I could only sort of see him through my half-closed eyes, looking up at me from between my thighs, smirking, obviously pleased with my reaction to his attention. “You’re very smug, sir.”
He laughed and slid up between my knees, settling his head on my chest. “Yeah, I am. It’s good to know I’ve still got it.”
I scoffed, slipping my fingers through his hair, smoothing out the mess I’d created while tugging earlier, “Like there was any doubt.”
He was silent for a few moments, then said, very softly, “I really do miss this.”
“Miss what?”
“The way you taste. How you sound.”
I didn’t want to ruin the bliss I felt by started a conversation that was most likely going to depress me, so I pushed him a little - rolling over him so I was on top. I gave him a little smile and licked my lips, “I know that’s not all you miss…”
Whatever sentimentality he may have been feeling was immediately betrayed by the glimmer in his eye as soon as he realized what I meant. He sat up, tugging his shirt over his head and had his pants off so fast I really kind of wanted to laugh at him. Poor boy was desperate.
I hovered over him, leaning down to kiss him again. I knew he loved that I would kiss him after he’d gone down on me… apparently some girls wouldn’t and that was a turn-off for him. I trailed my lips down his neck, nibbling along his collarbone and then biting at his chest. I automatically went to all the right places… making him moan loudly. I’d never forget what he liked, just as he’d obviously not forgotten what worked for me… and it’s a dangerous thing – knowing just when, where and how to touch somebody.
“Summer, please…” His voice was barely a whisper, but it was so sexy, just to hear him… begging.
My hands slid down his chest and over his abs, before I wrapped my hand around him, stroking his length. I was probably a little too ecstatic just to be touching him, but I loved the way he felt… every part of him. I watched his eyes close and he bit his lip, the softest sigh escaping.
I didn’t want to wait anymore than he did… I moved down the bed, my hand still twisting slowly up and down as I rearranged myself. From just the gasp I heard when my tongue touched him, I knew this wasn’t going to last very long. Not that I could blame him… when you’re missing something it doesn’t take much to really enjoy it. I used the tricks I knew he loved… but didn’t get to unleash them all… even quicker than I expected, I felt his hands in my hair and heard that tell-tale growl from the back of his throat that always told me he was right there. I glanced up at him and caught his eye just for a second and his grip on me tightened, my hair tangled up in his fingers, tugging.
I kept my mouth on him, tongue still sliding over him until he was still, the only noise his quick pants for air. I swallowed, of course, and licked my lips, knowing he was watching me without even looking up at him. I moved to his side, pressing myself against him, and put his head on my shoulder.
“Thank… you…” his voice was hoarse.. raspy… and fucking sexy.
I couldn’t help but chuckle, though… getting thanked for a blow job? I know I’m good, but that’s just funny. I tilted my head to kiss his neck, thinking that I would give or trade anything to have him like this again… all the time. To have access to his body, the way I had with the rest of him. He may have been with Macy for the time being, but he belonged with me. To me.
We were quiet for a while, lying there together – his fingers still tangled in my hair and my fingers sliding over his abs and chest. It felt good, felt right.
He was the first one to say something, “You know what I was thinking about on the way here?”
I didn’t have to guess to know it wasn’t Macy. “I have no idea.”
“My birthday… when you got up on stage and sang “Darling Nicky” with the band,” he told me rolling over just a little to face me.
I smiled, “That was a good night.” I’d gone all rock chick, dressed in leather pants and a tiny ripped up shirt. I’d gotten on stage at the club his party was at and sang – something I’d have never thought I’d done in public. I sang in the car and the shower and that was it. But I knew he’d love it, so I did it… and I was right – he’d gone crazy.
“You still have that outfit?”
“Yeah… back in Florida…”
“Huh…” He got this far-away expression and I knew he was picturing me in it – or maybe how’d I’d looked when he was in the process of taking it off of me. He snapped out of it and kissed my forehead, “I was so surprised when you did that, but it was awesome… I’ve always loved that about you, the way you keep my guessing and that you’d do anything for me.”
“Yeah, I would.” I raised up, propping myself on my elbows and looked over at him. “Would you do something for me?”
“Of course. What?”
“Just answer a question, honestly.”
“Alright…” he said it hesitantly, like he knew he wasn’t going to like whatever I was going to ask.
