We did it.
Okay, I lied. We didn’t… but, GOD I wanted to.
We were right there… and I wanted it SO bad. I wanted him inside me. I was ready. I swear I was.
I don’t even know what happened… but one second we were there, so close, holding each other so tight, and I could feel him nudging against me… all I needed was to shift… move my body just a little bit.. but I didn’t… he didn’t… hell, I don’t even know. But… it didn’t happen.
I was talking about it with the girls the other day… since they were harassing me again, asking if I’d finally done it or not. I guess I know what all that talk about “peer pressure” in middle school was for now. It’s weird to have people on your case and being like “WHY AREN’T YOU HAVING SEX?!?” I’m not saying that to come down on them, like I’m complaining or something … it’s just… weird. Like, I feel obligated to have something to tell them… like I have to go out and get stories just so I have something to report back.
May 17
I am green. Actually green. Well, from the knees down. I just got done cutting the grass. I realize that was Shaun’s job back at home, but he’s not doing it here, because he’s on the roof. Technically he’s hanging OFF the roof, painting the soffit. The guy we rent the house from came by the other day and told us if we’d start doing some of the maintenance and upkeep, he’d cut the rent… We, of course, took the offer. So now we paint, cut grass, and all that other crap that comes along with having a house, except we’re paying about half the rent now. Sweet!
I could probably quit my job and have my loans cover everything now, since we’re paying less… but if I do that, I don’t actually know what I’d do with myself all the time.
(later)
So, Shaun fell off the roof.
We just got back from the hospital… he’s basically fine… he bruised a couple ribs and mildly concussed himself… and picked up a nurse. So, all in all… he’s fine.
May 18
Shaun is still whining… I woke up every 2 hours last night so I could wake him up and check on him… so he’s headache-y AND tired. He’s just all kinds of charming today.
I have no real plans for today and I’m kind of excited about it. I talked to Nick yesterday, but I think he’s doing something with some of his boys today… so… whatever. I could probably call one of the girls… or Justin… but at the same time, I’m kind of excited to just… do nothing and hang out with myself.
I should totally do a manicure or something.
(later)
Yeah, that manicure turned into a crazy day at the spa. I called out to see if Anais was there… she was and she was pretty open for the day… so I got the whole treatment – hair, massage, manicure/predicure… it was AWESOME. My hair isn’t totally different… just highlighted and trimmed up, really… but my nails have a French manicure (oh la la!) and my toes are Slut Red. (It’s technically called, like, Blazing something or other, but Anais and I decided we liked “Slut Red” better) We called the other girls when we were done and we’re all going out tonight… I guess Jovan has some news for us.
(later)
Nick called while I was waiting for Sage to come get me… his friends’ band is doing a show in a couple days, and he wanted to invite me so I could see them… but I can’t go with him, of course… Plus, he’s going with Mandy. It’s time for a Public Appearance, so they’re going to the show together. Gee, how much fun would THAT be? Sure, babe, I’d love to go watch a band by myself while you and your ex-girlfriend put on a show to convince everyone you’re still together. I like Mandy… well, as much as you can “like” your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend… but I have no desire to watch her hang all over him all night. I’ll pass, thanks.
May 19
Okay, so it’s like… 6… 17, maybe? I don’t know… we were out for a LONG time. I’m not really tired, though.. I just sort of… can’t see straight.
Anyway, Jovan and Adam broke up. Which means they lasted, like… way longer than anyone expected. She was trying to be all cool and nonchalant about it, but it was pretty obvious that she was actually really hurt. She didn’t really say what happened, but she was definitely the one getting dumped and not the other way around. So, we all did the support friend thing and drank and danced and bitched about guys… I’m pretty sure there was some drunk dialing involved, but thankfully, I didn’t have my phone with me.
I think Jovan and I are doing something later today… she said that we don’t hang out often enough just the two of us (um, that’s because… we never have?)… so I guess she’s coming over or something. Who knows.
(later)
Ulterior motives, much? Oh, Jovan. So we went shopping today and she was looking for an outfit for something and kept encouraging me to try stuff on, too… and when we had apparently found the “perfect” ensembles, she says, “So, we look hot…”
Mmm hmmm… and?
J - I want you to go somewhere with me.
Me – Where?
J- To a concert.
Me – what concert? (you’d think it would have dawned on me quicker)
J- this band… Born Into Kaos… they’re really good…
Me- Okay… that’s fine… why are you being all… weird about it? Why didn’t you just ask? (Yeah, totally should have figured it out by now)
J- well, it’s like… they’re friends of…. *whispers* Nick’s…
Me- OH! (Hello!) Okay then… so you’re asking me because the other girls would totally laugh their asses off at you…
J- Yes. Now will you go?
Me- Sure, why not?
J- Good, I’m single again… now is a great time to meet him.
I seriously had to stop myself from laughing at her. I did look hot in the outfit, so I bought it.. and I’ll wear it to the concert… I totally hope Nick sees me… and thinks I look amazing… and then can’t do a damn thing about it.
May 22
Born Into Kaos rocked. A lot. The rest of the night… whatever.
