I walked behind the counter to hear Jude asking, “What’s your guess?” as he walked to the calendar.
“Three weeks.” Beau called from the back room.
“Ooohh, I wanna guess. What are we guessing on?” I asked, hiding my purse in the desk drawer.
“How long before that chick comes back in for a cover up.”
I laughed, “Why’s that?”
“She got her boyfriend’s name.” Beau told me, coming out of the supply room.
“On her neck?!?”
“Yep.” Beau marked his date on the calendar, and handed me a pen. “Your guess?”
“I give that like, a month, max.” I said, then asked, “What was his name?”
“Laird.” Jude said.
“Laird? For real? Two weeks, four days.” I said, marking my day on the calendar. “So, what happens if we win?”
“Whoever comes closest… wins. If I win, I get all the money off the cover-up because I did the tattoo… if he wins, he gets half, and if you win… you get all the money, I guess.” Jude explained.
“I love this game!” I said, laughing. I did love these guys. They did good work and I had a good time with them. I’d only been there for a few official days of employment, and I was happy. I liked the atmosphere – the people excited about their art and the creation of new pieces. Being at the studio let me get involved with new lives and take my mind off everything going on in my own – and I was grateful for that.
I was supposed to meet Macy after work, so I’d know what was going on with the whole surgery business. Last I had heard, her parents were going with the hospital with her and I didn’t entirely feel compelled to spend hours trying to make small talk with the parents of the girl who was dating the man I wanted more than anything. The very idea of it just seemed like too much work.
I was always surprised at how fast the time went at the studio. Even if there weren’t actual customers, someone was always coming in to browse the portfolios or talk to one of the guys. I loved the casual social atmosphere of it and the way everyone was treated the same whether they were ink addicts or tattoo virgins.
With less than an hour left, my cell phone rang. I figured it would be Macy with whatever plans she’d made for us to meet up. I was surprised when I saw it was Nick. “Hello?”
“Hey Summer…”
There was something weird about the tone of his voice.”What’s going on?”
“I just… had a question.”
“Okay, what is it?” I slipped off the stool at the counter and walked through the studio, out the back door, and nodded for Beau to head back inside for a few minutes.
“Do you remember what you told Macy when you met her?”
I tried to think back, wondering if some smart-ass remark I’d made was coming back to bite me. “Um… refresh my memory?”
“You told her you’d rather have sex with my brother, dad, and my sisters than me.” He said it kind of quietly, like he really didn’t like was he was saying.
I laughed, yes, I did remember that. “That wasn’t exactly what I said… there was no “rather” involved, but yes, I remember. Why?”
“Did you mean it?”
Oh. Someone seemed to be thinking ahead. Good… I wasn’t the only one. “That was for my amusement and Macy’s peace of mind. But mainly… my amusement. I’m not going to go fucking my way through your family, I assure you. I just… didn’t think I’d have a chance with you again, so I might as well make her feel better about things.”
“So, if you had the chance…” he trailed off, waiting for me to tell him what I was thinking.
“You’d get very, very lucky.”
I heard the shaky breath he let out. I was guessing it was a little like withdrawal. He hadn’t had what he needed and now he couldn’t stop thinking about it. If he knew he had the chance, he’d find a way to make it happen. I couldn’t help but smile, I had to admit, it felt good to know he still wanted me.
“I just… needed to know... for sure.”
“You knew all along.”
He chuckled a little, “I was hoping.”
“I’m going to see Macy after work today.”
“Oh yeah, how is work going? You like it?”
Oooh, total avoidance of the actual point of my statement. Must be easier for him to compartmentalize, keep everything completely separate. “I love it. The guys are fantastic… and it keeps me from wanting to jump off the roof.”
“Oh. I’m sorry it’s been… that bad.”
“You know I get bored easily, just like you do. There’s only so much I can do around the house to stay occupied. I’ve watched more tv in the past three months than I have in the last three years.”
“Actual television shows or porn?” he asked, laughing.
I snorted. “Both.”
“I’ll talk you later, okay?”
“Yeah, bye.” I hung up and went back inside, feeling a little odd about the whole conversation. He’s obviously thinking about me, about sex with me, and trying not to think about Macy. Maybe he had grown up and knew what guilt felt like now.
I sat back at the counter and Beau glanced at me, with a concerned expression. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah”, I nodded. I didn’t have a specific reason to not be okay yet, so for the time being, everything was fine. It was just… weird. I still didn’t know how I really felt about Macy, and anything I’d thought in the past about being good or wanting her to be able to trust me, it was gone. As much as I wanted to spare her the pain of being in the position I’d once been in, I was becoming increasing willing to let her be there. If he showed up in bed with me tonight… I shuddered. I could not think about this now.
