Such a hot day. I planned to go to school today actually, but I'm staying home for now, coz my dad's gout is acting up. I'm gonna hang around to be his little errand boy. In the meantime, I am gonna work on my stuff in my room, with my room door open. Just in case Dad needs me...

The thing about me at home is, I'm usually in my room, with my door closed and locked. Isn't that supposed to be a teenage-rebellion kinda behaviour? I guess it's not that I want to challenge my parents' authority. I'm pretty much autonomous now anyway. I guess the door's closed and locked so that they don't see or smell my cigarettes. But now that I've stopped smoking in my room, maybe I should leave the door open?

Then again, maybe the door is shut because of my nature. I'm open about most stuff, but when it comes to my inner-most thoughts and feelings, only a very privileged few will ever get to know. Thoughts and feelings that will never be openly discussed here on my blog. I suppose its a safety mechanism. People may think they know me, but they wun really know the real me. Sometimes even I doubt I know the real me myself.

It's not easy to get me to open the door to myself. I'm just a private person by nature. You need to earn my trust before I will open the door to you. But you may not like what you see inside.

My room has been rather dark lately, and not much light is shining in. It's gloomy, free of furniture and ornaments, with only a tiny window on a wall letting in illumination so that I dun bang my head into the walls. Usually I end up just crouched up in the corner, away from the light seeping in through the window. In the other corner, there are knives lying on the floor.

My room hasn't always been like this. It used to be brightly lit, and decorated with all sorts of toys. There was a warm, comfortable bed, a big, inviting sofa, and space for a visitor or two to share my room with. The window used to be much bigger, and it opens up to a view of fresh green grass and bright blue skies.

How different things are now, compared to my teenage years. When there should have been darkness, there was light. Yet when the light should have grown brighter, it has gone away. How warped.

I have this irritating pimple just above my upper lip, such that I cannot shave properly. How frustrating.

Trapped in my cage,
I long to be wild.
Despite my age,
I'm still a child.

Excuse me, while I turn into a fair-weather friend.
Excuse me, while I go crazy.
Excuse me, for the daggers in my back.
Excuse me, while I die.

Its a ridiculously hot day today. I think I'm going crazy. Somebody save me.

I like it when it's cold, and I can wear my sweater. The sleeves are long enough to swallow up my entire arms. I imagine being in a really cold place, walking down the streets all bundled up. It makes me feel warm.

We were at East Coast last Saturday for blading, dinner and drinks for part 1 of Boon's birthday celebrations. Last Saturday, not yesterday. Meaning 13 March, i think. Anyway, after dinner, we ended up at the karaoke above Macdonald's, and sang ourselves silly. Well, most of us anyway. Ben refused to sing despite our constant prompting. He kept saying he doesn't know any songs to sing, but he still refused to sing when we chose "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" for him.

So anyway, here are the pics from the karaoke. Courtesy of Terence.

6 am
Same mistake
Your life's been wasted
What a shame

6 am
Still awake
Your mind's been wasted
Who's to blame?

Celebrated Boon's birthday at Bala Clava just now. He got so smashed, he puked all the way home! Pics here.

Feels like I'm in an emotional limbo.
Caught between the soil and the stars.
A wanderer with nowhere to go.
No place to stay and no one to hold.
I'm getting old,
I'm growing cold.
All washed-up and heart adrift.
Yet I'm sinking like a stone.
A rock.
Alone.
No place to stay and no one to hold.
A wanderer with nowhere to go.
Caught between the soil and the stars.
Caught in my emotional limbo.

Went to Eugene Chua's Birthday BBQ last night, and was terribly tempted by the sight and smell of so many people fagging away... But I resisted the temptation...

However, i failed to stand my ground on not wanting to gamble yesterday, since they were short of one mahjong kaki. So I reluctantly agreed to play and luckily I won some money. Otherwise, I'll be totally pissed off at being so weak.

I am pissed off, though, with the fact that Michael Owen is still Liverpool's first-choice penalty taker. There are so many better penalty takers in the team, and yet the team continues to indulge Owen in his bid to score more goals via the penalty spot. The Reds have been disappointing with their results this season... Sigh...

I'm gonna try to quit smoking after i finish this pack, which will probably last til latest Sunday. Wish me luck.

Dashboard Confessional is great! Unfortunately, their album costs $41 at HMV, so I downloaded some of their songs instead. Am asking Weiliang whether he can find the album in the states, and if it's cheaper, then he's gonna get it for me. Hooray for friends in far away places.

It's been such a wet day today. The rain was just non-stop, although it had periods of heavy storms and light drizzles. Well, it was sufficiently light in the evening for Dad and I to take the bus to have Teo Chew Porridge for dinner. Haven't had that in a while.

Anyways, I finished my last stick of cigarette last night while at Wala Wala, so I've lasted the entire day without smoking... But the rain makes me feel so tempted to light up, sit by my window, and just blow the smoke into the wet sky outside... Maybe if I really cannot resist it, I may just pop downstairs later to get a pack. Hooray for 7-Eleven!!!

I was hit in the crotch by the ball at soccer today. Was in agonising pain for a couple of minutes. After that, I promptly scored 2 pretty good goals.

The moral of the story?

Michael Owen should get his nuts hit.

I just came back from a dump.

Haven't blogged in a few days. Partly coz I was tired, partly coz i was busy (yes, busy), but mostly coz I haven't had much that I really wanted to write about. Well, anyway, had a presentation with my supervisor on Thursday. DIdn't go too well, but it wasn't that bad either. At least he pointed me back towards the direction he wants me to take.

Spent a sunny day at Sentosa yesterday. Well, it was sometimes sunny, sometimes cloudy, but I think I still managed to get my tan back. Haven't done that in a while. I even brought some of my notes there to work on... I'm so disgusted with myself.

On other news, the Naruto anime series is getting really exciting now. So many situations happening simultaneously in different places. There's always such a cliff-hanger at the end of every 20-minutes-is-oh-too-short episode. The bastards at the studio are just playing with our emotions.

And why am I awake at 10am on a Saturday morning? I have no freaking idea, but my head feels groggy. No, I didn't drink myself silly last night. I think it's the morning air making me groggy...

29 February came and left. Yes, this is a leap-year. Wow.

Anyway, I just cleaned up an oil spill in my room. Ok, so not exactly an oil spill, but something similar. I brought home a bag of my stuff on Saturday, and left it just lying in my room. All of a sudden, I discovered that my room smelled very clean today, and so I decided to investigate. Turns out that the bottle of shampoo I had in the bag had poured all its content out, and so my bag was soaked, some of the stuff in the bag were ruined, and to top it off, I had a shampoo-cleaned floor. It was a terrible chore to clean everything up, and I'm glad that I had my carpet rolled up and stored away. CAn't imagine what I would have to do if my carpet got a shampoo...

Now all I have to do is to use some conditioner on the floor, and I will have stronger, shinier tiles...