"No."
"No? What'd you forget?" She looked over at Nick, ready to turn the car off to go to retrieve whatever he needed.
"I didn't forget anything... I don't think.. but you asked if I had everything, and I said no, because you're not going with me, so that's like leaving half of myself at home." he said quietly.
Jourdin gripped the steering wheel tighter, "Nick, I can't cry 'til we get to the airport."
"Sorry, Boo." he leaned over to kiss her cheek as she pulled out of the driveway, "This just sucks. I won't be able to sleep tonight 'cause you won't be there."
"Well, not technically, but you never know what you might find to remind you of me." she said.
"Huh?" He glanced over at her, confused.
"You can't let your girlfriend pack your luggage and not expect to find a few surprises." she replied, smiling at him.
A grin spread across his face. "I love you, Boo."
"You just remember that when all those girls are all up on you." Jourdin said, winking.
"You have nothing to worry about... I won't even be looking at any of them." he said, reaching to squeeze her hand.
~~~~
Nick slipped his backpack on and grabbed the two heaviest bags out of the trunk, 'You sure you can get those?"
Jourdin scooped up the three remaining bags with ease, "I'm supergirl."
Nick chuckled and kissed her cheek. "I know you are."
As they crossed the parking lot, Jourdin asked, "What are we going to do if there are fans waiting at the gate?"
"There shouldn't be any. I have no idea why they'd know I was leaving now." he replied, suddenly worried. If there were fans- he wouldn't be able to tell her good-bye.
They walked silently into the airport, Jourdin following Nick, meandering along behind him, a little off to the side.
When Nick reached the departure gate and saw there was no one other than his security waiting, he turned to Jourdin, waving her over to him. He began to regret that they'd waited to leave- he wouldn't have much time with her before he had to leave.
Jourdin handed Nick's bag over to his security guard and walked over toward the windows, motioning for Nick to follow her.
He immediately went to her, wrapping his arms around her, holding her tightly.
Jourdin slipped her arms around his waist, her head resting against his chest. She could feel the tears building quickly. "I love you so much and I miss you already." she said, just before her tears began falling.
Nick's heart broke as he felt her trembling against him as she wept. He'd known leaving her was going to be difficult, but he didn't think it would feel this bad. He tilted her chin up to look at him, and gently wiped away her tears. "I love you, Jourdin. I'm proud of what you're doing, even though it hurts... you're going to kick ass in school and when you graduate we're going to take a huge trip- just you and I - wherever you want to go, to celebrate.. okay? Remember that I love you more than anything, and I will be thinking of you every second."
Jourdin sniffled and nodded. She wiped her eyes again, "I love you, too, baby boy. I promise I'll come and see you as soon as I get a chance."
Nick gave her a little half-smile and bowed his head to kiss her, his lips tenderly brushing hers before deepening the kiss, his tongue caressing hers sensually.
After a while they pulled away from each other, the moment broken by the sound of the guards voice telling Nick he had to get on the plane.
"Just go." Jourdin whispered, if he didn't just turn around and get on the plane she knew she'd be begging him to stay.
Nick nodded and gave her another quick kiss, then went to board the plane without looking back, not wanting her to see that he was crying.
~~~~~
"Jaxon, it was HORRIBLE! If I'd have known it was going to be that hard to watch him get on that plane, I'd have said fuck school and just gone with him." Jourdin wailed into the phone.
"Whoa... you'd have actually done that?" he asked.
"Yes... god.. I felt like my heart got ripped out or something. I know he's not going to be gone that long and it's not like I won't get to talk to him or visit him, but still.. it's not the same as having him right here with me... and it just fucking HURTS!"
Jaxon was more than a little surprised at his twin sister's outburst of emotion, this didn't sound anything like her. "You're really in love with him aren't you?"
"YES! Like, 'I-feel-incomplete-without-him' in love with him."
Jaxon wasn't even quite sure what to say. "I'm kinda disappointed. I didn't think you'd mush out on me like this."
Jourdin sniffled, "I didn't think I would either, but damn, Jax.. I love him so much... everything about him." She paused and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself. "Tell me what's going on with you... if I talk about this anymore I'll go crazy."
"What's up with me? Well, I can't believe I spent nine weeks in tech school, training for security forces- confrontation, guns and all that, to guard a bunch of fucking airplanes in the middle of nowhere at 3 am!" Jaxon replied.
Jourdin laughed a little, "You're the one that decided the Air Force was calling your name."
"Man, that's something all by itself. You have no idea how coll it is to be called by my first name. I'm sick of being just 'Spencer'. I feel like that's all I am sometimes- just a last name in camouflage."
"Well, you're not. You're my little brother, who happens to wear camouflage." Jourdin said.
"Those two minutes that you have on me does not make me your little brother." Jaxon protested.
Jourdin chuckled, "You'd think after 22 years of being teased about that, it wouldn't wind you up so much."
Jaxon mumbled under his breath, then switched subjects. "How's Cobi?"
"She's alright- worried about school. I told her to call you if she needed any advice on surviving high school." Jourdin said, trying not to giggle.
"High school would have been fine for me if I hadn't been related to you."
