She stood up and headed back inside, suddenly aware of her stomach growling. She’d have to find some dinner and come up with something to tell her boss. Maybe send an email or something, let them know she’d… come down with something… and couldn’t attend the seminars.
Back in her room, she dropped the journal on her bed and pondered what her options were. She changed her clothes, out of the dress pants and blouse, pulled on her blue jeans and a t-shirt. It was time to get out of here… take this jaunt down Memory Lane somewhere else. This was New York… surely there was a little café or something nearby where she could get some non-conference food and read in peace. She grabbed her purse and tucked her journal inside and went down to the lobby, to ask the clerks at the desk if they could recommend some place.
Thirty minutes later, she was sitting in a corner booth, positioned just under the light, sipping a mocha latte and nibbling on a sandwich. The journal was open in front of her, to the last page she’d been reading.
It was still so vivid to her – the way her heart had been pounding when she’d left for his house. The uncertainty of knowing what might happen. Of not knowing what to do when something did happen. How she’d compare to the other girls he’d been with. The mystery of his body… would she be able to figure him out? What he liked… what turned him on?
She couldn’t help but smile to herself … oh yes, she could figure him out… and she had… figured him out and learned him well.
The smile was fleeting, though. She’d known him, and loved him… and lost him. That was nothing to smile about. She finished her sandwich, took another sip of her latte and went back to reading.
---
January 5
I learned something very important over the past few days. I love being naked. Especially if someone else is involved with the nakedness. That someone else being Nick, of course.
I just… goooodddddd I don’t even know where to start. I went to his place about 7:30 PM on the 30th… I got home around 5 PM… yesterday. Today’s the first day I’ve had clothes on for any significant length of time. I don’t so much like it.
My brain is going a million different ways right now, so I don’t guarantee any kind of cohesion to these thoughts… but it’s just me reading them.
I was totally freaked out when I was getting ready. This was huge… for me. I had every intention of giving him what he wanted, but really… this was a big deal. The only guy I’d seen naked, really, was my brother. Never by choice, of course, but because he insists on parading around with no clothes on or I walk in when he’s with some girl. So not only was it going to be weird letting someone else see ME naked, but I knew ‘d get to see HIM naked and that was kind of nerve-wracking, too.
I had a minor stroke of brilliance while trying to decide what to wear. I put on jeans and button down shirt, a tank top, and of course, the hottest bra and panties I owned. (Which I technically hadn’t owned that long… I may have gone shopping just for this particular instance) and I put on a belt, socks, shoes… I layered. He’d get me naked… but he was going to have to work for it.
I got to his house and he was waiting for me… he had on these amazing white linen pajama pants and a blue t-shirt with the sleeves cut off that totally made his eyes brighter than usual… or maybe it was the mischievous sparkle in them… whatever it was… he looked completely beautiful – hair all crazy and just… gorgeous.
He pulled me into a kiss as soon as I’d walked in the door, wrapping his arms around me. There’s something about that – being held by him, breathing him in… that’s endlessly comforting to me. I tried to make sure I wasn’t acting all jittery or whatever, and I wasn’t going to say anything about what he’d said until he brought it up. I figured, if he really wants it, he’ll ask for it, right?
Right…. But he actually took longer than I expected. We had a late dinner and then he gave me my Christmas presents. He never ceases to amaze me with the things he pays attention to. I got a freakin’ sweet laptop that I am SO excited about… he remembered me saying I hated doing my homework in the labs at school and trying to fight with Shaun over the computer at home when he’s downloading porn or something… so now I’ve got a laptop! YAY! And he gave me an amazing pair of diamond earrings... they're simple princess-cut studs... totally classy. Again, I think I'd mentioned wanting a "serious" piece of jewelry, like, ONCE. Damn, he's good.
Then he asks, “Soooo…. What about my present?”
I smile. I took him into his bedroom and had him sit on his bed. I sit on his knee and tell him we’re going to play a game. He gets that “I’m extremely curious” look and asks what kind of game that would be.
I stood up and walked away from him a couple feet and said that I was going to ask him a few questions… for every question he got right, I’d remove an article of clothing. If he got one wrong, I’d put something back on. He could earn bonus points from REALLY good answers, too. I winked. He had the goofiest smile on his face, I could tell he was totally amused by this… and more than a little excited about the whole thing.
I ask if he’s ready… “HELL YES!!” He rubs his hands together, “hit me!”
I giggle. First question, “What color are my eyes?” I close them and wait.
