May 22
Whoa… time lapse. I am employed… if you can call it that. I stand behind the counter at Surf Style (like you can actually surf in Clearwater Beach) and ring up ridiculous purchases from tourists for eight hours a day. Seriously… these people are RIDICULOUS. I’ve only lived in the area for two years, I can only imagine how the natives feel about these people… they’re SO DUMB. The questions they ask, the things they get excited over… good god. It’s just so damn funny… I never cease to be amused.
Shaun has gone through roughly ¼ of the Hooters Hos already… he’s going to run out of waitresses to mack on before the summer is over at this rate. Seems like every time I come home he’s got a new extremely chesty chick sprawled out on the couch (or the floor… or the kitchen table) with him.
I’ve got a friend at work now… Sage. She’s one of those people that you want to hate- just by looking at them. She’s insanely beautiful… all tan, thin, athletic (volleyball player), super long dark brown hair with just the thinnest streaks of a reddish-purple color mixed through it- awesome shimmer in the sunshine. She wears bikini tops to work and super-short shorts that read “Surf Style” across her perfect little ass. (Not that I’m jealous or anything…. ) She is most likely the ONLY person who would/could get away with that and that’s fine by me. I’m just glad I managed to find a place where jean shorts and a tank top is considered the uniform.
Anyway- Sage is very cool.. she’s a junior at USF- an art major. She’s very different from just about everyone else I’ve ever been friends with…and I think that’s good for me. It’s good for me to have someone to hang out with, period. Basically all the friends I’ve made at school go home over breaks...leaving me with… Shaun. And now HE isn’t even around/available between work and his… um.. extremely active social life.
Sage and I have been having lunch together everyday- we kind of hit it off the first day I was there (this is her third summer working there.. she grew up around here… she’s from Dunedin).. she was helping me deal with a particularly obnoxious tourist from Boston. (As if I couldn’t have guessed from the accent (“I LOVE the beaches in Flor-eh-dur”) she insisted on telling us more than we could have ever wanted to know about her, where she’s from, her flight down here, etc.) We – Sage and I, not the crazy tourist! – either grab lunch at Frenchy’s and sit outside at one of the tables or just bring something in and head down to the sand and hope we aren’t attacked by seagulls- god those birds are vicious. But it’s nice to have someone to chat with… just be goofy and girlie for a while. I think we’re going to a party next weekend… I have yet to determine how I feel about this.
(Yes, I’m going to be ridiculous here for a few)
I know the chances are so small they’re not worth mentioning… but what if he’s there? What if he’s not? Why do I still jump every time the phone rings. He’s not going to call again. But I can’t help but hope, every time it rings… that it just might be him. Maybe he’s broken up with her. Maybe he’s just calling to talk. Maybe he wants to see me again.
Maybe I AM crazy. What was it about him? Why was I so knocked out by this guy? Maybe it was just that I felt like I could be … someone else almost. Be carefree, be reckless, be flirty, be honest…. Now is when I NEED to be honest with myself… I have to let this go. There’s no chance. No possibility. No reason to hope for this.
I had a couple awesome hours with a guy who sent my world into a spin. I loved it. I lost it. I’m getting over it. I swear.
May 28
Sage is doing my hair tonight. I decided I was feeling bold and adventurous this afternoon… (that’s what happens on my days off… I get bored and restless and make decisions).. so I went out and bought hair color… so I’m going over to Sage’s tonight to let her do it. Apparently several of her other friends will be there- I’m actually fairly excited about the prospect of a girl’s night. Although, it is arguably ALWAYS girls night here at Casa de Cohen, as I walked in on Shaun having sex yet again last night. I can only guess that he must be gifted or… something… the way this particular chic was praising him, you’d think he was Ron Jeremy. After she left, he came into my room to apologize… and harass me… asking when he was going to walk in on ME having sex with someone. Not any time soon, little brother. Yes, I may well be in the running for the Oldest Virgin, but I’m fine with that. It’s been by choice, but he doesn’t get that… he doesn’t understand why anyone would choose to not “get laid”. Why bother, I guess? Until I find someone who I know wants to play/get down like I do… I’m not going to waste my time.
