Then later, when Nick caught sight of me and I watched him, the almost imperceptible, quick flash of his hand from his heart down his chest with the “I love you” sign. I doubted anyone else would have noticed it – but those same fans would be the ones who recognized it – that had always been my sign… he saw me. I squealed louder than I should have – but I was excited – he remembered. When I was on the road with him- any time I’d brave the crowds of crazy girls to go watch him on stage – he made sure that I knew he’d seen me, that he was glad I was there. I loved watching him on stage, but sometimes, fighting the girls just hadn’t been worth it… but whenever I’d see him do something that was just for me, it was always worth it. Once the girls behind me saw what he did and heard me – the question immediately became “What’s she doing here?!?” I turned around and gave them a smug smile – that should give them plenty to talk about on livedaily for a while.
Nick squeezed my hand and gave me a smile as we were led to the VIP area with Alex, Howie and a few others. He’d already told me he was excited to be able to party with me again. As I walked up the steps I felt a hand on my ass – one that couldn’t belong to Nick.. I could see both of his. I turned around to see Alex right behind me, grinning.
“The view was so good… I had to pinch it and make sure I wasn’t dreaming…” he said, chuckling.
I giggled at Alex and I heard Nick mumble, “You’re supposed to pinch yourself, dumbass.”
We got a few tables and the boys dropped into the seats, giving their orders to the waitress who seemed to materialize out of nowhere. I didn’t want to drink – I didn’t need it, didn’t want it… I was way too happy to mess with my mood. I stood by the table shaking my ass while the boys talked to a few people passing by. When I finally figured out how to do it, I maneuvered myself into the space between Nick and Alex and carefully stepped up onto the booth, and gingerly put one foot between Nick’s legs and the other between Alex’s. I smiled down at Nick then Alex, making sure I wasn’t going to fall off or over on either one of them, and then resumed my ass shaking, dropping down a little on one side then the other to make sure both of them could enjoy the show. I got applause from both and more than one groan from Alex.
I jumped down half-way through the next song, keeping balance in that position on the squishy seat was killer. As JT’s “Summer Love” came over the speakers, Alex pulled me down, rearranging himself to place me ever-so-subtly in just the right position for a lapdance. I was glad to oblige – I was already getting more attention than I had in months, I had no problem returning the favor.
I slid off his lap at the end of the song, squeezing into the small spot between my two favorite men. I slipped my arms around both of them, giving them a squeeze. Alex responded by putting his hand high on my thigh and squeezing, while Nick turned his head to kiss my temple. Yeah, a girl could get used to this.
I managed to sit through two songs and sip some sparkling water, but then I had to get up again as one of my favorite songs had come on. I grabbed Nick’s hand, trying to pull him up off the seat, as I sang along. “Dance with me… I taste just like candy… …”
Nick put up a really lame attempt at a fight to resist me, but I caught him mumbling, “I remember.”
I led him out to the dance floor and stepped in front of him and his hands immediately went to my hips, guiding me as I moved against him.
“Now just imagine me nude, stretched out…Be all over the news if this gets out…So bad that the press might ban me…Now how bad you wanna know if I'm sweeter than candy… Taste my na na in the rain on the hood of your car or the back of the plane… Nipples all out, bent over the sink with my panties in your mouth… I taste just like candy… come dance with me…” (*)
I still knew how he liked it, the way to switch up what I was doing to have him hard in no time… and it was still working. I could feel him against my ass every time I’d grind back at him… and it was killing me. It was up to him to be good at this point. I wasn’t going to offer, but if he wanted me, he could have me. Repeatedly. I may have told Macy she could trust me, but… she probably shouldn’t.
He grabbed my arm and spun me around, looking at me for a second, his eyes locked on mine. He was breathing heavy… I expected him – or just wanted him - to lean down and kiss me… but he didn’t. He stepped back, saying, “Summer, I can’t do this… I have… I can’t…”
I didn’t try to follow him or stop him when he walked away from me, back to the VIP area. Part of me was upset I’d lost my dance partner, but mostly, I was just pleased I could still wind him up like that.
Alex must have been watching us pretty intently, because I wasn’t alone for more than a minute before he was standing in front of me, pulling me close to him. I gave him my sexiest smile and pressed myself against him.
~~~
An hour of dancing with Alex later, I was such a disaster… dancing with him is a lot like having really hot sex… you just want more. I hadn’t completely forgotten about my desire to pounce Nick, but I had become more than willing to transfer that energy to Alex. We went back to the booth where Howie and Nick were sitting, both finishing off bottles of beer. Howie pointed to his watch, telling us it was about time to go. I was ready… I needed to go somewhere and get naked – with someone or alone – I had things to take care of.
Alex had my hand when we walked out and I grabbed Nick’s with the other. The three of them piled into the back of a cab and I slid in after them, perching myself on Nick and Alex. I leaned back against them, my head resting on Nick’s shoulder. As we drove off, Alex gave my neck a playful nip, causing me to shudder. I let him tease me for most of the ride back to the hotel, while I pondered my options. I was glad we had a hotel for the night, because I knew if we were on the buses, I’d totally get myself in trouble.