Just then, of course, the phone rang and this time it was Macy. She wanted to meet me at a café near the studio – she figured it might be the last time she could go there for a while. I told her I’d see her in a few and went to help the guys close up shop for the day.
“What’s going on with you?” Jude asked, as I held a roll of plastic wrap while he cut pieces off it.
“What do you mean?”
He lopped off the last piece and took the roll from me, “You look like you’re sort of… freaked out about something.”
Damn. They were getting good at reading me. “Are you friends with any of your exes?”
“Oh hell no.” He said, laughing. “That’s nothing but trouble.”
I sighed. “I sort of see that.”
“You having problems with an ex?”
“Not him, really. I mean, we’re still really close, he’s my best friend. But his girlfriend now is sort of… complicating things.” I told him, trying to give the simplest possible explanation.
“Complicating things how?”
“I want him. He wants me. She’s got him.”
Jude considered for a moment, then asked, “Why doesn’t he just break up with her?”
“That’s where it gets complicated.”
“Oh, they got a kid? That’s always makes things weird.”
“No, no kids.” Thank God. I could not have handled seeing a tiny Carter running around that belonged to some other girl– I’d have rather impaled myself on a rusty railroad spike with a dull tip. “She just has things going on that would not make a break-up the best option at this time.”
He looked at me for a second. “I have no idea what to tell you.”
I laughed, “Thanks. I appreciate your honesty.”
“I do what I can.”
I gave him a gentle punch on the arm as I walked out, telling them both I’d see them later. I decided to walk to the café, get some air, before I saw her. I felt bad for the things I’d been thinking, basically plotting to steal her boyfriend… as she was getting ready to have heart surgery. But… he was mine first. He was supposed to be mine. I knew it. He knew it. And I think she knew it on some level, too.
I got to the café at exactly the same time she did. I held the door open for her, noticing that she looked about as awful as she did last time I saw her. She got us a table in a corner where the windows met, sunlight streaming through the little spaces between the blinds. It was kind of funny whenever I was out with her, there was always light somehow shining on her. Like we were two forces fighting it out – light and dark. I guess it was sort of lucky for me Nick tended to stray to the dark side.
I slid into my chair and watched her – the way she seemed to collapse into a sitting position like the weight of the world was on her shoulders forcing her down. And then I felt really, really bad. I didn’t really want to be the evil, scheming slut who stole her man. It was just kind of working out that way.
The waitress came over and took our orders – she got the house specialty and I went straight for dessert. When the waitress left, I asked how she was feeling.
“I’m okay. I was better until my mom showed up this morning and started fussing over me all day. Every time anything happens and I even get sort of sick or don’t feel completely wonderful – she just goes crazy. I mean, I know it has to be hard for her as a mom, but I’m an adult now! I actually can take care of myself.”
I nodded, “Moms can have a hard time letting go.” My relationship with my own mother had never been quite the same since I’d left school to go on tour with Nick and she told me he was ruining my life, but I understood what she was saying.
“I don’t even want to talk about her right now.” Macy said, sipping from the glass of water that had appeared on the table.
“That’s fine.” I said, and then realized I had no idea what to say. What did she want to talk about? The surgery? Nick? Something else entirely?
“I guess you don’t really need to show up at the hospital. My mom and dad are apparently planning to camp out, so I won’t be alone. At all.”
I noticed the chagrin on that last statement. “You can call me if you want me to come by and distract you. I’ll come with a rescue squad.”
She laughed a little, “You’re a good friend.”
Oh fuck me. I just wanted to yell at her, stop being so damn nice! But instead, I smiled and repeated Jude’s words, “I do what I can.” Yeah, it’s the least I can do considering what I actually WANT to do.
“Okay, let’s talk about something else. What’s your job like? I can’t imagine working with those people with all those tattoos. It must be so weird.”
And she lost me again. Seriously, how did Nick date her? I’d never heard her curse, she doesn’t give head or do stripteases and she thinks people with tattoos are weird. Has she seen him naked? I tapped an annoyed rhythm on the table with my fingernails – a habit left over from years of being with a drummer who was constantly banging on things – and looked at her. “Those people with all those tattoos? You know Nick has ink, right?”
“Yes, I know he’s got tattoos. I just don’t like them,” she told me.
Of course she doesn’t like them. I put my head in my hands and tried to will myself to bite my tongue. It didn’t work. “What is it that you like about Nick?”
She looked kind of surprised or caught off-guard. “I like… almost everything about him. He’s nothing like I thought he’d be. He’s sweet and thoughtful, he’s good to me…” She paused and looked at me, “Everything he does for me, he probably learned from you.”
“Probably.” I wasn’t even going to try to be nice right now. Maybe I really was a bitch.