He says: They’re blue, but when are you asking about? If you’re angry they’re dark… if you’re in the sunshine, they’re so light they’re almost clear… when you smile at me, they sparkle with gold…
I almost had tears in my eyes at that point. I took off my shoes and socks and set them aside, and undid my belt. Told him he got bonus points for that. He was pleased.
Second question: What was my favorite movie when I was a kid?
He had to think for a second, but then got it right: The Last Unicorn.
The belt came off.
He protested, that wasn’t enough. I said it was still an article of clothing, he frowned and demanded another question. I smiled and told him to chill out.
Next question: What was I wearing the night we met?
I figured he had no chance with this one.
Yeah, well, I was wrong. He smiles and says, black pants and a red tank top. And a silver bracelet.
I remembered the outfit, but not the bracelet. I guess he could tell I was thinking about it and he said he remembered it because he noticed it when I’d play with my hair… it caught the light.
I was just going to unbutton my shirt, but when he tossed in the bracelet part, I actually took it off, too. I remembered which one it was – the Tiffany bracelet Mom, Dad, & Shaun got me for graduation.
I threw my shirt at him, happy he was doing so well… and glad I wasn’t going to have to come up with a ton of questions.
Question: what kind of flowers did he give me when he told me he wanted to be with me?
He smirks and says these are too easy. The bouquet was pink roses… and there was a rose for every week from the time we’d met until we got together.
I didn’t know that… I hadn’t even paid attention to how many there were.. I was too knocked out by everything else.
I told him at that point he got to pick – did the tank top come off next, or my jeans.
He appeared to be in serious debate – bra and jeans… or tank top and panties. Jeans won, so the jeans came off and there I was, standing in front of him, in just my tank top and red undies.
Then he practically started BEGGING for the next question.
Q- What did we do for dinner on my birthday?
A- We went to Castaway.
WRONG! I pull my jeans back on and he starts yelling, NO NO NO we had dinner on the boat, NO TAKE THEM OFF!
Nope. I button and zip them back up and ask who he took to Castaway on her birthday. He blushes and guesses it was probably Mandy… and then tries to save himself by saying it might have been one of his sisters. Either way, he apologizes and says “NEXT!”
Where were we when you told me you loved me for the first time?
He got that one right away – we were at the Nature Preserve… and you were sitting in my lap… we’d been kissing…
I smiled and the jeans came back off. I was honestly getting a little antsy at this point, I just wanted to get my clothes off, so I could get HIS clothes off.
I told him the next one would be a tricky one… He tells me he’s ready. Yeah, I could tell he was ready, alright. Ready for my clothes to be off.
It probably wasn’t that hard – but I asked when we had our first make-out session. He smirks again and says that we were at the cemetery in Gainesville… and after that we went to breakfast at Perkins and I had biscuits and gravy.
Wow… I was surprised. The tank top came off and got thrown directly at him. I stepped a little bit closer to him, well aware of his eyes moving slowly down my body. I stepped up just in front of him and straddled his legs and sat on his lap. I told him if he got the last question right, he got to take off the rest.
He sounded kind of hoarse and raspy when he told me to ask the question… it was pretty hot.
I gave him a quick kiss on the lips and asked what city he promised to take me to visit. He didn’t hesitate and said, “LA”. We’d talked about a few cities, but I said the one I wanted to visit, the most with him… was Las Vegas. He groaned when I said that and told me he remembered that, because I’d told him I wanted to jump into the fountains at the Bellagio and he said we should go skinny-dipping.
Instead of getting up to put my clothes back on, I slipped my hands under his shirt and pulled it off of him and put it on me. He smiled for a second, like he enjoyed seeing me in his clothes, but then started frowning when he saw how much of me was covered up again.
By then I was tired of asking questions… and I couldn’t really think of anymore anyway, so I just said, “Finish this sentence… I love…”
He smiles and says, “I love you. (takes off the shirt) I love spending time with you… (kissed me)… I love your laugh (nibbled on my neck)… I love the sound of your voice when you realize it’s me on the phone (hands slipped around my waist)… I love that you’ll go with me in the middle of the night to look for ghosts when it scares you to death… (hands slip up to my bra)… I love your heart and the way you get all emotional and try to hide it so you think I won’t notice …. I love when I get to fall asleep with you and I love waking up with you… (bra gets undone)… I love the way you mess with my hair when we kiss… I love it when you whisper in my ear and giggle… (bra starts coming down my shoulders)…I love it when you don’t wear make-up because you’re totally beautiful without it… I love the way we talk about everything… I love it when you get all riled up about something… (I slip my arms out of the bra)… I love the way you’re always on my mind… and…. (bra comes completely off, gets tossed aside)… I love the way I want you… and the way I think I’m starting to need you.”