(later)
WOW… I’m freakin’ hot! (Insert head-toss, hair-twirl-around-finger, etc)
One of Sage’s friends who was there tonight – her cousin, actually- Anais, is a stylist out at the Spa in Safety Harbor… so she did my hair… she cut it (so fun! It’s still pretty long… but with layers and kinda sorta bangs) and then put highlights in it, so my auburn is now auburn-with-strawberry-blonde highlights. It’s insanely beautiful, actually. I love it!
And… as much as I hate to admit it… when Anais handed me a mirror to look at what she’d done, my first thought was, I wonder what Nick would think? (cue heavy sigh)
Anyway, it was good time… besides Sage and Anais- there were three other girls there- Holly and Merry (yeah, twins born on Christmas Eve, imagine that. They were Sage’s freshman year suitmates) and Jovan, Sage’s friend from high school. I have to say this is probably the only time I’ve ever felt like I had one of those most normal names in any given group. I know my name isn’t all that strange, but it’s not exactly common… but in company with Sage, Anais, Merry, and Jovan… Desiree felt downright boring.
We ate our body weight in junk food and drank enough vodka-with-cranberry to float a battleship… told ex-and-current- boyfriend horror stories (well, they did)… laughed about beauty rituals (wax, anyone?) and just… had fun. They told me I had to hang out with them again… all of them get together at least once a week, usually, they said… I said I’d be glad to… and I would be… it was fun.. and I need more of that!
June 7
I may have heart failure…
Apparently, having exhausted his supply of Hooter’s Hoochies… he’s had to resort to other means of picking up girls… And Shaun actually has a GIRLFRIEND… (I give them two weeks. Tops.) Her name is Sierra and she is…blonde (and sadly, I’ve already seen enough of her to know that it’s natural).. that’s about all I can say about her, really. I have no idea where/how they met (god knows they haven’t come up for air long enough to talk to me)… and that is fine.
I have my own life to worry about. One of the lifeguards has taken a liking to me. He comes in everyday now, pretending to browse around (Hello! You live here! You don’t need a sweatshirt that says Clearwater on it!) and eventually will give me a smile/smirk and try to start a conversation. He is hot. I fully give him that- he’s smokin’ hot even. But oh my god… he should keep his mouth shut. He’s so pretty and then he starts talking and ruins it. DUMB! Oh my god he’s just… so unbelievably stupid...not to mention petty, conceited and kind of a jerk, really. He has all the depth of like, a shot glass. Sage finally helped me out today though… she snuck up behind him while he was watching me and told him unless he wanted to lose his eyeballs, he’d better keep them off her girl, If he knew what she meant… and proceeded to wiggle her tongue at him, just in case he didn’t get it. But OH did he get it… he asked if we wanted to have a threesome. Sage says “Sorry, we don’t do dicks” and then tells him she’s going to report him for suspected shoplifting if he comes in again… his daily loitering was becoming suspicious. He left in a hurry and we started laughing so hard I nearly peed. Yeah, this just might be a good summer.
June 19
HOW DO THEY DO IT??? Mother of god… I swear…
Just when everything is going fine… they come along and fuck things up.
I don’t even know where to start on this one.
Sage, Anais, Jovan and I were headed out to that party a few days ago… Anais driving her very sweet little convertible and we’re just cruising along… top down, radio up… and just before we get where we’re going, Jovan announces that it’s time for their official “pre-party” song. I’m like, okay… this should be interesting… they put in a cd… I wait and hear “Oh my god, we’re back again!” Of course, I recognize this song… I’ve heard it on the radio, granted not exactly my usual kind of music, but it’s okay… the three of them are singing along at the top of their lungs and telling me to join in… I sort of mumble along with the words I know, but mainly laugh at them.. especially after the line “Am I sexual” which they all do this half-purr/half-growl thing to and then Jovan yells, “HELL YEAH!” When the song is over, Anais turns the radio down, and Jovan says, “God, I’d fuck that boy in ways he’s only dreamed about.” Sage and Anais both say, “WE KNOW!” I, of course, have no idea who’s she’s talking about. So, I inquire as to who she wants to violate and Jovan reaches into the front seat, grabs a cd case and hands it to me, pointing to a blonde guy. “Him. Nick Carter.”
Needless to say, I nearly drop the cd case.