He was right, he wasn’t going to like this. Hell, I wasn’t going to either… but it was something I needed to know. If he was going to tell me that he was in love with me… he at least owed me the truth on this, too.
I took a breath, like I was trying to prepare myself for the question. “Were there a lot of girls when we were together? Like, when you were gone?”
He cringed, visibly, which somehow made me feel better, like he at least felt bad about it now when he was getting called on it. I knew there had been, or at least I’d always suspected it, but now… if there was any shot of us together again… I was going in with both eyes wide open.
“Yeah… there were… too many. But… any more than just you was too many. And I’m sorry about that. I really am. I was sorry about it then, too, but I was young and lonely and had plenty of opportunities and I just … took them. But… it’s different now. I’ve been faithful to Macy… I needed to see if I could do it… and I have…except for you. You’re the one I can’t say ‘no’ to.”
I’d been about ready to cry when he was talking – actually hearing him say it hurt more than I’d been expecting – until the last thing he said. I blinked a few times, willing the potential tears to stay where they were and looked over at him.
“I’m sorry, Summer. If I could take everything back, I would. I’d do everything differently. I know… you’re the one I’m supposed to be with. I know it now. I knew it then, I just… wasn’t ready for it … wasn’t strong enough to handle it, I guess. I’m sorry I put you through all this and that it took me so long to be able to just say it. I thought I’d be able to handle it.. having you around here and if you’d moved on … maybe I’d have moved on more than I realized. But you didn’t and I didn’t.. and… maybe we weren’t supposed to, really. If there’s something I can do to make it right now, tell me and I’ll do it.” While he was talking, his arm had come around me and he pulled me to him, hugging me against his chest.
The tears were back and they were falling… I was happy and I was sad. I was happy because it felt like a dream – we were together and he was telling me exactly what I wanted to hear. I was sad because the better part of me remembered he still had a girlfriend… that was in the hospital, having a fairly risky surgery. She was having her heart cut open… and I was giving her boyfriend head. If that didn’t send me straight to hell, I didn’t know what would…. But I didn’t care. I was crying for her, for me, and everything I wanted.
“Summer, baby, don’t cry…” he said, brushing his fingertips over my cheeks.
“I can’t help it! I’m happy and I feel fucking guilty.” I said, sniffling.
He looked a little distraught himself, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…”
I put my finger to his lips, shushing him. “I feel guilty that I don’t feel about it. I want this. I want you.”
“I need to see her. I can’t… break up with her right now, though.”
“I know.”
He looked over at the clock and then back at me. “I’ll go see her later. I probably couldn’t get in yet, anyway… and I’m not ready to let you go.”
I draped myself across him, closing my eyes as his arms wrapped around me, more than willing to let him hold me as long as he wanted.
----
I wasn’t surprised when I woke up and he wasn’t there. I’d thought more than once over the course of the night that whatever had happened was too good to be true… too good to last. I got up and showered, and went to find some appropriately self-indulgent music to get ready by, to hopefully get this out of my system enough to go to work and function properly.
“Waking up without you, it doesn’t feel right. To sleep with only memories is harder every night… I've got the feeling that this will never cease, Living in these pictures it never comes with ease. I swear if I could make this right, you'd be back by now. Tonight I'm screaming out to the stars, I think He knows He owes me a favor- it doesn't matter where you are… You'll be mine again. I wish I could hear your voice… don't leave me alone in this bed. I wish I could touch you once more… don't leave me alone in this bed. Not tonight, not tomorrow...” * *
I stood in the closet, singing along and trying to figure out what to wear. I felt like I had a certain standard to uphold working at a tattoo studio – I wasn’t covered in visible ink, I should at least do a little something to look like I belonged there. I didn’t have the inclination to be particularly creative and was pulling out tiny cut-off jean shorts and an Ed Hardy tank when I was startled to hear, “I knew a girl named Summer, I guess you could say she was a sex fiend…” being sang to me.
I turned around to see Nick standing behind me, looking as surprised as I was.
“You’re up!” he said, right as I was saying, “You’re back!”
“I have to work…” I said.
“Oh, damn. I thought you’d be sleeping still. I wanted to sneak out and bring you breakfast in bed.” He held up a bag, proving he’d been out shopping. “Custard donuts…”
I had to smile… and then grab him and pull him to me for a dirty kiss, smooshing the bag of donuts between us in the process. Yes, he’d left, but he’d gone to get something he knew I loved… and he came back and that was what really mattered. And honestly, he was probably tastier than anything in that bag.