At that point, he could have done anything in the world to me and I’d have been fine with it. I stood up and turned around, wiggling my ass a little as I stepped out of my panties. He wolf-whistled. And then reached for me, pulling me back over to the bed. I stood between his knees and he just looked at me, very slowly, very carefully.
I thought I’d feel weird, all exposed like that… but I didn’t. I liked it… knowing that he wanted to see me. I moved to sit on the edge of the bed and he leaned down over me, kissing me… deep and slow… it was so hot.
I scooted back a little bit while he was kissing me and let him actually lay on me… I could feel him against the inside of my thigh… just enough through the fabric of his pj pants to really tempt me, want to get my hands on him. I pushed him away and he looked disappointed, but when I told him I wanted to get his pants off, he perked up (literally) right away. I sat up and grabbed the waistband and started tugging them down very slowly. I was a little apprehensive at that point… I mean, what the hell did I know about this? I get him naked… then what?
He got impatient and pushed them down, kicked them off… and … there he was. In all his naked glory. And wow… glory it was. I mean, I realize I haven’t really seen enough to have much to compare it to… but I’m guessing… most guys probably don’t look like that.
We ended up back on the bed, his body pressed into mine… and GOD that’s good. Skin-to-skin… it just feels amazing. We kissed … and kissed…. And kissed…. Which I obviously enjoy ANYWAY… but damn that was better… and we kind of got to… moving some, I guess, enough friction to, uh, set him off… I think he was a little embarrassed, but it didn’t bother me at all… I guess I was kind of … I don’t know, excited? Hey.. he’s with me and he’s enjoying it! I actually got to play around with later and really… get my hands on him. So, yeah, I really like penises. Or well, his at least. It’s … fun seems like the wrong word… empowering maybe? To see him just.. hanging out and then with just a few touches… TA-DA! Ready for action!
We spent basically the whole time naked, just hanging out… it’s so cool to get up and walk somewhere and be able to feel his eyes on me. He kept telling me how much he enjoyed seeing my tattoo… yeah, I enjoyed him enjoying it, too. It was nice to hang out in bed and just lay together or snuggle up on the couch… the things I always enjoy anyway, but doing it with no clothes on definitely earns major bonus points in my book.
There wasn’t any ACTION to speak of, well, action in the official sex kind of action… but I guess he did get a handjob… and I am ecstatic to announce that I got off! Yes, I now understand what the whole fuss over seeing stars and whatnot is about. It is GOOD. He was just using his fingers… but that was good enough. It’s awesome… I’m literally jittery with anticipation… I want to know what everything else feels like… his mouth on me, actually having sex with him… I guess I get closer to be “ready” all the time. And god knows I’m more curious than ever.
Shit… I just looked at the clock… I’m gonna be late… too much reminiscing.. and there’s still so much more to say… I don’t need to write it down, the past few days are permanently imprinted on my heart… the things he said, the things we did, the way he looked at me…
January 7
I have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon… and then dinner with Justin… that’ll be something to look forward to while I’m being groped and assaulted. Is my enthusiasm noticeable? I freaking h ate going to the doctor’s anyway, but when it’s the gynecologist… there’s just nothing good about this. However… the reason behind the visit… well, that sort of cancels out some of the awfulness, I suppose. The other day – while we were lying in bed – he asked if I was on the Pill or anything… no, not so much… so he suggested maybe I think about it. I probably should have before now, but… anyway, that’s what t he poking and prodding is for today. It sounds so stupid, I mean, I’m freaking 21 already, but this feels very… adult.
January 11
I am officially mortified. Like seriously, I want to fling myself off the roof. I thought Shaun was going to be gone all afternoon and I was thinking, hey, I’ll see if I can work out something fun for Nick tonight… so, there I am, in the living room, dancing around to the stereo and trying to strip … and then… there is Shaun.
I catch him watching me, this bemused expression on his face and I’m ready to just run away and die and he tells me to put my clothes back on. OBVIOUSLY! And then he says, “No, I’m going to show you what you’re doing wrong.”
I got a freaking lesson in stripping from MY LITTLE BROTHER. Apparently I need to stick my ass out more, dip when I swing my hips and crawl… and toss in a back-arch somewhere.
All I can say is Nick better freaking appreciate this.