Mom called this morning… wanted to know when I was coming home. Said she expected me to visit more. And Shaun, she hadn’t talked to him in weeks- what was he doing?
Shaun’s busy, Mom. Work is keeping him occupied. (He’s back to fucking around with the Hooter’s girls.)
I guess, with me… she just doesn’t understand. I’ll come home when I have a reason to… that’s what I told her. I just don’t have any reason to now. My life is here, now. I didn’t just move down here and get a dorm so I could run home at every break- I got an apartment. I MOVED. Shaun kept more at home, but I think it’s because he half-expected he’d end up back at home. He told me last time we talked about it that he was going to get the rest of his stuff next time we went home… he wants to live here, too. There’s something about Tampa that’s addictive.. the way it looks- the brighter colors, the beautiful people - and feels- the sun, the warmth.. there’s just an atmosphere about it… it even smells different, the way the salt water hangs in the air, I guess. Whatever it is… this is where I want to stay. I want to get a job here… raise kids here… this is where I want the rest of my life to be. I’ve started over, I guess. I’m making friends here… god knows I’ve got the city figured out better than I ever did back home.
There’s just nothing back there that appeals to me anymore. I mean, yes, my entire family is still there… but I can go back for holidays… that’s about all I saw them before. And I can’t even remember the last time that any of my friends called. They all did the junior college thing… and they’re still hanging out with the same people we always did. I guess in some ways it makes me sad that I’m missing that… but at the same time, I’m proud of myself from being brave enough to leave, to break away and do my own thing.
Anyway… enough of that.
I went out with “the girls” a few nights ago…we went to a late dinner and then clubbing. Apparently Merry had her eye on some new guy, so we on the lookout for him.. he was supposed to be there, but never showed up… so the woo-hoo boy quickly turned into an excuse for Merry to get REALLY drunk.. and we literally carried her out of the club after she jumped on the bar and started to shimmy out of her skirt. We went back to Holly and Merry’s place… put Merry to bed and the rest of us sat around and talked… about, what else? Boys. Men. Whatever. Well, they talked and I listened. For a while that didn’t seem to bother them or they didn’t notice.. but then they started wanting contributions. How was my love life? Who did I have my eye on??
What the hell was I supposed to say to that? “Oh, just last week I was making out with Jovan’s celebrity crush in a cemetery at 6 AM?” Yeah, not so much. I said something lame about there just being too many hot guys down here for me to want to keep my eyes on just one or two. They laughed and let it go… saying they’d hate to see the boys where I come from if I thought the ones here were that hot. I guess it’s one of those things, you just get used to whatever you’re around.
Anyway, briefly, on the topic of what’s-his-name… I don’t even want to talk about him… ‘cause then I’ll start thinking about him… and the way his hands feel sliding down my back and … shit..
Right. He hasn’t called. I guess this is the routine we’re going to be in, if we establish one… He’s going to appear out of nowhere, blow my mind, and then disappear again… give me just enough time to stop being swoony… then start the whole thing over again.
July 1
Holy hell, it’s July already. But I’m excited.. I love 4th of July… it’s always been my favorite holiday… BBQ and fireworks… hell yeah. Last year I was at home for the Fair, but this year Shaun and I are celebrating are own Independence days being on our own this year. There’s parties all over the place – out in Clearwater, down in South Shore… I think we’ll probably end up hopping all over the place. Seems like everyone has heard about them.. Shaun gave me the Frat Report and then Sage and Co. came along with the same news… so it’ll probably be sort of a joint venture… tagging along with both somehow.
I had a random guy ask me out the other day… he works at the ice cream shop down the street from Surf Style… I’ve seen him around some… I’m starting to recognize almost everyone who works on/around the beach. I turned him down… I sort of wanted to… but.. at the same time… I’m still kind of holding out hope for something else… ridiculous as it is. I could just see myself being interested in this guy (Paul) and then all of a sudden Nick coming around… but, of course, now that I’ve said ‘no’ to Paul, Nick will be even less available than before… because that’s just how it goes. (heavy sigh)
July 3
I pitched a diva-fit at work today… I wanted tomorrow of… and got a reply of “everyone wants tomorrow off”… I’m sure they do, but technically, Sage and I were actually the first people to request it.. so after much finangling, Sage and I are free for tomorrow. YAY! The day is basically packed… we’re starting at Anais’ parents house in Belleaire Beach for lunch around two. Anais and Sage say that should entertain us until 5 or 6 – when all the old people start getting drunk and playing croquet we’ll make our exit to meet Shaun and the brothers to head down South for the rest of the night.
July 4
(3:14 AM)
Of course he calls now. It’s not like I hadn’t entertained the idea of him maybe showing up at the party… but I wasn’t going to let myself dwell on it. He just wanted to let me know, apparently, that he WOULD be there, at some point… and he wanted to see me… in a friendly non-threatening sort of way… because Mandy’s going to be there, too. Okay, well that took care of me worrying about wanting to get all up on him but having to restrain myself because of Jovan and the other girls.
I don’t know what to do with that. I haven’t even seen them together and I already hate the way it feels. I have no idea how some women can be content with being the “other woman” and knowing the guy has a whole other life that doesn’t include them….
July 5
It is 11:30 AM and by all accounts, I should have a WICKED hangover. However, I believe, that I am, actually … still drunk. Which would explain why I am holding this beer – that I don’t even recall liking … but yet, it seems to be going down okay… huh… I’ll just finish this one…
Maybe I’ll write this later.
8:40 pm
NOW I have a hangover.
Jovan, Sage, Anais, and I were going to see a movie tonight (the twins had a family thing) but none of them are in any better shape than I am, so we postponed the night o’ fun in favor of lying around individually and moaning a lot. Thank god I didn’t have to work today.
