Time flies. I still miss James, and whenever I see his pictures, I feel somewhat saddened. But life goes on, and now Didi is happily in our lives. I think Bobby is glad for the company too. Didi has been sneezing lately, but I think it's gone. Nothing serious. But if it comes back, I'll bring him to the vet...

This game is mindless, but wicked fun!

Went to my first karaoke session on Friday night. Didn't sing much, but I enjoyed it anyway. Think I'll be going more often from now on... hehehe

I'm not a karaoke virgin anymore!

I realised that my "about me" page needs to be updated. I'm not 25 going on 26 anymore! Man, I'm getting old...

But I'm just too lazy to get round to changing it. Maybe next time I'll just put my birthday so that I don't have to change it every year...

Lazy lah...

Listening to music has a way of affecting my emotions. Sometimes, it lifts me, sometimes it makes me feel like digging a hole into the ground and hiding myself from the rest of the world.

I was supposed to go out for drinks tonight, but that plan was scuppered last minute due to Lynette not being able to make it. So I ended up just listening to my MP3 collection. Right now, at this precise moment, I'm listening to Travis's "Why does it always rain on me?" It's a pretty apt song for my mood, though not for my predicament.

I knew what I did was right
Is what I'm doing now right?
When is it right to start again?
This freedom comes with pain

I need someone with me
I can't stand being alone
That's just me being selfish
Hurt will always follow

I'm stuck in a rut. I'm moving on, yet I don't dare to. I'm worried that I will hurt more people. It doesn't hurt me as much. I give my time, my care, but I don't give my love, my heart. I am a complicated mess. If only love was pure and simple to me. If only love comes easy to me. If only I can love freely. But it isn't, it doesn't and I can't. I don't understand why I'm like this, or when I became like this. Maybe I'm just commitment-phobic

Such a typical male, eh?

But so many guys around me fall in love, and fall in love forever. I can't do that. At least not now. Maybe I'm too playful. Maybe I'm too fickle. Maybe I'm just not ready. Maybe I just don't feel the need to settle down.

Yet I feel the need to be with someone. Especially after I've gotten so used to the feeling of having someone next to me.

That is why this is a period of transition and adjustment for me. I need to get used to being alone. I need to learn to live by myself. Maybe after I survive this transition, I may feel differently about relationships and love and commitment. Maybe I may still feel the same. Whatever. I don't know what the future holds. All I know is that I need to overcome this somehow.

Right now, Incubus's "Pardon Me" is playing. Pardon me, while I burst into flames.

I haven't smoked since last night after dinner, and yet my mouth still feels dry and smelly. Scratch the idea that smoking causes bad breath. I really need to get to the root of this problem. Maybe it's because I've been eating too much "heaty" stuff, and my body is too "heaty"? Damn, I'm HOT!

I think I need to get out of the house more often...

Don't worry. I am fine. My japanese is not that powerful, it was just cut and paste. I am not suicidal. I am just going through a period of transition and adjustment. I need some time.

On another subject, my mouth has been very dry, and my breath has been quite stinky. Especially after I smoke. I think I need to invest in some Listerine.

Why am I awake at this ungodly hour? I'm waiting for the Liverpool - Man City match to start, so that I can catch the audio commentary over the internet. Am I crazy, or am I crazy?. Yes, some might say I'm crazy. I probably am crazy. No doubt about it, definitely crazy.

I've been living with a certain principle for a good part of my life, and that priciple is to never have regrets. I take each mistake that I make or have made as a lesson. I move on on from there. If I ever look back at a decision that I made in the past, if on hindsight it was a bad decision, then so be it. No regrets. Whatever has happened cannot be changed. Life goes on.

Don't know if that is a particularly good way to look at my life. Certainly I have done things in the past whichI might not have done if I had known the consequences back then. But somehow, if things don't go well at first, eventually, they will. Am I a optimist? Maybe. But I also believe that I will die young and die gorgeous. That's the way to go. Don't cry for me when I'm gone, coz I'll be looking over and out for you...