As soon as the cab stopped, Nick jumped out and pulled me with him. I couldn’t tell what the expression on his face was – it looked a little like annoyance, but it could have been a little bit of jealousy, too, maybe? I followed Nick into the hotel, with Alex and Howie not far behind. I was well aware of the people watching us… there were always those fans that hung around in the lobby, just waiting. I saw a few camera flashes and heard them shouting into their phones, “It is SO HER!” and “OHMYGOD they are NOT back together, are they?” I saw Nick glance at me, like he was wondering how I was going to react. I waved at the girls I saw staring at me – why not play with them a little bit? They could think whatever they wanted… it was kind of fun for me, and it was better for Macy that way.
As we rode the elevator up to our floor, I entertained myself by being obscene in the mirror on the ceiling. All three of the boys were snickering when they saw what I was doing. I wasn’t feeling any less frisky, but I was getting a slightly better handle on it. Slightly. Howie got off the elevator first, wishing us ‘good night’ and giving me a very chaste kiss on the cheek.
Alex and Nick were staying on the same floor – it was cute how they managed to always stay in close proximity to each other. Truth be told, I think they’d be a little lost without the other one fairly close by. I’d been planning on staying in Nick’s room, but I didn’t want to assume anything at this point. We walked off the elevator and discovered that the rooms were actually on opposite ends of the hall. Nick grabbed my hand again to take me with him – but I pulled away to give Alex a good night hug.
As he pulled me close to him, he whispered in my ear, “Come to my room.” I looked at him and immediately noticed the devious sparkle in his eyes. Hey, maybe I WOULD get what I wanted tonight. I nodded and said I’d be there in a few and then went back to Nick.
We walked down the hall past a few rooms in silence then he said, “Um… are you gonna shower when we get in there… or….?”
It took me a second to figure out, but then I realized, “You’re going to call Macy and don’t want to me eavesdropping on your phone sex?”
He blushed a little bit and I knew I was right. I stopped walking, reached to give him a hug and a kiss and said, “It’s cool… I’m going to Alex’s room.”
He said, “Thanks… just give me 30 minutes or so.”
I laughed, “You really think you’ll last that long?” He frowned at me, and I apologized. “I know… you can go all night.”
“Damn right.”
He was appeased by that, so I figured I should just ask and get it out of the way. “Will you be totally pissed if I fuck Alex?”
I watched his eyes go wide in shock. His mouth was moving, but no sound was coming out, as his face took on a very “what the fuck?!” kind of expression. I took a few steps back and said, “Just go call Macy,” and walked quickly down the hall. Admittedly, I was a little entertained by his reaction, and even moreso when I stopped at Alex’s door to knock and looked back down the hall to where I’d left Nick and he was still standing in the same spot, looking incredulously in my direction. I gave him a little wave as Alex opened the door, then grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the room.
----------
I was still trying to wake up when I made my way out to the buses the next morning. The wake up call in the hotel room had startled me so much I’d actually shrieked, causing Alex – who was already awake – to crack up. I should have gotten up earlier, so I actually could take a shower, but … not so much on that. Alex gave me a hug and said he’d talk to me later as I ambled over to Nick’s bus and I blew him a kiss, then tapped on the bus door. As I waited for it to open I wondered what Nick had done last night. Did he tell Macy I was with Alex? Had he been curious about what we were doing?
Nick’s driver opened the door for me and said ‘hi’ and introduced himself as I walked on, then said, “You must be the infamous Summer.”
I gave him a half-smile because I didn’t even want to know what he’d heard and then walked back through the bus, looking for Nick. I found him at the table in the back, scribbling words in a notebook. I slid in across from him and waited for him to look up at me.
He ignored me for a good 15 minutes – even after the bus had started moving. I caught glimpses of the words he was writing – lyrics I figured, when I saw musical notations out to the sides of the stanzas- and suspected they might have had a little something to do with me. He paused for a second to give me a quick, squinty glance and went back to writing.
I got tired of waiting for him to speak to me and got up, going to crash on one of the bunks. Just when I had nearly dozed off, Nick appeared and slid into the one across from me, looking over at me.
“Wild night?” he asked.
I glanced over him, then settled back into the bunk. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“I brought you out here to keep me company, not for you to start fucking my friends again.”
“RAWR!” I growled as I rolled over to face him, “Someone’s a bitchy little attention whore this morning.”
“I am not a… bitchy little attention whore.” He said, like it bothered him to even say the words because he knew I was right. “I’m just saying, I wanted you here to hang out with me and then, you’re here like six fucking hours and you’re already… starting shit.”
“Starting shit?” I gave him a look, “This is how it is Nick… you fuck Macy… I fuck whoever I want. We broke up, remember?”
He looked at me for a few seconds, then looked away, saying, “that doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
I had to fight not to smile at his comment. I liked that he was in a little bit of a snit about things… it was comforting for me to know that I wasn’t the only one who hadn’t quite managed to let everything go. I think it’s like that… when you come out of an intense relationship, part of it stays with you… no matter who else you’re with.