Last night… where to begin….
Yesterday afternoon at Anais’ parents was hysterical… Belleaire Beach, a notoriously tight-assed community apparently managed to ease up some for yesterday… and it was just funny. We were the youngest people there.. most of the under 25 crowd had gone out to the Pier so it was us, sitting around watching a bunch of 40+ women trying to strut around in bikinis and high heels while not spilling their martinis and even older guys sucking in their guts and preening for the women. I cannot remember the last time I laughed so hard. Oh, yeah, the food was good, too.
We left there about seven and went to meet Shaun (along with Caleb, Adam, Mike, Joey, and Jarrod). It was in full swing by the time we got there… I don’t even know who’s house we were at… but it was awesome… lanterns and lights strung up all over the backyard, more alcohol than some liquor stores carry, guys playing baseball, girls standing around drinking and giggling, music loud enough we could find the house simply by the noise… it was awesome.
As we were pulling up, Jovan goes, “Oooh maybe Nick will be here! He parties down here a lot, ‘cause he lives right around here…”
This, of course, got groans from everyone else and I just said, “Oh really? I’d like to see him.”
Jovan felt justified in having an ally, apparently and launched into another informative speech about Nick’s habits. (Stalk much?) As soon as we got out of the car and around the back of the house Jovan’s head was on full swivel- turning every direction at once in hopes of catching a glimpse of him. She was disappointed to find out that no one had seen him yet – but they’d heard he’d be there. That was enough to give her hope. And give her an excuse to start drinking so she could “loosen up” in case she did meet him, so she wouldn’t be all “crazy and uptight”. (Insert certain impending doom music here)
We make the rounds… Shaun and his posse got attacked by girls, so we let them go.. and we kind of got sucked into a group of girls that Merry and Holly knew from high school. Which is, why, the very second “they” arrived… everything changed. One of the girls, Victoria, had just been bitching about Mandy (she knew her from some singing group or something… I guess she’s a singer, too)… but then, when Nick and Mandy got there… the sugar-coating came out and Victoria went running up to her, fawning all over her like they were best friends.
When Jovan saw him, she emptied a bottle beer in record time and went for a second one.. and I just stood there, staring at them. He was holding her hand, or well, at first glance they appeared to be holding hands… but there was no grip. It was more like someone had stuck their palms together with rubber cement or something and they just hadn’t managed to pull apart yet. I couldn’t help but gloat to myself… that’s not how he held my hand! His fingers were slipped through mine… actually holding me.
I could see him glancing around, I guessed, or well hoped, he was looking around to see if I was there or where I was… since everyone else that was coming up to him just a got a quick “hi” in between his searching.
Mandy went off to talk to some other people (led away by Victoria) and he grabbed a beer, saying hi to a few more people…. Jovan grabs my arm – death grip with nails and goes, “I HAVE to talk to him. I HAVE to.” And then grabs another beer. And drains it.
I’m just thinking, oh god… this is just a disaster waiting to happen. She starts dragging me over towards him – at least he’ll know I’m there…. He sees me as we’re approaching and kind of laughs as he can tell it’s Jovan that’s obviously leading me along. I just smile and try to pry her grip off me, no such luck.
Jovan walks up to him and goes, “I’m Jovan… and… “
I have no idea where she was going with that… but I’m pretty sure she made an impression… because she totally puked on his shoes. Which, of course, were like those Birkenstock sandal things, so, in reality she puked on his feet. Normally she seems to hold alcohol fairly well, so maybe it was just the beer-in-rapid-succession+being face-to-face with her extreme lust object, but… wow… that was nasty.
I have to hand it to Nick, though, he handled it really well… Jovan burst into tears and ran into the house… he and I walked down to the beach to clean him off by wading around in the water… so I got a few stolen moments with him… and a very quick kiss. He said he’d much rather be there with me…and he had a lot of things to tell me… but not just then. I said okay and let it go…and headed back up to the party before anyone noticed we were missing together.
Mandy was waiting for him when he got back…she thought what happened was hysterical… Sage had gone into the house to take care of Jovan but managed to talk her into coming back out.. from there… I don’t even know what happened… Mandy and Nick stayed pretty much together and every time I saw her kiss or hug him I ended up drinking more… we just… I don’t know… it was fun, but it wasn’t. I HATED watching him with her… I guess it’s just knowing that he’s not really happy.. and knowing how he seems when he’s with me…
By towards 11 or so Shaun and his friends had found their way back over to us and we ended up watching the fireworks all spread out on the lawn, draped over one another, a giant, drunken heap. I didn’t even know where Nick had gone to by that point and I didn’t care… I didn’t want to see them anymore… even all the beer wasn’t helping make things any better… it was just making me belch.. which was all kinds of disgusting.
I have no idea how we got home that night… all of us were so drunk… I can’t believe no one got pulled over. But everyone ended up back here at our place – Shaun’s friends and the girls… we stayed up outside laughing and drinking and being loud- Jovan apparently had gotten over her earlier humiliation (or at least was drunk enough to not be concerned anymore) and ended up hooking up with (or at least engaging in a serious make –out) session with Adam while being sloppily perched on his lap.
I guess it was a good night… there was definite fun had… it just really, really, really SUCKED having to watch them together. He caught my eye a few times and would just look at me until he had to look away… Mandy caught him once and literally grabbed his head to turn his attention back to her… I understand her being possessive… he’s AMAZING…
I’m tired of even thinking about it. I’m going to go watch the game with Shaun… he’s decided to become a hardcore Devil Rays fan now.. whatever that’s about.