“I’m sorry. I know it has to be hard for you to see him with someone else, but Summer, I really do love him.” She gave me this look that was sort of pleading, like she just desperately wanted me to believe her. And I did. I believe that she loved him, maybe even loved him very much… but was that enough? Was it the right kind of love for him? Based on what he’d been telling me lately, I didn’t think so.
“I want him happy and if it’s with someone else, that’s fine. I just want that someone else to love everything about him.” I told her.
Her expression was surprised, like I’d just slapped her. “I do love him like that, I just meant… like, the tattoos and things, I don’t… really… like…” Her voice got softer and her words slower as she spoke, as if she realized she wasn’t helping herself any. She looked down at the table and then up at me again, with a sad, tired smile. “I just want you to like me. You are so important to him, I need you to like me.”
“I do like you, Macy. And I’m always going to feel protective of him. But sometimes those two things are going to cancel each other.” I looked around for the waitress. I wanted to get our food so we could eat and I could leave.
“How about…we just talk about us? Like, just ourselves so we can learn more about each other?” she asked, seeming to sense my intense desire to escape or at least change the subject.
I nodded. “Okay, let’s give that a try.” I said, as the waitress magically appeared with our food.
What I learned over my caramel apple pie was – Macy and I had essentially nothing in common. We both liked Juicy Couture and were only children and that’s pretty much where the similarities ended. As she told me about herself, I began to wonder if Nick had done the same thing I’d done – tried to find the person most unlike the one we’d broken up with. Paris had happened in between Macy and I, but she didn’t count for anything, other than a really bad decision. He and I had been each other’s most significant relationship, so it would arguably take the most to recover from. What better way to get over someone than date someone completely different from them, right? It certainly hadn’t worked for me, and I was totally in shock that Nick and Macy had lasted as long as they did.
We exchanged a few anecdotes and then she was finished. My pie was long gone, and I’d had enough bonding for one evening. She gave me a hug as we stood to leave, and I returned it. I told her I’d be thinking of her tomorrow and to call me when she was awake again and felt like it… I’d come over whenever she wanted me to. I waved as she walked to her car - I hadn’t been lying when I said I liked her… I did, but I couldn’t like her as a good match for Nick.
I got into my car and went zipping out of the parking lot, turning the radio up loud. I’d always been a fan of music and of sound and noise, but Nick’s influence had shown me how deeply it should be appreciated, how much of an escape it could really be. He believed in the intensity of the listening experience – you should listen alone – in a car or in a room with headphones to fully feel and understand what you were hearing.
I got into the house and dropped my bag by the door and stopped. Something seemed off to me. Things looked different – not how I’d left them. And that freaked me out. “Hello?” I didn’t even think Nick’s siblings had keys to the house, so if anyone answered, it wasn’t likely to be someone I wanted to see.
“Hey, hi…”
Thank God I heard his voice before I felt his lips on my neck or I’d have turned around ready to knock someone out. “NICK! What are you doing home?!?”
He opened his arms to me, letting me jump up on him and wrap myself around him. He hugged me tight and said, “I got a few bonus days. I thought I should come home… I was going to tell you on the phone earlier, but then I thought I’d just wait and surprise you.”
I slid back down to the floor, “I’m surprised. And how did you get bonus days?”
“The venue got burned down.”
“It… what?”
“The place we were supposed to play… someone set fire to it. Which sucks… we had two nights in a row scheduled there, then two days off, so I’ve got 4 days before I have to be anywhere.” He explained, sitting down at the table and pulling me into his lap.
I lay back against him, loving the feel of his arms around me. “Someone really didn’t want you guys to play,” I said, laughing a little.
He chuckled, “Guess not!”
He kissed the back of my neck again and I shuddered, “Did you come back to see Macy?” I admit, I was hoping his question on the phone today had played a little part in his decision to return.
“I figured I’d go see her at some point…” he said, tugging on my arm to turn me around.
I got up and turned to face him, straddling his legs and sitting back down. His hands immediately slid around to grab my ass, pulling me closer against him. He leaned in close to me, catching my eyes for just a second before his lips touched mine. He nipped at my lower lip, causing me to moan softly. I heard him mumble “god, I love that sound” before his lips crashed against mine in an intense, desperate kiss. He stood up, still holding me to him and began carrying me down the hall.
He lay me down on the bed and knelt over me, his hands sliding up under my shirt and bringing it with him as he moved up toward my breasts. I raised up just long enough for him to pull it over my head and reach behind me, unhooking my bra and I lay back down, my arms around him, bringing him with me. A noise that I have never heard myself make before escaped as his teeth grazed over my breast and my back arched, trying to push myself closer to him.
He looked up at me, laughing, and asked, “what the hell was that?”
I had to laugh, too., “I have no idea, but I’m pretty sure it means ‘don’t you dare stop’.”
He smiled, “I haven’t even gotten started yet.”