| ++ FOUR ++ |
| Justin rolled over, still asleep, trying to get away from the blast of sunlight that found it's way through the blinds and drapes in Lance's room, blinding him even through closed eyes. "Damn," he groaned, throwing his arm over his eyes. "Damn," he repeated. "Sleeping beauty awakes," Lance chuckled, emerging from his bathroom. "Come on, J, time to get up anyway." He shook his head as Justin tossed the covers over his head. He headed back into the bathroom and finished brushing his teeth, flushing the toilet from earlier, remembering he had a guest. Justin fell back asleep, and it felt so damn good to him. It seemed like years since he'd had a nice, good rest, and not even the sun was going to ruin it, or Lance's commanding voice demanding he get up. They weren't on tour, and he didn't have to listen. The phone rang, and Lance dove over Justin to pick it up. "Yello?" "Lance, honey, thank God. Is Justin with you? JC said he might be, and oh my God, is he?" Lance blinked hard at the rambling, panicked voice on the line, and he wasn't sure exactly who it was. "Umm, he's right here. What's going on?" He stared at Justin, still curled up under the blankets. "Can you put him on, please? I'm at Disney and I need to talk to him." Lance cocked his eyebrow. It was Justin's mom, obviously. "Yeah, yeah. Hold on." Lance shook Justin's arm. "J, it's your mom. Come on, she's freaked. Get up." He pulled the blankets back, and Justin fought him, yanking them back with a scowl on. "Justin," he warned. "Get up." "No!" came the defiant response. Under the blankets, Justin's blue eyes were opened, and he felt so safe, and warm, and he knew it was his mom, and she must have found out, that's why she was upset. But here, under the covers, he was safe. Damn Lance. He was being persistant. "Lance, tell her to leave a number. I'll call her back." Lance tugged once more, to no avail. "I'm sorry," he said through gritted teeth, still yanking. "He's in the bathroom. Can you give me your number and I'll have him, ugh, call you back." He tumbled back a bit as Justin won the battle. "Okay, fine. But this is important Lance. Okay. I need to talk to him. I'm coming to get him, so I need to tallk to him." Justin's mom sounded so weird, really strange, and it sent a chill down his spine. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" he asked, suddenly worrying, what with Justin's surprise visit, and all. He glared at the lump in his bed and pursed his lips. There was a pause, seemingly for an eternity. "No, I um. Just have him call me okay? He knows my cell. It'll be on. Lance, this is imperitive. Make sure he calls." Lance said he would, and replaced the phone in it's recharger. "Justin?" he questioned, tapping on the bump in the middle of his bed. "Come on dude, time to come clean. Your mom is on her way here." From under the saftey of his cover, Justin gulped, forcing the lump in his throat down, waiting for his pulse to slow a bit. He wanted to tell Lance, but on his terms. Now, his mother, in all her damn glory, had ruined that too. He sighed, quiveringly, and pressed his face deeper into the pillow. "Justin, you're getting me worried now. Please talk to me." Lance's eyes darted around the room, scared to death. "Justin!" He didn't mean to scream, but his hands were shaking now, and he was panicked. It was no use. Justin peeked out from under the blanket, his eyes shut tight. "I don't want to right now," he pouted. Being a baby was nothing new for him, he was the first to admit he could whine and pout and get his way with anyone on any issue. Lance was different, though. Lance didn't take his shit. "Don't push it please, Lance." "Hell no," Lance growled, ripping the blankets off his friend, his eyes glowing. "Talk now!" He watched as Justin curled into a ball and shook. "Shit, man, what's going on?" He softened his tone, and rubbed Justin's back gently. "I did something really bad," Justin finally said. "Really, really bad, Lance. And I can't take it back, and it was just in the heat of the moment, and I really fucked it all up." Tears spilled from his eyes, and he couldn't make his body roll over to look at his friend, he couldn't stop his body from shivering, and he sure as shit couldn't take back anything he'd done. Now, he faced his moment of truth, and those big ol green eyes were waiting for his explanation. Lance sat patiently, his heart thumping hard against his ribs, and his palms sweating. If this was anyone but Justin, he wouldn't be so worried. JC's idea of fucking up was straining a vocal chord, and Joey's idea would be forgetting a girl's name, and Chris idea would be not calling his girlfriend, but Justin could be a loose cannon when he wanted to be, occassionally tearing up a hotel room or two. "Justin, take your time. Just let me know what you did. What's so bad?" "I don't know what to say. How to say...." his voice sounded small, and was broken with sobs and sniffles, and he wanted to crawl back under those covers to stay warm and safe. "Take your time," Lance repeated, still rubbing Justin's back, trying to figure it all out. "Just tell me." God, what else could he say? It was like a slow torture waiting for the words, and he wanted to rip his hair out