The bag got dropped and his hands came around me, grabbing my ass and lifting me up against him and turning to press me into the door frame, as he kissed me back roughly.
I wrapped my legs around him and moaned… loudly. I couldn’t help it. I missed everything about him, but right now, this was the kind of thing I missed most – the intensity of everything we felt and caused each other to feel.
He stopped kissing to bite and suck at my neck, mumbling against me, “This was a bad idea…”
“What?! Why???” I whimpered, afraid he was going to stop.
“You’re never going to make it to work now,” he said, just before his lips met mine again and I became dangerously close to forgetting everything.
My head hit the wall behind me from the force of the kiss and I couldn’t have cared less about that, but it did remind me, fuck, I have to go to work.
He started moving down my neck again, going back to the same spot he’d just been lingering in, nipping lightly and sucking.
“NICK! You cannot give me a hickey!” I yelped, starting to laugh.
He gave me a classic Carter smirk, “But they look so good on you… and you’ve never complained before…”
He let me slide down the wall and get my feet back on the ground. I told him, “Later. You can mark me however you want to… later. I gotta go to work.”
He kissed the top of my head, “I know. I have to go see Macy.”
Have to. Not “I want to or I need to” but “I have to”. I really was fucking things up completely for them… and I knew it should bother me… but I was selfish. I wanted him, and had already accepted that the person getting hurt this time was not going to be me.
I straightened my clothes back up, making sure they hadn’t gotten somehow splattered with custard and tried to take a few deep breaths. I was fine. I did not need to drag him back into the closet and demand that he ravage me.
Yeah, right.
----
I’d left the house with a smile on my face and my heart still beating hard from the kiss he’d given me at the door. It lasted all the way until I got to the studio and Jude had looked me up and down, suspiciously.
“I think someone got lucky last night.” He said, smirking.
I smirked back, “Something like that.”
“The ex?”
“Yeah… hopefully not an ex for long, though.” I hopped up on the stool behind the counter and checked the schedule for today and saw a note that said, “Summer wins”.
“Summer wins what?” I asked.
Beau appeared from the back, “You won the tattoo bet.”
“OH! The girl with the neck tattoo?!”
“Yeah, she came after you left yesterday, you were dead-on.” Jude told me.
I jumped up and did a happy dance, causing both guys to laugh. “I was kinda upset yesterday, I thought I had no skills at all.”
“Nah, we figured you’d win. Girls know everything.” Jude said.
“She can’t get the cover-up for another couple of weeks, she wants a black rose or something… so, yeah, that cash is yours…” Beau told me.
“I don’t want the money… I’ll just gloat that I was right.” I said. I wasn’t about to take money away from someone for doing a job, but it did give me an idea. “However… you’re kinda open today, anyone want to give me a tattoo?”
“Oh hell yes!” Jude volunteered immediately. “Where? Please tell me you’re going to take some clothes off.”
I laughed, “I don’t know where yet, let me find my design first.”
Jude was rubbing his hands together, looking kind of devilishly excited, and Beau just shook his head and disappeared into the back again. I got online and went to find a good picture of what I wanted… something I’d probably always kind of had in the back of my mind.
I printed something out and went to show Jude, pointing out what I’d want different. He quickly made a sketch based on what I’d told him that was just perfect. I would never cease to be amazed at abilities of artistic people, especially since I had no talent at all.
“Soo… where’s it going?” he asked, not-so-subtly eyeing my midsection.
I thought about it for a moment, trying to imagine where it would look best when I was naked. I knew exactly where it should go and pulled my shirt off.
“Hot damn!”
I laughed at Jude’s enthusiasm and told him to just go get the ink.
---
Almost two hours later I was carefully pulling my shirt back down after examining Jude’s work in the mirror. It looked even better on me than I had imagined. He’d inked a compass rose that began at the nape of my neck and extended to just slightly between my shoulder blades. The letters for East and West were marked in a very standard, plain font, with the North and South in a much fancier script. North and South… N & S… Nick and Summer. Just like a compass always found north… Nick was the direction my life was always going to pull… where my heart was always going to lead.
