I went to Nick’s the other night and didn’t leave ‘til this morning. I was all in a snit when I went over there… I wanted to talk to him about the whole thing with Sage… but when I got to his place, he was wearing just basketball shorts and was shirtless … I got distracted. For several hours.
It’s official… sex is my favorite activity, ever. I really enjoy kissing him and talking to him about anything and everything… but sex… is definitely my favorite, hands down, no contest.
When we were laying there afterward – he was playing with my hair and I told him that I had to talk to him about something. He looked a little worried… I don’t know what his first suspicions were, but he didn’t seem too concerned when I told him what the actual problem was. He said he figured something like that would happen eventually… and we were lucky that things had gone as well as they had for as long as they had. He asked what I thought … what I wanted to do about it.
I told him, if he was okay with it, I’d actually like to tell her. Just her. I feel like I’d be able to trust her with it… if she decides she’s too mad and tell everyone else, well, I guess I deal with that when I have to… and hope it doesn’t fuck something up for Nick.
He really sort of surprised me when he told me to have her meet us somewhere… he’d explain things to her if he needed to. I said I’d like to have them meet, maybe she’d be more inclined to be forgiving if she actually SAW the … situation… rather than having to trust me at this point.
So I called her yesterday… I was kind of shocked she picked up the phone… but she agreed to come over tonight and talk to me. Well, she’s going to get me and Nick… so we’ll see how that goes. I’m just glad she at least is giving me a chance to explain. I love my boys… but I need to keep some of my girls.
July 12
Well, last night was… interesting. I’d daresay moreso for Sage, but it was sort of… entertaining all around.
Shaun was kicked out of the house, which he was fine with, because he was going out with Olivia, one of the girls he hooked up with on the 4th. Nick came over about 5 and we just laid on the couch… well, he laid on the couch and I laid on him, because he’s pretty much the most comfortable thing ever… I love the way we just… fit together. We talked a little bit, he asked how I thought she’d react…. I honestly had no idea and told him that.
Sage showed up at 6:30 … I asked Nick to go hang out in the kitchen, so I could talk to her a little bit first. I answered the door and I couldn’t figure out what kind of expression she had. I told her thank you for coming over, I wanted to explain things because I didn’t want to lose her as my friend.
She says, “You need to start explaining.”
Okay then. So, I jumped right in. I told her that she had not technically been lied to, because I WAS out of town with my boyfriend… but… Justin… was not actually my boyfriend.
She looked totally perplexed. “So, then…. Okay, who IS your boyfriend…and where does Justin actually figure in?”
I went with the easy one first and explained that Justin was my best guy friend… I’d met him through Shaun and he was just… willing to play along to help me out, since they’d obviously started noticing something was going on with me last summer.
She got pissy again then. “You’ve been playing us for a year! That sucks even more than finding out you lied to me about last week… What is it that you’re hiding that you feel like you can’t trust me with? Are you dating a girl? ‘Cause we’d be cool with that… Anais had a little lesbian phase a few years ago… we were fine with it…”
I interrupted her, I was laughing, sorry, no… I really am dating a guy…
“Then who the hell are you really with? I don’t fucking understand why this is such a big deal!”
I asked her to follow me into the kitchen, where Nick was sitting at the table and flipping through some magazine Shaun had left laying around. “Nick… this is Sage… Sage… this is my boyfriend… Nick…”
He got up and said ‘hi’ and smiled at her…. The look on her face was PRICELESS. I knew she’d recognize him right away… how could she not the way Jovan goes on and on about him.
“Ohmygod… you’re… dating… him?”
Nick said yes, we’d been together since last summer, and he was sorry he’d asked me to lie to her, but he thought she could understand why it was important for us to keep things on the downlow. And then he cracked us both up by saying, “Your friend Jovan is crazy… but she is totally harmless compared to some of the other fans…”
Sage just kept standing there, trying to process everything… “so… you’re with… him… but… saying you’re with Justin… and he’s…what? Doing the same thing… with Mandy?”
We both nodded, I was actually really proud of her for keeping up.
“Whoa.” She sat down at the table and was quiet for a few minutes. “I’m sorry I got so upset… I just hated being lied to… but I mean, I get it now.”
I told her I was sorry I’d been lying, that I’d hated keeping the truth from her, but I was glad she knew now, and could she please keep this info to herself?
“Yeah… I am not about to tell anyone else about this…” She paused, “Damn… can you even imagine? Jovan would like, pee herself over this… she was still yapping the other day about him talking to her at the party…”
Nick and I laughed… I knew things would be okay then. The three of us hung out for a couple hours, then Nick got a call from one of his boys and took off… but not without giving me a kiss… and it was SO nice to actually be able to kiss him with another person there. I know that sounds weird, like I want to be all PDA-show-offy, which isn’t the case, but I always get so jealous of the other people that are openly affectionate… and we couldn’t be. But we were… and it was very nice.