Daredatte shippai wa surunda
Hazukashii koto janai
Kono kizu wo muda ni shinaide
Waratte arukereba ii
Kanashimi mo kaze ni kaete
Tsuyoku susunde ikereba ii

or if you don't understand japanese:

Everyone makes mistakes
It's nothing to be ashamed of
Don't let this mistake go to waste
Be able to smile as you walk
Turn your sadness into wind
And just be able to keep moving forward

It's a strange feeling to me, really. I don't understand why I'm so bothered. Actually I'm not. Yet I am. I feel bad. But it's better now than later. I'm not the type to fall in love and fall in love forever. I may have used to be, but that's all in the past. The distant past. I don't live for the future. I live for the moment. I don't think about the future. I may never get to the future. I may just get knocked down on the streets one day by a careless driver. I may just get hit on the head someday by killer litter. I don't want any commitment. I just want peace of mind. Give me entertainment. I won't bother you. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to anymore. Maybe it's better that I don't get involved with anyone. Or get anyone involved. I should just be alone. Alone with I and me. Some things are just a matter of bad timing. My time is not here yet. Maybe it will never come. But as I said, I don't think about the future. At this moment, I'm better off alone. At least I can't hurt anyone else when I'm alone.

Life is so strange.

My watch died on Saturday at 6.40. The battery ran out. I didn't realise it until after soccer on Sunday when I put it on. That's coz I was home the whole day on Saturday, and I didn't look at my watch at all. I even had no idea whether it stopped in the morning or evening.

Anyway, I'm not feeling well today. Think I'll drink lots of water and get lots of rest. And pop some panadols as well... My head is killing me...

Today, there was someone walking around without shoes again. No, not that I saw the person, but I saw a pair of shoes in the lift...

I think my site needs a face lift. But I just haven't gotten down to working on a new layout.

Anyway, I realise that I haven't really been checking out many blogs these days. I usually only go to a few of the more familiar ones... I'm getting less kaypoh...

And another thing, no one seems to be leaving any comments anymore. Maybe I should just do away with the comments. Or am I just getting boring with my blogging? Maybe I should write something controversial and stir up some shit?

Nah...

I love penguins, but sometimes, you just gotta hit them.

On the MRT today, I saw a man with no shoes. Yet he was not a poor man. He wore a long-sleeve shirt, pants, a watch, and he used a handphone. He had very long nails on his big toes. The nails looked like bird's claws to me. Why wasn't he wearing shoes? I didn't asked.

I saw a man with no shoes today. Why wasn't he wearing any shoes?

Maybe he gave them to someone... Someone else who had no shoes...

Maybe he's training for thaipusam...

Maybe his nails were too long to fit into shoes...

Maybe he couldn't find matching socks for them...

Maybe his shoes were stolen...

So many possibilities...

But maybe he just wanted to bare his sole... Hurhur

Cultivate your hunger before you idealize.
Motivate your anger to make them all realize.
Climbing the mountain, never coming down.
Break into the contents, never falling down.

My knee is still shaking, like I was twelve,
Sneaking out of the classroom, by the back door.
A man railed at me twice though, but I didn't care.
Waiting is wasting for people like me.

Don't try to live so wise.
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.
Don't dry with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.

You say, "Dreams are dreams.
"I ain't gonna play the fool anymore."
You say, "'Cause I still got my soul."

Take your time, baby, your blood needs slowing down.
Breach your soul to reach yourself before you gloom.
Reflection of fear makes shadows of nothing, shadows of nothing.

You still are blind, if you see a winding road,
'Cause there's always a straight way to the point you see.

Don't try to live so wise.
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.
Don't dry with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.

'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.

I like walking in the rain when there's a light drizzle. It's a cool feeling. Especially when the sky is very dark. I like to see the raindrops leaving behind spots of wetness on my clothes. It gives me the impression that I'm not in Singapore anymore. It's always so hot and sunny here...

I don't know what that crap was about. I guess I just suddenly have the urge to leave Singapore for a while. But I can't right now. So please rain for me. Not too heavy. Just a light drizzle...

So Kevin just got himself married on Sunday. Congrats to him and Eugenie! Kevin just couldn't wipe the smile off his face throughout the solemnisation and dinner... Bet he must have cramps on his face that night.

Edgar flew back from New York just to be his best man for the wedding, and of course, to partake in his bachelor party.

No, I will not release details of the party here. I don't know who is reading this. Don't want Kevin to get in trouble... Heehee