"Oh, I see how it is... trying to blame someone else.."
"Jourdin, I'm sorry, but being your brother sucked there for awhile. Teachers only knew me as 'Jourdin's brother' and the guys only wanted to hang with me in hopes of getting to you." he said.
"I'm sorry I just made your life so miserable." Jourdin snapped.
"S'alright. But I feel sorry for Cobi though, having to go through school after you and looking just like you- teachers are all going to expect her to be like you."
Jourdin groaned in exasperation, "Well, I just make life hell for everyone don't I?"
"No, I"m not saying it like that. I'm just saying it's hard to walk in your shadow. You're smart, athletic, beautiful, and that's hard to compete with." Jaxon explained.
"That doesn't make me feel any better." Jourdin sighed.
"Oh come on. You're happy now, I'm happy now.. it's all good."
"You're such a pain in my ass, but I love you anyway." Jourdin said.
"I know you do. You may have gotten everything else, but I got the charm." Jaxon laughed.
~~~~~~
Nick trudged into his hotel room, his heart heavy. He'd slept through the entire flight, dreaming about Jourdin. He missed her already.
He looked at the clock, he didn't have time to call her before he had to meet with the guys. He dropped his bags on the bed, remembering what she'd said about putting surprises in his bag. He'd call her after he found them- but that would have to wait until after the meeting.
*****
Nick practically fell through the door of his hotel room, exhausted from a meeting that had lasted hours longer than necessary. The only thing he wanted was a long hot shower and the bed.
He kicked his shoes off and pulled his shirt up over his head, tossing it on a chair. Forget the shower, he could do that in the morning, he just wanted to sleep. He'd no sooner finished his thought when he realized sleep didn't really sound that appealing because he'd be alone.
Jourdin. He still had to look through his bags. He picked one at random and began sifting through it. A smile stretched across his face as he found an envelope in each bag, and in the last one, a plush stuffed tiger with a note attached to it's collar. He took the note off the collar and cuddled the tiger to his chest, instantly recognizing the sweet scent of Jourdin's perfume on it's fur. He inhaled deeply and the opened the note, reading, "You may be my tiger in our bedroom, but you're always my baby boy."
He smirked at the note, and put away all the letters but one, choosing to save the rest for later times when he'd need something to cheer himself up. He arranged the pillows on the bed, and lay back against them, still holding the tiger, to read the letter. Just seeing Jourdin's distinctive handwriting and smelling her perfume made him feel better, almost made her seem close.
Baby boy,
I love you. That's the most important thing I could ever tell you, so I'll say it first.
I miss you. The nights are never long enough when I have you in my arms.. but the hours don't seem to pass when you're not near. When you're gone every second may as well be a thousand years, it feels that way.
You know the things I'm going to miss the most? Seeing your stuff lying all over the place, cooking and eating together, all the little routines we've made, being able to roll over in the middle of the night and touch you, the smell of your skin, your expressions when we make love- the way your face scrunches up, little crinkles at the corners of your eyes, nose wrinkled, lips parted just a little.. you're so beautiful like that, you know that?
I "forgot" to pack a pair of your pajama pants... my favorites, the navy blue and forest green Nautica ones. If I can't see you in them, I'm going to wear them.. make me feel like you're closer.
You've told me before that you're proud of me.. have I ever told you how proud I am of you? You're so incredible at what you do- you're so talented and love your job, your privilege, so much and it shows and I totally admire that in you. And beyond your job- you're a truly amazing man. Beautiful inside and out- loving, caring, honest, compassionate, romantic... everything I could ever want or need.
You're a dream to me, Nickolas. The kind of dream that makes you blissfullly happy and brings a smile to your face every time you think of it.
I hope you're happy wherever you are tonight. No matter where you are, remember that there's a girl waiting at home for you, who loves you with all her heart.
Forever,
Boo
Nick read through the letter twice before putting it down and wiping away the tears that had been sliding down his cheeks. He reached for the phone, hoping she hadn't gone to bed yet.
Jourdin jumped for the phone, grabbing it before the first ring had finished. "Hello?"
"Do tigers always smell like Curve?"
"Only the really special ones." she said, smiling at the sound of his voice.
"I'm laying here with it, all snuggled up." Nick said, his voice wavering slightly as he attempted to stop his tears.
"Have you been crying?" Jourdin asked, concerned.
"Yeah, I read one of your letters." he whispered.
"Oh, I didn't mean to make you cry. I just wanted to be sure you know how much I love you." she said, sitting down on their bed and leaning back against the headboard, hugging her knees to her chest.
"I know, Boo.. I know.. and god, I love you, too. I want to hold you so bad right now." he replied quietly.
"I wish you could. I'd curl right up with you, put my head on your shoulder, run my nails over your chest the way you like..."
Nick interrupted her, "Kiss my hand?"
"Yep.. I'd kiss your hand and your fingertips and when you'd giggle, I'd have to smile at you.." her voice trailed off as she pictured the familiar scene in her head, already aching to have him with her.
Nick just listened to the sound of her breathing for a moment, content as he could possibly be in knowing that she was never farther than a phone call away, and always in his thoughts.