I slid off my bunk and pushed him over so I could lay next to him. “Well, you can relax… you don’t have to worry about it.”
“You didn’t fuck him?” he asked, already sounding a little relieved.
I shook my head, “No. We just talked all night… we had a lot of catching up to do. I might have had sex with him, if he’d wanted to, but I think that when he got to thinking about it, it was probably too weird for him to think about being with me after you had. Guess you guys don’t need to share everything.”
He snorted, “For real.”
---
I watched his eyes slowly drifting closed, just waiting. I knew he was tired, and from the way he’d been fighting to keep his eyes open, the next time they shut, they’d stay that way for at least a little while. As soon as his eyes were closed, I held my camera up and took a picture, unable to stop myself from giggling as it showed up on my display screen.
At the sound of me laughing, his eyes snapped back open and glared at me. “Did you just do what I think you did?”
I flashed the camera at him, just long enough for him to see the picture and then snatched it back, still laughing.
“Summer! What the hell?!? I’m gonna get one of you…” he threatened.
I laughed harder, “Nobody cares what I look like with my head all foiled up like I’m getting radio reception from Jupiter. But you… you, my pretty, I’m gonna sell this to freakin’ US Weekly for the “Stars, they’re just like us!” section… make some money off your ass.”
He just flipped me off and slid back down in the cushy salon chair. He knew I wouldn’t really do anything with the picture, he just wanted to pitch a fit about it. I pressed a few buttons to make the picture the background on my phone and smiled at it.
I’d smiled more this week than I had in a long, long time. Being with the Boys – but especially being around Nick – was just good for me. They were so much fun, and so funny together, that you couldn’t not have a good time. Alex was especially good for my ego, but beyond that, I loved to talk to him. He’d always been the one I’d gone running to if something wasn’t right between Nick and I or if we’d been in a fight. He was always good to me and I was glad to see time and marginally awkward circumstances hadn’t changed that.
I got ushered over to the dryer and told to sit underneath it for five minutes. I wasn’t sure how Nick lucked out without having to get the heat-blaster head-prison torture-chamber… maybe because he was just highlighting and I was adding color. I’d decided to put some darker streaks in my hair after I’d been inspired by the many hoochies I’d seen in the past few days. They may have been skanky, but they had great hair.
I’m sure it was those same girls that were talking all the shit about me online, but I wasn’t particularly concerned, since reading them had provided some excellent entertainment on the long trips between cities. Nick and I had been entertained to learned that we’d been seen making out at clubs we’d never been to and groping each other at stores we’d never heard of. It was so much easier this time somehow… the lies just didn’t bother me.
The problem now was… when I was out here… on the road, with these guys… I felt like I belonged. I fit in. I felt it all the way through, it was a complete, whole feeling… that I never got anywhere else. And knowing that tomorrow I was headed back to an empty house… in a city I was still basically unfamiliar with… the black clouds were starting to gather over my aluminum-foiled head.
I sighed, one of the reasons I hated these dryers was because with nothing else to do… I started thinking. Thankfully, the girl working on my hair came back over and popped the dryer off, taking me over to be rinsed. Nick was already over there – I have no idea how I missed him walking in front of me – he was all relaxed, looking practically blissful as the girl massaged his scalp while she got the bleach out of his hair. I was smiling again as I dropped down into the chair and leaned back, I still had some time with me… he still made me happy. I could be okay with this.
---
I finished drying off after I got out of the shower – I’d been ridiculously careful not to get my newly awesome hair wet – and slipped on the t-shirt of Nick’s I’d stolen, padding back out into the room. He was stretched out on his bed, shirtless, wearing only basketball shorts, flipping through the channels on the tv. I was glad my last night out with them was back in a hotel. We’d gone out clubbing again- Brian had even joined us this time – and I’d danced with everyone…some more chastely than others. The night had been great and now I wanted nothing more than just a chance to chill out with Nick a little bit longer.
I sat down on the edge of ‘my’ bed and flopped back. I’d been good, since we’d been sleeping apart every night I hadn’t really had to fight a whole lot of temptation. However… he was looking pretty delicious currently. He looked over at me and gave me a sleepy smile.
“I love you. You know that, right?”
I smiled back at him, nodding. “I know. I love you, too.”
He scooted over on the bed and patted the space where he’d just been laying. “You wanna sleep over here tonight?”
I was crawling onto the bed immediately, lying beside him, then rearranging myself to have as much body-to-body contact as was possible. He reached across me to turn off the light and draped his arm over me, holding me to him. He kissed the back of my neck – sending chills down my spine … and other places… and told me good night. I closed my eyes, perfectly content… lying in his arms, feeling him breathe against me… I started to think, if home is where the heart is, it only made sense that I felt at home wherever he was. And I’m pretty sure my last lucid thought was wondering if I was totally stupid for still letting him hold my heart so completely.
(* = “Candy” – Foxy Brown w/ Kelis)