waiting. "I came back from the tour, ya know, and I was happy to be home. No one was there, at home." He rocked himself as he spoke, his voice low and soft. "I wasn't that upset, maybe a little. I miss them when I'm not there, and mom has been so busy. I figured someone would be there though, to ah, I dunno, to say hi to me. I mean, we just got off tour and I was so used to seeing people. Coming into an empty house was harsh." He sniffled loudly and sqeezed his eyes tighter, reliving the lonliness of that day, opening the door and having no one there to greet him. Even the limo driver had taken off before he had a chance to get inside. Lance held his breath. He knew that feeling all too well. He'd come home to no one as well, but then again, he didn't live with his family. "Go on," he urged. "Well, I went to my room, and my mom had all the boxes from the fan club up there, and I started looking through them, and I got so fucking depressed. It was dark and no one had even called me. I got hungry, and I realized I was waiting for someone to come get me for dinner, like on tour. You know, always JC or the road manager, or you. But no one came for me." He wiped at his eyes, feeling silly speaking about it. Lance cringed. At least his mom had called him, and his sister had come over for a short visit. Justin's family usually was so united, so together. He knew they were Justin's life, especially his two little brothers. "I dunno. It just made me sad. I called JC and he was too busy to talk, and Joey wasn't home, and Chris' girlfriend picked up and said she'd give him the message, and I tried to call you but no one answered. And I fell asleep and my mom woke me up and I had fallen asleep right in the middle of all the letters and gifts and I had a horrible headache." Lance wanted to jump right into Justin's head and see what happened, where this long story was going, because from what he'd said so far, he couldn't imagine that anything was that bad, so bad his mom was coming to Mississippi to get him. "And she got me into bed, but she didn't really seem so happy to see me. God, Lance, do you remember when our mom's travelled with us, and we hated it cos we were so young and they hovered over us? Do you?" He dared look over his shoulder, his eyes red rimmed, and his nose running. "Yeah, I do. They'd be knocking down our hotel room doors in the middle of the night to make sure we were alone, and getting enough rest." Lance chuckled at the memory. Of course at the time, he wanted nothing more than for his mother to disappear, head on home to Mississippi. But he knew she wouldn't. He was her baby, and she never let him forget it. Yeah, it was a tough time. "I know back then I hated her being there, and I prayed that God would make her go away, and I did that stupid fucking dance on the day she decided to leave. I was so happy, and Chris snuck me into that club and I drank and go so drunk I puked my guts out. Remember?" He half smiled through his tears. Lance nodded. "I do. And my mom found out and tried to ground me from America. JC told her he would watch over me and she believed him." They were memories that seemed so far away though, and what did it have to do with what was going on now. "Justin, how is this related?" Justin's lower lip trembled. "I was mad when she told me she was going to Disney for the holidays, Lance. Pissed off, like she had no right to leave me, even if she had other responsibilities, and the only reason she has those groups under her is because of me, because I'm in N Sync, and I need her sometimes, even if I'm 19. And I know it makes me some kind of wimp, or mammas boy." He looked past Lance, to the framed No Strings Attached poster hanging on the wall. "You're not a wimp," Lance assured him. "Hey, I always get called a mammas boy. At least you have a girlfriend. I bring my mom everywhere and...." "My mom comes with me sometimes too, but do you know why she comes Lance? It's not to be with me, it's to make contacts." His eyes lowered and he wiped his nose with the back of his palm. "No, Justin, it's not just that." At least Lance couldn't imagine it was that. Mrs. Harliss was a sweet lady. "It is, you just don't know." Justin inhaled sharpley. "So, I was so mad, and after she left, I went into her office and started throwing stuff around, jamming one of our gold records through her computer screen, and ripping contracts she left behind, and tearing up video tapes of her group and all sorts of destructive things. I fucked it up, Lance." His big eyes got bigger as he stared into Lance's face, cheeks blazing red from reliving the anger. "Hey, it's okay. I mean, she can clean it up. And I'm sure she had any important papers with her." Lance always carried copies of contracts, and hoped Lynne had the good sense to do so as well. He couldn't fathom someone trashing his office. He'd kill them, related or not. "So, she's pissed, she'll get over it, I'm sure and then...." Justin grabbed Lance's arm, shaking it. "I burned it down." The three words were so simple, said so clearly they clicked through the air with sharpness and pain, making Lance grab for his cross. The hurt oozed from Justin, and something told Lance there was more. "And then I went to find her." |