.
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