After he left Sage and I talked for a long time… she told me at one point, she now understood why Jovan got so wound up over Nick… he was pretty amazing.
I told her it wasn’t the same at all, because she actually was getting to KNOW him… and Jovan didn’t have that… she was just all twitterpated over the IDEA of him.
We had some awesome girl talk and I told her we finally had sex…. I HAD to tell someone! – so we squealed and giggled and she called me a nympho. I just told her I was making up for lost time… all of them had been having sex for years, I was just doing my best to get all the experiences now.
I actually found out a lot about her, too… she said she was really interested in Hunter and they’d gone out while I was out of town. I guess they’d come pretty close to having sex that night… she wanted to, but was kind of freaked out because it’d been a long time… and I was thinking, well, I know it’s been at least a year… and then she tells me this story about the last two guys she dated… which was like her freshman year in college… the first one cheated on her and she swore off guys for a while… decided to give another guy a chance… and then this jerk goes and slips a roofie in her drink at some party because he thought she was waiting too long to have sex with him. I told her I understood why she might be a little leery of relationships.
She gave me a huge hug when she left and said she was so happy because she’d missed me. Even though we were still friends and talking all that time, she felt like things were different than they were in the beginning, but now, everything seemed more right. And she promised she would keep my secret… I told her I knew she would… she was never the one I was worried about.
I am SO SO SO relieved that’s over and went well. I don’t mind keeping the other girls at a little bit of distance. I have to call Justin now… tease him a little about getting me busted.
July 27
Holy shit… it’s time for my freakin’ birthday again! I guess that means I’m getting old, the way it keeps sneaking up on me.
Tomorrow is my celebration with Shaun… we’re going to Busch Gardens which I’m honestly pretty excited about. I’m spending my actual birthday with Nick and then the next day, going out with the girls. I love this… it’s like Birthday Week… the more celebrations, the better!
Sage and I have hung out a lot since The Night The Truth Came Out … it’s been so good having her back around, like, for real.
July 28
I LOVE THAT PLACE! I had so much fun with Shaun today, it was crazy. We rode Kumba like, 8 times in a row… I’m surprised neither one of us puked, actually. But it was just… awesome. We ran around from ride to ride like a couple of crazy ass little kids, ate junk food, laughed a lot… it was awesome.
I have no idea what Nick has planned I guess he’ll call me tonight … or tomorrow morning… or tomorrow afternoon…
Okay, Shaun just yelled up at me, that I needed to come to the door…. Nick’s here… apparently he’s kidnapping me. I am SO okay with this!
July 29
10:30 PM
Nick is amazing. I mean, I knew this already… but… he just never ceases to amaze me. He showed up last night, literally picks me up and carries me out the door, drops me in the car.
As soon as he got in the car I was crawling over to his side to kiss him, he puts his hands on either side of my face and gave me the sweetest kiss.
Whatever he had planned… I was ready for it.
We drive out to St. Pete Beach… he got us a suite at the Don CeSar for the night! That giant pink monstrosity… is so cool. The room was kind of.... not our style… but the bed was great… and that’s where we spent most of our time anyway. We got there and there was a little table set up on the balcony… champagne, chocolate-covered strawberries, roses… it was adorable… so romantic. We ordered room service, took a bubble bath together, and had AMAZING sex. I thought it was just… awesome… at midnight, the day that became my birthday… I started the next year of my life… with an unbelievable orgasm. I hope that’s a good indication for the rest of the year.
He got me a ring from Tiffany’s for my “actual present” as he called it. The room and everything was more than enough… but the ring is GORGEOUS. It’s pretty simple and inconspicuous.. I totally love it. I put it on my right hand… so it shouldn’t draw too much attention.
We stayed until we had to check out and then went for a walk on the beach. There weren’t many people out… so we could be goofy and affectionate. He gave me a piggy back ride, I nibbled on his neck, he just about dropped me… It was a good day.
And then I got home.
I got in about 8 pm and Nick was planning on just hanging out with Shaun and I for a while… I walk in the door and Shaun goes, “Um, we may have a problem.”
What the hell, dude? I just got in…
Well, I forgot something very important this morning. The Traditional Birthday Call. Since I wasn’t around to answer the phone, Shaun got it… and being half-asleep, when Mom asked where I was, he just goes “Spending the night with her boyfriend”.
Dammit, Shaun! So Mom calls about 87 more times during the day, because she’s my mom and she’s all annoyed that she doesn’t know that one, I have a boyfriend and two, I’m spending the night with him. We’re there about 10 minutes, the phone rings again, it’s Mom. I may as well just get this over with. Nick kisses me, tells me to call him later and wishes me luck. I sigh and pick up the phone.
The conversation lasted well over an hour… and it was horrible. Shaun even had time to spell out “I’M SORRY!” in M & M’s on the table. I gave her a very condensed version of everything… and basically told her that she’d have to meet my boyfriend sometime and left it at that. I am not even going to attempt to explain Nick over the phone. She was not entirely pleased with me… but I really didn’t care all that much… things are too good for me to be worried about what she thinks.