I felt kind of giddy the rest of the afternoon, partly from that new decoration high and that I couldn’t wait to show it to Nick when I got home. I’d thought of him all day… mostly in X-rated ways, but a few times to wonder how things were going at the hospital. I wonder if she’d been surprised or if she’d been secretly hoping he’d come. What her parents had said to him… had they ever met before?
The day passed quickly enough and when I was headed back to the house, I called Nick to see what his plans were. He didn’t pick up the phone, which I thought was odd, but he could, plausibly, still be at the hospital. It seemed unlikely, though. I stopped to buy antibiotic salve for my tattoo and got back to the house, pulling my shirt off as soon as I was inside and knew Nick wasn’t home.
I went into the bathroom, piling my hair on top my head and clipping it up so I could see where I was going to try to smear the salve. It was harder than I’d thought it would be to reach the whole tattoo on my own. Nick would be in charge of smearing for the next couple days. I finally managed to cover most of it and pulled on a tank top that left most of the design exposed. I kept glancing over my shoulder to admire it… very sexy.
I was hoping Nick would have called and asked if I wanted anything for dinner, but thus far… no luck. I heated up the oven for a frozen pizza and went to see what was on tv.
I’d dozed off on the couch halfway through my pizza, causing me to miss part of the “House” marathon I’d been so excited to find. I woke up to the sound of Nick laughing, and sat up, wondering how long he’d been there. “Hey…”
“Hi. I finished your pizza… sorry.”
“It’s okay. How was… it?” I asked, moving to let him sit beside me, then leaning against him.
“Weird. Awkward,” he said, resting his head on mine.
“Why?”
“Her parents were there and that was just weird… what do I have to say to them? She was barely awake… I mean, it was good she got out of it okay and everything, but she’s all groggy and I could tell she was happy to see me, but it’s not like we could talk and I don’t know what I’d say to her anyway… it just felt so weird.” He stopped talking and sighed. “I wanted to come home. I didn’t want to be there. How bad is that?”
“That would have been awkward for almost anyone. It’s not just you.”
“It was bad that I would have rather been here with you.” He tilted his head to kiss my temple. “I thought about you all day.”
“About all of me or just parts of me?” I asked, turning to face him.
He laughed, “An equal amount of both?”
“It’s okay, I did the same thing.” I confessed. I watched him lie back on the couch and then put his hands on my waist, moving me to where he wanted me… lying on top of him. I situated myself, hip to hip, chest to chest and nuzzled into his neck.
We lay together, still and quiet for a while until his hands started roaming. He started pulling my tank top up, and nearly had it off when his fingertips brushed over part of my puffy, salve-sticky tattoo. “What’d you do?”
I raised up and pulled the tank the rest of the way off and turned for him to take a look. I felt his fingers trace around it, and finally he said, “It’s awesome, Summer…”
The way his voice trailed off made it sound like more of a question, like there was something else coming. “But…”
“But nothing… it’s a great tattoo… and I, uh, I like the … directional markers… well, north and south at least.” He leaned in and kissed my neck just above where the tattoo began. “It is … us, isn’t it?” he asked, softly.
I shivered and nodded.
“Can we have… I mean… can we do it again?”
I looked at him, wondering what he meant. Was he asking for sex or something else? “Can you be more specific?”
He kissed across my shoulder, “Can we be us again? Have a relationship?”
“We have a relationship now… and we’ve always been ‘us’… just in different ways.” I told him.
“I just meant, I didn’t know if you’d really try it… or were ready for that.” His hand covered mine, and his fingers slipped in between mine.
I chuckled a little, “Who's really ready for a relationship? They fuck you up, tear your heart to shreds, make you miserable to the point you can't eat, and want to throw yourself off a bridge.. and sometimes that's a good day. But... they also make you feel more secure and more loved and desirable than ever.... you've got someone to count on, someone to hold you and tell you that it'll be okay... remind you that even if you're crazy, they still love you. No one is ready for that. It's why relationships are the ultimate adventure… not for the faint of heart.”
He leaned in close to me, his forehead against mine and looked into my eyes for a moment, then gave me a kiss that felt like it rattled my soul.
When he pulled away, he whispered in my ear, “I want that again with you.”
I was still reeling from that kiss and had no chance of getting words out, so I just nodded. He understood.
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** "Alone in this bed" - Framing Hanley