Jovan doesn’t seem to notice, as she continues to talk about him… how she’s seen him out around town and he’s even HOTTER in person, but she’s never actually managed to meet him… but she hears he’s a nice guy… but it doesn’t matter, because she just wants to fuck him… but he’s got that damn girlfriend, Amanda “Gangsta Ho Barbie” Williford, who Merry and Holly’s little sister goes to high school with… blah blah blah…
She kept talking but I didn’t hear her anymore… I couldn’t stop looking at the picture and just thinking…. “shit”…. Here I had NO idea what the dude’s last name is… what he did (although it definitely explains the neighborhood he lives in)… and I suddenly find out that I managed to become one of a legion of girls with a crush on a freakin’ boy band member- without even knowing it. However, I suppose I have the distinct advantage of having actually kissed and conversed with him. And he DID call me. Once.
At one point, Anais glances back and probably notices my glazed-over/lost-in-thought expression and goes, “Jovan, I think you lost her… shut up!”
Jovan looks over at me and is like, are you okay?
I hand her back the cd, mentally making a note to start paying more attention to popular culture and buy a Backstreet Boys cd, and say I’m fine. (Liar)
I suddenly wasn’t in the mood to party, but when we got there I threw myself into the festivities with an alarming amount of enthusiasm, and as a result, I don’t actually remember anything else about the rest of that night.
The next morning I woke up with a hangover that might actually have been of record book proportions and called in sick to work. I think that I was probably in for a case of severe doubt on the managers part until I actually puked while I was still on the phone.. he very hurriedly hung up, telling me not to come back until I was over whatever it was. I took enough Tylenol to relieve pain in an elephant and crawled back in bed and woke back up around four in the afternoon, feeling at least marginally more alive. I went into the kitchen to find Shaun and Sierra (wow, I just realized how ridiculously cutesy their names are together) at the table. Shaun congratulates me on what was obviously an awesome night. I told him I didn’t know enough of what happened to know if it was awesome or not.
I forced myself to get dressed and then went shopping for the cd. Bought two of them – Backstreet Boys and Millennium. Girl that worked at the store told me those were the only two the “BSB” had out. Okay then. I have no idea who sings what… like, to be able to tell when Nick is singing… they sound good though. I mean, it’s not something I going to play over and over and over because I love it… but they are talented.
Anyway… I spend that day and the next day all discombobulated… why the hell did he still live in Tampa? And WHY was he talking to me?
I finally decide that this is easily the most ridiculous thing that’s ever happened to me… maybe God was feeling particularly humorous that day or something… and I’m giving up on it. He’s not only got a girlfriend, but he’s got probably a half a million other girls wanting this time/attention. This logic makes me feel better and I actually manage to put it out of my head. To some degree.
And everything is fine… until last night. Or, well, early this morning.
The phone rings around 2:30 AM… at first I freak out, thinking something has happened to Shaun, but then realize I can still hear him and Sierra in his bedroom. I expect it to be one of his insane frat brothers, so I pick up the phone and say something charming like “what the fuck do you want?” Yeah, I know… that practically guaranteed it wasn’t going to be one of the brothers. And, of course, it wasn’t.
I hear, “Uh, Desi?”
It only took those two words… I recognized that voice. But, I didn’t want to sound desperate so I was trying to be all casual (and wake up enough to be coherent) so I ask who it is… like I didn’t know.
It was Nick. He says hi and apologizes… for calling so late and for taking so long to call again. Things aren’t going so well with him and Mandy. They’ve been fighting. (Color me surprised) She left tonight… went to her parent’s house. He can’t sleep. He was thinking about me… he wanted some company. Would I maybe want to hang out?
As if I’d have really put up a fight… but still.. I asked what he had in mind. I couldn’t say a trip to Ybor sounded all that fantastic to me just then. He pauses… and tells me not to laugh. I promise. He says he wants to go ghost hunting out in Gainesville. Immediately, my skin crawls at this idea. I HATE stuff like that… well, I don’t really hate it… it just totally freaks me out. But the prospect of being alone in a car with him for an hour and a half… and then the possibility of getting scared to death and needing him to hold me… quickly won over the heebie-jeebies. I say sure. He asks where I live… I’m rolling out of bed and trying to find clothes as I tell him. He says he’ll be here in 30 minutes. I hang up… my heart is pounding.
He called again. He’d been thinking about me.
As I changed my clothes, I couldn’t help but just… marvel over the situation. It made NO sense. It defied logic. And I LOVED it.
Shit… I’ve got to get to work… I’ll have to get to the ghost-hunting later.