Tomorrow is girl’s night… WOOHOO!!
July 31
3:47 am
Last night/this morning was insane. It was SO good.
We, of course, went to Ybor… because well, that’s where all the good stuff is. We all brought our boys along, well, I brought Justin (Sage told me at one point, it was funny watching me and Justin now that she knows… she says we’re still pretty convincing.).. it was weird that we’re all sort of… hooked up now. Everyone’s just, like, oddly smitten right now. It gave a totally different dynamic to the night because no one was trying to pick anyone up, no one had to worry about random, scary guys getting all up on them. I actually didn’t drink that much…but I danced my ass off.
Because there were so many of us, we could afford to buy into the VIP area, we got a couple bottles and passed them around… that was kind of entertaining. Around midnight, there’s this, like, ripple of noise that goes through the club, like something is going on… starting over by the door. I jump up on a table… to keep dancing… and look in the direction of whatever is going on.
Nick is there.
He’s with a bunch of his boys and a few girls… Victoria included. Jovan joins me on the table, her radar must have been on ‘high’. She starts yelling, “HE’S HERE!! Oh my god, it’s fate!” It’s definitely… something.
Sage looks around once she hears Jovan and looks at me like, “did you know he was coming?” I shake my head ‘no’ at her… I have no idea what’s going on. Jovan has jumped off the table and is telling the twins and Anais that he’s here… OMG!
Of course, he comes straight to the VIP area. He walks past me, looks up at me on the table and winks. I nearly fell off the table…w hat was he doing there? Did he know where I was? HOW would he have known where I was? (I later found out he’d asked Justin where we were going, because he wanted to see me.. so cute!)
His group took a table two down from ours, that was off to a little bit of an angle so if Nick sat right there…. Yes, that’s exactly where he sat… he’d be able to watch me all night. And he did. Which, to be fair, is what I did, too. He just hung out and drank with his boys… and ignored the girls (that made me happy), despite Victoria all but stripping off and giving him a lapdance… but he watched me very closely. I was only dancing with the girls really (which he seemed to enjoy) and a little bit with Justin. Jovan kept jumping up on the table with me so she could have an unobstructed view of him… she kept telling me we should go talk to him. As much as I would have loved to do that, I couldn’t think of any good reason to do it. So, I told her if she wanted to, she should just go over and say hi.
“I can’t do that!” Oh, c’mon, Jovan… he knows your name.
Justin and Sage had somehow arranged to get a birthday cake there for me… so one of the waitresses brought that out… with sparklers stuck in it. We couldn’t be civilized enough to cut pieces, so everyone just kind of stuck their hand in and grabbed bites. I resumed my dancing shortly thereafter… and was more than a little surprised when Nick appeared beside me. He’d wedged himself in between Jovan and I… and says, “Jovan… and … Desi, right? Nice to see you again…. Looks like someone is having a birthday…”
Justin came up, like he was all “back off my girl”, it was funny, the way they played it… Nick bought everyone a round of shots – his boys all came over for that – and we sort of just… mingled. There was a lot of “Hey, I recognize you” going on… so it worked out… and gave me an excellent excuse to be able to be around him.
At one point Nick asked Justin if he could dance with me (this was after Jovan had tried to get all up on him, of course…. I’m not even entirely sure Jeremy noticed.. he was having a VERY good time with a bottle of Vodka) … Justin was kind enough to let him.
I probably should have at least made an attempt to keep it PG… but… yeah, that wasn’t really an option. We got in one really good song and then he backed off… I was glad he did, because I wouldn’t have been able to… I didn’t want him to, but I knew he had to. I realized everyone was watching us when he walked away… I totally blushed and then glued myself to Justin for the rest of the night… I didn’t even look at Nick after that.
After we’d danced together, Sage came up beside me, put her head on my shoulder and said, “I can’t believe you get to have sex with him.”
I know, right?!
I couldn’t believe he’d come out to see me… but it was so cool… to be “with” him… even though we weren’t together.
Jovan made no attempt to hide her intense jealousy – and asked me if I could “feel anything” while we were dancing. I felt all sorts of things… but nothing I was going to tell her about.
He sent me a text later, telling me that he’d come by my house on his way home. I’m hoping he gets over here pretty soon, because I’m not going to be able to stay awake much longer. I just want to fall asleep with him... that’d be pretty much the perfect end to my night.
August 9
The album has an official release date… and then he’s leaving to go on tour.
I’m glad school starts again, because I have no idea what else I’m going to do with myself. I hate the idea of him being gone… I always hate the idea of him being gone, but now… it bothers me even more… I guess, because…. Like he’s part of me. We’ve been together… in every way… he’s been INSIDE me… how do you go through a day… through days… or weeks…. months… missing a part of you like that?