We go to the club they’re performing at.. and I had no idea what to expect. I didn’t know how many people would be there or what they’d sound like or just… anything. I just knew Jovan wanted to see Nick… Nick would be there with Mandy… and I looked good enough that Shaun gave me a “Damn, sis” when I left.
There were actually a lot of people there… I think Jovan was surprised… and annoyed. There were quite a few younger girls, that I suspect were there for the same purpose she was…and that pissed her off. Nick and Mandy were pretty easy to spot… they were in a little roped off section, like VIP or something, I guess. Victoria was also in there (more on her later) and a few other people I didn’t recognize, but Jovan helpfully pointed out… Mike, Rob, and Structure (I guess that’s his stage name or something, he djs)… all friends of Nick’s. (She really sort of freaks me out with how much she knows about him. I half expect her to come up to me one day shrieking “OHMYGODIKNOWYOU’REDATINGHIM!”)
Jovan manages to position us so that we’re pretty much right between the stage and the place where they’re sitting, so with just a slight turn of the head, you can get the band… or… the side show. Admittedly, I did as much head-swiveling as she did. It’s one of those things… it’s sort of like a car crash… you HAVE to look. You’re just strangely compelled to take it all in. So, I rocked out…and I watched. Mandy sat on his lap. She played with his hair. She kissed his cheek. His expression never changed. He just sort of… looked past her, watching the guys on stage. I have to admit, that made me pretty happy.
Not that it bodes well for trying to convince people they’re still together… which bring me to Victoria. I strongly suspect that she is more than slightly interested in Nick. She made sure she was right next to him all night… and I could practically see her taking notes about the way he was behaving with Mandy. When Mandy got up to go talk to someone or whatever… Victoria was always ready, starting to talk to him, or find some random excuse to talk to him. He paid less attention to her than Mandy if that was possible.
I made sure he saw me… Mandy was gone and Victoria had pounced again, I told Jovan I’d be back and took a little stroll past him… He was looking around, like he was desperate for a distraction from Victoria, so I walked VERY slowly past him and waited ‘til I caught his eye and I got a very “WTF are you doing here?” look from him. I puckered my lips and made a nice kissy noise at him. Victoria saw me, too, and said, “Who does she think SHE is?” If you only knew, skank. Nick just smirked.
I ran into Mandy at the bar, she was talking to someone, she stopped her convo and said ‘hi’ to me, which was nice.
Anyway, the band was really good and I did enjoy them… I don’t know how Jovan could attest to them being good or not as I’m pretty sure her attention was almost solely focused on Nick. It’s weird to watch someone else watch him… Jovan, Victoria, whoever. Jovan talked all the way home about how hot she thinks he is, what she’d do to him if she got the chance… and I wonder… how would she feel if she really knew him? Would it all be intensified? Or would the … wonder wear off and she’d see how normal he really is and be sort of… disappointed? Is he that amazing to her because he seems totally unattainable?
Okay, too philosophical there. Jovan has it bad, I’m pretty sure that Victoria does, too… and … yeah, I admit… I just wanted to jump on him right in front of everyone. Well, part of me did. The other part was sort of like… Look, here I am… I’m hot.. and you’re not with me… sucks for you.
After the concert we hung around for about two hours… I stood at the bar and sipped on a few beers – very slowly, I had no desire to end up drunk and stupid – while Jovan weaseled her way around the room, trying to get close to him and eavesdropping on his conversations.
I practically had to drag her out the door, so I could get home since I have to work today. She talks non-stop about him all the way home and thanks me about a zillion times for going with her since no one else would have (I fully understand why). She drops me off, I go inside, and the phone rings. It’s Nick.
He’s still at the club, but he’s snuck outside apparently. He tells me it wasn’t fair of me to show up tonight… looking that good and tease him like that. I tell him that it looked like he had his hands full, so he probably couldn’t have handled me tonight, too. He asks if I want to come over when he gets home… and he’ll show me how he can handle me. I admit, there was instantaneous wetness… just the way he said it.. his voice and the basic implication… I wanted to say ‘yes’ and leave right then… but … I didn’t. I told him to enjoy his night… actually pay some attention to Mandy and we’d talk about it tomorrow (today).
And now, I must work.
(later)
Sage laughed her ass off today as I told her the tales of Jovan The Stalker last night. I figured Jovan would probably want to kill me when Sage started harassing her about being all psycho, but Sage told me that they refuse to try bait her anymore… because once you get her started, it’s just going straight to hell from there. She said it was funny for a while… but now… it’s just… crazy. I assured her, I had learned my lesson, too.
Sage and I went to lunch today, just the two of us… and it was nice. We talked about just… random things. No boy stuff, no other friends… it was a lot like when we first started hanging out… it was just cool. It still bothers me that I’m lying to her, though. I don’t feel so bad about the other girls, but Sage… it bothers me.
I’m spending the night at Nick’s tonight… I talked to him on my way home from work. I have no idea what will happen. I refuse to have any expectations… but … DAAAAMMMNNN… I’m really sort of tired of waiting. Like I just want to get it over with now… because I KNOW it’s going to happen… it’s just a matter of WHEN and the wait is just… hideous. Could be tonight… might be, might not be. SO ANNOYING.
Maybe I should just go over there, walk in the door and be like, “Fuck me already!!”
That should get quite a reaction.